“It’s a beautiful day in the District today,” the talking head said on my TV as I flipped mindlessly through channels and landed on the weather report for the day. I needed something benign and there was nothing more dull and inoffensive than the weather.

My phone vibrated on the coffee table in front of me, one of the dozens of times it’d done so since I’d fallen off the face of the earth. I didn’t bother even sitting up to see who it was or what they wanted. I didn’t care. Lee, Joel, Jeff, they’d all called and texted me so often I’d lost count and had taken to turning my phone off for hours at a time just so I wouldn’t have to listen to its incessant vibrating.

It’d been more than a week since anyone besides my couch had seen me, and I’d wanted it that way. How could I possibly show my face to anyone after what’d happened? Even if I’d wanted to go outside, I couldn’t because there was an endless rotation of paparazzi parasites camping outside the entrance to my building, waiting to swarm and overpower me with questions until I cracked and gave them exactly what they wanted. More than once, Joel had come by and beat on my door, shouting at me through it that he knew I was there and to let him in, but I never had. I knew he meant well, but I wasn’t ready to talk and I wasn’t sure I’d ever be.

After all, I’d been embarrassed in almost every way imaginable, from having photos of me with Jeff broadcast, posted, and reposted all over the internet, to walking off stage in the middle of one of my own speeches—something I’d never done before—and finding out Jeff had been using me all along.

Just like I thought he would, I thought, and not for the first time. I didn’t think he was that good of an actor, but it was yet another of the ways I’d underestimated him. The disaster at the university the previous Friday night was all I’d been able to think about since Joel had dropped me off here afterward. It was now Saturday afternoon, the day of the big premiere for the documentary, and I’d hoped by now my brain might’ve found something else to think about, but it hadn’t.

So, I’d retreated into day drinking and watching reruns of old sitcoms and shitty old black and white movies. I almost made the mistake of responding to a text from Jeff, early on in the week, asking me to please come to the premiere—as if I could afford to skip it. Truthfully, I didn’t want anything to do with it, but I knew in my rational head that I couldn’t not be there.

A ton of damage had been done to me and my brand, but if I was going to have any hope of repairing it, it would start at the premiere—and I’d had more than a week to prepare. I’d expose Jeff and Lee both for who and what they were, schemers who made me look like a saint by comparison, and make sure that I scored as much sympathy as I possibly could.

When I couldn’t put it off any longer, I peeled myself up off of the couch and took a quick shower before putting on the nicest suit I had in my closet. I always kept a clean, pressed suit ready because I never knew when I might need it. This suit, a navy blue one accompanied by a salmon-colored tie, was one of my favorites. I’d picked it on purpose because it made me look sympathetic and now more than ever I needed to look as pitiable-yet-presentable as possible, even if I felt like a ship dashed to bits on the rocks inside. The idea of seeing Jeff again, of having to look at his face and pretend that we were the happiest coworkers in the world who were super excited about the mini-series, made me sick.

It didn’t help that everywhere I looked in my house I saw things that reminded me of him. The living room was the worst, thanks to all of the time we’d spent there talking and building what would eventually become the disaster I now lived. I wondered if it’d bothered him while he sat and quizzed me under the guise of getting to know me, knowing all the while that he’d eventually sell me out for his own gain.

I highly doubt it. He’s a journalist, they don’t have hearts, I thought. If only I’d had the brains to realize that three weeks ago. Back in the living room, I scooped up my phone and dared to check the messages and missed calls I’d collected over the day. The most recent was from Joel, asking if he needed to bother wasting the gas to come over and attempt to drag me to the premiere. For the first time in over a week, I wrote back:

>> Me: Don’t worry about it. I’m a big boy, I can handle myself.

I sent the message and slipped my phone into my pocket before stepping out of my condo and taking the elevator to the lobby. As expected, a gang of photographers were there waiting for me. I walked through them, like a man through a swarm of bees, and didn’t say a word to answer any of their questions. They followed me out of the lobby and onto the street until they realized they weren’t going to get anything out of me and gave up.

I slipped into the train station a few minutes later and boarded the train to take me to Dupont and the NewSpin offices.

