I’ll never forget Ava’s face when she opens the door to see me standing pitifully on the door step. She screams, and then crumbles with me in her arms to the floor where we sob and cling to each other for over an hour. I know how worried she must have been, I know she probably blames herself. When we get inside, she shuts the door and helps me sit on the couch.
“Oh God, beautiful Willow, what happened to you?”
She strokes my face and sobs incoherently, until I soothe her by assuring her I’m ok. How strange, I’m soothing her.
“What happened?”
Lying isn’t in my nature, so I tell her everything; from start to finish. By the time I’m done, she’s sobbing again and I’m holding onto her. I’ve dealt with this in my own head, but I know what it must seem like in hers.
“Oh sweetie, you need to contact the police.”
“No,” I say firmly. “If you call them I will lie. Don’t ring them Ava, promise me.”
“He kidnapped you! You were abused for over a month.”
“He didn’t abuse me! It wasn’t like that!”
“Oh God,” She whispers. “You care about him, don’t you?”
I look away, feeling my bottom lip tremble.
“Oh Willow, it’s not real honey, you know that right? It’s fake emotions because he was your light in a dark time. Honey, it’s not real.”
“I know what’s real and what’s not,” I bark. “Jagger is real and what we had was real. He didn’t take me to hurt me, he wasn’t cruel.”
“No, he just took you to a place and let everyone else hurt you.”
“You don’t understand, it could have been so much worse for me.”
“How?” she snaps.
“If the other gang had taken me…my life would have been a lot worse.”
“What about now, you could be in danger?”
I cover my face and sigh. “Ava, the gang have no reason to come anywhere near me now. They want what Jagger has; they will go after him to get it, not me.”
“Willow…”
“If anyone is to blame here, it’s my Father.” I spew out, waving my hands.
“Ok, alright, I think you need to get some help though. You can’t go through what you have, and not seek some help to get through.”
“I’m fine.”
She narrows her eyes. “No, you’re not.”
“I will be; I just need time.”
“You’re not going to stay in contact with him, are you?”
I think about Jagger’s number in my phone, and decide not to tell her about it.
“I wouldn’t know how to find him if I tried.”
I just broke my no lying rule.
“We should call Jenny; she’s been beside herself with worry.”
“I will ring her in the morning, please, I just need tonight.”
She hugs me again and strokes my hair, “Of course, how about a cup of tea?”
I nod weakly and stand. “I’m going to shower.”
“Take your time, I’ll be right here.”
I turn just as I reach the hall and call out her name. She turns and stares at me.
“It wasn’t your fault Ava, you know that right?”
Her lip trembles and I rush over, taking her into my arms. “It wasn’t your fault. I took the drink from him, you couldn’t have stopped that.”
“I shouldn’t have let you take drinks, I should have watched you, I shouldn’t have taken you in the first place…”
“Ava, don’t…I made my own choices that night.”
“Maybe I need to get help too,” She laughs weakly and I snort a laugh.
“Maybe.”
When I leave her to her tea making, I head to my room. It’s been so long, it all feels foreign to me and I feel out of place. I stare around the room, and look at the clothes on the floor. They are still there from the night we went out and I threw all my clothes on the floor to try and find the perfect outfit. If I had have stayed home that night…no…I can’t think like that.
My phone makes a beeping sound in my bag, and I pull it out. I notice right away everything has been cleared. Jagger has deleted all missed calls, messages and voice mails from worried friends and family. That or he has changed the sim card. I flick through the contacts. Only his name appears. He changed the sim card. Smart on his behalf I guess. I find the message that has just come up and my heart quickens when I see Jagger’s name.
J: For what it’s worth, I never wanted anything bad to happen 2 u. I hope u find your happiness again, and I hope u never have 2 think about me again. I know u don’t see it now, but you’re better off.
I contemplate my response for long moments, the finally I reply. Knowing it’s probably the last time I’ll ever talk to Jagger again.
W: It doesn’t matter what’s right for me. Maybe I am better off. Maybe I’m not. I’ll never know and neither will you.
J: U said u wanted to leave…u never said u wanted anything more.
W: No, I didn’t.
J: What does that mean Willow?
W: Goodbye Jagger, I hope u find what you’re looking for.
