Chapter 28
Bella
“If ya try to tell yourself you don’t want somethin’, dollars to donuts you’ll want it more.”
~ Papa Duke
I smiled back at him as a thrill ran through me.
I could’ve just turned around on my own, placed my palms against the bales of hay, pulled my skirt up, and I was sure that he would’ve gotten the idea.
But I didn’t want to do that. This could be the last time that we would be together and I wanted to tell him exactly how I wanted this to play out. I wanted to feel his hands on my body, moving me and manipulating me. I wanted to feel his fingers digging into my soft flesh. I wanted to feel him taking charge, taking what he wanted. Taking me.
I’d had enough of steering the ship with no one but myself to depend on. It was enough. More than enough. In this, at least, I wanted to surrender control and let someone else, someone who was strong and capable and authoritative, take the reins.
Heat flared in his hazel irises as his large hands fastened firmly around my hips and spun me around to face away from him in a move that was even faster and smoother than I could’ve ever imagined. I gasped aloud and felt my core tighten.
Yep. This was exactly what I wanted.
I heard the clank of his buckle and the rustling of fabric, but refused to turn and look. I didn’t want to track his progress. I didn’t want to know exactly what was coming next. I wanted him to be completely in charge, and I wanted a little bit of the element of surprise.
I heard tearing paper and assumed that was the condom wrapper. Tingles ran in waves up and down the skin of my arms, back, belly—basically everywhere. The anticipation was so thick and real and strong that it seemed almost like an outside force, rather than a feeling that was coming from inside my own body.
Finally, the feathery sensation of my light cotton sundress moving up over my skin hit the back of my thighs and I drew in a deep breath and closed my eyes to try to still my rapidly-beating heart. My fingers curled into the hay we were pressed against. The sweet-smelling straw filled my senses with sight, touch, and aroma. I had a feeling that it would be a very long time before I could come in contact with it again and not feel powerfully turned on at the memory of this moment. Even if I didn’t make a point to reminisce about it, I knew that flashes of memory would ignite in my mind unbidden.
I had barely had time to process Colton’s firm grip on my hips, the way his fingers dug into the soft flesh and pulled me back towards him, before his thick, hard flesh was driving into me. He stretched out my walls, making me feel tight against him.
I squeezed as hard as I could during every stroke, never wanting the incredible sensation to end, wanting to get the most intense pleasure I could from it while it was happening.
God, why did it have to be like this…always savoring each moment together, each feeling, each touch because it could be our last time? Melancholy threatened, deep in my soul. Why couldn’t things be easy for us? If they were that would mean being able to enjoy this connection, this pleasure, every day of my life from now on.
It was so tempting.
But then, all thoughts of anything other than what I felt in that moment were driven out of my mind as Colton leaned forward and wrapped his strong arms around me, holding me up as he drove into me again and again. He used one of his hands to play with my nipples while the other dipped to where we were joined and softly caressed my pleasure nub. The combination caused an earthquake at the epicenter of my being, one I couldn’t control. It took over my entire body.
It wasn’t just physical sensation. It was so much more than that. I felt so cared for, so protected, so loved. It allowed my soul to rise up and break free of the bonds that held me back for so long. More tears slipped from my eyes, but they weren’t sad ones this time. They were tears of freedom, of relief after having been so scared for so long.
I didn’t know what this awakening meant in terms of the future but I didn’t care. It wasn’t that I was beyond caring. Far from it. It was more that I was filled with a deep sensation that, no matter what the future held, I would be all right. We would be all right. Everyone would be all right.
When I moaned my words of encouragement, telling him not to stop and expressing how good he made me feel, he had no way of knowing that it meant so much more than just what his strokes were doing to my body. I meant what they were doing to my soul, too.
He tightened his hold around me, tilting my hips so that he could get even deeper penetration than he already was. I wanted nothing more than to have him buried so deep inside me that he completely filled me up, leaving no room for anything else. Not doubt, not fear. Not uncertainty. Nothing but the sweet feeling of him in me, driving hard and deep and fast.
