Iona saw the look of anger and panic on Mads’ face as he entered Cici’s apartment. The party was in full swing with lots of music, conversation, and laughter. He scanned the crowd and she was already walking towards him as their eyes met. She’d wanted to avoid him after that kiss in her apartment, but running away had never been her thing and she’d been surprised when he’d cancelled tonight.
She knew he’d mentioned work and completely understood that a leak in the hotel during one of the busiest seasons was a major emergency but a part of her had felt like he had been playing an avoidance game.
Iona had been surprised when Sofia had shown up. She’d looked defiant and scared as she’d knocked on the door and immediately Iona knew that the little girl had come on her own. Sofia was helping decorate the tree that Cici and Hoop had set up in the corner of the living room.
Hoop had taken to fatherhood and family like a man who’d waited a lifetime to have one of his own.
“Where is she?” Mads asked as they met in the foyer.
“Helping decorate the tree. You look pissed. Do you want to calm down before you talk to her?” Iona suggested.
“No,” Mads said. Then shoved his hand through his hair. “I don’t think I can. She’s all I have left. This isn’t acceptable.”
“I know. I think she knows that too. She looked scared when she got here. Cici’s doorman brought her up after paying for the cab.”
“She took a cab without any money?” Mads asked.
Iona could tell he was on the edge of losing it. “Don’t think about what could have gone wrong. She’s safe now. Come on. She’s been playing with baby Holly. She’s my friends’ daughter. She’s barely three months old and Sofia seems enchanted with her.”
Iona had been thinking she’d just let Mads and Sofia have their reunion by themselves but she felt the desperation in Mads and knew he was on the edge. She’d heard it in his voice. She’s all I have left.
No one should feel that way. But Iona understood it. She slipped her hand into Mads and he remained stiff for a second and then squeezed hers. “Thank you.”
She nodded. She wasn’t truly certain if he was thanking her for the comfort or for keeping his daughter safe until he got here. Or if he just was saying thanks for the friendship.
Again, it came back to that. He needed a friend. And she might want more — okay, definitely wanted more — it was impossible not to look at that thick curly black hair and not want to run her fingers through it or to look at his legs in those incredibly tight jeans and not think about how they felt entangled with hers as they’d kissed.
But she knew she needed to.
Lust wasn’t the foundation of anything. Except a night of fun.
They approached the tree and Mads stopped as they got close enough to see Sofia bent over the baby seat that Holly was in. She had turned the seat so that the baby could see the twinkling lights. Sofia was sitting on the floor next to the baby.
“This one is a star. And this is a reindeer. They live in the colder places. Like way colder than it gets here. And they can be used to pull sleighs but they can’t fly,” Sofia said. “Some people think that they can fly but that’s not true.”
The baby cooed and Sofia smiled.
Mads moved past Iona and crouched down next to his daughter. “I guess they must pull the sleigh really fast so that to some it feels like flying.”
“Papa.”
“Sofia.”
“This is Holly,” Sofia said, not looking up at Mads but still staring at the baby.
“You know we have to talk about this,” Mads said.
“I do know. I’m sorry, Papa,” she said, turning towards him. “It wasn’t Jessie’s fault.”
“I already figured that out when she called me in a panic,” Mads said.
“I’m in big trouble, aren’t I?”
“Let’s just say that you have definitely earned the naughty label tonight,” Mads said.
Iona noticed that he had complete control over his temper and though he’d seemed angry with his daughter, now that he was knelt beside her under the Christmas tree he was completely calm. “Have you been explaining Christmas to Holly?”
“As best I can. There are a lot of grown-ups here and Iona had to go and talk to someone else.”
“Sorry, darling,” Iona said.
“It’s okay. Did you call Papa?”
“I did. As much as I love having you here, I suspected he didn’t really know where you were.”
“It’s okay. I forgive you,” Sofia said.
“You forgive her?” Mads asked.
“For telling on me,” Sofia said.
“She didn’t tell on you. She let us know where you were, Sofia. Jessie and I were worried and no one could find you. If Iona hadn’t called me I would have gone to the police.”
“Why?”
“They are the only ones who could help find you,” Mads continued. “That’s what happens when parents can’t find their kids.”
Sofia’s hand dropped away from the baby seat and she threw herself into Mads’ arms, knocking him off balance. He caught her and held her close to him. She was saying something that Iona couldn’t hear and she knew she should leave the two of them alone to work out everything.
Reaching around Mads and Sofia, she scooped up Holly’s baby seat and took her across the room to the kitchen. It was quieter there and she thought she was alone until she noticed Hayley in the corner kissing her fiancé Garrett. She turned her back on them, looking down at Holly, who cooed softly.