* * *

“Kile! Holy hell, look who decided to grace us with his presence,” Lee said to some random NewSpin employees I didn’t recognize as I stepped through the front doors of the NewSpin offices. It was an odd layout, definitely not one I would’ve chosen, but somehow it suited them. The entryway had been decorated with red, white, and blue balloons, dozens of them, and streamers in matching colors. Lee came to me and threw his arms around me, his gut pushing against my stomach, but I didn’t return the gesture.

“I was worried, I didn’t think you’d show up!” he said.

“I probably shouldn’t have, but here I am,” I answered and he chuckled. He’d already gotten to me, already broken me down, so I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of seeing it. I was only here because I had a job to do, no more and no less, and I didn’t want to ruin my plan by being sassy with him.

“Well, you’re just in time. Come on, Cameron and Jeff are waiting for you upstairs,” he said.

“Upstairs?”

“Yeah, we’ve got a staging area ready to go up there,” he said, putting a hand on my shoulder to usher me forward.

“Who else?” I asked.

“That’s it. We’re going to be streaming it live on the website as you talk with Cameron and watch the episode together, a sort of viewing party,” he said.

“Fantastic,” I said, and I meant it. I’d get to expose both him and Jeff for being the crooks they were to far more people this way. And with Cameron Edwards hosting the event, there were sure to be millions of viewers. Under any other circumstance, I might’ve found the combination of the three of us on one show exciting, but as we stepped into an elevator side by side and Lee smashed a button to go to the fifth floor, the only thing I felt was dread.

“I’m so glad you’re here. I’m sure Cameron and Jeff will be, too,” he said. “Why didn’t you return any of our calls?”

“I had a lot to do to prepare,” I answered without looking at him. It wasn’t entirely untrue. I had to get my shit together mentally and otherwise because I didn’t know how long I’d have to spend time with Jeff and what the two of them might try to subject me to, but I also had to steel myself for being in the same room as Jeff again.

“Always prepared, I love it,” Lee said, his tone bright and cheery, like he had absolutely no qualms about what he was doing. I wondered if Jeff had said anything to him, told him that I knew what they were both up to, and decided that he couldn’t have if Lee was this happy and excited. I’m not surprised, I thought. Jeff already got what he needed out of me, so why would he bother thinking about my feelings now?

The elevator dinged and we stepped out into a very nondescript room that was covered in green—probably for studio magic to take place and replace the boring backdrop with something more interesting. Jeff and Cameron sat in two of the three chairs in the middle of the room, Cameron in the middle and Jeff on the left. A crew of camera and sound operators were congregated at a long, brown table to the right of the room and off set.

They all looked up at the noise of the elevator opening and Jeff’s eyes widened when they saw me. He looked uncomfortable before he knew I’d entered the room but looked much more so then. Good, I thought. I hope it kills you to see me, to know what you’ve done. Though I wanted to let go of the hurt and the bitterness he’d caused me, seeing his face again brought it rushing back and I had to bite my tongue, literally, to keep from flying off at the mouth.

“Do my eyes deceive me?” Cameron asked Jeff, his face bright with surprise, before he stood from his chair and crossed the room to meet me. He wore a powder-blue suit with thin, navy stripes, accented by a crisp white undershirt and even whiter shoes. His coal-black hair was greased back and parted on the left side. He looked like some sort of game show host. He offered me a hand to shake, which I did. I couldn’t be angry with him, he had no idea what was going on with all of this.

“Kile Avery. We finally meet,” he said, gripping and shaking my hand with more vigor than was necessary. “It’s an honor.”

“Likewise,” I lied. He smiled and let go of my hand before stepping aside to gesture at Jeff.

“And of course you already know who this is,” he said.

“Do I ever,” I said and Cameron chuckled.

“Hey,” Jeff said lamely, waving at me.

“You ready to do this thing?” Lee asked, clapping me on the back and making me jump. For a moment, I’d forgotten he was there—and now wished he wasn’t.

“As ready as I can be,” I said. Lee checked his watch and twirled his finger in the air in a circle above his head.

“Alright, places everyone! Let’s get this show on the road,” he said and the crew jumped to life. Before I knew what was happening, a team of three makeup artists were at my face with pads ready to beat me.

