We spend an hour hashing out our differences and decide to take it slow and give it a shot. I want Jagger and he wants me, for now that’s the best we have. So many people will disagree with our choice, but we have to try, there’s just too much between us not to. When we’ve finished talking, I insist he takes a shower to wash off his ‘whore scent.’ He laughs the entire way back inside, and everyone gives us strange looks when we disappear into the room together.
Now, we’re in the shower and I’m on my knees, cock in hand, ready to make him beg. I want to taste him. I want him in my mouth, hard and hot while he groans above me. His head falls back onto the tiled wall as I side my tongue around his throbbing cock. His groaning is erotic, and I love to tease him. He deserves it after tonight.
“Fuck baby, suck me.”
I snake my tongue out and lick the glistening head of his cock, he growls and thrusts his hips forward but I don’t take him in my mouth.
“Fuck, don’t play with me.”
“Say please.”
“No.”
I lick him again, causing a ragged groan to escape his lips.
“Please Jagger, say it…”
“No…God, fuck…”
“Say it and I’ll suck this beautiful cock.”
“Fuck, suck me Willow, please baby, please.”
With a grin, I take him into my mouth and I suck, I torment him with my lips and my tongue until he’s arching and thrusting his cock upwards. I take his balls into my hand and I gently roll them around, which only adds to his desperate pleas. I stop and start, teasing and taunting until he’s cursing and gripping my hair, thrusting his cock into my mouth.
“Fuck, going to come, fuck.”
I feel the pulsing and then moments later I taste the salty liquid as he spurts hot and hard into my mouth. I groan and swallow, sucking until he has nothing left. When he pulls away, I peek up at him through my lashes. He keeps his hands in my hair and raises me gently, bringing my lips to his. I wrap my arms around his neck, kissing and sucking on his lip, not caring that I taste like him.
“Grosse,” he groans, biting my lower lip. “I taste like crap.”
I giggle, “A little.”
“Come on hoover, let’s go to bed.”
I laugh as he attempts to pull me out of the shower. He still has a real swagger about him, and I know he will pass out fairly quickly when we hit the sheets. I dress and dry, and then we slide into bed together. He rolls me so his chest is pressed against my back and his arms are wrapped around me.
“So, I bet you’re glad I came back now?”
“Maybe…”
He tickles my ribs and I squeal with laughter. “Alright, I’m glad!”
“Did you miss me?”
“No.”
He tickles me again. “Ok, ok, you brute! I missed you.”
“You know I’m dangerous, don’t ya?”
“I laugh in the face of danger, ha ha ha ha!”
He snorts a laugh and pulls me close.
“You’re changing everything I taught myself over the years.”
“Yeah well someone has to change you, you’re an ass.”
He pokes me and then begins stroking my arms until my eyelids are heavy and drooping. For the first time in weeks, I fall asleep completely content.
~*~*~*~*
“You animal,” Ava whispers to me as I pour myself a coffee the next morning.
I stare at Angel sitting in the lounge flicking through the television while Ace snores lightly on the floor. Big tough men my ass. Jagger’s still asleep, and Ava’s giving me the ‘You dirty troll’ speech. She heard us early this morning, I can’t help it; Jagger knows how to make a girl scream. That mouth of his, my God.
“I’m not dirty,” I say, sliding my butt onto the bench. “We have a connection.”
“Yeah, it’s call his dick in your…”
“I can hear you!” Angel yells, smothering a laugh. I smile at Angel’s new personality. Living with him is bringing out the fun side to Angel. I didn’t know he had one.
“Sorry Angel,” I giggle and lower my voice. “Seriously though, I know it’s crazy to you but I like him Ava, he makes me happy.”
“He’s an angry ass, but if he makes you happy...”
“He does and besides, if he hurts me, I’m sure you’ll kick his ass.”
“Damn right I will,” She grins, putting up her fists. “But seriously, if you’re going to bang him, keep it down.”
I choke on my coffee and kick her lightly. “Wear earplugs.”
She rolls her eyes just as Jenny walks into the kitchen, pouting.
“There’s a fucking skid mark in my toilet.”
Ava and I burst out laughing, causing Ace to bolt upright from his spot on the floor. Jenny frowns at us, but moments later she’s laughing too.
“I can’t believe we have to live with three men!”
“They aren’t so bad.” I grin, shaking my head.
“Well, at least they’re nice to look at.” Ava mutters, staring at the two men.
Angel stands, wearing only boxer shorts. When he smiles, he has a killer grin. It’s quite nice to look at. Ava flushes when he stares at her and winks.
