Though I didn’t think it was possible, my throat grew dryer as I watched the waiter pour my third mimosa. They were delicious and helped me pass the time while waiting for Joel to arrive. I didn’t know why I’d agreed to have brunch with him—we never really hung out outside of work anymore—but if it meant getting a break from Taylor then it was worth it. Plus, mimosas.

We’d picked a cute little French-style diner called Le Petit Déjeuner in the heart of the city. Joel and I used to come here often when we were younger and more full of ourselves, but it’d been years since we last visited. I was surprised at how nostalgic I felt sitting at a table by the window and watching people shuffle off to wherever it was they were going. In a city of constant chaos and change, and in the midst of a shit ton of change in my own life, it was comforting to sit and gather my thoughts in a restaurant that decidedly hadn’t changed.

“Merci,” I said when the waiter finished and he smiled at me.

“De rien,” he said. “Should I fill another?” he asked as he pointed to the other, empty glass flute that would be Joel’s whenever he showed up. It wasn’t like him to be this late.

“Sure, s’il vous plaît,” I said.

“Bien sûr,” he said and filled it to the brim. “Would you like a few more minutes before you order?”

“Yes, please,” I said and the waiter nodded and left. I checked my watch. I’d been waiting for over fifteen minutes but I wasn’t bothered as much as I normally would’ve been. Joel’s delay kept me away from Taylor, and it also kept alcohol in my system so I couldn’t really complain.

“God, I’m so sorry,” Joel said. I was halfway through my mimosa when he bounded into the restaurant and collapsed into the chair across from me.

“Where the hell have you been?” I asked, annoyed only because my moment of peace and quiet was broken.

“I completely forgot I’d even agreed to meet you for brunch until my phone alerted me to the fact I was supposed to be here like ten minutes ago.”

“Way to go,” I laughed.

“Is this for me?” he asked, pointing at the glass in front of him full of bubbly, orange deliciousness.

“Yup. Cheers,” I said, tilting my glass toward him. He picked his up and clinked it against mine.

“Cheers,” he said and we both took a deep swig. “So, what was so urgent you had to call this private meeting of the minds? Did I do something wrong?”

“What? No, of course not. Honestly, I haven’t been paying much attention at all to the site since I started the thing with Taylor,” I said and he raised his eyebrows.

“Well, I’m glad to hear I didn’t do anything wrong. I’ve been trying so hard to keep things running.”

“You’re doing fine, Joel. The fact I can even forget about the site for a while says a lot about your skill,” I said and a large, goofy grin bloomed on his face.

“Thanks,” he said. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you praise me for something, you know.”

“Oh, come on. You make it sound like I’m some sort of asshole dictator.”

“You’re not a dictator. But you can be a bit of a dick sometimes,” he said with a smile.

“True, and I see what you did there,” I laughed. “But you really are the best guy I’ve got, Joel. As much as your level head gets on my nerves sometimes, I have to admit The Flame wouldn’t be where it is without it.”

“Thanks. I appreciate it and all, but somehow I doubt you asked me to meet you here so you could kiss my ass. That’s not your style,” he said and I laughed.

“You’re right. God, I’m sorry, I don’t mean to burden you with even more crap, but I’ve got something else going on and I didn’t know who else I could talk to,” I said.

“Is everything OK?” he asked.

“Yeah, things are fine. The project is moving along, but there are some, well, unexpected complications.”

“What does that mean?” he asked as he took another deep sip of his mimosa, as if he were trying to prepare himself for what I was about to say. Probably not a bad idea, I thought, so I did the same.

“Taylor wants to have dinner with me,” I said.

“OK, so?”

“That’s it? So?” I asked, incredulous that he didn’t see the major problem with that.

“Business partners have dinner together all the time. It’s not unusual.”

“Maybe. But do business partners also kiss each other before agreeing to go to dinner together?”

“What?!” Joel shouted and instantly I felt dozens of eyes on us.

“Shut up,” I hissed. “Fuck, Joel. Where’s your rational head when I need it?”

“Sorry, I’m just… Really surprised,” he said.

“How do you think I felt?”

“I don’t understand. How did something like that even happen?”

“I have no idea. Don’t get me wrong, I still hate Taylor, and I probably hate him even more for putting me in this position, but what am I supposed to do?”