“I’m good, thanks. I did my own makeup before I came,” I said.

“Listen to him, guys, he’s an expert,” Lee said, still wearing a shit eating grin. Thankfully, they did listen and backed off.

“Don’t be bashful, Kile. Come and have a seat with us, let’s chat,” Cameron said as he retreated back to his seat. I took the one on my right, his left. It was a rounded, uncomfortable piece of plastic that looked almost like a bubble on a stick. Jeff leaned forward so he could see me, his eyes searching my face. He looked anxious and depressed, but I paid him no mind. I wasn’t there for him and I didn’t want him to think otherwise, no matter what he said or did. I was there to save myself, to try and salvage whatever of my career I still could. He wasn’t included in that effort.

“So, this has all been pretty crazy, huh?” Cameron asked.

“Shouldn’t we save this for the live stream?” I answered. I didn’t really want to talk to him—or anyone else present in the room, for that matter—anymore than I had to.

“We’re just two guys getting to know each other. It’ll make the interview and other bits easier for all of us,” Cameron said, undeterred. Thankfully, though, Lee clapped his hands and interrupted any further forced conversation.

“Cameron, are you ready?”

“I was born ready, boss,” he said with a warm smile, his too-white teeth flashing in the powerful light that had just flared up from overhead. It took my eyes a few moments to adjust.

“Good. Brian, get them all mic’d up,” Lee ordered a short, young guy. He seemed nervous and not totally sure what he was doing. He had all the earmarks of an intern. Brian snuck behind me and hung a microphone pack from the back of my pants, then passed me the cord and earpiece for me to slip over my ear. I watched him struggle with the other two as I adjusted the earpiece.

“OK, let’s make sure we’re all on the same page here,” Lee said. “We’ve got an hour and a half blocked out for the live stream. This is all going to be broadcast in real time on the NewSpin website, so don’t forget that. The first thirty minutes we’ll spend talking about the show, your relationships, and everything that happened during the recording. The second thirty will be the broadcast of the first episode, which we’ll all watch together with the audience. The last thirty minute chunk will be a kind of retrospective on the episode itself, how it turned out. Everyone clear?” Lee asked. I nodded before taking a deep breath.

I wasn’t at all sure that I was ready to do this, but I was sure that I was ready for it all to be over with. The good news about Cameron hosting the show was that he probably wouldn’t ask any hard-hitting questions—or at least he didn’t have a reputation for doing so.

“When we’re done, Cameron will outro us, thank you both for coming and for the hard work you’ve done, then tell everyone the remaining five episodes are available for streaming before we kill the feed,” Lee continued. “Alright, we’re live in 30 seconds. Everyone good?”

“Good,” the three of us said in unison, though I wondered if either Jeff or Cameron were feeling as unsettled as I was. This was a big deal for all of us. For Jeff it was the culmination of weeks of scheming and manipulation. For Cameron it was a massive opportunity to boost his name recognition. And then there was me, who had lost everything in the process of making this stupid show, who would also almost certainly gain nothing from this premiere.

Well, almost nothing, I thought.

* * *

“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen! Thank you all so much for joining us tonight for the premiere of For the Record. I’ve heard from many of you on social media all weekend how excited you are for this and now the long-awaited time is finally here,” Cameron said. Wow, what a title, I thought, resisting the urge to roll my eyes on camera. Did Jeff come up with that one, too?

“Though I’m sure they need no introduction, I’m joined tonight by the show’s stars, Jeff Taylor and Kile Avery. Welcome to the show, guys,” he continued, turning to each of us to give us a smile. Jeff waved lamely again, I merely nodded and gave the best smile I could muster in return.

“So, before we get into the meat and potatoes of this, I think there’s an elephant in the room we need to address,” Cameron said and my heart started racing. I hadn’t expected him to bring this up. I thought Lee would surely have told him to sidestep it—but then again, it was just like Lee to try and get a cheap ratings boost by putting the two of us in the hot seat on a live broadcast.

“There’ve been some photos circulating lately showing the two of you in what appear to be some pretty romantic contexts. I and the rest of the world have been left hanging since those photos were first published, since neither of you have commented. Why don’t we set the record straight on all of this now that we’ve got you both in the same room again?” Cameron asked, turning to me expecting an answer. When I didn’t speak, Cameron laughed and turned to Jeff instead.

