Chapter Twenty-Two
Lexa
Things happen fast in the ER, so one has to stay on their toes and be ready for anything. I had known that going into this field, but somehow that never prepared you for how real it could get.
I’d only sat down and glanced at my phone when I got a call that I was needed. There I’d been reading a text from Aiden when it happened. So as I hurried out for the call, that was all I was thinking about. All I could think about.
The text had come through only minutes before I took my break and found my phone in my locker. I usually kept it on me, but some days, I kept it locked up along with my other belongings. He said he couldn’t wait to see me at our date, but then hours later and his next message was what had me distracted. Hey, I have something important to talk to you about.
He’d somehow found out who I was. That was all I could figure from the change of his tone. It was bound to happen. Had he gone online to dig up information on my parents and learned about me? Had someone told him about me? It would serve me right.
Tasha's voice rang out across the hall. “ETA is under two minutes.” I turned to see she was filling Dr. Rob in on our newest arrival, who was on his or her way.
“This one’s critical, multiple injuries, cardiac on the scene.” She continued rambling as I scrubbed and gloved.
Minutes later, the man of the hour was wheeled to the ER, and as soon as I saw him coming through, I sprang into action. That is until someone said the magic words. Motorcycle accident.
The man was covered in blood, making it hard to see, but from what I could, the matted blood staining his hair, which was limp and hanging in weird angles, and build was too similar to Aiden’s. The stench of fresh blood, that coppery sting, was enough to make my eyes water.
This man wasn’t Aiden, but the familiarity of the situation hit me all at once and caused me to freeze. I don’t know how long I was out for, but the sound of the man’s flatline brought me around as a hush fell over the room.
That could have been Aiden. Luckily, the garbage can across the room was close enough for me to make it to, and I dropped to my knees and heaved up a small portion of the lunch I’d had hours before.
“Someone get her out of here.” It was Rob’s voice, but I was too busy heaving again to hear much else.
I wasn’t sure who helped me and my garbage can up and out of the area, but they scurried back into the OR to no doubt clean up after me. The patient had died. There was nothing left to do for him.
Another wave of panic washed over me and I thought of Aiden on that table — a much different image, yes, but the very idea that it could have been worse was bubbling up from within and spilling out into the can. I tried to stay on my feet, but was losing the battle fast until I leaned back against the wall.
Kathy came out to help me. “Are you okay? It’s not like you to worry about a little blood.” She offered me a cool, damp rag by laying it across the back of my neck.
“I don’t know what came over me.”
But that was a lie. The shock that Aiden could have died before I ever had a chance to meet him, that I might have seen him ripped apart, arms broken, the flesh on his legs peeled back like a fish that had been filleted… It had gotten to me. Aiden had been lucky. I’d been lucky. Part of me wanted to call him up and make him promise he’d never get on another bike, but I knew that wasn’t practical.
“Well, Dr. Rob’s on the warpath. He snapped at two other nurses for no good reason, and I can’t help but think it was actually meant for you.” About that time, he came out of the hall and went in the other direction, and I held my breath a moment while he disappeared. Kathy took the garbage can as I stood and took a deep breath. “He’s probably going to notify the family.”
I couldn’t help but think about who they’d inform if something had happened to Aiden. Surely, he had an uncle or cousin somewhere. Or perhaps his maid, the woman who’d cooked those delicious meals would be the one. “I better go freshen up so I can get back to work.”
“Yeah, that would be a good idea. I would be doing something when he finds-”
She focused her gaze over my shoulder and gave me an apologetic look as she bailed. I glanced back to see Rob headed my way, and he wasn’t happy. I wiped my mouth, hoping there wasn’t anything awful aside from my breath to offend him. I’d done enough of that already. The man who’d wanted to ask me out was gone, and the doctor who was stalking his way directly for me fumed so bad that if I looked closely, I might see smoke.