He whispered words in my ear, words of love, words of need, words of desire as he continued showering my breasts with attention while at the same time rubbing small circles around my most sensitive erogenous zone as he continued to thrust in and out of me. He struck a hypnotic rhythm, and before I knew it I was moving my hips in time with it. Every time he thrust forward, I leaned back to meet him. Every time he buried himself inside me, I squeezed my inner walls around him in perfect time with his pumps.
Then, without warning, he broke the rhythm. He didn’t thrust forward when I would’ve expected him to, and when I reached my hand back to touch him, to see what happened, I realized that he’d actually taken a full step backward.
I turned my head around, looking over my shoulder to see if I could meet his gaze and when I did, he grasped me around the waist with both hands and spun me around to face him. In one quick movement—so quick, in fact, that I was off my feet before I could even really process what was happening—he had picked me up and pushed me back against the bale of hay that my palms had just been using as a brace.
“I want to see you when I make you come.”
My eyes widened, and I drew in a sharp breath, but I was beyond being completely surprised. Colton was so take charge and so unexpected that I’d kind of gotten used to the idea that if I would just go along for the ride, he would have nothing but pleasurable surprises in store for me.
On instinct I wrapped my arms and legs around him and he slid his hands down to support me by cupping my ass and holding me up. He took advantage of that additional control to move my pelvis so that he was positioned perfectly at my entrance.
I closed my eyes and hummed low in my throat as he lowered my body down over his shaft so, so slowly. I threw my head back in pleasure—well, as far as I could, anyway. I was pressed so tightly up against the hay that my movements were slightly limited.
But I kind of liked that. I liked the feeling of being trapped there, cocooned between Colton and the heavy bale of hay. I felt safe there. I could feel every ripple of the strong muscles in his arms that were wrapped around me. Feel every flex in his back where my calves were pressed up against him. Feel every jump of his pecs where his chest was pressed so tightly against my breasts.
In that position, I was hyperaware of the power he wielded, both in the strength of his muscles and the strength of his character. And it drove the point home yet again that I knew he would only ever use that power to protect me. Never again to hurt me. I was scared, sure. But deep down I knew what the truth was, and if I was honest with myself, I probably had all along.
When push came to shove, Colton would take care of me.
I felt a powerful orgasm building inside of me. I wanted to let go and just feel. I felt a fresh wave of heat wash over me at the idea. My inner walls clenching around him as my fingers dug into his strong shoulders.
“I’m close,” I gasped. “I’m gonna…come….”
“Yes, baby. Now. Come for me.”
That was all the encouragement I needed. A rolling wave of ecstasy spread from deep in my belly outward. A silent cry ripped from deep in my chest as I clung to him as my orgasm raged on and on.
Then, as suddenly as the orgasm had hit me, all of that electric energy drained right out of my body. While I generally came down from that erotic high gradually, like a song that faded slowly out at the end, this time it was completely different. One minute, every muscle in my body was clenched around Colton, and the next, they were all as limp as overcooked spaghetti noodles.
My legs lost every bit of strength in them first, and seconds later, my arms followed. I was a limp doll in his embrace.
“I got ya, baby,” he whispered in my ear as he pulled me even tighter against his chest. “I got ya. Don’t worry.”
His words hit my heart like a dagger. They resonated with me, all the way down to my soul. What a relief it would be not to worry. And what a wonderful reason to be given that sweet relief. Colton had me.
I thought about all the things that entailed. That he loved me. That he would take care of me. That he would protect me. That I could depend on him, no matter what.
And, yeah. Those things were true. My heart had always known it. It had taken my head a while to catch up. But I wasn’t sure that that would change anything. If Sadie was that upset about her dad, well her stepdad, moving on, there was no way she would be ready for me to move on…especially with her other dad. And that, by far, was the most heartbreaking thing of all.