“I guess cat’s got his tongue. What about you, Jeff? Care to comment on the District Inquirer’s photos?” he asked and Jeff’s face hardened as my pulse doubled. I watched his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed and tried to prepare for whatever he was about to say.

“It’s all false, made up by the tabloids to create drama,” Jeff said and my heart fell. For a moment, a brief, fleeting moment, I’d dared to hope that he’d throw caution to the wind and summon the courage to tell the entire world what we’d been. Of course, he didn’t, and I was foolish to hope that he would. He was only ever in this for his own gain, remember? I thought, looking away from him and lowering my head to contain the rage that surely must’ve been showing on my face by now.

“That’s a bold claim. What about the photos? They pretty clearly show the two of you together and in some, well, compromising positions. What do you say to that?” Cameron asked and it annoyed the hell out of me that he’d even ask. Why couldn’t he have just let it be what it was?

“What about them? They don’t show anything other than two business associates spending time together outside of work. Plenty of coworkers do that and no one blinks an eye, why is this any different?” Jeff asked. His voice was shaky and nervous at first, but the more he spoke the stronger it became. It made me wonder… Did he mean any of this? Or was Lee putting him up to it?

It doesn’t matter either way, the end result is the same, I told myself. Even if Lee’s making him, he’s still choosing to go through with it, which only makes it worse. Not only is he a conniving wolf, he’s also a coward, I thought, my thoughts taking on a bitter edge. In that moment, I questioned how and why I’d ever gotten involved with him, how I’d never seen the real Jeff until now when it was far too late.

“Well, in at least one of the photos, the two of you are holding hands. I’d say that constitutes something more than a business meeting between friendly coworkers,” Cameron said. I couldn’t take it anymore, I had to speak up.

“That means nothing,” I interrupted and Cameron turned to me, his eyes wide.

“So you do have something to say,” he said, his smile reappearing. I wanted to punch it off of him.

“I do. You know, in many other cultures, hand holding is a sign of friendship—even between two men. What you’re saying and trying to imply is bordering on homophobia,” I said and Cameron shook his head.

“No, no, not at all. It’s just unusual, that’s all,” he said.

“Be that as it may, do you really think that Jeff and I would ever date? I mean, come on, I know the media lives for this kind of drama, but there’s next to nothing in common between the two of us. We’re about as opposite as salt and pepper,” I said and Cameron nodded.

“True enough, but you know what they say, opposites attract and all of that.”

“And sometimes that’s the case, but it’s definitely not the case for us,” I said. It was both painful and cathartic to say, to lie to the entire world about what Jeff and I had shared. In time, I hoped that they’d forget it all, the same way I hoped to.

“Well, on that note then, let’s dig in. What was it like to work with Jeff?”

“It was like having a particularly painful hemorrhoid,” I answered and Cameron chuckled. “It comes and goes, and to a certain extent you get to know it, but you’re definitely never happy to see it.”

“Wow, OK. What about you, Jeff? What was it like to work with Kile?”

“Laborious, to say the least,” Jeff answered and I had to chuckle. “Kile is a lot of things, but chief among them is being a diva. In all caps.”

“How so?” Cameron pressed him.

“It’s all on his time, on his terms. And he’s stubborn to a fault, so there’s no telling him anything, even when you know he’s dead wrong and will live to learn it the hard way,” Jeff said.

“Well, I guess we really do have some things in common,” I said, choosing the words deliberately. While the two of them laughed, I thought of the last time I’d said that very thing to Jeff, when we’d both confessed to feeling something much more than friendship about each other. It was funny how so many things had changed in such a short amount of time, forward and backward. Jeff’s eyes met mine and I saw the recognition in them. He looked like he wanted to say something but then thought better of it.

“Well, if the fireworks were anything like the ones we’re seeing right now, I can certainly imagine how challenging it must’ve been for both of you to make this show a reality,” Cameron said diplomatically, though it was obvious he was picking up on the tension between us.