J: Don’t…fuck…Willow, answer me.
I switch my phone off with the intentions of never turning it on again.
~*~*~*~
The next week of my life is painful. I spend hours at the police department, lying through my teeth to protect a man who doesn’t even want me. I tell them I was blindfolded, and didn’t see or hear anything. I was dumped at my doorstep after a month, I don’t know why. I told Ava to agree with me, even though she wants Jagger to go down. I told her how dangerous it was for her to tell the truth.
My Sister Jenny cried for the days by my side, and I did my best to comfort her. I kept details to a minimum; I don’t want her to know about my Father. She doesn’t need that pain. So, basically, the week has been hell and all I can think about it him. Jagger. I miss him so much; words can’t describe the pain I feel. I know it’s off, so I make an appointment with a shrink.
I’m sitting in her office on day eight, staring at the wall with a grim expression. Doctor Peterson is a tall, pretty woman with flaming red hair and blue eyes. She smiles a lot and nods her head constantly, as though she’s agreeing with everything I’m saying; which I know she’s not. She must think I’m crazy. I have no doubt about it.
“So, what happened after you two had sex?”
I glare at her. “He made love to me, you don’t understand.”
She nods again, fuck her dammed head nodding. “I think you believe you made love, but making love is for people in love. From what you tell me, this man didn’t love you.”
“He took care of me, he freaked out when I was hurt, and he said kind things to me. He wasn’t a monster, he cared enough.”
“Caring and loving are two different things, Willow.”
“I know that,” I snap.
“Why don’t we look at the fact that he hasn’t contacted you at all this past week?”
“I told him not to.”
“And you don’t think a man in love would try anyway?”
“I know what you’re thinking, and I don’t have it. I don’t have Stockholm syndrome.”
“I didn’t say that, while it’s common in kidnapping victims, I believe your case is a little different. Your kidnapper didn’t take you to hurt you, in a sense; he took you to protect you.”
“How do you suppose that?” I snort.
“From what you tell me, the other option would have been much worse.”
I shudder.
“Why don’t you tell me more about your feelings for this man? Help me understand.”
“I’m not crazy.”
“I never said you were.”
“My feelings aren’t fake,”
“While I believe this man didn’t intend on hurting you, I’m not quite sure I’d go as far as saying he cares about you so tell me how you came about feeling this way for him.”
“He cared.”
“Cared?”
“Seriously, can we just drop it? I survived, I made it through and I’m free. End of story.”
“Why did you just change the subject Willow?”
I huff, “Because I don’t know how to answer you without sounding insane!”
“Then tell me, what is it that makes you want to be with him so badly?”
“I didn’t say I want to be with him.”
She leans back in her chair and writes down some more notes. “Ok, so you don’t miss him?”
“Of course I do!”
“Can you tell me why?”
“I don’t know why, I hate that I miss someone who did that to me. It makes no sense in my mind, I feel like I’m losing the plot. I care about him and I don’t know why, I don’t know anything. When we made love, he was different. He was sweet and caring, he was…beautiful.”
She nods and then closes her note book. “I think that’s enough for today. I want you to go home and think about why you defend him, and why you resent him and bring me some notes for our next session.”
I don’t thank her, or say anything else. I just stand and walk out. This is doing my head in and I can’t deal with it.
~*~*~*~
“Willow, it’s ok, I don’t expect you to come.” Jenny says, tipping some sugar into her coffee.
It’s day eighteen of my release, and I don’t feel any better. I miss Jagger, God, I miss him. My shrink tries to make sense of it, of me, but she’s getting nowhere. I’m all over the place. I hate him. I love him. I resent him. I can’t get anything right in my head. I haven’t turned my phone on and I refuse to. If he wanted to find me, he would.
“I don’t mind Jenny, I have to get back to life sooner rather than later,” I say, sipping my coffee. It’s Jenny’s birthday tonight and she’s having a party at a local club. She’s trying to tell me I don’t have to go.
“Willow, I don’t think you’re ready.” Ava says, agreeing with Jenny.
“I’m not a fucking mental case!” I cry, slamming my hand down on the table. Both the girls stare at me with wide eyes, well, that didn’t help my case. “I just want to be normal, I just want my life back and you two are smothering me.”
