The Common lobby looked like a lavish Christmas card: the staff were dressed in Victorian period costumes and there was a string quartet in the corner of the lobby playing carols. Iona stopped in the doorway just to take this all in. It was hard for her to believe that Mads had put this all together.
He wasn’t a Scrooge, exactly, but the traditions of the holidays weren’t where his mind normally went. And this was like the most perfect Christmas dream come to life.
He came over to her, looking like a million dollars in his dinner jacket and tie. He was a handsome man, something she’d been reminded of each night when she went to sleep and woke to sensual dreams of him. She’d tried to pull back to keep them both from being swept up in the magic of the season but a part of her knew that it was too late.
“Let me take your coat,” he said. She turned so he could help her remove her long red wool coat.
She felt the brush of his breath against her bare neck as he pulled the coat from her arms. The Common holiday party was formal so she wore a strapless, floor-length black velvet gown. She’d decided that her red satin elbow-length gloves were the perfect accent and had worn her grandmother’s stacked pearl choker at her neck. She’d put her hair up in a chignon and she was happy with the way she looked tonight.
And when she turned around and saw the look in Mads’ eyes she knew he was too. And that feeling of longing that had been driving her for too long felt as if it might be close to finding someone to satisfy it.
He put his hand on the small of her back as he escorted her across the lobby. She was aware of the people who looked at them as they walked and she knew they looked like they belonged together. In her heart, she’d already started to see them both as a couple. He was tall, dark, and so handsome he took her breath away when she thought of him. They fit together perfectly and she was tired of pretending they didn’t.
He handed her coat over at the coat check and then led her down a long hallway, which she recalled led to the banquet rooms.
Mads pulled her to a stop in one of the conversation alcoves. She glanced up at him, their eyes meeting, and he opened his mouth to say something but stopped before he uttered a word.
“What is it?”
“I told myself that I’d never feel this way about another woman. I’ve been living in a sort of chrysalis state, pretending that I didn’t need anything except Sofia, but now you are making me realize how lonely and empty I’ve been.”
“I am?” she asked. She lifted her hand to touch the side of his face, knowing how hard that had to be for him to admit.
He didn’t say anything, only leaned in to kiss her and in that brush of his lips against hers she felt all the words he couldn’t say. When she pulled back she saw a light in his eyes that hadn’t been there before and believed that he was starting to fall for her. The way she’d fallen for him.
“Mads …”
“Sir, sorry to interrupt but you’re needed in the ballroom,” Lexi said, coming over to join them.
Mads’ assistant was dressed in a green cocktail dress and gave Iona an apologetic look.
“It’s okay,” he said. “Just had to steal a kiss before we got to the party, where I’ll be too busy to even dance with Iona.”
“I don’t blame you,” Lexi said. “And I added the first dance to your agenda so you’d get one with her.”
“Thank you, Lexi,” Mads said and his assistant walked away. He turned to Iona. “I’m sorry, but tonight I’ll be working as much as attending the party.”
“It’s fine,” she said. This was what his life was. The Common took a lot of his time and she understood that.
They went down the hall to the ballroom that was set up with tables spread out around a dance floor. There was a stage at one end and then three open bars dotted around the room. There were round tables that could each seat ten people and a seating chart was mounted near the door when they came in.
In one corner was a Christmas tree that stretched to the ceiling and was lit with brightly colored strands of lights. Iona stood for a moment, just taking in the room, which was festive and crowded with a good number of people.
“Lexi, where am I supposed to be?” he asked his assistant, but he kept his hand on Iona’s back.
“The board have all arrived. You need to go and greet them and then we need a picture of all of you. For the electronic Christmas card I’m sending out tomorrow.”
“I’ll wait over here,” Iona said.
“No. Come with me,” Mads said. “The board members always bring their spouses. I’d like for you to meet them.”
“Even though we turned down your offer to work with you?” she asked.
“Yes. That was just business,” he said. “Plus, I think you might change your mind once Hayley has a chance to talk to some of the other chefs I’m flying in to meet her.”
Interesting. He saw her refusal as just the first stage in negotiating. She tucked that away for later. Iona didn’t share Mads’ opinion on that. But she did hope that Hayley would loosen up her control over their product. The decision to not take the Loughman Group up on their offer had been a difficult one for the three of them to make.
“Okay, then I will go with you.”
