On the train back from Avery’s place, I couldn’t get my thoughts straight. As much as he tried to pretend otherwise, I saw something in him, something tender, and that weakness fascinated me. Sure, part of me thought I might be able to exploit it in some way, make him feel even a shred of the sting I’d felt lately, but another part of me was interested in it for… other reasons, reasons even I didn’t understand.

However I sliced it, I was actually interested in Kile Avery as a person. Despite myself, I wanted to know more about him, wanted to find out how he’d turned into the calculating media master he’d become. Something must’ve happened to him to make him that way, but what?

I got off the train at the Dupont stop and walked back to the office with my head full of thoughts. The way Avery got cagey when I’d asked him about his personal life and the way he’d tried to shock me were obvious attempts to keep me at a distance. It seemed to be his go-to for scaring people off when they threatened to get too close. So, was I getting too close?

I couldn’t help wondering because there was definitely something alluring about Avery. There wasn’t any denying I found him attractive physically—who wouldn’t?—but that wasn’t anything new for me. I’d often had to interview or otherwise interact with guys I thought were hot, but I never had trouble keeping that part of things to myself and doing my job because I was a professional.

But I’d also never had to spend weeks at a time with one particularly sexy person, either.

“How’d it go?” Dylan asked as I stepped through the front door of NewSpin.

“About as well as it could have, I guess,” I said. “Jesus, were you just sitting there waiting for me?”

“Maybe. Don’t judge,” he laughed. “Call me morbidly curious.”

“I guess I can’t blame you there. It’s a little screwed up, isn’t it?”

“More than a little. So, did you learn anything interesting?”

“Not really, no. He tried to offend me by being a pig like he always is.”

“What did he say?”

“That he wakes up in the morning by checking his Grindr messages,” I said and Dylan laughed.

“Yeah, that definitely sounds like something he’d say.”

“It was pretty tame for Avery. I’m surprised he didn’t say something worse.”

“Did it work on you?”

“Did what work on me?”

“You know, his charm,” Dylan said and I looked at him, examining his face. What was he trying to say? “I mean, he’s pretty hot. I don’t know if I could hang out with a guy like him and not feel a little, well, tempted.”

“No way. Not even a little bit,” I said. “He’s everything I hate about guys in one pretty little package.”

“Maybe so, but you said it yourself: he’s pretty.”

“Pretty annoying. And so what if he’s good looking? That’s about the only thing he’s got going for him.”

“Well, he’s also smart and pretty damn talented and accomplished for a guy his age. Did you know he’s only 30?”

“Maybe I should just let you do this project,” I said. “Now it makes sense why you were pressuring me into it. You’ve got a crush on Avery, don’t you?”

“What if I do?”

“He’s all yours,” I said with a scoff. “Much more suited to you than he is to me.”

“I don’t believe you,” Dylan said and I smirked at him.

“Why not?”

“You’re a lot of things, Jeff, but a good liar isn’t one of them.”

“Please, I’m a journalist. If I don’t have a poker face, what else do I have?”

“If you say so,” Dylan said.

“Anyway, is there an office somewhere in here I can use to get some stuff transcribed?” I asked and Dylan laughed. “What?”

“Look around you, dude. There’s no such thing as an office in this building other than Lee’s, and I’m pretty sure he’s not going to be real keen on you coming in there and invading his space. You’re welcome to use my desk if you want, I’ve got an interview in a bit anyway.”

“I guess it’ll have to do.”

“Don’t mind the clutter,” he said.

“Who are you interviewing?”

“Can’t say. Off-the-record source,” he said with a wink as he headed for the front door. I waved goodbye and went to his desk to find papers and pens and empty energy drink cans strewn across it, and though it came and went, there was definitely a smell lingering in the area. Sighing, I fell down into the chair and retrieved my things from my pockets. Thankfully, I’d had the brains to bring along a pair of earbuds, so I slipped them into my ears and connected them to the tape recorder and turned to a new page in my notebook. It’d been over a decade since I’d done hard reporting like this, but I had to admit part of me missed it.

Listening back to my conversation with Avery, it almost sounded like a comedy routine, and for the first time, I sort of understood why Lee wanted the two of us to work together. There was something almost electric between us, the kind of banter even the best sitcom writers could only dream of writing.

But when I got to the point of the conversation where I asked Avery who’d hurt him, I surprised even myself. I’d never been afraid to ask people tough questions, it was part of what had gotten me so far, but I rarely asked such personal questions. I hadn’t planned to ask Avery that, but as I sat across from him trying to get under the armor he’d no doubt spent years developing, it was so obvious to me he was hiding something and I wanted to find out what it was.

It wasn’t that I thought Avery was anyone special—far from it, actually. I treated all of my interviews the same way, always looking for the part of them that would humanize them for the people watching at home. Kile was no different, except for the way he’d outright refused to answer the question and totally shut down the interview, which said a lot in and of itself.

He was hiding something, something he obviously didn’t want me to know, which only made me want to dig deeper. Maybe he wasn’t as shallow as I thought he was. Maybe there was a real, beating heart inside of him somewhere. I knew that no matter what it was he was hiding, it would have to be the focus for the documentary if I had any hope to play up Avery’s humanity. A tall order.

A tap on my shoulder made me jump. I tore the earbuds out and turned around to find Lee standing behind me with a bright smile on his face.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you,” he said, shrugging.