Iona had an eye-opening moment as she realized as much as she loved her work with the Candied Apple Café, she wanted this too. She wasn’t her father. Damn. That had taken her a long time to accept. Theo had been right when he said she was going to have to figure out for herself that success in business wasn’t going to satisfy her forever.
Why did it have to happen now? When she was at a party and dealing with being a good friend to a man whose kisses she couldn’t forget and who made her want things she had no idea she could handle?
She took Holly down the hall to her room, lifting the baby out of the carrier and held her in her arms. She smelled sweet, like baby powder and lotion. Her little body was encased in a onesie that was red and white-striped and she rested her head on Iona’s shoulder as she rocked her back and forth.
It wasn’t that hard to figure out that she wanted a family of her own since everyone else she knew had one. The hard part was reconciling the fact that the man she’d fixated on to be a part of it wasn’t ready for that.
***
Sofia had apologized and settled down and he looked around for Iona to thank her once again for calling him. But he couldn’t find her. She had left them alone to work things out. One of Iona’s friends offered him some food and after Sofia admitted she hadn’t eaten because she’d been worried about getting in trouble, he accepted the offer and made them both a plate. They found a quiet nook near the dining room to eat.
“I’m glad you were upset when you got here,” Mads said. “That tells me you know what you did was wrong.”
“I do,” Sofia said.
“Why did you do it?”
She shrugged and played with the food on her plate.
“That’s not an answer, Sof. It’s okay if you don’t know why.”
She looked up at him, her eyes so big and earnest that his heart took a punch. He had tried his best to protect her from everything, but her mom had been sick for most of her recent memory and was gone. There had only been so much he could do and seeing that look, well, it made him wish he could have done something different.
“I just wanted it to feel like … well not like last year,” she admitted. “And parties and stuff are.”
He nodded. “I had a real emergency at work tonight so I’m sorry we had to cancel. But perhaps I can see about making other arrangements if it happens again. Running off is never the solution.”
“I know that now,” Sofia said, then glanced beyond his shoulder. “Hi, Iona. You can join us now. Papa’s done yelling at me.”
“I didn’t yell at you,” he said with a gentle smile, looking over at Iona, who stood a few feet away. “Please come and join us.”
She walked towards them, bells jingling as she walked but she wasn’t wearing her Santa hat. He skimmed his gaze over her body and admitted to himself that he was tired of trying to avoid her. He had missed her and it had only been three days since he saw her. She smiled at Sofia, tipping her head to the side as she spoke and he noticed the jingle bell dangling earrings she wore.
“Is that okay, Papa?”
“I’m sorry, Sof, I wasn’t paying attention.”
“Can I go and get a cookie from the kitchen?” Sofia asked again, speaking slowly, as if he couldn’t understand her.
“Yes, brat,” he responded. She smiled and dashed to the kitchen as Iona came and sat down next to him.
“I hope you don’t mind but I wanted a moment to talk to you,” Iona said.
“I don’t mind at all. Thank you again for keeping her safe,” he said. There weren’t enough words to tell her what that meant to him.
“I’m just glad she came here. How did she know the address?”
“I asked her that earlier and she had seen the address on Jessie’s text messages. What’s up? You said you wanted to talk to me,” he said.
She crossed her legs and glanced over her shoulder first, then leaned in closer to him. She smelled faintly of cinnamon and for a moment he remembered how it had felt to hold her in his arms.
“I wasn’t sure if you had canceled because of the other night,” she said. “I should apologize, but I liked kissing you and I like you, Mads. And Sofia is just an added bonus to being around you.”
“Don’t. Don’t apologize,” he said. He wasn’t any closer to really figuring out how to move forward with Iona but tonight, coming here and seeing her, had made it clear that he wasn’t going to be able to just walk away. “You have nothing to apologize for. I’m sorry I got weirded out.”
“That’s fine. I kind of like that you did. It made me realize you’re not a casual person when it comes to relationships,” she said. She wasn’t either. Well, she had been, but not anymore. Something had been changing inside of her since New Year’s Day, when Hayley had said she was making a change. She’d sort of set in motion something for Iona too. And now that it was almost the end of the year she knew that she wanted to try something with Mads.
“Good. So, we’re still on for the Nutcracker, right?” he asked.
“Oh, yes,” she said. “Mom was okay with it. Actually, I wondered if you have your own table. Cici and Hayley both overheard me giving up my seat at Mom’s table and would love to attend,” she said.
“I do. And I think there are seats available. So that should be fine,” Mads said. “I’m not being rude but I have to check in with the hotel. The repairs should be done now and I want to make sure we can use the rooms tomorrow.”
“Go ahead,” Iona said. “I’ll find Sofia and meet you in the living room by the tree. Baby Holly loves the lights and I noticed that Cici likes watching her daughter stare at them.”