“Nurse Lexa.” The use of my title was the first indication that this was about to get bad. “I want you to go home.” He stopped in front of me, glaring down with hard brown eyes and as much ire as I’d expected. “You’ve become so distracted with your personal issues that I’m afraid you’re becoming a hazard, and I will not tolerate your behavior in my ER.”
“Yes, Doctor. I’m sorry. I just-”
“I know. It hit you what could have happened to the Walker guy. I get it. But I don’t have time for it, either. Go home and get your head on straight and come back in a couple of days when you’re focused.”
A couple of days? He was suspending me.
“Please don’t suspend me. I’ll be fine tomorrow. I promise.” Even as I swore to it, images of every casualty I’d ever seen went through my mind like a slideshow.
He looked away, and for a moment, there was a slight falter in his expression, something in him that wanted to help me or let me off easy. Then he swallowed hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing, and met my eyes.
“The rest of the day and tomorrow. That’s the best I can do. This is people’s lives at risk. The guy who came in didn’t have a chance in hell, so you didn’t directly affect what happened in there, and that’s the only reason I’m being lenient now. But if that had been a critical situation with some hope, that hope would have diminished the moment you let your personal life interfere.”
He let out a long breath and then looked away again. I couldn’t blame him. I wouldn’t want to look at me, either. I turned to go, but he pulled me by the arm and stopped me. “Lexa, you’re one of the best nurses we have here. I’m not the only doctor that would hate to lose you on their staff. And maybe I’ve not helped things with asking you out. It’s unneeded pressure, and I think it’s best if I take a step back from that, as well.”
It was a polite brush off, and that was fine. He knew my heart belonged elsewhere, and at least I had the comfort of knowing things wouldn’t have to be awkward with him around; at least, not because of Aiden. The whole kicking me out of the ER and telling me to go home thing might cause a riff.
I’d try not to let it happen, but things wouldn’t be the same between Dr. Rob and me again after this. He’d lost his respect for me. And, I couldn’t blame him. He gave me another sympathetic look before he walked away.
I hurried and gathered my things. I considered going to see Aiden, but instead, I went home to lie on the couch and eat ice cream. It was thinking food, and I had a lot of thinking to do.
For one, I needed to understand why I had freaked out in the ER. That person wasn’t Aiden, and it wasn’t my first time in that situation. It certainly wasn’t the first bad motorcycle wreck patient I’d had. My first week into the job, I’d held a man’s intestines in my hands after an accident. It was the horrible fact of my job, and I had always maintained my cool and composure.
No, this was something else. After being so intimate with Aiden, I saw him as more than another patient. I’d explored every part of him, and when I was with him, it was as though we were one person.
Maybe it was my own mortality. Or maybe it was imagining what my brother had gone through when he died in that crash. When his body was recovered, he was unrecognizable. Through all of the weeks following the plane crash, I’d never once lost my cool. I had to wonder if my concern for Aiden was out of some strange comparison.
I’d lost the most important man in my life when I’d lost Shawn. Up until that moment, he’d been my best friend. Maybe now I was transferring some of my fear of having a man I care so much about leaving me. The situation had opened the floodgates of emotion that I’d been holding back for so long. I broke down and cried right there in the middle of spooning my rocky road.
It was more than concern and more than friendship. Was I falling for Aiden Walker? No, he was just a close friend, someone who I could date and have a little fun with, but not much more.
I wanted more, though. I couldn’t deny that. But if I didn’t work something out in my head, I was never going to have him. But then again, I may not have him anyway. Another spoon, another taste of the delicious chocolate against my tongue, and it hit me: I was falling in love with Aiden, and there wasn’t anything I could do about it.
No matter how much I’d wished I could chalk it up to friendship, chalk it up to the accidents and the fact that we’d both lost someone important, that once he was out of sight, he’d be out of mind, I couldn’t. Those were the lies I told myself. Tomorrow, he would tell me everything he’d learned about me. That had to be what he needed to talk to me about, and if it took me another pint of ice cream, I’d figure out how to deal with it.