Chapter 13
Colton
“Words that soak into your heart are whispered, not yelled.”
~ Papa Duke
I shut off my lights as I pulled behind the back house. I felt like a kid again when I used to sneak in this way. Except back then I was riding a bike and was worried about Papa Duke catching us. Now, I didn’t want any of the women staying in the house or production to see that I was here.
We’d finished filming about half an hour ago. After a quick schedule meeting with Mia and a short explanation about why she’d decided to move to Wishing Well after production—thanks to falling in love with Travis Briggs, one of Wishing Well’s finest, during the week I was gone doing press—I’d jumped in my truck and got the hell out of there. The good news was that I didn’t have to go far. At the property line I cut down the service road and through the back field of the Connor Farm.
I hadn’t seen Bella since I left my trailer almost eight hours ago and I felt like I was going out of my mind. I couldn’t think straight because my brain was congested with so many questions.
Was she okay?
What had happened back in the trailer?
Why had she allowed the show to lease her grandpa’s property?
Was she okay?
How was she feeling about seeing me again?
Why wouldn’t she talk to me?
Was she okay?
Was it because she was married?
Why had she gone pale when I asked her if she took off her ring to work?
Was she okay?
I think the pattern was pretty clear. I needed to know if she was okay.
I’d always been really good at focusing on what I needed to do. I could compartmentalize things. Hell, that’s how I graduated college with honors even though I was taking care of Cara. When I studied, I studied. When I was with Cara, I was with Cara. That was how my brain had always worked.
Until this past week, that is. When I’d been doing press, I’d spaced out in interviews, answered the wrong questions because I hadn’t really been paying attention to the interviewer, I’d even blanked on what the name of the show was…and one of the words was my name.
But today had been even worse.
There weren’t normally scripts in reality television, although some were more heavily directed than others. But in ninety percent of them you did have to follow an “outline” of a scene. Producers would set up situations and they’d want you to respond “naturally.” In all the shows I’d done, I’d never had to reshoot a scene. I’d never forgotten what I was doing or what was going on.
Today, we’d had to do several takes on each scene that was shot. The intros were the worst. My reactions were lukewarm, at best, and I hadn’t been able to remember any of the girl’s names. Julie was the first girl that I’d met. I called her Julia. At various points throughout the day I also called her Juliette and Julianna. It might seem like an insignificant, honest mistake, but to a girl that is going on a show to find love, or at the very least be noticed and further her career, being called the wrong name is a serious problem.
If that was my only offense that would be one thing. But it wasn’t. There were two girls named Celine and Sahara that I kept getting confused for each other and they looked nothing alike. And then the real gem on my ass crown was when I completely blanked on three girls’ names during a one on one interview. An interview I did right after a “get to know you” round table. A get to know you round table.
The irony of that wasn’t lost on me.
I felt shitty about my behavior. I did. There were a lot of people depending on me to…be me. And I wasn’t. But, there was nothing I could do about it. It took every ounce of self-control, of discipline, of willpower not to yank my mic off and tell Mia that I couldn’t do this.
The only thing that stopped me from doing that was the same thing that made me want to do that.
Bella.
The look in her eyes and the way she’d whispered for me to go had haunted me all day. Something was wrong, Bella wasn’t herself and I didn’t want to make it worse by making a decision that would negatively affect whatever she was dealing with. I’d been trying to tell myself that I didn’t really know her anymore so I wasn’t in a place to say with certainty that there was more going on with her than she was letting on. But after looking into her eyes today, I saw the girl I knew. Bella was still that girl. And for some reason she wanted this show to happen, so there was no way I was going to walk off of it until I knew that it wouldn’t upset her.
She’d been avoiding talking to me, and I’d given her space three times now. At the reception, on her back porch and today in the trailer. But I needed some answers and if I had to sit outside all night to show her I was serious about getting them, well, that was what I would do.
My steps were heavy as I took the wooden stairs two at a time in determined strides. I lifted my fist to rap on the door, but before my knuckles hit the wood it opened.
Bella stood in front of me, her long wavy hair falling over her shoulders, wearing cutoff grey sweats, a white tank top, pink fuzzy slippers, and a smile on her face so bright it could light Times Square. My chest expanded and constricted at the same time.
