I woke before sunrise the next morning, the same way I always did. Kile was out cold and I couldn’t help looking at his body in the faint light. Even without being able to see it in detail, I loved what was visible. He was muscled and it was obvious he took care of himself, something I didn’t have nearly enough time to appreciate during our romp, but he also didn’t seem to be as obsessed with himself as I originally assumed.

I can’t believe I slept with this Adonis last night, I thought, shaking my head. It’d truly been out of this world and taken us to an entirely new place, but I didn’t feel any regret or shame for having done it. There were a lot of questions that would need to be answered now that we’d crossed into this, whatever it was, but they didn’t need to be answered right away. In fact, it might be better for both of us if they weren’t answered at all.

The bed creaked as I climbed out of it as quietly as I could. I didn’t want to wake him, not at this ungodly hour, but I knew I would never be able to fall back asleep, so I grabbed my clothes from the floor in the living room and had just slipped them on when I heard rustling coming from the bedroom.

“Jeff?” Kile called. Shit, I thought. I walked back and found him sitting up in bed, the comforter pulled over his naked body, which was now fully illuminated thanks to the bedside light he’d flipped on. Seeing it again, even a tiny bit of it, aroused me and I had to fight the urge to climb back into bed and recreate our evening together all over again.

“You OK?” I asked.

“Yeah. You going somewhere?”

“Oh, I was gonna go grab us some coffee and maybe breakfast or something,” I said and he looked around the room for a clock.

“What time is it?”

“Just after 4 AM.”

“You’re insane. It’s a Saturday. Why are you even awake?”

“I told you, I can’t really sleep past 4. Bad habit, I guess.”

“It should be illegal to be awake at this hour.”

“You can go back to sleep. I’ll bring you something.”

“No, I want to go with you,” he said, throwing the covers off himself. My cock twitched at the sight of the muscles in his back flexing as he leaned over to try and find his clothes. Little did he know, they were still in the living room where I’d torn them off him.

“What? Why?”

“I want to know what a psycho like you does out in the world at this time of day.”

“I usually just sip coffee and read the paper. It’s not that interesting.”

“Ugh, you would read the paper. Do you order a glass of prune juice for dessert?”

“Bite me,” I said before I went to the living room to retrieve his clothes. I flung them onto the bed in front of him and he got dressed in a matter of minutes before he came to me and wrapped his arms around my waist. He kissed me, gently yet passionately.

“What was that for?” I asked when we broke.

“I had to make sure last night wasn’t some drunken dream.”

“Oh, I promise you, it wasn’t a dream at all,” I said, though it still very much felt like one. I’d expected to feel like shit and consumed with regret when I woke up, but I felt the opposite.

“Did you sleep OK?” I asked.

“Like a baby.”

“Good, you needed it,” I said and he laughed.

“Where do you even get coffee at this hour? Is there anything open?”

“It’s D.C. There’s always a place to score coffee but there’s a little hole-in-the-wall diner nearby that I like. You interested?”

“Nothing says good morning like a plate full of greasy diner food.”

“Good, then let’s go,” I said before going to my closet to pull out a couple of hooded jackets for the both of us. Besides keeping us warm in the January pre-dawn air, they’d also give us a bit of cover. I doubted anyone would notice us at this hour, but I thought it was better to be safe than sorry.

“Hoods? Really?” he asked, holding the jacket out at arm’s length and looking at it disdainfully.

“Just because we did what we did doesn’t mean we can afford to be reckless.”

“I think we’ve already crossed into that territory, but suit yourself,” he said and slipped into the jacket.

We took the elevator down without saying a word and when we hit the sidewalk, I pulled his hood up over his head and his hand found mine, our fingers locking together. My immediate reaction was to be scared that someone might see, but then I remembered what time it was and that it was unlikely anyone would even recognize us, which made the nervousness fade away.

Kile, meanwhile, was all smiles. He didn’t talk at all and he didn’t seem to have any hang-ups about last night or what was going on between us. Maybe he was just as dumbstruck by it all as I was and trying to make sense of it.

Truthfully, I felt the same way. What we’d done was beyond irresponsible and though I probably should’ve run screaming, there was something about Kile that wouldn’t let me, which made me laugh. Just when I thought my life couldn’t get any crazier, I thought. Still, I couldn’t stop thinking about what the rest of the next couple of weeks would be like. I’d have to sit across from him and pretend like we were nothing more than reluctant coworkers and I wasn’t sure I could do it. But if we were going to keep whatever this was between us going, I’d have to. And so would he. Because if anyone found out, we’d both go down in flames and neither of us could afford that.

“Whatcha thinking?” he asked, squeezing my hand to get my attention.

“Oh, this and that,” I said. I didn’t want to tell him exactly what I was feeling about us because I wasn’t sure he was ready to hear it. Things were going well and I didn’t want to risk scaring him off by getting too deep, too fast. I had a bad habit of that, especially with guys I fell for—and after last night, I’d definitely fallen for Kile.