“Willow…we’re not trying to.”
“Well you are!” I cry, standing.
“Willow, please….” Jenny begs.
“I’m coming Jenny, because I have to learn to live again.”
She nods and Ava does too.
“I’ll see you guys tonight, I need fresh air.”
I walk the four blocks to our apartment. I can’t think with all this smothering. I know they have my best interests at heart, but they have to understand how hard it is for me. I am finding it hard to settle back in, Jagger is on my mind day and night and I can’t breathe right without him and that scares the hell out of me because I don’t know why I feel that way and I’m scared I’m losing it slowly.
By the time Ava and Jenny have gone shopping and come home, I’m ready to go out. I refuse to wallow any longer. Neither argues with me again, instead, I help them get ready. For a moment, I feel normal as we laugh and style each other’s hair. It feels…right. When we’re ready, we walk to the club down the road. Thank God it’s not the one Ava and I went to, I don’t think I could bring myself to go in there.
The club we’ve picked is quieter than most, hence why it was chosen. Jenny’s friends find her and the squealing and happy birthday’s begin. I have my hair down and it covers my low cut, short, black dress. Why? Because my back is now permanently scarred from Snake’s beatings. I hate him for that and I hope he rots in hell where he belongs.
The night starts off well, Ava and I groove on the dance floor and I make sure all my drinks are purchased by me and only me. I get drunk very quickly, and for the first time in weeks, I feel good. I know it’s not the right way to go about it, but to be free of those feelings for just a moment is nice. Ava and I are shoving through the crowd for another drink, when I see a group of men standing in the corner out of the way of the lights.
My heart stops. It literally stops. Jagger and the boys are standing and watching me. How long has he been here watching me? Is he following me? Oh God, is he going to take me again? My eyes meet his and I’m sure I see him flinch. I grip Ava’s hand. “We have to leave, now.”
“Why, what’s wrong?”
“He’s here.”
“What? Who?”
I nod my head and she turns, staring at Jagger. “Oh God, we should call the police.”
“No, let’s just go. Out back. Now.”
“Jenny?”
I scan the dance floor, I can’t see her. When I spot her at the bar, I rush over and take her arm.
“We have to leave.”
“What? NO!”
“He’s here.”
That’s enough for her, she takes my hand and we rush out the back. We just get out the door, when a hand grips my arm and spins me around. I scream and kick out, but Jagger has me. Jenny cries out and smacks him with her bag and Ava screams as Angel takes her and wraps his arms around her.
“I’m not gonna hurt her,” Jagger says as Ace grips Jenny and holds her back.
“Let me go, please don’t do this to me again.”
Jagger pushes me against the wall, his hard body pressing into me and bringing me back to life. I’m drunk and it’s impossible to try and push him away. His mouth goes down to my ear.
“I just need to talk, ok? It’s urgent.”
I nod, swallowing. Jagger lets me go and turns towards the girls again.
“I promise you she’ll be safe.”
“Let her go, you fucking asshole!” Ava cries.
“Ava,” I whisper. “I’ll be ok. I promise.”
“Willow, please,” Jenny whimpers.
“I give you my word; I will drop her home as soon as I’m done.” Jagger says.
Ava looks at me and I nod. She struggles and screams as Angel and Ace drag her and Jenny to the car and shove them in. Then they all get in and drive off.
“Where are they taking them?” I cry.
“Home,”
“Jagger, why are you here?”
“We need to talk.”
“I have nothing to say to you.”
“Well you don’t get a choice, come on.”
“Have you been following me?”
He stills and stares down at me; I get a good look at him under the street light. He’s wearing a white V-neck, sleeveless jersey and God, it looks gorgeous on him. His jeans are a dark blue and he has a thick silver chain around his neck. His dark hair is messy and he has a light shade of stubble on that beautiful jaw.
“Only tonight,”
“Why?”
“Long story, get in.”
He shoves me towards his car, but I lash out and scurry away. He manages to grip my arm again, and he slams me against the door. I cry out and kick, missing him twice.
“Willow, hey, I’m not going to take you away again…”
“Please, my life has been awful the past few weeks. I just want to get away from all this.” I cry, shaking my head from side to side.
