The next morning, I felt like I’d been run over by a bus thanks to a lack of sleep and an increasing amount of anxiety, and the fluorescent lights that beamed down in my face when I stepped into the NewSpin offices certainly weren’t helping me feel any better.

The sleep I had gotten was tortured at best. I couldn’t stop thinking about Kile and what we’d done in the alley the night before. It was reckless and irresponsible—but also hot as hell.

I felt out of control in a way that I hadn’t for as long as I could remember. Kile seemed to have that kind of effect on me. Whatever hang-ups or reservations I had about doing something, Kile seemed to be able to get me to let them fall by the wayside.

But once I was alone again, lying in my own bed and trying to sleep, all of my fears and rationality came screaming back. After tossing and turning to try and get comfortable, I’d be just on the verge of going out when suddenly I’d jerk awake from a nightmare I hadn’t even realized I’d started having. In the dream, we were the top story on the news: A-listers cited for indecent exposure, photos of the two of us engaged in our little pastime plastered all over televisions everywhere. After experiencing the nightmare three separate times, not even several glasses of scotch seemed to be able to quiet my mind.

I must’ve fallen asleep at some point, though, because I’d woken up that morning to a screaming alarm clock and a pounding headache—probably from too little sleep and too much scotch.

“Dude, I’ve been waiting for you!” Dylan shouted, leaping from his desk chair when he saw me coming. My head pounded at the sound of his voice.

“Jesus, not so loud,” I said, massaging my temples.

“Long night?” he asked, eyeing me suspiciously.

“Yeah but not because I was doing anything crazy. Had trouble sleeping,” I said.

“Is that because you were up all night screwing Avery?” he asked and my heart leapt into my throat.

“Shut up. Shut the hell up,” I hissed.

“I was just kidding, relax,” he said.

“It’s not a joke. You can’t joke about that. Not now, not ever.”

“Alright, alright. No one heard anyway.”

“That’s not the point.”

“So were you with Avery, then?” he asked and I gave him a stern look. “Dude, you can trust me. I’m not going to say anything. I’m just curious.”

“We spent the weekend together, yeah,” I said reluctantly. “But that’s strictly between us.”

“Understood. So things are going well, then?”

“They’re going very well,” I said, a smile splitting my face.

“Does that mean what I think it does?”

“I plead the fifth,” I answered and Dylan punched me in the shoulder.

“Fuck yeah, dude. You’re totally like a cougar or a panther or whatever the hell they call it these days. Or are they calling your type a daddy now?”

“Dylan, please stop talking,” I sighed.

“Sorry. I get carried away sometimes.”

“I’ve noticed. Anyway, you’re awfully animated this morning. What’s got you all excited?”

“You mean you haven’t heard yet?” Dylan asked.

“Heard what?” I asked and he laughed before pointing at the computer monitor on his desk. I scanned the headline on the page and felt my heart leap. Walker Matthews confirms creation of political action committee (PAC) for possible presidential run, it said.

“No way,” I whispered, rubbing my eyes with my fists to make sure I wasn’t misreading things.

“Yes, way,” Dylan said through a smirk. “Can you even believe this?”

“I’m dreaming, aren’t I?” I asked and Dylan reached over and pinched my forearm, hard.

“Ow, what the hell?!”

“Nope, definitely not dreaming,” he said. “Believe it, dude. Walker Matthews is gonna run for president. The first openly gay man to ever do so.”

“Wait, why are you telling me this?”

“I thought you’d want to know since you were the first openly gay cable news anchor,” he said.

“Stay off my Wikipedia page,” I said and he laughed.

“Dude, everyone knows that.”

“And stop calling me dude. I’m not one of your little buddies.”

“Got it, sir,” he said with a wink and my blood pressure skyrocketed.

“Nevermind, dude is fine,” I sighed as I sank into Dylan’s chair to read the headline over and over again. I couldn’t wrap my head around it. Walker and I were friends, we had been for years. We’d gone to college together. He’d always joked about how funny it would be if he and I were to become the first openly gay anything, given the respective paths of fame we were both dreaming of at the time, but I never thought he’d actually run for president.

“This doesn’t necessarily mean anything,” I said. “Lots of people start PACs for a run and never actually go through with it when they realize they can’t get the money.”

“Dude, whatever. This is Walker Matthews of Maryland. People love him. He’s absolutely going to get the money and he’s absolutely going to run,” Dylan said, crouching down beside me to point at the monitor. “Besides, look at this. He’s already raised a couple million dollars from individual donations.”

“We have to interview him,” I said as a matter of fact. “I know Walker, and I’m sure if I reached out to his team as a part of NewSpin they’d say yes,” I continued and Dylan looked at me with a stupid smile on his face.

“See, I told you bigger things would come your way if you just kept your head down and did what Lee asked you to,” he said.

