I love game days. This one is no different, Hannah let me fix her hair and makeup which automatically makes it a good day. I can’t believe how much I love fixing her hair and doing her makeup. The only negative of doing her hair and makeup was being stuck listening to her go on and on about last night. Seriously she let my brother take pictures of her while she was practically stripping. Several notions came to mind as she was talking, this would be so much better if she weren’t talking about my brother on the other hand how cool is it that I love who my brother loves. That being said, the idea that she did all of that when I could have returned to our room at any minute is a little weird.
“It is a little weird thinking about my brother that way, but I know he loves you and I know it isn’t something you would just do with anyone. We have talked about it before and I know we have both been sheltered in the same way. So, despite it being my brother, I want to hear about it because you are experiencing it before me. The more I learn now, the more I will know when it is my turn.” I couldn’t help the pink cheeks which ultimately gave everything away, so I continued on with my confession, “Every time I am around Calvin, my pulse picks up and my hands start to sweat. If he touches me, my panties are instantly wet and my nipples get hard...seriously just walking next to him yesterday, the back of his hand brushed against my hand, boom instantly hard nipples. I don’t know what to do or say.”
She did a crazy girl squeal while hugging me tight. Then went and got all crazy by over sharing about some blog that she has discovered. She, like me, didn’t have anyone teach her about sex. At least I have been reading every fashion magazine I could get my hands on, it started on our summer vacation when I saw a cover advertising “learn your sex signal.” The bonus was that the magazines have also taught me a lot about doing hair and makeup. It is also helpful that neither brother would be caught dead reading one which allowed me to learn that my sex signal was in dire need of strengthening.
Until I heard Norma talking to Hannah in the motor home, I worried that if I took charge of my sexuality it would eventually scare guys away making them think I was a slut for knowing what I want. Being raised the way I was after losing our parents and Sophia, I have wondered about how I am supposed to know what I like sexually. It’s not like I can ask my brothers, ‘Hey how do I learn what I like sexually?’ Until Calvin came into my life, I had thought some guys were attractive but not to the point of thinking about them all the time. Now, when I take the questionnaires in the magazines, I at least can have someone in mind as I answer the questions.
We continued the conversation as I put the finishing touches on my own makeup. Between the little I have learned from the magazines, listening to Norma’s story, and now Hannah’s blog I started to think maybe I could learn enough about sex that I could keep someone like Calvin interested. I guess there is only one way to find out. As the guys came into our room, I couldn’t help but feel giddy when I saw the way Cal looked at me; with just a look my heart stuttered a beat.
I spent the whole day smiling from ear-to-ear. I honestly couldn’t tell you the last time I was this happy. There wasn’t just one thing that made me so happy, it was the combination of the whole day. Curtis meeting a group of like-minded people that he connected with instantly. Watching our team win and being able to celebrate with them; even if Steve and Cal made Hannah and I hang out in the motor-home to avoid further exposure to the players hitting on us. Hanging out with Alfred and Norma; playing inappropriate games with them was so much fun. Watching Calvin act like a kid when he won and Hannah gave him a scratch ticket as a prize was the funniest thing I have seen in ages. Seriously my stomach muscles hurt from all the laughter and I didn’t want the day to end. It made me realize I want my life to be like this, I want the happiness and laughter; I want to be playful and goofy. I haven’t been playful since before Cody took my family away.
Sierra was always beautiful to me, but watching her be happy and smile today has shown me that she is more than just beautiful. I was thankful she and Hannah didn’t put up too much fuss when we sent them to the motor-home. I am not sure what they expected because Steve and I weren’t going to just sit there and watch as the team hit on them and asked them out. It was easier to remove the girls from the situation than it was to deal with that many guys hitting on them. Other than that, just knowing that she was having fun allowed me to relax and enjoy the day; like celebrating my win at Cards Against Humanity. Who doesn’t love getting scratch lotto tickets. It’s like a McMann family tradition, they are considered the ultimate prize.
Steve and I let the girls walk a few feet ahead of us until the drunks stumbled out of the bar and started being disrespectful towards them. Steve quickly took Hannah by the hand and I put my arm around Sierra and pulled her into me. At first contact, she jumped in response to my touch and her body didn’t relax until I whispered, “I got you Sierra, please let me.” She tilted her face just enough to see me through her thick eye lashes and when she saw me looking back at her she relaxed in my hold. That was the greatest feeling in the world, okay maybe not the world but it was the greatest feeling I had had so far that day. Knowing that she was letting me protect her meant everything to me.
When we approached the hotel, it dawned on me that Steve and I were in a funny spot. I knew he wanted to take my sister back to his room just like I wanted to take his sister to mine. Slowing my steps as much as possible I decided to wait him out. It didn’t take long before he invited my sister to his room to watch a movie and made sure I would see Sierra to her room safely. The older, protective brother in me couldn’t let Hannah walk away without saying something to her. But the reality is, Steve is exactly who I would choose for her if I had too. I pulled her into a hug and whispered, “You will always be my little sister and my first instinct is to protect you, but I know that man loves you more than anything in the world. Hold onto him, he will take care of you and protect you in ways you have never experienced. Love you Sis.” She didn’t let go of the hug like I expected her to, instead she gave me her own warning about Sierra. I acknowledged for the first time that Sierra was special, that alone gave Hannah all she needed to know. She wished Sierra good night before taking off towards the elevators with Steve.