“Alright, moving on, let’s talk high notes! What were some of your favorite moments while shooting the show?” he asked Jeff first, and I smirked to myself as I realized that all of my favorite moments had nothing to do with the show itself. I was grateful he started with Jeff on that one so I’d have time to come up with a good answer.

“Oh, that’s a tough one, there were so many…” Jeff said, obviously stalling to come up with an answer.

“Well, pick one that stands out.”

“Alright, if I had to pick one, I’d say it was the first time I watched Kile give a speech at George Washington,” Jeff said and I perked up at the words.

“Why’s that? What about it stuck out to you?”

“Honestly, that was the first time I saw Kile’s talent. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’d always known he was talented, even before we met, but when he got up on that stage and gave his speech about what he believes, I really saw it, you know?” Jeff asked and Cameron nodded.

“Totally. I haven’t seen the speech you’re talking about, not yet anyway, but I’ve heard great things about Kile’s public speaking ability. Maybe he should think about a career in politics after all of this?” Cameron asked Jeff and Jeff nodded.

“I told him the same thing, but I don’t think he’s all that interested. He’s more of a mover and shaker at the ground level,” Jeff said.

“Politics is too stuffy, too insular for me. I like being on the outside as a free radical,” I said and Cameron smiled at me.

“It definitely suits you,” he said. “Alright, Kile. Same question: what was your favorite moment working with Jeff?” The time that he sold me out for his own benefit, that was a riot, I thought, though I had the wherewithal to swallow back the words.

“I think my favorite moment with Jeff came before this show was even an idea in NewSpin’s hivemind,” I said and Cameron raised his eyebrows at me. “My favorite moment was when I appeared on Jeff’s old show, The Edge,” I continued. I picked the moment on purpose, hoping it would hurt Jeff.

“You’re talking about the infamous episode that turned you both into household names,” Cameron said and I nodded.

“That’s the one.”

“Alright, I wasn’t going to go there, but since you brought it up, let’s talk about it,” Cameron said. It was exactly the direction I hoped he’d take things. After all, his job was to put on a show, so what better way to do that than to talk about the nexus for all of this?

“Sure thing,” I said, smiling as I watched Jeff’s expression shift from fear to anger.

“Well, I’ll ask the question that’s no doubt been on everyone’s minds since then: what were you thinking during all of that? What was that like?” Cameron asked.

“It was surreal, honestly. At the time, I thought being invited onto the nation’s biggest cable news show to talk about myself and my movement was a pretty damn big deal. I knew it would be controversial, but I could never have guessed it’d turn out the way it did,” I said and Cameron chuckled.

“Yeah, that’s putting it lightly. It was explosive.”

“Definitely. So to answer your question, I don’t really remember what I was thinking other than, ‘I’m so glad the cameras are rolling for this,’” I said. “Because no one would’ve believed it’d happened if it hadn’t been recorded.”

“It was a live broadcast,” Jeff interrupted. “They couldn’t have stopped it, not really. I mean, sure, they could’ve killed the broadcast but it would’ve made them look much worse. Instead, they let me hang myself on national TV,” he said and Cameron turned back to him.

“It was a memorable moment, to say the least,” Cameron said. “All of that stuff you said, about this very network, I can’t imagine you were surprised some people didn’t take it so well.”

“No, not at all,” Jeff laughed. “But I was beyond caring by that point. I was frustrated and fed up, and in retrospect I didn’t handle it as well as I could or should have, but you know, hindsight is twenty-twenty and all of that.”

“It was definitely a lesson learned,” Cameron filled in for him. “That being said, and I don’t know if you agree, I think everything happens for a reason. I mean, neither of you would be here with me now if it weren’t for that night.”

“Yeah, I agree to a certain extent,” Jeff said, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. “There were certainly good and bad things that came about as a result of what I said.”

“I sure hope you count this as one of the good ones,” Cameron said with a smile and Jeff nodded, his own smile less than half as enthusiastic as Cameron’s. “What were some of the bad things?”

“Well, for one, I lost my job and my standing as a journalist. That kinda fucking sucked,” Jeff said before grimacing at his cursing. “Sorry, can we say that on here?”

“It’s the internet, anything goes,” Cameron laughed. “And as much as that must’ve been hard for you, do you feel better now a month or so removed from it?”