He didn’t say anything else, just led her over to the board members and when he introduced her she noticed that many of the board looked at her with speculation in their eyes and she knew that was because this was another first for Mads. His first time at a corporate function with someone other than Gill.
***
“It’s good to see you dating,” Derek Martin, the CFO of the Loughman Group said when they were at the bar getting refills for Iona and Derek’s wife Marcia.
Mads looked back at Iona where she was talking with Marcia and two of the other spouses. She had fit into the group at their table very well. But that hadn’t surprised him. She was social and entertaining and he’d yet to see her in a situation where she couldn’t handle herself and win over the people around her.
“Thanks,” Mads said.
“How is Sofia?” Derek asked.
“She’s been good,” Mads replied, not really wanting to talk too much about his daughter. But Derek was more of a friend than just a colleague. “Most days she’s good. But every once in a while, she has a meltdown.”
“That’s to be expected.”
Derek and he had started at the Loughman Group together more than ten years ago, so Derek had known Gill before she got sick.
“Yes, it is.”
“You know that I’m here if you need me. Any time of the day or night.”
“I do know,” Mads said. “Thank you.”
“I still miss Gill,” Derek said.
“I do too,” Mads said. “But it doesn’t hurt the way it used to.”
Derek clapped him on the shoulder.
Mads wasn’t really ready to admit that he’d started moving on, but he knew he had. Bringing Iona tonight had been his first step forward out of the past with Gill. And he didn’t feel the guilt like he had in the past when he’d thought of this moment. He hadn’t brought a woman to a work party in years. Of course, when Gill was sick no one had expected him to, but at the summer picnic he’d had some well-meaning employees and fellow Loughman Group board members introducing him to their single friends.
The bartender finished making Derek’s drinks and his friend collected them and stepped aside while Mads ordered a Manhattan for himself and Iona. He was vaguely aware of Derek talking to one of the front desk managers, but his mind was on what his friend had said.
He’d been trying to be careful. Just experience as many of these last firsts without Gill and not lose his sanity. But somewhere along the way Iona had become the focus of the firsts. They were no longer “withouts” but “withs”. He knew that deep inside and with that knowledge came more fear than he wanted to admit he could feel. He was afraid of letting himself care for Iona in this way.
Afraid that something would happen to her.
The last time he’d felt this kind of anticipation and hope had been when Sofia was born and then shortly after that Gill had gotten sick. He’d never just been able to let himself fully love without feeling like there was a price to pay.
He took their drinks back to the table and Iona looked up at him with a question in her eyes, but he just shook his head. Tonight had felt like a step forward but now the ghosts of the past were holding on to him and they weren’t letting go.
He had seen her with her friends and her mom and brother and knew that Iona needed a family of her own. He could feel how ready she was to create her own little unit because she spent a lot of time working and he knew that was what he had used to fill his time when he’d been trying to avoid his home life.
But now he knew that his fear was going to play a part in this. Was probably going to keep him from giving her his heart.
And was that fair?
But then he remembered what Piers had said when Mads had gotten drunk after first learning that Gill was terminal. Who said life was meant to be fair?
Really. Who had? He knew it wasn’t. But he wasn’t too sure that Iona was going to want to spend the rest of her life with a man who would only let her into his bed and could only offer her affection and nothing more.
He also realized he couldn’t ask her to do that. Because he wanted more for her. He wanted her to find that kind of deep and abiding love that he’d shared with Gill. That love that had dominated every aspect of their life until her illness had taken over.
And he knew then that the only gift he could give her this Christmas was to let her go. To let her find someone who she could build the family she craved with.
She tipped her head to the side, giving him a quizzical look, but he couldn’t say anything, not right now.
“Dance with me,” he said, holding out his hand.
The DJ was playing a version of “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” with Idina Menzel and Michael Bublé. She took his hand and he led her to the dance floor, pulling her into his arms and swinging her around.
She placed one hand on his shoulder and he held her other one.
“Are you okay?” she asked.
“As okay as I can be,” he admitted.
She started to say something else but he just put his mouth over hers as much to taste her kiss again as to stem the questions he didn’t want to answer. He was taking this night for himself. To tuck away with the other memories that he used to keep himself company on the long lonely nights. This night and then he’d let her go. Let her go back to her life and her Christmassy spirit of joy and hopefulness.