“Shhh, hey, shhh,”
“Please Jagger; just leave me alone, you’re making this so hard on me…”
I’m squirming and thrashing, I just wanted to forget him and everything about him. Suddenly, his lips are on mine and oh God, I crumble. I melt against the car as he pushes his body onto mine and secures me between the door and himself. I can’t help my hands, they slide up his neck and tangle into his hair and I pull him deeper into the kiss.
He groans and runs his hands down the side of my body, making me shiver. “This dress is too fuckin’ short.”
“So?” I whisper.
“So, I don’t like it.”
Is Jagger playing concern? Is he being possessive and over protective? My heart speeds up.
“Jagger…” I whimper when he lifts my leg and tucks it around his hip.
“I’ve missed you, God I’ve fuckin’ missed you.”
He slides his hand up the inside of my thigh and finds my damp panties. Whoa, this is happening so fast. Why aren’t I shoving him away and abusing him? God, because I’ve needed him so badly; I’m so alone.
“So fuckin’ wet for me, baby?”
“Yes,” I moan when he slides his fingers under the fabric and tweaks my clit.
I cling to him, needing him so badly I can’t think straight. It’s sick, twisted and wrong, but for a moment, I feel like everything is right again. His free hand unbuckles his belt and I feel him jerk his jeans down just enough to free his hard cock. In seconds, he is thrusting inside me, deep and hard. I cry out and grip his arms, throwing my head back.
He thrusts with need, growling my name and crushing my lips with his. His arms are hard and tensing beneath my palms and his hips are thrashing, slamming my body against the car. His mouth moves down to bite my neck and I cry out as an intense orgasm rips through my body. I shudder violently and tighten around him as he explodes with a hoarse growl.
When he stops thrusting, he pulls out of me and yanks his jeans back up. I pull my panties back into place and drop my leg, leaving my head leaning back on the car. I stare up at the stars, wondering what the hell just happened. Did we just fuck in a back car park? Jagger takes my face and tilts it down to meet his.
“I’ve missed you,” he murmurs, resting his forehead against mine.
Run Willow, run now! Don’t sink again.
“Please…”
“I’m sorry to have to disrupt your life again.”
“Then why are you?” I whisper, hoarsely.
“We need to talk.”
“Fine, let’s talk so I can leave.”
He grumbles something, and then opens the car door for me. I get in and wait for him to get around the other side. Surprisingly, he drives me to my apartment and I see the other car out front. Relief floods me.
“Why are we here?”
“Coz’ I gotta talk to all of you.”
“What about?”
“Just get inside.”
I shoot him a dirty look, and then get out of the car. When I get inside, Ava leaps up and runs over to me, hugging me tightly.
“Are you ok?”
“I’m fine, it’s fine.”
Jenny stays on the couch, she gives me a weak smile but she doesn’t look so frightened anymore. Angel and Ace are here, the other men have gone. Angel nods his head at me, and I give him a brief smile. When Jagger walks in, Ava and Jenny both stare at him with wide eyes - I know what they see, he’s beautiful.
“Why is he here?” Ava asks.
“Ask him!”
“How dare you come in here after what you did to Willow,” She snarls, pointing a finger at Jagger.
“Sit down.” Jagger snaps, and Ava’s eyes widen.
“You’re not welcome here!”
“Ava, just listen, please?” I say, taking her hand and pulling her down onto the couch beside me.
Jagger looks around the apartment, and then turns to me. “Have you seen your Father?”
Jenny gasps and I groan. “Way to go Jagger.”
“What?”
“She doesn’t know!”
“What are you talking about?” Jenny cries.
“He’s alive Jen; it’s why I got taken.”
“What?” She shrieks.
“You can explain that one Jagger,” I snap.
I sit back and listen as Jagger goes over, very briefly, what happened with my Father. Jenny’s eyes widen and she looks to me for confirmation. I nod, letting her know Jagger is telling the truth and she puts her head in her hands.
“To answer your question,” I say, stroking her thick red hair. “No, I haven’t seen him.”
“Well, he got away and not only does he have us after him, but Manchez is after him too. You’re not safe. We’re staying here until this is sorted. I’m afraid he will come for you to get your Father out considering it worked so well for us.”
“What?” Ava and I cry at the same time.