“Yes and no,” Jeff answered. “I mean, I don’t regret having said it, but I wish I would’ve said it in a more appropriate context and in a less inflammatory tone. Maybe in an op-ed or something like that. It probably would’ve been better received that way.”

“For sure. But you were passionate about it, that much was indisputable. I think some people responded to that in a positive way,” Cameron said.

“If they did, they certainly didn’t let me know,” Jeff said through a chuckle and Cameron joined him. “You know, I actually got shouted at on the street the other day thanks to those stupid photos of Kile and me,” he continued and again I found myself interested in the story despite myself.

“You did?” Cameron laughed.

“Yeah. It was a bad day, to say the least, but it only got worse. I was walking to a coffee shop to get some joe and unwind, and this car pulled up full of kids. They had their windows down and they were all screaming at me about how corrupt and responsible I am for the state of the news,” Jeff said. “It’s kind of ironic, isn’t it?” he asked and Cameron laughed.

“Wow, yeah. You, the guy who got in hot water for decrying the state of the news, being accused of being the reason for it. That’s pretty rich,” he said. No it isn’t, I thought. It’s dead-on. Jeff never cared about the news, or at least not as much as he tried to make it seem like he did. For him, it was always about making himself look better, getting a leg up over everyone else. How the hell else did he get to be the number one paid cable news anchor in the country?

“What’s rich is that we’re sitting here laughing about this,” I said. I didn’t know where the words had come from, but there they were, hanging in the air like a thick, heavy fog. Cameron and Jeff both stared at me, and Jeff’s head shook almost imperceptibly, as if he was begging me not to do what he knew I was going to do.

“You know, I get criticized all the time for being a media manipulator, the kind of guy who’s only out to further his own agenda at the expense of everyone he comes into contact with,” I said. Cameron stared at me, looking intensely uncomfortable, while Jeff looked defeated. He had to have known I wasn’t going to keep quiet—that’d never been my style. I’d been planning this for days and now the perfect moment had presented itself, so I fully intended to take it.

“But the real master here is Jeff. I mean, look at his career, look at how high he got. No one ever criticized Jeff Taylor for being cold or calculating or anything like that, he’s just America’s favorite guy to most people—or he was—but the truth is not nearly so black and white,” I said. Cameron’s eyes darted from me and from the corner of my eye I saw Lee making desperate throat cutting motions to Cameron, clearly trying to get Cameron to cut me off. Cameron looked like a deer in headlights, so I made to press on but Jeff got the next word.

“If there’s anything I’ve learned from making this documentary with you, Kile, it’s that no one is really as simple or easy to understand as people make them out to be,” he said. I knew he was trying to say something without actually saying it, but it was too late for apologies. “Not you, not me, not anyone.”

“That may be true, but it’s especially true in your case,” I said. “When we started this project, I had misconceptions about you—lots of them—but I also had gut instincts that turned out to be so accurate it’s not even funny,” I continued.

“That makes two of us,” he said, his eyes narrowed, his voice lowered, almost like he was trying to warn me to back off.

“Working together, especially with someone you don’t generally see eye to eye with, definitely has a way of doing that,” Cameron interrupted. “Alright, fellas, it’s getting a little intense in here, so why don’t we get to the reason everyone’s gathered here tonight, what we’ve all been waiting to see? I’m sure the audience at home is chomping at the bit to see what the chemistry between the two of you produced for the show,” he said, and sound filled the room as the clip spooled up on a screen that had been wheeled in front of us at some point without me noticing. The opening for the show whirled across the screen, a montage of cliché references to the news and to the internet.

I rolled my eyes and turned to find Jeff staring at me, his eyes like hot coals as they raked over me, but I stared back just as intensely. Cameron and Lee might’ve stopped me this time, but there would definitely be more opportunities. I just had to wait for the right one.

“What the hell are you doing?” Jeff hissed behind Cameron’s back.

“Telling the truth. Isn’t that what we’re supposed to do as part of the media?” I asked.

“You’re making a mistake. A huge mistake. Whatever you think you came here to say, don’t,” he said. “You don’t have any idea what’s going on here.”

