Chapter 7
Colton
“Why close the barn door after the horses are out?”
~ Papa Duke
What the hell was I thinking?
What did I think was going to happen by just showing up at Bella’s door with nothing to say except I’m sorry? That would never cover the pain I’d caused both of us. It didn’t come close to explaining my actions or regret.
Three days had passed since I’d stood on that porch like an idiot and I still couldn’t explain why I’d done what I had. In my mind I’d seen things going a lot differently. I had all this momentum and when she’d opened the door it all went away. I saw her and it was game over.
When I’d seen Bella at Cara’s reception she’d looked like Bella, but a mature version of the Bella I remembered. But when she’d opened the door at the farm, with no makeup and her wavy hair falling around her shoulders, it was more than just déjà vu, it was like I’d stepped into the past. I felt transported back in time. Bella looked exactly like she had the last time we’d stood in that very spot the day before she got on a bus for Seattle.
It was such a shock to my system that I’d stood there in stunned silence. I have no idea what she thought my odd behavior was due to, but I did know that it started off the entire interaction on the wrong foot.
There were so many things that I should’ve said. I should’ve told her that the biggest mistake of my life was letting her get on that bus. That I was an asshole for hanging up on her when she called me months later. I should’ve told her that I would do anything to change those things. I should’ve told her that as soon as Cara had graduated I went to find her. To tell her that I loved her and that I’d always loved her but I left when, after speaking to a neighbor of her aunt, I found out she was married with a child.
I should’ve asked her about her life. Her daughter. Even her husband. I should’ve asked her about her.
Instead of doing any of that, I’d fumbled over a pathetic excuse for an apology until she shut the door in my face. If I could kick my own ass, I would. I sure as hell deserved it.
“We’re back in five, four, three…”
I lifted my head and squinted as my eyes adjusted to the bright lights shining on the stage as the assistant director mouthed two, one.
“And we’re back with Colton McCord, star of Fairytale Love, Love Land, Stranded for Love and the upcoming Claiming Colton.” Monica, the entertainment correspondent of the morning talk show I was appearing on, smiled from ear to ear as an applause track played in the studio. “It’s so great to have you here. I’m a huge fan!”
“Thank you for having me.” I smiled. “It’s great to be here.”
Shifting so she was angled towards me, she took a more conversational tone as she asked, “Now, Colton this new show, it will be your fourth reality show?”
“Sixth,” I corrected her.
But who was counting.
Oh right, I was.
“Sixth? Wow.” She pretended to jot something down in her notes before looking back up, directly into the camera. “I guess you can’t always trust Wikipedia.”
A laugh track played for several seconds and I smiled, nodding my head in forced amusement. I’d already had two radio show call-ins this morning and had a half dozen more interviews to do before lunch. I wasn’t looking forward to any of it.
Press had never been my thing. I hated talking about myself and hated being asked personal questions even more. I’d done it because it was part of what you agreed to when you signed on to be part of a show. What was usually a tedious and mind-numbing experience today was excruciating and almost unbearable.
I didn’t want to be in Phoenix today, or San Francisco yesterday, or Los Angeles the day before that. I didn’t want to go to Nashville tomorrow, or Boston on Friday, or New York on Saturday, or Chicago on Sunday. I wanted it to be Monday so I could be home in Wishing Well.
Bella had promised me that she would still be there when I got back, but what if she was just saying that so I would get off her porch? Or did she really mean it at the time, but something came up and she had to leave? Or what if she’s still there but not alone? It shouldn’t matter to me if her husband was there when I get back, she’s a married woman and I would never do anything to disrespect their union.
“All right, so the first show I saw you on, where I became your biggest fan was Fairytale Love. That was the first show you did, correct?”
“Yes.”
“I loved that show!” she exclaimed. “And from the interviews you did, where they asked you why you were there, you said it was because your sister had wanted you to come? Is that true? You went on the show for your sister?”
I still hated that I’d disclosed that information. Now, I would never reveal something so personal. But I was green when I did Fairytale Love I was just answering honestly, the questions that the producers asked me. I was still honest, but I’d learned how to skirt a question or answer in a way that protected the people I loved.
“Why did she want you to do the show?”
