Chapter Thirty-One
Christian
I drummed my fingers against my armrest, staring out the window as the plane took off. I had never felt compelled to look back before, and God only knew how many business trips I'd been on over the years. But I had specifically chosen a window seat instead of my usual aisle seat, and as the plane rose to cruising altitude, I found my eyes scanning the land below, charting the beaches, the towns, the places I was leaving behind.
Remembering the people who I was leaving behind.
It wasn't supposed to feel like this, that was the thing. My mission had been to go out and get the partying out of my system. I was meant to sleep with a new girl every night, until fucking somehow, miraculously, managed to get boring.
But none of that had happened. And here I was, flying back to New York City but still dwelling on everything that I was leaving behind.
I could never come back, though, even if I wanted to. Not after the way that I had treated Gretchen. God, she would have to hate me after that, and especially once she found out that I had just left like this. Without even telling her. It felt like the biggest dick move of the century, but it wasn't like there was anything I could do now. Besides, it was for the best. I had to get my head back into work mode. Back into city mode. The vacation was over.
When I arrived in New York and grabbed my bags from the carousel, I found Paul there waiting for me. He pulled me into a hug, clapping me a few times on the back. “Man, it's good to see you!” he said. “And Jesus, you're looking tan. I'm envious.”
I laughed and shook my head, dragging a hand back through my hair. “I'm always tanner than you, man.”
“I know, I know,” Paul sighed. “The fates are cruel.” He grinned and led me out toward one of the company cars. “So, how was the trip? How were your holidays?”
“Everything was great,” I said. It wasn't entirely the truth, but he didn't need to know about the whole mess there at the end. I wasn't about to tell him about Gretchen; no matter how good a friend Paul was, that just didn't seem like any of his business. It wasn't like I was going to marry the girl or anything anyway. I forced a smile. “It’s beaches, beautiful women, good food. What more does a man need in life?”
Paul laughed. “You're making me want to go there for my next trip,” he said. “I've seen the few photos that you've bothered to post online, and it all looks beautiful.”
“I didn't want to post more than that because I didn't want some journalist to take notice and decide to come find me,” I admitted. “I was pleasantly anonymous while I was down there.”
Paul raised both eyebrows at me. “And how did you feel about that?” he asked. “I can't imagine Christian Wall, the country's sexiest young bachelor, to take well to anonymity.”
I rolled my eyes, lightly shoving his shoulder. “Honestly, it was pretty nice,” I told him honestly. I frowned. “I'm used to the adoring public and all of that, but at the same time, it was nice not to have to worry about journalists following my every move or worry about which girl I was going to take home with me at the end of the night or any of it.”
“You haven't missed work at all, have you?” Paul sighed, shaking his head. He narrowed his eyes at me. “Are you sure that you're ready to come back? And answer me truthfully. I'm not sure we'll be able to save your position again if you start…”
“Acting up again?” I asked, grinning crookedly over at him.
Paul looked like he wanted to reassure me that those weren't the words that he would have used, but I knew what he was thinking.
I sighed. “Look, Hawaii wasn't the wild blowout that I was expecting to have,” I told him. “But it was nice to just relax for once. I can't remember the last time I just relaxed. So, yeah, maybe I haven't missed work in some ways, but I think I'm ready to come back.” It wasn't like I could go back to Hawaii, back to my time with Gretchen.
“Good,” Paul said. “Honestly, you seem a lot more mature. I'm glad to see that from you.”
We pulled up in front of the office, and I sighed. “I could have used a day off to get over the jetlag, though,” I said.
Paul grimaced. “Yeah, I know,” he said. “But Alex and George are waiting to brief you on everything so that you'll be ready for the press conference.”
I groaned and pulled myself out of the car, shivering a little in the frigid New York air. Even a jacket wasn't enough to let me disregard this cool breeze after the warmth of Hawaii. “I still don't know what the point is of having a press conference so early in the year,” I said.
Paul shrugged. “Me neither,” he admitted. “I tried to tell them that we could wait another week or so, but I think they're worried about our numbers slipping. They were rising so rapidly for a while there, most of December, so we closed out the year strong. But not as strongly as we might have predicted. They've stagnated for the past couple weeks.”
“That's because no one wants to buy a home over the holidays,” I pointed out, rolling my eyes a little. “We've always seen our numbers stagnate a little in the latter half of December when they weren't going down.”
“You don't have to tell me that,” Paul said, rolling his eyes as well. “Look, best to just humor them. Anyway, it gets this out of the way, and then you can ease your way back into the day-to-day work of running a business.”
“True.”
When we entered the office, I was surprised to see the number of smiles I received. I had thought everyone would still be a bit more unhappy with me. But even George came up and shook my hand, nodding at me. “Good work keeping out of the news for a few weeks,” he said gruffly.
I wanted to say something snarky in response to him, but I decided that just this once, I'd let the comment slide. After all, it was my first day back, and the last thing I wanted was for them to send me off again. I didn't know where I would go, next time.
“All right, so,” Alex began, flipping open the binder in front of him; he'd always been the most organized of all of us. “I'm sure you've seen, but our numbers have been up last month.”
“Thanks, in part to-” George began, but he quelled at a look from Paul. It seemed that some things would never change, but it was almost comforting to be back around them. It felt as if Hawaii and the whole debacle with Gretchen had never happened.
Almost.
“Are you paying attention, Christian?” Alex asked suddenly, and I realized that I'd tuned him out for a couple of minutes. I thought back through what he had just said, recalling as much of it as I could. “Yeah, the shareholders are really happy with our current numbers, and there are a record number of people buying houses at the moment. And there's a new show that you're hoping that I'll be on board with so that we can draw in some new blood.”
“Right,” Alex said, nodding at me, but I could tell he didn't believe that I'd been listening.
The rest of the meeting passed pretty similarly. I felt as though there was a kind of haze in my brain, as though I was still somehow detached from the proceedings, almost as though I hadn't come back from Hawaii at all. I couldn't seem to quit thinking of Gretchen, thinking of how hurt she must be feeling after my abrupt departure.
“Are you doing okay?” Paul asked me in an undertone as we drifted out of the meeting. The press conference would be held in just a little while, and I knew that I needed to pull my head together.
“Yeah, I'm fine,” I told him, even though I didn't feel like I was. “Just a little jetlagged.”
I hoped that was all it was, anyway. Just the need to clear my head a little and get back into the swing of things. I couldn't keep thinking of Gretchen; I was never going to see her again.
Maybe I should get together a group of friends and go out drinking that night, try to shake this off. It had been a while since I was with one of the sexy New York ladies.
At the same time, I didn't have the energy to do that. The idea just wasn't appealing in the way that it used to be.
I smiled at Paul, shaking my head at his concern and trying my best to act normal. “It was a long trip home,” I told him. “And even though I flew business class, I didn't sleep all that well. I just need to get my head back into things. Don't worry.”
“Okay,” Paul said, even though I could tell that he wasn't fully convinced. But he let me continue on my way back to my office, where I stood in the doorway for a long moment, staring at my desk. This place had always seemed like a second home before, but now it seemed almost forbidding. Despite my near-constant worry in Hawaii that the guys weren't going to want me to come back to the business, I found myself questioning again whether I wanted to be back here.
But that was silly; what else was I going to do? Like I had told Gretchen, it wasn't like I was good at not doing anything, at not working. I shook my head and seated myself behind my desk, opening up my email and beginning to weed through the thousands of messages that I had received during my absence.