“You’re doing what?” Sara stares at me, her eyes wide.

“Shh,” I say, getting up. I walk around my desk and shut my office door. “Can you just chill?”

She shakes her head. “No, I can’t just chill. Are you serious right now?”

I sigh and sit back down in my chair. “It just happened, okay?”

“No, not okay,” she says. “You’re seeing him. The freaking enemy.”

I frown at that. “He’s not the enemy. His partner is.”

“They’re partners,” she says, emphasizing the word. “Meaning they’re equals in this.”

“He doesn’t see it that way.” I know it sounds stupid as soon as I say it.

“Of course he doesn’t,” she scoffs. “Why would he tell you the truth?”

“Because…” I trail off, unable to think of something decent to say. Because I trust him for absolutely no reason? Because I want to sleep with him again so badly it makes my skin hurt? Because he’s the father of my child, and part of me wishes he were in Felix’s life? All of the above, but none of them are rational, good reasons, except for maybe the last.

“I get that he’s important,” she says, preempting my response. “I mean, he’s Felix’s father, right?”

I nod hesitate then nod, sighing. “Right.”

“Holy crap.” Her eyes go wide.

“I know, right?”

She groans. “This is so much more complicated than I thought.”

“I know.”

I have to admit, it feels good telling Sara. I figured she knew back when I got pregnant for the first time, but we never actually talked about it and she never asked. That’s typical Sara, only thinking about herself, even when her best friend’s pregnant.

“I can’t blame you for wanting to talk to him,” she says. “But come on, Tea. You gotta wait until after this litigation is over. The conflict of interest alone…” She shakes her head again.

“I know,” I say. “Look, I know how bad it is, okay? If anyone else at the firm finds out, I’m done.”

“You’re right about that,” she says. “They’ll flay you.”

“But I can’t help it,” I say loudly as she starts to go into details of my punishment. “He’s handsome, charming, and he’s the father of my child.”

“He doesn’t know that,” she points out.

“No,” I concede. “He doesn’t, but I do. And anyway, you didn’t even realize it’s the same guy until I told you just now.”

“Yeah, well, I’ve been busy.” She groans. “I’ve been working my ass off on this case and you’re going to throw it all away. And for what, for some good dick?”

“Sara…” I say softly.

“I know, I know,” she answers, waving me off. “It’s not about that and you’d never jeopardize the case.”

“Right,” I say. “But I’m still in a bind here. And it’s some really good dick.”

She grins at me, softening a bit. “Selfishly, I want to tell you to run the fuck away.” She leans back in her chair, looking deflated. “But you don’t want to do that, do you?”

“No,” I admit.

“So don’t. Just… be smart about it. Don’t talk about work, no matter what. And don’t get too attached.”

“Why?”

“Because he might turn out to be a fucking asshole trying to use you to win this thing.”

I chew my bottom lip, watching her. I can’t imagine that’s true, but then again, I barely know him. He hasn’t brought up the case at all, and actually he seems more interested in Felix than in work. Which is maybe even worse.

“He was asking questions,” I say, looking out the window.

“About?” She raises an eyebrow.

“Felix’s father.” I meet her expression.

Now it’s her turn to look a little worried. “What did you do?”

“I lied,” I say. “What else could I do? Tell him?”

“Maybe,” she says. “Maybe he should know.”

“It’s too late for that.” I groan. “But they look so much alike, and he saw him, you know? I don’t know if he already knows, if he put it all together.”

“Would it be so bad if he did?”

“I don’t know,” I admit. “For the last three years I’ve been raising Felix all on my own and haven’t wanted his help. I didn’t want to involve him, and if this case hadn’t happened, I never would have.”

“But it did happen,” she points out. “And now he’s asking questions.”

“Right. So I’m in something of a bind.”

She watches me for a second and just shakes her head. “Sorry, Tea,” she says. “I have no advice.”

“Because I’m screwed.” I put my head in my hands.

“No,” she says. “Because I selfishly want to tell you to run far, far away from him. But really, I know you don’t want to do that. So I’m not saying a word.”

I sigh and nod, picking myself up. “I appreciate that.”

“Just be careful.” She stands up. “And don’t get fired. And don’t ruin this case. And don’t fuck up whatever you have with him in the process.”

“That’s a lot of stuff…”

“You can handle it.” She grins at me. “You’re a strong, independent lady.”

“Damn right,” I say as she walks to the door.

When Sara leaves, I spend the rest of the morning prepping for another routine meeting with Declan and his partner’s lawyers.

I shouldn’t be nervous. This is the sort of meeting we do before every single piece of litigation. It’s routine stuff, just a meeting with the other side to discuss things. Usually we just talk about logistics and stuff like that, figuring out how we’re even going to try this. Sometimes we even cut deals, but it doesn’t look like a deal is happening here. Though crazier things have happened.

Unfortunately, with Declan nothing is routine anymore. I feel like my whole life is turned upside down. I’ve been in a good place with Felix and Marta for a while. I’ve felt like things are finally starting to normalize, to become easy. Marta is expensive, but she’s worth every penny to help keep things under control. She’s not a full-time nanny, of course, mostly just a babysitter when I need her, and I still have daycare and such, but she helps out most days after work. Fact is, all my money goes to child care, since I don’t have much of a personal life anyway. She makes my life so much easier and I know I couldn’t do this without her. Before I had this job and could afford it, I was the only person raising Felix while getting my degree.

But with a father in the picture…. that could be interesting. It’d be amazing to have someone I know I can rely on, someone as attached to Felix as I am.

But I can’t be having that thought. I shake my head, getting rid of it. I need to focus on work. I don’t think Declan is ever going to be interested in becoming a part of my life like that, let alone part of Felix’s life. I think he just wants another night like that first night, and I’m okay with that. I want that too.

I just have to make sure I don’t want anything else.

The meeting comes toward the end of the day, and I’m disappointed and relieved to see that Declan is not in attendance. Neither is his partner Reid, and so it’s just us lawyers left to hash things out.

No deals get struck, of course, but I do get the sense that Reid might be open to one. Sara throws me a look halfway through the meeting and I smile back at her. I don’t want her to think I’m going to destroy all her hard work over this Declan thing, but I also wish she understood how hard this is for me a little bit better.

Sara’s a great person, she just never settled. She doesn’t have a boyfriend, never really has, and doesn’t want kids. She can’t understand the feelings that are tearing through me right now, and I don’t really blame her for that.

But it makes me feel alone. The one person that knows about everything also can’t fully grasp how I might be feeling.

Finally the meeting ends and as we’re all filing out, I suddenly stop short in the middle of the hall. Getting off the elevator is Declan.

He doesn’t see me yet. One of his lawyers makes a beeline for him. I’m guessing he’s just running late. He frowns as he talks to the lawyer, and he starts to look around the room.

I turn and walk quickly away. I don’t know why I do it, but I don’t want to talk to him in front of Sara and the rest of the team. No matter how badly I want to say hello to him, let him kiss my cheek, feel his warmth against me, I can’t do it right now. I need to keep things professional and separate.

I don’t pause to see if he notices me leaving. It doesn’t really matter. I hurry toward the stairs and head back to my office. I’m breathing heavy when I finally get there, and I make a mental note to start jogging again.

I don’t know why I just ran away from him. I could have said hello and things wouldn’t be strange. Everything just came rushing at me all at once and I had to get out of there, away from him, which is stupid. I spent the whole meeting wishing he were there, and when he finally arrives, I run away from him.

I don’t know what I’m doing. I feel like I have a million different strings tugging me in all different directions. I need to choose what I want and follow through with it, and fast, before this all tears me apart.