The song changed to the “Christmas Waltz” and he was grateful to hold her for a few more seconds. The rest of the evening went by too quickly and since Jessie wasn’t expecting him until morning he felt greedy when he asked her to join him in the Presidential Suite for the rest of the evening.
“I’d love to.”
***
Iona was buzzing from the Manhattans she’d drunk and from dancing with Mads. She could tell that something was bothering him, but each time she tried to talk to him he’d pulled her into his arms or distracted her with something. But now they were alone.
The Presidential Suite was large and luxurious. Bigger than some apartments, she’d imagine. She’d taken her heels off when they entered the hotel room. And the carpet felt plush and soft under her feet. She walked toward the plate glass windows, which offered a view of the city skyline. Mads had texted Jessie to make sure that Sofia was okay and Iona walked over to look out at the city. Snow had fallen earlier and she could see the white blanket on the grassy areas below. She put her forehead on the glass and took a minute to enjoy how peaceful Manhattan looked tonight.
She heard Mads behind her before she felt the heat from his body and his hand on the back of her neck. He ran his finger along the top strand of pearls on her choker. His finger was warm and his touch light, but a shiver went down her spine at his touch. It had been too long since she’d been in his arms.
She knew that it had been her decision, but she’d missed him.
She had wanted to be sure that this wasn’t just a Christmas fling. Her instant reaction to being alone, but the last few weeks had convinced her that what she felt for Mads was real and tonight, meeting his friends and work colleagues, had demonstrated to her that she meant something to him too. More than one of the spouses of the board members had remarked to her how happy Mads seemed.
She was so glad to see that he was coming out of his grief. Moving forward. With her.
She turned her head to look at him and he arched one eyebrow at her as he drew his forefinger down her back towards the band at the top of her dress. He ran his fingertip along the edge where fabric and skin met. Another shiver went through her as he slowly moved his touch towards her side where the zipper was nestled under her arm. She lifted her arm slightly to allow him access, but instead of lowering it he simply ran his finger over it, brushing the side of her breast, which made the tip tighten and then he put his open palm on her butt, caressing the full curve before slowly bringing his touch up the other side of her body.
Shivering with longing and need she tried to turn to face him, but he put one hand on the small of her back, keeping her facing away from him.
She felt the warm exhalation of his breath before she felt the brush of his lips at the base of her neck, just under the bottom strand of pearls. One of his arms came around her waist and he drew her back against his body. She put her hand over his wrist to hold on to him. Realizing she still wore her gloves, she reached up to take it off and he helped her. Then he lowered the zipper at the side of her dress and stepped back.
The velvet dress had stays in the bodice and she delicately stepped out of it, standing in front of him wearing just her panties and pearls.
His pupils were dilated and she saw the flush of arousal on his skin. He reached out to touch her, drawing his hand slowly over the curves of her body, before lifting her up in his arms and carrying her to the bed. He set her down on it, undoing his pants and freeing his erection. She shifted around, pushing her panties down her legs and kicking them off and then opening her arms to beckon him to her.
Taking her hips in his hands, he drew her forward until her backside was on the edge of the bed and then he leaned over her, brushing his shirt front over her aroused nipples as his mouth found hers. She felt him between her legs, just the tip of him and then he pushed in deeper and she opened her eyes and saw he was watching her and she felt her heart skip a beat. The combination of desire, tenderness, and affection made her realize that she’d found the home she’d been searching for in Mads. He thrust deeper into her and passion drove out all her thoughts.
She held on to him as if she’d never let him go. She wrapped her legs around his waist as he thrust faster and deeper into her, arching off the bed as she called his name, holding onto him as he continued to thrust inside of her until he collapsed, rolling to his side and holding her to him.
She ran her fingers over his chest, trying to catch her breath, lifted her head to look at him, but he kissed her again, shifting them both on the bed until she was cuddled close to his side.
“This has been the best night of my life,” she whispered, kissing the pad of his chest over his heart.
“Mine too,” he admitted, running his hand through her hair and pulling the pins from it until the long strands fell on her shoulders and he drew a few of the strands over her shoulder.
She looked up at him and caught a glimpse of sadness in his eyes, worried that he might be remembering his past, but then he made love to her again, more tenderly this time, and she fell into an exhausted sleep dreaming of herself and Mads and Sofia walking in a winter wonderland.