You’re in deep with Kile Avery, I thought, stifling a laugh at the thought. This is better than reality TV.

“You disappeared again,” Kile said.

“Sorry. I get too far into my own head sometimes,” I said.

“I know the feeling,” he laughed. “Where are we going, anyway?”

“We’re almost there. Just another couple of blocks. The place is called Adam’s Diner, it’s kind of off the beaten path,” I said.

“Whatever. As long as they have good coffee and some super greasy food to eat, I’m down.”

“Oh, trust me, they have both,” I said, my mouth already watering from the thought. We fell silent as we walked the rest of the distance to the diner and when we got there, I was happy to find we were the only patrons.

“Welcome to Adam’s, I’ll be with you in a sec,” a voice called from somewhere in the back of the restaurant over the loud dinging of the door bell. I led Kile to a table in the back corner of the room and we sat down across from each other, both of us smiling stupidly as we took off our jackets and got comfortable. I couldn’t shake the feeling of giddiness, and it only seemed to intensify each time I looked at him.

“What are you all smiley about?” Kile asked.

“Last night,” I said and he laughed.

“Yeah, that was pretty wild, wasn’t it?”

“More than wild. I don't think I’ve ever felt anything like that before,” I said and it was true. I’d had my fair share of sex over the years, but it had never been as mind-blowing as the session with Kile was. Then again, I didn’t think I’d ever really connected with someone in the way I’d connected with him. Maybe our hatred—if it ever really was hatred and not envy—for each other was a good thing when channeled the right way.

“Neither have I. Kinda weird, isn’t it?” he asked.

“What do you mean? How so?”

“Well, think about it. Who would’ve guessed you and I would end up like this? Two weeks ago we were actively trying to kill each other professionally, yet now here we are having breakfast the morning after an earth-shaking fuck,” he said and I couldn’t help laughing.

“Maybe it’s like it is with kids. You know, where the more they hate and tease each other the more it means they like each other,” I said and he smirked.

“Are you trying to say you’ve liked me all along?”

“Not exactly,” I said and he laughed.

“Good, because I can’t say I’ve always liked you, either.”

“What changed your mind?”

“I’m not sure. I can’t really put my finger on it. There’s something about you that’s surprising and sort of refreshing. You’re not like most other guys I’ve been with.”

“Thanks, I guess?”

“Believe it or not, that was a compliment,” he laughed.

“At my age and with my reputation, I’ll take anything resembling one,” I said and we fell silent for a moment. I knew I needed to broach the subject of how we handled things from here on out but I didn’t know how to say it and I really didn’t want to ruin the moment we were having.

“Sorry about the wait, fellas. My name’s Ashley,” the waitress who’d called to us when we entered said, which I was thankful for. Her apron was covered in assorted stains, her red-brown hair was frazzled and her eyes were bloodshot, probably all from working the night shift at a shitty diner. “Can I get you something to drink to start? Some coffee, maybe?”

“Yeah, some coffee for both of us would be great. Is it fresh?” he asked.

“I’ll make it fresh just for you, good lookin’,” she said with a wink.

“Perfect, thanks,” Kile said and gave Ashley his best smile. She went back behind the counter and started the machine. When Ashley was out of earshot, he leaned over the table. “They always think I’m straight. I’m like, are you headless?” he asked and I couldn’t help laughing.

“If she only knew what we did just a few hours ago,” I said and Kile chuckled, a devious little sound that matched the glint in his eyes.

“If only,” he agreed, running a hand through his hair. It didn’t help to make it look much better—he still had sex hair. It stood up in all different directions and had odd lumps from the pillow, but I kind of liked how it made him look less-than-primped. It was nice to see the real Kile, the one he seemed so desperate to keep hidden from pretty much everyone.

“Jeff… What exactly was last night?” he asked, breaking the ice for me. My shoulders tensed. I needed to be careful in how I handled this because I definitely wanted to keep seeing Kile—despite how stupid it was—but I wasn’t sure how we could make it work.

“Well, what was last night for you? Was it a one-time thing, or…?”

“I sure as hell hope not,” he said and I laughed again.

“Good, because I was hoping the same thing. Alright, then. If we’re gonna keep doing that then what does that make us?”

“Fuck buddies, I guess? I mean, if that’s what you want, I’m OK with it,” he said, though he didn’t look particularly OK with it. “Like, I’d understand if that’s all we could be.”

“What if I want more?” I asked and he raised an eyebrow at me.

“I’m listening.”

“Here you go, guys,” Ashley interrupted again, returning with two steaming mugs of coffee, which she slammed down on the table in front of us, ruining the moment. I was annoyed but glad that it gave me time to collect myself. “Are we ready to order?”