“I know exactly what’s going on,” I said before turning back to the screen. There, the title of the show took up the center of the screen in all white caps: FOR THE RECORD. It was a terrible title, but it fit the generally sleazy nature of the production, so I could only laugh at it.

The show opened with Jeff and me sitting in my living room the very first day we’d filmed together. It was almost as awkward to watch as it was to film. Still, I saw the looks on my face, the way I looked at him when the camera would pan or jump back to me from him whenever I spoke. I’d had no idea at the time, but my feelings for him that were already blossoming at that point were written all over my face. I wonder if he picked up on them, too? I thought. He had to have. It would definitely explain his advancement of things and the stupid fucking kiss he’d given me later.

Much of that interview had been cut, spliced, and moved around in the episode, not that I was surprised. Everything was clinically edited for maximum emotional impact. I had to admit that whoever had done the editing had done a phenomenal job and deserved a raise.

The rest of the episode passed me by as I tried to pretend like I was paying attention, until we were nearing the end and reached the point of Jeff and me talking just before I’d given my speech. I’d totally forgotten about that moment, but there’d been so many over the last few weeks that it wasn’t hard to have some of them slip away.

“A two-person relationship is still regarded as the only one that matters. Personally, I think that’s bullshit,” I heard myself say. “I don’t think sex needs to be tied to any kind of relationship at all. Why can’t it just be an exchange of pleasure with no strings or expectations?”

“I guess there isn’t a good reason but I’m not the one that needs selling on that idea,” Jeff said.

“You sure about that?” I asked, my brows raised.

“I’m sure,” Jeff said, and then the screen cut. It wasn’t bad for a half-hour show, and I was sure the audience would love it—that is, if they weren’t ready to kill us both thanks to the District Inquirer. I thought it was over but then a “Next time on For the Record...” piece of text showed up on the screen and I rolled my eyes. What was the point of having a next time teaser on a show that had all episodes available at once?

It flashed through things quickly, jumping way ahead in our interview timeline and showing clips from both of my speeches—I cringed at the realization they’d included the second one—and again I heard the last piece of conversation from the end of the episode over a black screen.

Then the screen flashed several images in quick succession of Jeff and me, none of them good. One was of me holding and massaging his hand at Adam’s Diner. Another showed us walking down the sidewalk, hand in hand, after we’d left maxbar. And yet another of Jeff slipping me a piece of paper in my condo by the bathroom. The blood turned to ice in my veins.

Not only had Lee been having us followed, and not only had he been having Ross and the others recording us when they weren’t supposed to be, he’d been having us photographed—and for much more of the time than either of us were aware of. I glanced at Jeff and found him staring straight ahead as if there were still something to see on screen. His mouth was a thin, tight line and his eyes were like steel. He knew about this. He had to have, I thought, my heart hammering in my ears. And then the credits rolled and the lights that had dimmed burst back into life.

“Wow, what a doozy of an episode!” Cameron said as we came back on air for the live stream. My head spun, totally unsure of what was happening. Lee had included my relationship with Jeff after all, and everything Jeff had said at the start of the stream had just been undone. Is this part of their plan, too? Are they still trying to drive up the drama and the views? I thought, the words crossing my mind so slowly that I felt like I’d been tranquilized or something. If the entire world didn’t know that Jeff and I were together before, they certainly knew now.

“The comments are pouring in and based on what we just saw, it looks like we’ve got a lot to talk about!” Cameron said, his annoyingly cheerful voice seeping into my ears and echoing in my brain. I felt like I was underwater and drowning. As if the District Inquirer’s photos weren’t damaging enough, now Lee and his editors had run with them and stitched them into the narrative of the show.

I’m fucked. I’m totally fucked, I thought. The words repeated over and over in my head. They played me yet again. Cameron’s mouth was moving, saying something to me, but I didn’t hear it, not a word of it. In a daze, I stood from my chair, tore off my microphone and threw it onto the seat behind me.

“I can’t do this. I can’t fucking do this,” I said, hearing my own voice as if I were outside of my body, and shoved through all of the crew who tried to keep me there, keep me hostage as they put the final nails in everything I had, to the elevator.

The last thing I saw as the doors closed was Jeff running to them.