“Back way the hell up. Tell me exactly what happened first,” he said and I sighed. I’d been reliving the moment over and over in my head since it happened so I didn’t really want to bring it back to the surface, but I did owe him an explanation.

“He was at my house. Yesterday morning. He showed up without the crew, just him and his pen and paper. I was really surprised by that to start with, but he said it was just so there wouldn’t be as much pressure on me, so we could talk without cameras in our faces. I thought, OK, sure, fair enough, and let him in.”

“That was your first mistake.”

“Yeah, no shit,” I said and pushed the hair out of my eyes and back to the top of my head.

“Then what happened?”

“He asked me some… pointed personal questions.”

“About the thing with Brandon?” Joel asked.

“Yeah. He knows the trumped-up version I had in my speech since he was there when I gave it. Anyway, he pressed me for details on what happened with Brandon and I shut him down because it was none of his business and I didn’t want that ending up in the show.”

“OK… So then how did we go from that to the two of you kissing?”

“That’s when things got really weird. He said… He said he thought the real reason I was doing this stuff with The Flame was because I'd been hurt by love and I wanted to get back at the world for it.”

“Whoa,” Joel said, his eyes wide.

“Yeah, my thoughts exactly. I told him he had no idea what he was talking about and he got all huffy and decided to leave because I wasn’t playing ball with him. In other words, I didn’t fall for his trap and it pissed him off. So as he’s about to leave he asks if he can ask me one more question. Then he fucking kissed me and asked me if it made me feel anything,” I said through a laugh. It sounded so absurd when I said it out loud, like something I might’ve read in a grocery store romance novel.

“Holy shit,” Joel said with a smirk. “So, did you feel anything?” he asked and I hesitated for a moment. I had to be careful how I handled this because I didn’t want Joel to think I was falling off the deep end—even if Taylor and his behavior were making me a little crazy.

“Yes and no,” I said.

“What the hell does that mean?”

“Exactly what I said. I felt surprised and kind of impressed by his directness, but the kiss itself didn’t really do much for me,” I lied. Even telling him about it now, my skin lit up with goosebumps and I had to fight back the shiver I felt. As much as I’d tried to convince myself that it was a purely physical reaction to the kiss and there weren’t any feelings associated with it, it wasn’t working.

“Wow… So, are you gonna go through with it?”

“Go through with what?”

“The date,” he said. Thanks to the vivid memory of the kiss, I’d completely forgotten what we’d been talking about.

“Yeah, probably. But it’s not a date.”

“You never cease to amaze me,” Joel laughed as he shook his head. “‘It’s not a date’? Please.”

“It’s not. He asked me to dinner.”

“He also kissed you. And why do you think he did that? So he could get you to go to dinner and talk to you about advanced marketing techniques? This is absolutely a date.”

“OK, so what if it is? What’s wrong with that?”

“Oh, nothing. It’s not like your career’s future is riding on this partnership with NewSpin or anything. No big deal,” Joel said.

“It’s just dinner, Joel. It’s not like I’m going to marry the guy.”

“Then what are you going to do? Like, what’s the point of all this? I thought you hated Taylor.” I used to think so too, I thought.

“Well, maybe he’s not as bad as I thought he was.”

“No way. I can’t believe this. You’ve done nothing but talk crap about Taylor for months, and then you wanted to rub his face in the dirt after he had his little meltdown with you, and now you want to date him? I’m so confused.”

“Well, at least I’m not the only one,” I said. “But it doesn’t have to mean anything. We’ll have a nice dish, share some drinks, chat a bit, and that’ll be the end of it,” I continued, knowing even as I said it that it almost certainly wouldn’t be the end of it. Joel looked like he might flip the table at any second.

“You know damn well it won’t be the end of it. I know you too well to believe that,” he said. “You’ve got feelings for him, don’t you?”

“Maybe,” I said as he sighed and held his head in his hands. Maybe it was the alcohol talking. Or maybe it was real. I honestly couldn’t tell anymore and I was sick of trying to make sense of something that didn’t make a bit of sense in the first place.

“Unreal. This isn’t happening. This is some nightmare or some comedic relief part of your documentary, isn’t it? Where are the cameras?” Joel said, looking around the restaurant and drawing even more attention to the two of us.

