Chapter Thirty-Two
Gretchen
For once, I was running a bit late getting to work on Monday, not that I was late to meet a client, because I always planned to get to the massage parlor half an hour early. But normally, I was closer to an hour early.
Mina was waiting for me when I got there, and she peered concernedly at me as I walked up the front steps. “Hey,” she said, her voice gentle. “Did you have a rough night?”
I grimaced, hating that she could probably see the dark circles under my eyes and the frizz in my hair, which I hadn't quite managed to tame that morning. “It was fine,” I lied, unlocking the front door.
“Sure,” Mina said, sounding like she didn't believe me. “You know that it's okay to admit that you're still upset about the whole thing with Christian, right?”
I rolled my eyes. “I appreciate that,” I said. “But I'm not still upset about him. We were just fucking anyway; we both knew that it wasn't going anywhere. The longer it's been since I’ve seen him, the less I care.”
“It's only been a week,” Mina said.
I didn't want to get mad at her, but I didn't understand how she couldn't see that even talking about Christian hurt. I just wanted to shove away all my thoughts of him and get on with my life.
For how much Mina and I were such great friends, it was in part because we were so very different. We handled things in different ways. Where Mina, when she was upset, wanted to talk about the issue and eat her weight in ice cream, I just wanted to pretend that nothing was wrong and go about my life as though everything was normal.
“Anyway,” Mina said slowly when I didn't respond. “I was doing some thinking.”
“Oh?” I said, raising an eyebrow at her.
Mina rolled her eyes. “Yeah,” she said. “Remember when I was helping you give that massage to that older couple? It was so much fun working together, right? And we both know that my pineapple shop wouldn't be half as successful as it has been without you sending massage customers over to me for a post-massage shake. So, what if we merged our businesses together?”
“What?” I asked, shocked by the proposal.
“Think about it,” Mina said. “You'd get a little extra help around the massage parlor, and there'd be someone there to help walk-ins or to answer the phone while you were busy with customers. Plus, if Sandy was working for both of us, he could man things out front here, and I could help you out with massage clients, letting you take on even more business. It's a win-win situation, right?”
I frowned over at her. “Aren't people going to think it's a little weird, having a massage-slash-pineapple shop?”
“Maybe,” Mina said, shrugging. “But only because they don't know all the health benefits that come with eating pineapple! I mean, just look at my skin.” She winked at me, and I had to laugh.
“That's not because of the pineapple,” I said. “That's because of the spa visits and-”
“Okay, okay,” Mina said, holding up a hand to stall my arguments. “But seriously, don't you think it could be perfect? There's no one else doing anything like it, and we'd get to be coworkers. For real. We'd get to see each other more, and we'd both be drumming up more business for one another, and…”
I sighed and ran a hand back through my hair, a gesture that I had subconsciously picked up from Christian. “Yeah, I don't know,” I said, shaking my head. “I'd have to think about it.” The thing was, as much as I loved Mina, I wasn't so sure. And wasn't there some saying about how you weren't supposed to do business with your friends? We'd have to figure out all the messy details like how we got paid, based on our personal clients, or based on the combined shop's income? And things like that. Neither of us were very business-minded to begin with, and it seemed like more of a headache than anything else.
But Mina seemed so excited about the prospect that it wasn't as though I could just tell her no outright.
My first customer came in, effectively closing the conversation for now anyway, and Mina smiled and said goodbye, heading back over to her own shop.
I smiled at the older woman who waited patiently for me to turn my attention to her. “Good morning, and welcome to Paradise Massage, Mrs. Talbot. Here's a massage outfit for you to put on, if you just want to step right into the massage room here. I'll give you a few minutes to get comfortable, and then I'll be in to help you.”
The words were so routine and familiar by this point that I could probably recite them in my sleep.
Which was why dating Christian, and everything that was so not routine about that, had been so much fun. I sighed and shook my head. It wouldn't do to be distracted by thoughts of Christian when I was meant to be giving a massage.
I moved into the room with Jane and got to work. “Just visiting Hawaii for a quick trip over the holidays?” I asked her quietly.
“Well, sort of,” Jane said, laughing a little. “I'm on a rather extended trip, but I arrived in Hawaii the day before New Year's, and I'll be here for about a week. Then, I'll be headed off to the Philippines, and then who knows!”
“Oh, wow,” I said, surprised by her answer. “Did you and your husband just retire?”
“Actually, my husband passed away last year.” She sighed softly. “This is the trip we always dreamed of taking. But we kept putting it off and putting it off. I'm afraid that life got in the way. There were the kids, and there were bills to pay, and then he was working toward his pension, and then even once he retired, we were looking to sell the home, and things came up. We made excuses.”
“Oh,” I said, not sure what else to say.
“So, I decided to take our trip anyway,” Jane continued, not waiting for me to say more. “And you know what? It's almost like he's here with me. I write him letters from every place that I go, almost like a journal. But it's written just for him. He would have loved the seafood in Boston. He would have been amazed by how flat the middle of the country is; he grew up in the mountains, and he was always a bit uncomfortable when he could see all the way to the horizon. And he would have loved the drive along the coast in California!”