It was weird that sometimes you didn’t know how much you missed something until after you experienced it again. The last time I saw that smile was before her dad was killed. The power of it knocked the wind right out of me. It stole my breath clean away.
She stepped to the side and held the door open even wider. “Come on in.”
I honest to God wasn’t sure that my feet would carry me. I moved on autopilot into the small living area, removing my hat as I did. When I heard the door shut behind me, I turned just as she was brushing her hair off her shoulders. That’s when I saw it.
On the left side of her tank top she wore a nametag that read: Hi, I’m Bella.
My eyes shot to hers and her smile grew even wider and the twinkle that had been gone as long as her smile shimmered in her baby blue eyes. “I got enough for the rest of the crew and, of course, the girls since you were having so much trouble today.”
Laughter rolled through me in waves. I would think I was finished and she would make another clever or smartass comment.
“Don’t worry, I ordered you the book Remembering Names and Faces from Amazon, and I have Prime so it will be here in two days with free delivery.”
“You’re really letting this fame thing get to you, do you let the lighting guy, his name’s Stan, by the way, look in your eyes?”
“It might help if you used tricks to keep all of them straight, like…Scrawny Tawny. Or if I was trying to remember your name I would call you Colton Bolton, since your hairline is starting to recede like Michael Bolton.”
She had an entire stand-up show, a solid five, and I was a great audience.
That was another thing that I’d totally forgotten I missed about her. She was hilarious. But again, I hadn’t seen this side of her since before her dad passed away, which was over a year before she left.
I was wiping the moisture that had formed beneath my eyes when she ran out of material and offered me something to drink.
“Water would be great.”
“Comin’ right up.” She spun and padded into the tiny kitchen area.
I followed behind her for two reasons. One, was because her ass in cutoffs was my Pied Piper, I’d follow it anywhere. And two, because I wanted to spend every second I possibly could with her with as little distance between us as possible. And at this point a wall between us felt like an ocean.
She opened a cabinet and as she reached up to grab a mason jar her tank top rose, revealing a sliver of skin on her lower back. It was the exact area I used to circle my thumb over and my chest tightened even more. She lifted her left leg, balancing on her right foot and the motion tilted her perfect, rounded backside up like dessert.
My mouth went dry as the Sahara Desert and I looked down at the ground. If I didn’t, my jeans would’ve given away what I’d just been looking at and how much I’d appreciated the view.
I wouldn’t have cared at all if she were single. But, she wasn’t. This wasn’t my Bella. She was a married woman. As she filled the glass with ice and water, I dropped my gaze to my shoes. It was safer that way.
“Here you go.”
“Thank you.” I lifted my head, took the glass and took a large swig.
“No problem. I need the practice since I’m starting at The Cow tomorrow.”
Lowering the glass, I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. “You’re what?”
“Going to work at The Cow.”
“So you’re staying? Here? In Wishing Well?”
“For a little bit, yeah.”
I wanted to ask her about her daughter and her husband for two very different reasons. The first was about as far from noble as there was. I wanted to know if her husband was coming, because I wanted to be able to spend as much time alone with her as possible. But I wanted to see if her daughter was coming because it felt so wrong that she had a child I’d never even met.
But, I didn’t ask because I didn’t think it was my place.
There were questions that I did feel I had the right to ask, and that’s exactly what I was going to do.
“What happened today? In the trailer?”
She waved her hand dismissively. “I get those sometimes. It’s not a big deal.”
“It looked like a big deal.”
“Well, it’s not. But thank you for…helping me.”
“You don’t have to thank me, you know I’d do anything for you. It doesn’t matter how many years have passed, that will never change.”
Her face scrunched as if she was in pain. As if the words I spoke had caused her physical pain and I stepped forward, extending my arm.
She stepped out of my reach. “Let’s sit in the front room.”
Like I had when she walked into the kitchen, I followed behind her. She made a beeline to the chair opposite the small loveseat, slid into it and pulled her legs underneath her. I sat across from her, leaning my elbows on my knees, holding my hat between them.
“I saw today that you were distracted.”
“I was fine—” I started to defend but stopped when she pointed to her nametag.
“As I was saying,” she grinned. “You were distracted and I think that I’m part of the reason.”