“Speaking of… What do you think the odds are that he’ll let me do this?”

“Honestly, I have no idea. I kinda hoped he’d let me send a request for an interview but if you want it, it’s all yours. I think it’d be great to see you interview him and it’d show the world that you’re still a great journalist and not the unhinged, senile old man they think you are,” he said. “No offense.”

“None taken,” I laughed.

“Lee’s in his office now. Why don’t you go ask him?”

“I’m not sure. I’d kinda like to gather some stuff to make a case for myself first. He’s going to have gripes about conflict of interest, especially once I tell him I used to be good friends with Walker.”

“Oh, ouch. Yeah, that’s probably not gonna go over well. When was the last time you talked to him?”

“It’s been years. I kinda swore that off once I took my role at The Edge since he was in Congress at the time.”

“Was he ever on your show?”

“No, for the same reason. My producer would never have allowed it.”

“Does Lee have to know you two were friends?” he asked and I eyed him for a moment.

“Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

“I didn’t say anything, you just heard what you wanted to hear,” Dylan said.

“Smart kid. But yeah, I guess you’re right, there’s only one way to find out,” I said.

“Wait, what about the documentary?” Dylan asked.

“What about it?”

“Well, what happens to it if you start to cover Matthews? This mini-series documentary thing is like Lee’s baby so I doubt he’s going to just let it wither.”

“Good point,” I said. I hadn’t really considered that but it was still early and my mind was foggy. Part of me didn’t really care what happened to the series because if I got removed from it, it would make my life infinitely easier.

Still, I didn’t really want to bail out on Kile, especially now that we were more than coworkers, but I doubted our ability to keep things under wraps after our near miss interview yesterday. If I was being honest, it was only a matter of time before one of us slipped and the entire crew found out we were seeing each other, so putting some distance between us professionally might do us both some good.

“All I can do is ask,” I said, almost more thinking out loud than making a statement.

“Good luck,” Dylan said. “Can I have my seat back now? The floor’s not so good for my knees.”

“I’ll resist the urge to crack that joke,” I said and he laughed.

“Good idea,” he said as I stood and rolled the chair over to him. I saw Lee with his feet once again kicked up on the desk and the phone wedged between his shoulder and his ear. I couldn’t lie to Lee about my history with Walker but god damn I wanted this interview. It would do wonders for my profile and it would bring a lot of attention to NewSpin, too. I just had to make him see that. I took a deep breath and set off for his office.

Outside, I knocked three times softly to avoid interrupting his conversation. He looked up, his face beamed when he saw me, and he waved me in immediately.

“I’ll call you back in a few. My rockstar is here and wants to talk to me. Alright, later,” Lee said into the phone before he hung it up. “Jeff, my man! How are you?” he asked as he leapt up from his chair and offered me a hand. I shook it, hoping that any small measure of humoring him might help me bolster my case.

“I’m doing well. Didn’t sleep so well last night but I guess that’s just part of getting older, huh?” I asked and he chuckled.

“Sure as hell is. I’m glad to hear you say that, though. You look a little rough and I was worried for a second.”

“No need to worry. I’ll bounce back soon enough. It’s nothing an early night to bed won’t fix.”

“Alright, if you say so. So, what brings you in? Everything OK with Avery?”

“Oh, yeah. No problems there at all,” I lied. Truthfully, the entire situation had become nothing but a set of problems but he didn’t need to know any of that.

“Good, good. Then what can I do for you?” he asked.

“Look, Lee, I, uh… I have a favor to ask.”

“For you? Anything,” he said with a smile as he sat back down. “Please, take a seat. You’re making me nervous standing over me all serious like that.” I sat down across from him and rested my forearms on his desk. “What is it?” he asked.

“I’d like to request an interview with someone,” I said and he eyed me for a moment before leaning back in his chair and smirking at me.

“Oh yeah? With whom?”

“Someone big. Someone important. It could be huge for me and for NewSpin.”

“Spit it out, Jeff. You don’t have to be bashful with me.”

“I want to interview Walker Matthews,” I said, my heart pounding in my chest in anticipation of the ‘no way in hell’ he was sure to give me.

“I had a feeling you might be talking to me about him today,” Lee said, resting his hands on his stomach.

“You did? Why?”

“Well, he’s probably going to be the first openly gay presidential candidate and everyone knows your story, so it fits that you’d want to interview him. I think it’s a great idea,” he said.

“Is this where the magic ‘but’ comes in?” I asked and he laughed.

“It is. It’s a great idea but not right now,” he finished and I felt my entire body deflate.

“Why not? This is the perfect time.”

“Except for the fact that you’re in the thick of an assignment and it’s still early on in the election cycle. The campaign season hasn’t even really started yet. There’ll be plenty of time to talk to Matthews later,” he said.