“It’s fine, I was just—”

“Deep in concentration, yeah, I noticed,” he finished for me. “So, I take it things went well?”

“Well, not exactly,” I said. No point in lying about it.

“Oh?”

“He was more than a little confrontational, probably because you failed to tell him I would be the one doing the project.”

“You can save your scathing critique of that decision, I just got off the phone with Avery and I think he said just about everything you might also want to say about how much of a dick I am.”

“Well, he’s not wrong. Why are you in this business? You’re much better suited as a crime boss or something.”

“That’s exactly what makes me good at my job. I’m no more moral than the people I cover,” he said with a wink. “So, what did you get out of him? Looks like you’ve got a lot of notes there.”

“Nothing particularly interesting,” I lied. I wasn’t about to share the off-the-cuff question I’d asked Kile with Lee, or at least not anytime soon. I didn’t want him to think things had any chance of being compromised—not that I really thought they did. “Though he was pretty adamant we keep the crew small. He said he doesn’t want his house turning into a zoo.”

“Of course. He only wants to be a diva when it suits him,” Lee said and I laughed. “Can’t fault him for that, I guess. Anything else?”

“No, that’s really about it. He wanted me out of his space fast, so he kept things, well, we’ll say cordial,” I said. Lee’s eyes twinkled behind his glasses and his smile turned into more of a smirk. “What?” I asked.

“Oh, nothing. I just know when I’m being lied to. It’s a skill I’ve developed over years of talking to bullshitters,” he said.

“I’m not lying about anything.”

“That’s not what your notes say,” he said, nodding down at my notebook.

“You really are morally bankrupt.”

“I prefer to call it resourceful, but sure, whatever you like,” he said. “Look, Jeff, I know this isn’t easy for you. Really, I get it. But if there’s anything bothering you about the project, you can tell me.”

“Nothing’s bothering me,” I said.

“Your body says otherwise,” he said and I noticed the tension in my shoulders and neck. Though I always carried my burdens there, the tightness seemed worse than usual.

“I’ll be fine, Lee. I’ve covered much more stressful things than this before.”

“Maybe so, but this guy really did a number on you in more ways than one. I wouldn’t blame you if you felt a little overwhelmed having to work with him,” he said. “I don’t want you getting any funny ideas about getting back at him.”

“I’m a professional, Lee. I can set aside my personal views for the sake of a job.”

“Alright, alright. I’m not coming down on you or anything, just want you to know that you and I are partners in this and that you can talk to me about any of it. In fact, I hope you do talk to me about things. I want to see how they develop.”

“I’ll keep you in the loop. You’re my boss, remember?”

“Fair enough. So, is Avery good to start shooting tomorrow?”

“He didn’t object, so yeah, I’d say so.”

“Good. I can’t wait to see how it turns out. Alright, I’ll let you get back to it.”

“Thanks, Lee,” I said and turned back to my work as he stepped away. What was that? I wondered. It was almost like he was trying to get in my head, trying to muck things up for me—as if they weren’t already. Was Avery right? Was my face like an open book for anyone to read who cared to? Avery had seen it and Lee had definitely seen it just now. It reminded me I needed to be more careful around them both. Like it or not, the thing Lee cared about the most was making this project a success and not because it would help me, whatever he said to the contrary.

And then there was Avery. After listening back to our conversation, there wasn’t any doubt we had chemistry, but it was the volatile kind that threatened to explode at any given minute. It scared me to think the smallest comment or maybe even the wrong look could take things in a very bad direction—and it would all be recorded. I might have a chance to get the editors to take some things out, but I couldn’t kid myself. NewSpin wanted to make this a controversial, shocking show for their own benefit, so it wasn’t likely they’d bend reality to make me look better.

The simple truth was I needed to stay poised around Avery because underneath everything else, the sense of yearning I’d picked up on with him tugged at me and terrified me at the same time. It was my nature to want to get to the bottom of every story, even personal ones, so it wasn’t a surprise I wanted to figure out Avery’s secrets but I had to admit there was something else there. Something that went beyond mere curiosity.

But I couldn’t let that cloud my judgment. I’d made the mistake of getting involved with another reporter once already and it had almost cost me my career just as it was taking off at GNN, so I wouldn’t risk that again. Not now, not ever, and especially not for Kile Avery.

Still, Dylan was right when he said being with Avery would be tempting—but he was wrong about the reason. Sure, Avery was good looking, but it wasn’t his looks that attracted me, or at least they weren’t the only thing. The part of Avery I found most appealing was the mystery around him. As a media figure, he’d come out of nowhere, yet another nobody ranting on the internet who just so happened to find an audience—a very big, very vocal one.

What had made him so angry? Why had he developed such a vitriol against love and relationships? Was it really all just part of his media act, or was there something else there? I was determined to find out and felt almost certain I would as we set out on this crazy experiment of a show. I was also afraid of what else I might find.

I realized then what Lee had seen. It wasn’t just hatred I felt for Avery. It was something else, something much more dangerous. That alone made it absolutely necessary for me to keep things professional between the two of us. Avery had a particular style, a way of using his good looks and his charm to manipulate people, and I suspected he was already trying it with me. I couldn’t let myself give in to it, no matter how seductive it might be. Nothing would cloud my career prospects more than developing feelings for a coworker.

As if there were any feelings there in the first place.