I kiss Felix, his eyes already drooping. I slide his favorite book back into the shelf and step out of the room, monitor in my hand, door left slightly ajar. His noise machine is whirring as I walk away.

“He’s down,” I say to Marta.

She smiles at me. “Good. I’ll watch him, you go. Have fun.”

“Thanks.” I grab my phone and send Declan a text, letting him know that I’m ready.

I feel so awkward around Marta right now. I swear she keeps giving me this cheeky, knowing look like she’s thinking about the dildo from this morning. I also keep seeing Felix waving it around in the air, so happy and excited, pretending that it’s a sword.

I can’t believe I let my son play with a dildo. I’m probably the worst mom in the world. I mean, it’s not like he’ll ever remember this and he’s not hurt or scarred or something from it, but still. I can’t believe I let that happen.

I’ve been an attentive, caring mom, or at least I think so. I hired Marta to help me out, but mostly I’ve been raising Felix all on my own. I only use her when I have to.

Maybe this thing with Declan is starting to affect my relationship with my son. I can’t have that if it’s true. I can’t start neglecting him just because I have a new man.

I need to be careful. I can’t let Declan consume my life, not entirely. I don’t mind getting involved… but I can’t lose myself in this. I can’t risk getting destroyed, or destroying something I care about.

He picks me up about ten minutes later. We’re in the back of his town car again as the driver heads uptown, weaving through traffic.

“It’s good to see you,” he says to me.

“Same to you.” I forgot how handsome he is, although I don’t know how. It’s like he’s radiant or something. “This is new.” I reach up and gently touch his cheek where stubble’s starting to grow into a beard.

“Ah, yeah,” he says. “Didn’t have time to shave. Overslept.”

“I thought you had to work today.”

He shrugs a little. “Sometimes it’s nice being the boss.”

I laugh as the driver slowly pulls the town car over. “Where are we?” I ask Declan.

“The park.” He climbs out his side and helps me out. We step around onto the curb and sure enough, a half block ahead, is the start of the largest park in the city.

“Gutsy,” I say. “Bringing me to the park at night. Isn’t it dangerous?”

“Not at all.” He grabs my hand and starts walking. “But I won’t let go if you get scared.”

I laugh and catch up with him, but I don’t let go of his hand. I love the feeling of it against my palm, tough and strong.

We step onto a path and start walking. It’s usually pretty full during the day, but there are only a few scattered people around. Mostly they’re sitting under the path lights on benches, minding their own business.

“I thought this would be creepy,” I say to him.

“Most people do. It’s why hardly anybody’s here.”

“Do you come here a lot?”

He nods. “I run through there early morning. And sometimes I come take walks at night.”

“How long have you lived in the city?” I ask him.

“Years,” he says, thinking. “Twenty at least now.”

“Wow.” I give him a look. “You’re practically a local.”

“Practically.” He grins at me. “So are you, though.”

“Not really. I’ve only been here a few years now.”

“But you’re raising a child here. I think that makes you a local.”

“Good point. Raising a baby in the city isn’t easy.”

“Nothing’s easy here. But that’s what makes it great.”

“Is it?” We round a bend in the path. “I feel like that’s what makes it a pain in the ass.”

He laughs softly. “Maybe,” he says. “Parking sucks, traffic is awful, getting groceries can be a pain. But there’s so much life here, so much happening. You can’t get that in the suburbs.”

I yawn a little bit. “That’s the same argument I always hear,” I say. “Not that I want to move to the suburbs, but still.”

He nudges me a little bit. There’s a secondary path that curls off into the trees and the underbrush and we start down along it. I’ve never taken this path before, mostly because I haven’t felt like exploring it before, but also because I don’t come to the park very often.

“Okay then,” he says. “How about this. The city makes you a better person.”

I raise an eyebrow at him. “I’m listening.”

“It’s easy to be lazy,” he says softly. “Anyone can sit around and do nothing, but working hard, really working hard, takes a certain kind of mind.”

“Most people go to work,” I point out.

“But not many of them try,” he says. “The city makes you try. It forces you to, really. You have to walk places, deal with people, learn to exist in a crowded place. Out in the suburbs, you can hide away in your house, order everything you need online, and never see another human in your life. You can be truly and really lazy, but the city… forces you to be harder.”

I laugh a little bit. “I don’t feel hard at all.”

“You are,” he says seriously. “How many women can finish law school and have a baby at the same time? You’re pretty impressive, Teagan.”

I’m quiet as we walk down the path. Plants crowd in on either side, bushes and tree roots, and I think I can hear animals moving nearby. I press myself a little closer to him.

“I guess I can accept that argument,” I say finally.

He laughs. “It’s because I complimented you, isn’t it?”

“Yes,” I say seriously. “I’m pretty easy.”

“Yes, you are,” he says softly, smirking at me. “Here, check this out.”

We come around another bend and the trees and underbrush thin out. I follow him as he steps off the path and starts walking, our footsteps crunching over the dry grass and leaves.

“Where are we going?”

“Just up here,” he says. We step through some more bushes and growth, and he pulls a few branches back for me. I duck under them and step out into a small clearing.