“You're going to see the whole world, then?” I asked, smiling a little at her enthusiasm.
“Oh, probably not,” she said, shaking her head. “I'm an old bag now, and I don't know how far I'll make it. But I do want to see some of Asia; I've never made it there before in my life. And when I reach Paris, I'm going to get a little apartment with a view of the Eiffel Tower and spend the rest of my life painting pictures and taking long walks through the parks. Edward always loved Paris.”
I bit my lower lip. “If you don't mind me asking, if you had to do it all again, knowing that Edward wouldn't be here with you for this trip, would you still do it?” I asked.
“Oh, yes,” Jane said fiercely. “Our marriage had its ups and downs, all marriages do. And having to watch Edward get sicker and sicker until...” She took a deep breath, and I felt guilty for having pried. I just had to know. “The good times that I had with Edward outweighed all the bad,” she said. She laughed a little. “And in some ways, it's a relief to do this trip myself! He was a stingy old man, and I don't know that we would have traveled that well together. I definitely wouldn't be getting a massage if he was here with me!”
I frowned. “But doesn't that bother you, knowing that?” I asked.
“Oh, dear,” Jane said, shaking her head. “No two people are ever going to be perfectly compatible,” she said. “This isn't the movies. There are always going to be difficulties that you have to work through and compromises that you have to make. But that's what makes it all so sweet. Edward and I may never have gotten the chance to travel the world together, but what we did get to do was raise three perfect little children and give them every opportunity in the world. What we did get to do was open a small country store in the middle of nowhere in Vermont. What we did get to do was go on one long summer vacation to visit relatives in France and Italy. We were happy. We were just happy in different ways.”
I hummed softly. “Sounds like you loved him.” It was a stupid thing to say; the two had clearly been married for a while, and…
“I'm not sure what I think about love and all that,” Jane said, sounding almost like Mina in that instance. “But I can't imagine what my life would have been like without Edward there at my side for all those years. We shared the most important parts of a life together. And maybe that's all love truly is.”
I frowned, thinking that over in the context of my relationship with Christian. Could I imagine my life without him? Of course, I could. I'd been living there in Hawaii and working at the massage parlor for a lot longer than I'd known him. I knew my routine.
But there was still something there, wasn't there, that seemed to be missing, now that he was gone. Maybe love was recognizing that little piece of yourself that was just waiting to open up to the other person.
After the massage, I walked Jane to the door and let her out into the sunshine. “You have a good day, Mrs. Talbot, and safe travels!” I told her. I waved as she walked down toward her car.
As I turned to go back into the shop, I caught sight of Lino out the side of my eye, and I froze, wondering what he could be doing there.
“Hey, Gretchen,” he said cautiously, walking slowly toward me, as though he was afraid that I might bolt. “Can we talk?”
“I don't think so,” I said coolly, remembering how angry he and Christian had looked at the New Year's Luau. I still wondered what had happened there, and I couldn't help wondering if Lino somehow had some hand in Christian's abrupt departure. But I had been truthful with Christian about the whole mess with Lino, so it wasn't as though Lino could have told him anything he hadn't already known.
“Come on,” Lino said, reaching out to catch my arm as I started back into the massage parlor. “Gretchen, seriously. I'm beginning to realize what a huge mistake I made. And I know you have no reason to ever forgive me, but I'm hoping that maybe you could find it in yourself to give me a second chance. I just panicked. I wasn't mature enough to have a kid yet. You have to know that. And I said a lot of things, did a lot of things that I regret. I know the miscarriage was hard on you. It was hard on me too. I just didn't know how to tell you that. I-”
“Stop,” I interrupted, yanking my arm away from him. My heart was pounding, and there was a part of me that wanted to believe him, to fall into his arms and hope for something good to come from it.
No. I knew that what I'd had with Christian had been ten thousand times more than what I'd ever had with Lino. Still, Christian was gone, and Lino and I had a chance of building a future together, in Hawaii. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to give him a chance—but that was ridiculous. For all he said that he had grown up now, his behavior around Christian was not the behavior of someone who had grown up, not even a little.
“Lino, whatever we had between us, it's over now,” I said, shaking my head. I laughed sadly. “You know, if you would have talked to me even two months ago, things might be different.”
Sure enough, Lino was frowning. “What, if I'd just gotten to you before Christian did?” he asked bitterly. “But Christian's gone. He got sick of you, I guess. And-”
“He had to go back to work,” I said coolly. “I knew that was going to happen eventually. And Christian has nothing to do with anything that you and I had. Just, I've moved on now.” I pulled open the door to my shop. “If you'll excuse me, I have to get back to work. I have another client coming in, and I have to get everything ready.”
Without waiting for his response, I went inside, shutting the door firmly behind me. My heart was racing as though I'd just run a marathon, and I felt like I might start crying, over Lino or over Christian, I couldn't even say.
I slumped down in the massage room, pressing the heels of my hands against my closed eyes. The thing was, I couldn't help thinking that maybe I should give Lino another chance. He was there, and I knew that Christian wasn't coming back. If love was just about sharing a life together, Lino and I could share a life together just as easily as Christian and I could; couldn't we?