“Bella, I don’t care about the sho—”
She lifted her hand. “Um, has anyone ever told you that interrupting people is rude?”
I closed my mouth and was rewarded with a smug smile.
“Alright, Bella and Colton in the living room, scene one, take three.” I couldn’t help but smile. Her expression grew serious as she continued, “I know that we need to talk. But I need some time, Colton. There’s a lot going on in my life, a lot that I don’t want to get into right now and I need some time to figure things out without any distractions. And I might not be a distraction for you, but you’re a distraction for me. So, I’m asking you to give me some time.”
I would give anything to the woman sitting in front of me, I would do anything for her, but how could she ask me for time before we could even talk? “You’ve been gone for so long, and you need time?”
“Yep.” She nodded, still smiling as if this was a positive request.
“How much time?”
“One month.”
“A month?!” I didn’t mean to raise my voice, but I was thinking she was talking about a couple days, not a month.
“Actually.” She held up her forefinger and thumb so they were parallel from each other. “A little less. Twenty-five days.”
“That’s oddly specific.”
“Your show’s finale is in twenty-five days. We can talk after that.”
“So this is about the show,” I scooted forward on the small love seat, lifting my hands. “I don’t care about the show—”
“It’s not about the show,” she argued. “It just works out that it will give me the time I need to do what I have to do.”
My jaw clenched with frustration. I hated that she was being so vague and that there was nothing I could do about it. I used to tickle her whenever she would be like this, that or kiss the information out of her. But, I couldn’t do that now. She was a married woman. I sat back and ran my fingers through my hair.
“Okay.” I conceded. “On one condition.”
Wrinkles appeared on her forehead as she smirked, tilting her head to the side. “I think you’re confusing this for a negotiation.”
I just stared back at her letting her know I was serious. Dead serious. After several seconds she sighed and her face softened. “What? What’s your condition?”
“You answer one question.” I held up my finger.
Suspicion was written all over her face. “What’s the question?”
“Are you okay?” I didn’t try to hide the gravity of the question. I did the opposite. I wanted to infuse every single thing I was feeling into those three simple but profound words.
The relief that spread across her pretty features had me wondering what exactly she thought I was going to ask her.
Her shoulders relaxed and she smiled. “I’m fi…” she fell silent mid-word.
I waited, staring into her eyes, trying to see what she felt. It was something that I’d always been able to do. Like a sixth sense. But right now, I couldn’t put my finger on what it was. I was getting too many emotions.
There was a long pause and I waited her out. There were some people that felt the need to fill long silences. I wasn’t one of those people.
After an extended beat, she blew out a puff of air in a loud sigh. Then she smiled, but it was a sad smile. “I will be.”
My heart had broken for Bella the day the police showed up at her door to inform her and her mother of the fatal car accident that had cost them a father and a husband. It had shattered for her when her mother had decided to deal with the loss by using drugs and alcohol. And it was shredded for her when she had to leave the only home she’d ever known to move thousands of miles away with an aunt she’d met only once before.
But right now, seeing that she’d made it through all that and still had the same lost, scared, but determined look in her eye demolished my heart completely.
Taking a deep breath she stared straight at me, pinning me with her gaze. “So you’ll give me a month?”
“Twenty-five days,” I corrected.
Her lips turned up in a smile as she stood and walked to the front door. “Don’t worry, the time is going to fly by. You’ll have plenty to keep you occupied.”
“I don’t want to be with any of those women.” I knew that it wasn’t appropriate to tell her that I wanted to be with her. Only her. But I felt like I at least had to make that clear.
She nodded, her smile still in place as she opened the door. “Thanks for coming by Colton.”
I didn’t want to leave, but what choice did I have? She was kicking me out. I stood and headed towards her, pausing briefly in the doorway. She was beside me and I didn’t turn my head. I couldn’t. One look in her baby blues with everything I was feeling and I couldn’t be held responsible for saying or doing something that I couldn’t take back. But before I walked out I took a deep breath and repeated, “I don’t want to be with any of those women.”
“I know.” Her voice was as soft as a whisper, but I heard it louder than if she was shouting through a bullhorn.
I stepped onto the porch and before my hat even hit my head I heard the door shut behind me. I still had no idea what was going on with Bella, but at least now I knew that she would be okay. I saw it in her eyes; she was going to be okay.