“Did he just wink at you?” I giggle.
“Don’t even go there, I was walking to the bathroom last night and I slammed into him AGAIN. This time though, he was naked…and hard. I’m sure he’s doing it on purpose,” she whispers, flushing.
“Oh my God, you copped a feel of Angel’s dick.”
“Shut up Willow!! This is all your fault!”
Just then Jagger walks in, his hair all ruffled and his body hard and firm. We all stop talking and stare as he runs his hands through his hair in an attempt to straighten it up.
“Take a picture ladies, it lasts longer,” he mutters.
We all burst out laughing. He grins and walks over to me. He nestles himself between my legs and pulls me in for a kiss so hot Ava groans and makes a gagging sound. When I pull back, flustered and hot, Jagger turns away.
“I’m hungry, make me some food woman.”
I slap him hard on the chest and he makes a loud oomphing sound.
“Don’t be rude Jagger, or I’ll starve you.”
He grins, “I have plenty to eat if you don’t get me food.”
“Oh Grosse!” Ava whines, covering her ears. Jenny rolls her eyes and plods off to her room to get dressed.
I flush and slap Jagger’s chest again. In this moment, it almost feels normal - almost. I dig through the cupboards and fridge until I find bacon and eggs, I start cooking. It’s a big job to feed all of us, but I’m used to it now after cooking for Jagger back at his house.
“Smells fuckin’ amazing,”
I feel hard arms go around my waist and I grin, “So do you.”
“Want me to bend you over right here? Coz’ I will.”
I groan when he thrusts his erection into my ass, and pinches my nipples through my thin shirt.
“I’m going to have you here one day,” he murmurs, thrusting against my ass again.
“Oh no, you’re not…”
“Am too,”
“Not.”
“You’ll see baby, and you’ll love it.”
“I’d rather you didn’t go there, it’s not made to play Jagger.”
“You’re wrong; it most certainly is made to play.”
He slaps my ass and walks off, I huff but I can’t wipe the grin from my face. My phone rings beside me, and I stare down at it. I got a new phone that didn’t have Jagger’s number in it after he dropped me back; though I still have my old one. I see it’s my Mother’s carer and confusion fills me.
“Hello?” I answer.
“Willow, it’s Sarah.”
“Hi Sarah, is everything ok?”
“It’s your Mother, she’s lost it. Willow, she had a visitor yesterday and now she’s beside herself. Something’s really upset her and she keeps asking for you.”
My blood runs cold.
“Was it a man that visited?”
“I believe so, yes.”
“His name?”
“Kane,”
I swallow and shudder. My Father visited my Mother, just like Jagger predicted. Oh God, a woman with a mental illness seeing someone she thought was dead. I know how that must have gone down in her brain.
“I’m coming, give me two hours.”
“Thank you.”
She hangs up and I slam my phone down. “Fuck!” I hiss.
“What’s wrong?”
Jagger walks into the kitchen, fully dressed and gives me a narrow eyed stare. How can I tell him? My Mother won’t talk with him around, I need to go and see her on my own. What if this is a trap? Oh God, I don’t know what to do.
“Jagger, I have to go out.”
“What? Where?”
“To visit my Mother, that was her carer, I forgot my visit was today.”
“I’ll take you.”
“Can you not come in; she doesn’t deal well with unexpected visitors?”
“Yeah, I’ll wait outside.”
I quickly plate up breakfast, and while they’re eating I rush into the room to change. I can’t think. I don’t know if I’m walking into a trap and I don’t know what my Mother wants me for. I don’t know anything, but I need to find out before I tell Jagger. Even if it ends badly. When I’m done, Jagger and I head to the car and start the hour’s journey to my Mother’s home.
“Everything ok?” Jagger asks.
I’m staring out the window; so many things are going through my mind right now.
“Yeah, I’m fine.”
“You don’t seem fine.”
“I haven’t seen her for over six month’s Jagger.”
“Why is that?”
“She was getting better and trying to make things right, it’s very hard for me to feel forgiveness towards a woman who tried to take my life.”
“Yeah, I get that.”
“Part of me knows it wasn’t her, it was whatever was in her head at the time, but it still hurts you know?”
“I know, believe me.”
“Your dad?”
He nods briefly. “He beat me so many fuckin’ times I can’t count. I’m sure he tried to kill me numerous times.”
“Is he alive?”
“I don’t know.”
“Oh.”
“And my Mother killed herself when we were younger, I hate her for that.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, well, it’s life right?”
“I guess.”