“We haven’t had a chance to look at the menu yet. What’s your favorite?” Kile asked.

“Any of our omelets are good but I’d say the farmer’s is the best. Lots of people order it. It’s kinda what we’re known for,” she said.

“She’s right. It’s phenomenal,” I said.

“Alright, I’ll have that. No sides, please.”

“Sure thing. And for you, sir?” she asked me.

“I’ll have the same,” I said.

“Alright, two farmer’s omelets coming right up,” she said and disappeared into the kitchen.

“Sorry, where were we?” I asked.

“I think you were just about to tell me you wanted to date me, if I’m not mistaken,” he said with a cocky smirk, the same cocky smirk I’d grown to both love and hate.

“Do you want to date me?”

“Yes and no,” he said, watching me. “Look, I’ve gotta be honest… Last night was incredible and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have feelings for you, but I’d also be lying if I said I wasn’t afraid of all of this.”

“Agreed,” I said, grateful that he was on the same page with me, at least in this regard. “But I think we can make it work. It won’t be easy, but it can be done.”

“How? How can we possibly see each other or date or whatever?”

“We don’t tell anyone about it, for starters,” I said and he nodded. “Let’s be clear: if anyone finds out, it could end both of our careers and I don’t have another second chance to cash in.”

“I get it. I’ve got just as much to lose. What would the world say about me if they found out Mr. Anti-Relationships was in one all along?”

“Exactly,” I said.

“So what, then? We just sneak around in hoods in the dark and hope that no one notices?” he asked.

“Do you have any better ideas?”

“No. Look, I don’t care what we have to do, I don’t care if I have to sneak into your window, I just want to keep seeing you,” he said and my chest clenched because what he’d just said made everything real. Though we hadn’t said it explicitly, I knew it meant Kile and I were dating now. The realization made me feel a bit dizzy, mostly due to all of the baggage it brought along with it.

“We’re going to have to be super careful while we’re filming and otherwise interacting until this documentary is finished. We can’t give anyone any signs that there’s something going on between us. Can you do that?”

“I’m an actor. This isn’t anything out of my comfort zone,” he said. “If anyone finds out, it won’t be because of me.”

“Good. That said, this is all a giant risk, you know that, right?” I said.

“I’m aware,” he sighed.

“But it’s a risk I’m willing to take. Are you?” I asked. He hesitated for a moment and looked away from me again while he turned my question over in his head. My heart started to race because I wasn’t sure how he would answer—I wouldn’t have blamed him if he said no. Honestly, part of me hoped he would before we got in any deeper than we already were and before any of this had a chance to blow up in our faces.

“I am,” he said and I let out the giant gulp of air I’d been holding while I waited for his answer.

Ashley brought us our omelets then, giving me a gap to think over everything we’d talked about. Despite how good it felt to sit here and talk with Kile, I couldn’t shake the feeling we might be making a big mistake—that I was making a big mistake—by pressing forward with this. I thought again of Jeremy as I watched Kile eat, remembered the way I’d lost myself in him in much the same way...

Kile’s different, I told myself. In so many ways. I’m different now, too. I won’t make the same mistakes I made with Jeremy. Besides, Kile’s been through a lot of the same shit. For all of our differences, we’re more alike than either of us wants to admit, I thought.

“Is it good?” I asked as he dug in, more to keep my own head on straight than because I actually cared about the food. It was always good at Adam’s.

“It’s amazing. I almost don’t regret being awake this early now,” he said, his mouth full of food—yet another side of him I’d never seen but appreciated.

“I love this place. I don’t come here as often as I used to but I think I might start doing just that,” I said. “Maybe it could be our place or something.”

“Our dirty little secret,” he said with a smile.

“I hope you don’t think I’m treating you like that,” I said as he shoveled in another forkful of the omelet. “We’re only keeping it a secret out of necessity.”

“No, no, not at all. I mean, it’s like you said, we have to hide it, at least for now. Maybe once we’re done filming we can ‘come out,’ so to speak,” he said.

“I hope so,” I said and the conversation died. I wasn’t sure that we’d ever really be able to go public with our relationship—since that’s what it was now—but it didn’t deter me in the slightest. We were taking a huge risk but it felt worth it because for the first time in years, I felt something for another person. Sure, Kile was the last person on Earth I would’ve guessed I’d feel that way about, but it didn’t change the reality of it.

Maybe this is exactly what I needed, I thought, watching him eat from across the table. He was unlike anyone I’d ever previously considered dating—brash, full of himself, and opinionated—which made him an almost perfect match for me. In the years since things with Jeremy had blown up, and since starting my job at GNN, I’d grown so jaded about the entire world. Then along came Kile Avery when I least expected him. In a matter of weeks, he’d rocked my world and showed me that there might be some hope left in the world for a bitter old man like me.

That alone was worth all of the risk involved in continuing to date him.