Just ahead is a hill jutting sharply upward. Enormous rocks, the size of a big car, rise up from the ground. Graffiti is sprayed all over them, tags and images drawn in fading color. There’s trash strewn around and I think there’s the remnants of a fire nearby.

“What’s this?” I ask him.

“Kids come here,” he says, kicking an empty liquor bottle.

I look around and spot empty condom wrappers, cigarette packs, potato chip bags, and more beer cans. “It’s a party spot.”

“That’s right. But here’s the best part.” He leads me toward the rocks. Wedged in between two enormous stones, the biggest two boulders, is a small opening. He stoops down and steps into it without another word.

“Declan?” I ask. It’s pitch dark in there and I can’t see him.

“Come on, it’s not deep.” He hand reaches out for me and I take it, following him in.

He’s right, the cave isn’t very large. It’s formed from the two rocks meeting each other, just enough of a gap for two people to stand together comfortably.

“So this is where you wanted to bring me,” I say softly.

“I guess so.” He smirks at me, leaning close. “This is where all the kids make out.”

“Oh, I see,” I whisper. “You’re trying to get in my pants.”

“Of course.” He leans down and gently kisses my neck. I feel his hand slowly move up behind my head, taking my hair in his palm. “You remember that night we had together.”

I nod as he kisses my neck again. “I remember. You were… different that night.”

“Yes, I was.” His lips slowly move toward mine. “Do you want another taste of that?”

I think back to that night. He was dominating, controlling. He pushed me, bent me, broke me in more ways than one and it was the most amazing experience I’ve ever had.

“Yes, but…” I trail off, afraid. I don’t know what I’ll do if I let him have that again. I’m terrified I’ll get addicted to his touch and become an awful mother.

“It’s okay,” he says. “We can ease you into it this time.”

His lips meet mine and I melt into his kiss. His fingers in my hair grip and pull slightly back, tipping my chin up, forcing me tighter into his embrace.

I savor his taste and his touch, mind blanking into pleasure and desire. I feel like a kid again and all of my responsibilities slip away. That should scare me, and normally it would, but I want him too badly to think about it. I think it’ll all come rushing back with a vengeance, and soon, but for now this is all I need.

He presses me back up against the stone wall and I feel him fumble with the button to my pants. He slips the button out, pulls the zipper down, and slowly slides a hand in the front of my jeans. I gasp a little into his kiss as he finds my soaking wet clit.

“That’s what I wanted,” he whispers, kissing my neck. “I needed to feel you, Teagan. Needed proof.”

“Proof?” I ask him as he starts to tease me with his fingers.

“Proof that you want this as much as I do.” He slips his fingers further down and slides them inside, making me gasp.

“What does this prove?” I ask him.

“You’re dripping wet. It means you want me badly.”

“Ah shit,” I gasp as he slides back out and rubs my clit.

“Like I said, I’m going to ease you into it. I don’t think you’re ready for what I can do.” He tugs my jeans and my panties down lower, giving his hand more room to work. Pleasure floods me as he rubs my clit and fingers my pussy, sliding them in and out.

“We’ll start like this,” he whispers, pressing his fingers deep. “All pleasure, simple and good. We’ll start easy. But Teagan, I won’t be so easy next time.” He smirks at me in the gloom of the cave.

“What will you do?”

“I might hurt you,” he says softly. “Not too much. But the pain… it might do something to you.”

“Like what?” I ask him, my breath coming in deep and fast.

He drops to his knees suddenly, grabbing my hips and pressing his mouth between my legs. Instead of answering, his tongue finds my pussy, lapping me up.

I moan, losing myself even further. My fingers run through his hair and I grip it as he works me, faster and faster. His fingers fuck my pussy as his tongue and lips suck my clit.

Wave after wave of pure, unbridled pleasure. He’s so good at that, his tongue and teeth and lips and mouth all working to bring me down to my knees. His hands slide back up my body and support me as I start to shake.

Moans escape my lips and I can’t stop them. I know someone could hear us. Some kids might come by and hear me moaning like this. I don’t think I’ve ever made noises so loud and deep and passionate before, let alone in public, but I can’t stop myself. This is all so much pleasure, all so intense, and I need more. So much more.

His tongue continues lapping me, his hands firm on my hips, and I know I’m close. I can’t help it. I’m gasping, moaning, gripping his hand and he’s sucking me rough, licking me fast and hard, unrelenting and merciless.

“Oh shit,” I moan, finding words. “I’m gonna come.”

“Come in my mouth,” he grunts and goes to work faster and faster, driving me closer.

It moves through me slowly at first, building into a crescendo. I come hard, twitching and shaking, moans escaping my lips in savage bursts as Declan continues to eat me. The orgasm slowly passes and he slides up my body, crushing me against the stone and kissing my lips. I can taste myself on his tongue but I don’t care as I kiss him hard, wrapping myself around his hard body.

“Good girl,” he whispers to me. “That was the easy part.”

“What’s the hard part?”

He smirks at me, and I can see it in his eyes. It’s pure, intense desire. The sort of desire that causes a man to lose himself. I want him to give in to it, to completely control me, to dominate me beyond any recognition.

“You’ll see.” He kisses me again, and I know I’m not going to back down.