We pull up at the home and Jagger says he will wait out front. He finds a seat and plonks down on it. I give him a brief smile and then proceed to sign myself in and wait for Sarah. She arrives ten minutes later and looks frazzled. I stand and give her a hug, and she returns it with full force.
“You look well, honey.”
“Thanks. How is she?”
“Better knowing you were coming.”
“Well, let’s see what the problem is.”
She walks me through security and down the peach colored halls. The rooms are all secured with key pads and in the more serious sections, guards. When we get to my Mother’s room, Sarah punches in the code and opens the door. We step inside and I stare at my Mother sitting by the window staring out. She’s lost weight since I last saw her, but her radiant red hair is glowing.
She turns when she hears us and her eyes fall on me. I give her a weak smile. We have the same eyes, that sparkling emerald green. We all share the same porcelain skin too. She stands and walks over, taking my face in her hands. I close my eyes; I don’t deal well with my Mother touching me. She pulls me in for a hug like always, and I let her. I don’t really hug her back, just pat her weakly.
“Mom, it’s good to see you.”
“Sarah, may I speak to her alone?”
“Yes, of course.”
Sarah leaves and I sit down at the table, my Mother joins me.
“So, tell me what’s going on? He came to see you, didn’t he?”
Her eyes widen and her lip trembles. “I thought he was dead.”
“So’d I.”
“I saw the news…about you going missing. I was so worried Willow. Your Father said you were taken by a gang, and that you weren’t safe.”
I snort. “He’s the one who caused it all in the first place; and they aren’t exactly a gang. Besides, they only took me to find him.”
“He gave me some things,” she whispers, looking around the room, “and told me to give them to you.”
“What did he say?”
“He said I had to give to you this package and that you needed to follow the instructions for your own safety. He said you weren’t safe with that man you’re with. I was hysterical, I didn’t get much more.”
“Where’s the package?”
She stands and ruffles through her drawers to return with a yellow manila envelope. She hands it to me and I open it. The first thing I pull out is a note.
Willow,
I know I don’t deserve your trust, but I need it right now. You’re in serious danger. Willow, you have something they want and you don’t even know it. I need to see you. They will come after you, and when they do it will end badly. Contact me on 9954 2474 as soon as you receive this. Don’t set Jagger onto me, it will only end badly. He’s using you to get that information. I made the mistake of telling him you have it. I hope you trust me enough to know I did what I did to protect you. Call me, as soon as you can.
Dad
I’m angry, no, I’m beyond angry. He hasn’t bothered to contact me for years, but he can manage a note when it suits him? And he wants me to trust him? I feel my fingers trembling. I think about the words he wrote about Jagger. What if he did only come back because my Father told him I have information? I’m so confused; this whole situation is messed up. I need to think.
“I will deal with this,” I say to my Mother. “Don’t sink yourself over him.”
“I can’t believe he’s still alive,” she whispers, staring at her hands.
“Dad isn’t who we thought he was.”
“Won’t you tell me what’s going on?”
“Mom, it’s not the best information for you to have right now. Leave it with me, I’ll sort it.”
“I know you don’t trust me Willow, I don’t blame you but…”
“Don’t,” I whisper, putting up my hand. “Don’t make me hash this out with you again Mom.”
“I just want forgiveness.”
“You tried to kill me.”
Her face goes a horrible shade of white. “I wasn’t thinking, my mind was in a very bad place.”
“I know that, but it’s not something I can just forget…”
“You don’t even try,” she whimpers.
“Mom, stop, please. I’m glad you’re better and I hope you get out soon, but right now I can’t deal with this.”
She nods, biting her lip and Sarah enters the room.
“It’s time for some afternoon swimming,” she smiles.
I stand and shove the envelope into my bag before zipping it up. I hug my Mother briefly.
“I’ll talk with you soon.”
“Will you come visit more often?”
I look from her to Sarah and back again. “Of course, I’ll come back when I can.”
“Thank you Willow, I’ll walk you out.”
Just as we get to the door, my Mother yells out my name. I turn and she whispers, “Be careful, Willow.”
I nod and leave, trying to hold back my unexpected tears. When I sign out and wave goodbye to Sarah, I head out the front. Jagger is sitting on the chair, legs stretched out, talking on the phone. God, he’s so beautiful. I have that thought a lot, and each time it’s more intense. I walk over and give him a weak smile; he narrows his eyes but continues on with his conversation.
“Yep, good, call me as soon as you know Bull.”
He hangs up and stands, taking my face in his hands. “You ok?”
“I’m fine.”
“Is your Ma ok?”
“Sure.”
“You look like you’re about to burst into tears.”