She stood up and he stopped her, standing up and catching her wrist. The action pulled her off balance and she fell into his arms exactly where he wanted her. He lowered his head and kissed her. Closed his eyes and this time there wasn’t that painful feeling in his chest. He knew he was kissing Iona and she was the only one he wanted to kiss. She wrapped her arms around him, tipping her head to the side, bells jingling as she deepened the kiss.
***
Singing Christmas carols with her friends, Mads, and Sofia after all the other party guests had left was something … well, really magical. She could see the snow falling beyond the tree through the window that looked over Central Park. Cici and Hoop sat together in a large armchair, Cici cuddling Holly in her arms. Garrett and Hayley were sitting on the floor in front of the tree and Iona and Mads and Sofia were nestled together on the couch.
She knew — truly she did — that this wasn’t real. That she and Mads had just become a family without any effort. But a part of her finally admitted it was something she was interested in.
Sofia was starting to get sleepy, curling closer to Mads, resting her head on his chest as Leon Redbone’s version of “Winter Wonderland” played in the background. Mads gave her a wry smile. “I think we should go.”
She nodded. “I’ll come with you.”
“I was hoping you’d say that.”
She glanced over to see that Hayley was watching her with one eyebrow raised. Her friends had been cool about not saying anything about Sofia arriving by herself or Mads kissing her in the kitchen hallway. But she had the feeling tomorrow at work they were going to want all the details.
She just smiled at Hayley, who winked at her. “We’re going to head out. Thanks for a wonderful party.”
“You’re welcome,” Hoop said as he shifted Cici and baby Holly to the chair and stood up. “I’ll see them out.”
“Thanks.”
Iona went over and gave Cici a hug and kissed the sleeping baby on the head before waving bye to Hayley and Garrett. Mads followed her, carrying his daughter, who’d fallen asleep. Iona gathered their coats from Hoop.
“My phone is in my pocket,” Mads said. “Will you text Hamlisch we’re ready to go?”
She blushed as Hoop watched her reach her hand into Mads’ back pocket to retrieve his phone. She tried to be nonchalant but the gesture felt intimate. Not something acquaintances would do. She took out his phone and handed it to him since it was password-protected. She turned to hug Hoop as Mads texted his driver.
He reached around her to open the door for Mads. “See you on Saturday.”
“Can’t believe I’m going to the ballet,” Hoop said. “But I think it should be fun.”
“You’ll love it,” Iona said.
He nodded and they left the apartment. Iona hit the button for the down elevator and as they waited Mads looked over at her. There was an intensity in his gaze that she hadn’t noticed in him before.
“What?”
“I was just thinking about something Sofia had said earlier.”
“What was it?” Iona asked, tucking a strand of Sofia’s hair behind her ear.
“That she wanted this year to feel different. Gill was sick for three years before she died. Sofia never knew a Christmas that didn’t involve nurses or hospitals.”
Iona put her arms around them both and hugged them. She wanted them to be hers. She held them tightly because she wanted to keep them close forever. “We’re going to make this one special for her.”
“I hope it’s good for you too,” he said.
“Me too,” she admitted, as the elevator doors opened. She caught a glimpse of the three of them walking through the lobby in the mirrored wall behind the reception desk. They looked like a family. Like the one she’d kept tucked away in the back of her mind from the moment that her mom had mentioned a matchmaker. Finding her a husband because it was time for her to have a family of her own.
Her own.
But that had been her mom’s agenda, trying to force her to not work so hard, not be like her dad. This was different. She hadn’t been looking for Mads or Sofia when they’d come into her life.
“You okay?” Mads asked.
She realized she’d stopped walking and was staring at her own reflection in the mirror. She nodded because she knew she couldn’t tell him what was on her mind. That at this moment she finally got that she hadn’t been okay in a really long time. She’d used the Candied Apple as her surrogate family. She’d made that little place into the only thing that mattered in her life because there she was safe. She could pour all of her hopes and dreams into the shop and it would never let her down.
Never break her heart or let her glimpse something she longed to call her own, only to take it away from her.
And she knew… really, she did, that she’d been pretending for too long that the Candied Apple Café would be enough to fill the emptiness left by never getting the approval she needed from her father.
She wanted this Christmas wish that she’d been silently whispering for longer than she could remember to come true. She wanted Christmas morning to be special and not because she’d ordered lots of things she wanted and had them wrapped and delivered and put under her tree. But this year she wanted to have something she couldn’t buy. Something that had always been out of her reach and that reflection in the mirror made her hope that this time she could get it.
That Mads and Sofia could be hers, not just on Christmas morning but for all the Christmases to come.