“It’s not negotiable. I believe your Father is going to make contact with you, he mumbled something about you having the information.”
“I have nothing of his!”
“He mentioned your Mother too, so I’m sure he might show there as well.”
“Excuse me? My Mother’s in an institution.”
Jagger sighs. “Will you just fuckin’ trust me Willow?”
“Trust you?” Jenny cries. “You stole her, and now you want us to trust you. I’m calling the police.”
“You call the police and you die, simple.” Jagger snarls.
“You’ll kill me?” She gasps.
“No, I wouldn’t lay a hand on you; it’s not me you should be worried about. You involve the police; you can kiss your life goodbye.”
“You can’t keep us prisoner.” Ava yells, slamming her hand down on the coffee table.
“You’re not fuckin’ prisoner, I’m just going to be here until it’s sorted. Then you can get back on your merry way and forget about me.”
Ava nods and backs down. I stand and walk over to Jagger, “How long until it’s sorted?”
“Either your dad or Manchez will make a move. If it’s Manchez we’ll take him out and finish this. If it’s your Father, it’s trickier because we have to draw Manchez out.”
“You’re going to kill Manchez and his gang?”
“That’s the plan.”
“Are we in danger?”
“At the moment I believe you are but with us here you’re safest. They don’t want you dead, they want information so they aren’t about to blow up the house or shoot you on the street. They are more likely to try and snatch you.”
“How nice,” I mutter.
Jagger takes my face, “I know you didn’t wanna see me again, but I don’t have much choice. Believe it or not, I’m protecting you.”
“If you didn’t bring me into this mess in the first place, you wouldn’t have to protect me.”
He growls. “You would have been dragged into this mess regardless, once they found out your Father was behind it, they were going to come after you. Be grateful I got you and not them.”
“Fine Jagger; do we have to have escorts when we go out, or to work?”
“Yes, Angel will escort Ava and Ace will escort Jenny.”
“Let me guess, I’m lucky enough to get you?”
He glares at me and I sigh, spinning around. “We don’t have much room.”
“Ace and Angel can sleep in the lounge. Jenny can go in with Ava and I’ll go in with you.”
I snort. “Dream on.”
“It’s happening, best you get used to it.”
“Why can’t we go to your house?”
“It’s too risky; if they corner us there we have less chance of getting out. Here is a public place, less likely for an attack.”
“Well that’s comforting, I’m sure I’ll have nice dreams.”
Jagger glares at me. “I can leave and let you deal with it all on your own, if that’s what you’d prefer?”
“Don’t be an ass. Can I talk to my girls alone please?”
“Fine. Angel, Ace, go get our shit from the trunk.”
I lead Jenny and Ava down the hall and into my room. I shut and lock the door and turn to them.
“I’m so sorry guys.”
Ava shrugs, swiping tears away. “From the sounds of it, this would have happened regardless.”
“I can’t believe your Father is alive,” Jenny whispers, sitting on the bed.
“I was shocked too.”
“And he’s dealing with criminals, that makes it so much worse.”
“I know honey.”
We all sit on the bed and I take their hands. “Look, Jagger might look like an ass but he was good to me, he isn’t violent or horrible. Yes, he can be a prick but he’s not going to hurt us and Ace and Angel will follow all his orders. The worse part of it will be living with three men; they will take care of us ok?”
“Like they took care of you,” Ava whispers.
“Ava, I know it looks bad but we have to trust them. We’re not safe anywhere else.”
She nods and we all sit in silence for a long while, then Jenny speaks. “Did Jagger rob the backstreet boys or something?”
I laugh at her question. “Why do you say that?”
“Ace and Angel are both hot as hell, and Jagger just puts the cherry on the cake.”
I snort. “I don’t know, I noticed they were all handsome when I first met them too.”
“So is Jagger his real name?”
“No, it’s Johnny. Jagger is the club name - Johnny, Aiden, George, Greg, Eddie and Rusty. They all go by nicknames though, so you won’t hear anyone call them by their real names.”
“Oh…” Jenny says, nodding.
“Greg, who went by Snake, is dead.”
“Right, well at least if we are on lockdown, it’s with handsome men.”
I nod and we all laugh softly, holding onto each other. It’s going to be a long few weeks.