“She loves reality television and she thought it would be fun.”
Monica looked down at her notes. “She was sick at that time, correct? Did that have anything to do with your decision to do the show?”
When I’d spoken to the segment producer before the interview I was clear that I didn’t want to discuss my sister’s health. But I knew by now, nothing was off-limits if it meant ratings, soundbites, or YouTube views. That’s all anyone wanted.
But, just because they played dirty didn’t mean I had to play with them. In Media 101, the worst thing you could do when being interviewed is give one word answers. It makes the interviewer have to work doubly hard to try to create conversation.
I tried not to let the irritation show on my face as I committed that sin. “No.”
“Really?” Her pretty face tightened, and the irritation was definitely showing. “I’m sure that’s what I’ve read on multiple different sources.”
“Well, darlin’,” I winked, turning up the southern charm a little. Interviews normally went smoother when the person asking the questions liked the person that was answering them. “It looks like they’re about as reliable as Wikipedia.”
“Touché.” Her smile was back in place. “So, you went on Fairytale Love, made it to the very end with Becca, and did not find your happily ever after. But she did with another contestant, Brian, and the two of them were just married. And I believe you attended their wedding that was held in the same castle the show was filmed in. Is that correct?”
“That’s right. I couldn’t be happier for Becca and Brian. I consider them both very good friends.”
“And then in Love Land and Stranded for Love you also made it to the finales. You were the runner up on both shows. Do you think this time it will be different?”
No. What Monica and none of the other viewers knew was, in both of those situations, I’d told the women that I was “dating” that I wasn’t the guy. Wasn’t their guy, anyway. I’d never want to embarrass someone on television, and I thought it was only fair that they went into the finales knowing where I stood.
“They say the third times the charm, right? Yes, I do plan on making it to a finale once again if that’s what you’re asking.” In interviews, deflection was my best friend.
The laugh track played again. When it stopped, Monica tilted her head to the side with a thoughtful expression on her face. “I’m sure you will. But tell me, Colton do you really believe you can find love on a television show?”
No.
“I think you can find love anywhere. At the grocery store, the bank, an airport, even online.” Vague answers were the best answers in my book.
“If it’s that easy, why haven’t you found love yet?”
I have.
Bella’s big blue eyes, her long blonde hair and pink lips flashed in my head. I was here to do a job, and my job was to promote the show. In all the years I’d been doing press, I’d managed never to lie. I didn’t plan on starting now, especially not about Bella.
I went with deflection, AKA lie alternative. “Who says I haven’t?”
A light flashed and I knew that meant that it was time for a commercial break, which prevented Monica from asking a follow-up question. I could see that it bothered her, but she was a professional. “On that mysterious note, I want to thank our guest Colton McCord for coming into the studio today. Check your local listings for Claiming Colton and stay tuned, coming up is lifestyle expert Susy Ramos and she is here to share her secrets to managing your morning. Five tips that will get you and your kids out the door on time.”
The applause track played once more and I stood as the sound tech rushed up to the stage to take off my mic. Monica stayed seated as the makeup artist applied touchups. As soon as my mic was removed I nodded towards Monica. “Thanks again for having me.”
“What are you doing tonight?” She stood, knocking the makeup artist back.
The young woman stumbled backwards, her feet slipping out from beneath her. She would’ve ended up falling off the stage right on her backside if I hadn’t reached out and caught her.
“Thank you.” She looked visibly shook, but she immediately turned back to Monica and dabbed her face with a large brush.
Monica stood mere inches away and acted oblivious to the entire situation. “Are you busy tonight?” She licked her lips before leaning forward and whispering in my ear, “I can give you a VIP tour of Phoenix.”
I moved my arm away from her. “Thanks, but I’ve got an early flight.”
“We’re back in two,” the AD called out as he lifted up his fingers, indicating the number of minutes until the commercial break was over.
As I was stepping down off the platform, she slipped her card into my hand and whispered, “Call me the next time you’re in town.”
On my way back to the dressing room I crumpled it up and threw it away. I had no more interest in calling her than I did meeting the women that were going to be on the show. There was only one woman I wanted. One woman I’d ever wanted, and I feared one woman I would ever want.