“As much as I wish it wasn’t, it’s real. It’s not a prank. You know, when we started this, all I wanted was to make sure I destroyed Taylor. Now I just want to sleep with him.”

“I don’t get this. Like, at all.”

“I don’t really get it, either. Maybe it’s because we hate each other and that’s causing some weird sexual tension or something, but whatever it is, there’s definitely something between us. Some sort of charged energy.”

“That’s probably what makes the two of you so good together on TV… But that’s on TV. This is real life we’re talking about here. For God’s sake, Kile, if people find out about this it could bring everything crashing down. At least tell me you’re having your little date out of the public eye. Please tell me you’ve thought that far ahead.”

“Well…”

“God damn it,” Joel swore. He rarely cursed.

“Listen, we struck a bit of a deal. He wanted to have dinner at his place—with the camera crew, just to be safe—but I thought being at his house would be too weird. He said he’d meet me at a restaurant if I agreed to drop the cameras, so I agreed.”

“As if it wasn’t bad enough that this date is happening in the first place, now you want to do it in a public place for the whole world to see? Kile, have you lost your mind? If people see you without the crew—and they’re definitely going to, you two are all everyone’s talking about still—they’re going to start talking, even if there really isn’t anything going on.”

“So what? Let them talk. It’s good press, good buildup for the show before it airs. Besides, it’s no secret we’re working together thanks to NewSpin’s constant pre-promo of the show, and I think I’ve done a pretty good job of convincing everyone that Taylor and I are trying to patch things up.”

“I know, I know, but think about how this is going to look. If you had the camera crew with you no one would think anything was weird about it, but the two of you at a restaurant together without anyone else? What if someone decides to snap a picture or something? As a friend, I have to say I think you’re making a big mistake, Kile,” Joel said. “I mean, what happens if things go beyond this one date and then they later go south?”

“I appreciate the concern, but you’re jumping the gun a bit here, Joel,” I said. “We haven’t even had one date yet. For all I know, nothing at all’s going to happen. If Taylor is anything like I think he is, it’ll probably be dry and boring as hell. So let’s not jump to conclusions.”

“Does Lee know?”

“I don’t think so, no,” I said. Truthfully, I hadn’t even thought about Lee and what he might think of all of this.

“Good,” Joel sighed. “Keep it that way. Maybe in that regard it’s good that the crew won’t be there. I’ve heard he likes to stir the pot. Anyway, I don’t get whatever this thing is between you and Taylor, but I know you well enough to know nothing I say is going to stop you.”

“It’s gonna be fine, Joel. Remember, there’s a method to my madness,” I said with a wink.

“I’m sure there is. I just wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I didn’t at least try to talk some sense into you.”

“Lord knows you’ve never hesitated to do that.”

“Whatever else happens, just… Be careful. Can you promise me that?”

“I promise,” I said, knowing even as I said it that the strength of the promise was shaky at best.

“I guess that’s the best I can hope for,” Joel sighed. “Look, I’ve gotta get back to the office. Keep me posted,” he said and I only nodded at him and let him go.

I’d hoped meeting with Joel would help me feel better about the dinner date with Taylor, but after he left I felt ten times worse. Then again, what did I expect? I should’ve known better than to think Joel would be cheerleading this development. He wasn’t wrong to think I was acting crazy.

I didn’t have the slightest idea what I was getting into by going on this date with Taylor—and I didn’t know what his motive was for asking me. What I did know was that my feelings about him seemed to be changing by the day. Still, I felt confident I could keep whatever was going on inside me separate from the date itself. At the very least it would be a good opportunity to get inside of Taylor’s head a little bit more, see what made him tick, so that spending time with him on the clock wouldn’t be so taxing going forward. It’d tell me which signs to watch out for, how to dodge his tactics.

As a matter of fact, I thought, maybe I need to do just that before the dinner itself is supposed to go down. My brain immediately jumped into gear, thinking of ways I might be able to get the two of us alone that wouldn’t be conspicuous. According to the calendar app on my phone, tomorrow morning was wide open. Bingo, I thought, and created a new event to mark myself as busy and a reminder to call Jeff in the morning before he got to the house.

Still, even as I put together a good cover story, I knew that no matter what happened I couldn’t afford to let my guard all the way down with Taylor—not tomorrow, not during dinner on Friday, not ever—no matter how hard he tried to convince me I could.