My lip trembles and he sighs, pulling me to his chest. Hot tears stream down my face and he strokes my hair while I cling to him on the sidewalk.
“It’s goin’ to be fine, you’ll see.”
“Everything’s fucked up; it’s not meant to be like this. I didn’t do anything wrong…”
“I know you didn’t, this isn’t your fault.”
“Yet I’m right in the middle of it.”
“Say, you want to go to lunch? Just me and you?”
I smile; humbled by his kindness. “I’d love to.”
“Come on, I know just the place.”
We end up at a beautiful sea side restaurant, and I feel myself relaxing instantly. Jagger is the perfect gentleman, pulling out my chair and smiling at me each time our eyes meet. I love this side to Jagger; it’s this side that makes me realize why I chose to give him a go. After everything, he is continually proving that he isn’t all bad; at least, I hope he isn’t.
“What do you want to eat?” he asks, taking my hand.
“Um, I don’t know, what’s good?”
He chuckles. “I don’t own your taste buds, so I don’t know your tastes.”
I poke my tongue out at him. “Then just give me suggestions.”
“The open burger is good, or the BLT.”
“Hmmmm, Bacon, I’ll have that.”
He winks at me and orders two BLT’s and some cola. When our drinks arrive, I swallow the cool liquid with a groan.
“Hey, Bull is going to stay the night tonight as well. Is that ok?”
I frown, confused. “Why? We already have three in the house.”
“Just to be safe,”
“Jagger, is there a problem?”
He sighs. “Manchez is back in town, I just want to have extra protection that’s all.”
“Maybe we should send Jenny and Ava away.”
“No, that’s not going to help them in any way. They need to be around people who can protect them.”
“Jagger?”
“Yeah?”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Go for it,” he says, sipping his cola.
“Is it always going to be like this?”
He narrows his eyes. “What?”
“Our life…our relationship…”
“Look, I know right now this isn’t the perfect life, but you knew that already. This is the worst case we’ve had and when it’s over, we don’t plan on getting involved with any other gangs or drug runs again. I don’t like to consider us a gang and this isn’t something we would choose to do all the time.”
“You always say you’re not a gang. What exactly do you consider yourself?”
“We are a brotherhood. My life is with those men, it always will be but it doesn’t mean it will always be dangerous. We’re not criminals; we don’t pride ourselves on breaking the law.”
“Then why do you?”
“We don’t Willow, we got involved with the drug case for personal reasons. We won’t be doing it again.”
“What could make anyone want to get involved in that?”
“Ace was in trouble.”
“How do you mean?”
“He got himself into some serious shit, he had no way out. We had to help him, or stand back and watch him get a bullet in the brain. That’s when our dealings with Manchez started.”
“Oh.”
“We created a brotherhood when we started helping Ace, we swore our loyalties to each other and we stuck together. The only reason we got so involved in the criminal side of things, was because of Ace. That’s not to say we wouldn’t do serious damage to anyone who messed with us, as you know, but it wasn’t our intention to become criminals.”
I nod. “I think I get it. After Manchez, what will you do?”
“We will always be a group, and we will always have each other’s backs. We will never stop being what we are.”
“And the danger?”
“I will do everything I can do avoid ever being put in the situation I’m in now again, but I can’t promise my life won’t hold danger sometimes…”
“I understand.”
“Do you?” he whispers.
“Yes, I do.”
“Can you accept it?”
“I don’t know that yet Jagger, I truly don’t.”
He nods, and we’re both silent a moment.
“You know Willow, sometimes in life you just have to take risks. I don’t believe in happily ever after. No one ever just rides off on a white horse into the sunset and finds lifelong happiness. Even in the best relationships there are problems. No one is perfect; no one can ever create a perfect relationship. The best they can do is give it a damn good try, and I think sometimes that has to be enough. If you can’t accept what I am, nothing I do will change that. I’m not going to give you a white horse, nor am I going to take you into the sunset and promise that no bad things will ever happen to you or to us, because no one has the right to ever promise another person that. I can only promise you that I’ll give you every ounce of my heart and soul, and hope that it’s enough.”
I’m crying now; big, hot, heavy tears are sliding down my cheeks. His words hit me where they needed to, and I can’t find it in my heart to reject him. How can I? He might be dangerous, he might be hard and beautiful all at the same time but he’s mine and that alone is enough to make me hang on. I don’t know if the next month will hold agony, or if I’ll wake up one day and realize this was all fake but I can sure as hell give it the best I have while it’s good. I take his hand and bring his fingertips to my lips. A beautiful smile breaks out on his face and I know he gets my message.
I want to try.