“No, then it’ll be too late. He’ll be swamped with press junkets and debates and everything else that comes along with an election. Now’s the right time to do this. Lee, I know Walker, I’m sure he’ll grant us an exclusive. Think about the kind of attention something like that would bring NewSpin. The press would eat it up and it would—”

“No, Jeff. The answer is no,” Lee interrupted. I sat and stared at him for a moment, my mind a loud buzz of anger and confusion. “You’re going to finish the project with Avery. I don’t want any distractions. No more than there already are,” he said and a chill ran down my spine. What did he mean by that? “The attention we stand to gain from the show will trump anything Matthews might bring us. Besides, you sank yourself the instant you said you were friends with Matthews. I can’t have that kind of conflict of interest.”

“But the conflict of interest I have with Avery isn’t a problem? That makes perfect sense,” I snapped. He gave me a half-smirk and shook his head.

“I guess the lack of sleep made you cranky too, huh?” he asked and it took all I had not to unleash on him. “Jesus, Jeff, I’m joking with you. Can’t I do that?”

“Sorry, I guess I’m still a little out of it. It’s been a rough morning,” I said and it wasn’t untrue. Still, I felt my resolve slipping away by the moment. Lee was never going to let me interview Walker, and I probably should’ve known it from the outset, but I had to try.

“No hard feelings, I get it. You’re working hard and I appreciate it. Speaking of things with Avery, how’s that going? You’re on the home stretch now, aren’t you?”

“Yeah, I guess I am. It’s gone by so fast,” I said. Though not fast enough, I added in my head. I was grateful for what had blossomed between Kile and me, but with each passing day I grew more scared about the consequences. I didn’t want out, far from it, I just wanted the tension to pass. So the sooner I finished the documentary and the sooner it was out in the world, the better. In that case, maybe Lee was right to keep me focused on the documentary.

“It sure has. The editing team is doing a fantastic job with what you’ve gotten. They had a field day with the speech Avery gave at the university and I can’t wait to see the audience reaction to that,” Lee said.

“Same here.”

“The chemistry you two have on screen is mind-blowing. Seriously, it’s almost like you’ve been rehearsing this stuff or something,” Lee said and my heart started to race again just as it had calmed down. What is he trying to say? I wondered. I searched his face for a hint of something to tell me he knew what I feared he did, but I found nothing.

“We’re definitely not rehearsing. Kile lets me in when he deems fit and gives me the boot as soon as we’re done,” I said.

“That sounds like him. Still, it’s hard to believe you two don’t do any kind of planning or that you aren’t collaborating somehow off camera. I really couldn’t have picked anyone better to square off against Avery,” he said. “Seriously, I’m so fucking happy with how this is turning out.”

“Thanks,” I said. “Dylan told me you were geeked about it but I didn’t think you were this excited.”

“So, how about this? If you promise me you’ll stay focused on Avery and knock this thing out of the park like I know you will, I promise you I’ll let you branch out of the box and do some political reporting. Deal?” Lee asked, holding his hand out for me to shake on it. I stared at it for a moment, wondering if he had any intention to hold up his end of the bargain.

“Deal,” I said, grasping his hand and applying more pressure than was necessary.

“Good,” he said with a smile before shaking his hand out of my grip. “Anything else you need to talk about?”

“No, that was it. Thanks for the time, Lee,” I said.

“My door’s always open for my rockstar,” he said and I smiled and nodded at him before showing myself out of his office. When the door clicked shut behind me I let out the breath I’d been holding. Does he know about me and Kile? Or am I being paranoid? I thought as I walked back to Dylan’s desk.

“How’d it go?” Dylan asked without looking up from his computer when I stepped up beside him.

“About as well as you guessed it would,” I sighed.

“Bummer,” he said, finally looking up at me with a frown. “Can’t say I’m surprised, though.”

“Neither can I. Oh well, at least I tried.”

“It’s all you can do and I guess that leaves more for me.”

“What?”

“Dude, I told you. I’m all over this Matthews story. I’ve been building toward it since you started here.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because there was no way in hell Lee would give the story to me over you and I had a feeling you might want in on it once you found out,” he said. “Now it’s anyone’s game.”

“I hope you get it,” I said and I meant it. I couldn’t explain why but I’d really taken a liking to Dylan and I wanted to see him succeed. An exclusive with Matthews would work wonders for his career and hopefully get him the hell out of NewSpin. His talent and smarts deserved better.

“Thanks. Did Lee say anything about later on down the road for you? You know, once the thing with Avery is over?”

“Yeah, he said he might let me branch out a bit but of course it all hinges on the documentary.”

“Well, that’s something at least.”

“Yeah, but it’s not much.”

“Hey, beggars can’t be choosers, dude,” he said and I laughed. “I know because I still am one.”

Yeah, and evidently so am I, I thought bitterly.