JUST FOR THE RECORD, I did not enjoy using Pilipo’s daughter as a bargaining chip. I just did what had to be done. I did what I had to do to protect my own.
“Are you speaking to me yet?” Juice asks from the front seat of the Suburban.
“No,” I growl. “You’re lucky I haven’t killed you yet.”
“That would look bad in your personnel file. Killing a fellow employee.”
I shoot him the most deadly look I’m capable of.
“I ran the background check like you asked me to.”
“If you don’t stop talking, I’m going to wire your jaw shut.”
Juice huffs. It’s mostly his fault we are in this situation. I told him to run a background check on Michael the second Ellie had a conversation with him. It came back clean. Not even a parking ticket. But there should have been something to tip us off as to who he was or what he was involved in. There’s always something, and Juice missed it.
“The guy was tight. Clean as a whistle. Nothing to even suggest criminal activity.”
“Or that fact he was a drug lord’s son,” I add vindictively.
“Come on. That identity was buried so deep, it took a hacker much more skilled than me to uncover it. We all know El Rey was a master at concealing his identity. So how far-fetched is it that he did the same with his offspring?”
“Just save it.” I clench my jaw so tightly, I may just crack a molar.
I know it’s not all Juice’s fault. It’s just easier to blame someone else at the moment. Maybe if I wasn’t shitfaced half the time wallowing in my own misery, I would have done the background check myself and dug until I found something on the conniving little piece of shit whose head I’m going to gladly rip off with my bare hands.
“Is everything ready?” Jett asks, collected—always in control no matter the circumstance.
“As ready as it will ever be.” Juice fiddles with the laptop on his dashboard. We are currently parked in the woods three miles away from Michael’s compound. Satellite images confirmed this is where they’re holding Ellie and surveillance shows there are nine guards heavily armed.
We were able to assemble a twenty-man team in under three hours with the help of Honolulu S.W.A.T.
“HSWAT come in, over.” Juice talks into a walkie-talkie.
“Copy HSWAT,” the commander answers.
“In position?” Juice asks.
“Roger. Falcon One. Diversion set for nineteen hundred hours,” which is seven PM civilian time and in twelve minutes. “Men positioned on foot.”
“Copy,” Juice replies and the walkie hisses. “You two ready?” He turns to Jett and me in the backseat.
I pull on my brass-knuckled gloves, and the leather creaks. “Can’t wait.” I tighten my fist and curl my biceps ready to pound Michael’s face in.
“Good. It should be fully dark by the time you emerge from the woods and reach the edge of the property. Don’t breach the perimeter until you hear the explosion. That should divert all shitheads to the front of the house, leaving Ellie light on muscle.” Juice tips the laptops so we can see the schematics of the immense structure in infrared. “It looks like they’re keeping her in this back bedroom, which boasts well for you, since there’s a trellis and slanted roof right underneath it. Easy in, easy out.” Jett and I nod, memorizing the layout.
“Got it,” Jett confirms.
“I’ll be on comms the whole time,” he puts in an ear piece, “so no pillow talk you two. I want to keep my lunch in my stomach.”
“You’re just jealous no one loves you that much.” I grin callously.
“Insanely.” Juice rolls his eyes. As much as we bust his chops, the man can run an operation like no other. He was mine and Jett’s handler the six years we were undercover. He knew the ins and outs of everything, advised us in sticky situations, and basically saved mine and Ellie’s lives by knowing where in the mansion we were and exactly how to infiltrate.
“See you on the flip side.” The three of us bump fists, and then Jett and I are gone.
We jog straight toward the sunset, pushing brush out of our way as we go.
“Comms check, Alpha Green,” I hear Juice say in my ear.
“Loud and clear, Falcon one. Roger.”
“Test, test,” he says again. “Come in, Charlie Blue.”
“Copy,” Jett responds. “You have such a lovely speaking voice, Falcon One.”
“Can it,” Juice responds.
“Just wanted to make you feel loved.”
“Stay the course,” he says seriously.
“I don’t think you could divert Alpha Green if you launched a missile.”
“Roger,” Juice repeats, some amusement in his voice.
Jett and I cover ground quickly, keeping to the strict timeline and markers. We’re two hundred yards out when Juice chatters in my ear. “Alpha Green we have movement on the south side, over.”
“Identify, over?”
“Switching to satellite.”
Seconds tick.
“Shit. It’s Ellie. She made a break for it,” Juice informs me.
“What?” Jett and I both pick up the pace.
“She’s heading straight for you. Man, she’s quick.”
I can’t help but smirk as I push my body to the max, flying through the woods.
“There’s someone tailing her. Coming up fast.” The hiss of the walkie-talkie echoes in my ear.
“HSWAT, we are a go,” he yells. “Push the panic button.”
“Shit. Shit.” I run faster, branches catching me in the face and whipping my arms.
Moments later, we hear a blast as the car bomb is detonated.
“Check in, Falcon One,” I huff.
Silence.
“Juice!”
“Motherfucker, he caught her.” My chest explodes. “They’re fighting. Damn, your girl has one hell of a right hook.”
“Don’t I know it.” I can still feel the sting from when she hit me outside Mansion.
I see a clearing, the perimeter of the property. I burst through the trees onto a manicured lawn with Jett by my side. It’s nearly dark, only a sliver of light left. I break out into full-blown sprint as my lungs burn and my leg muscles tear.
“Oh, man.” It sounds like Juice winces.
“What!”
“He’s beating her. Kill that cocksucker, Kayne.”
“With immense pleasure,” I pant.
Just as the last shreds of light disappear, Ellie comes into view.
With each breath, a montage of images flash in front of me one after the other.
Ellie on the ground, Michael standing over her. A gun pointed at her head.
“ELLIE!” Her name rips from my throat, and then a gunshot rings out.
“NO!” I tackle Michael to the ground, knocking the gun out of his hand. We roll over the thick lush grass, struggling for control. I pull a power move, grabbing under one of his legs and hooking an arm around his neck. He punches me in the head and kicks out of my hold. We both get to our feet and I don’t waste a second going back at his body, grabbing hold of his chest and landing a kidney shot. He knees me in the stomach, but I barely register it. There’s so much adrenaline pumping through my system it feels like I have wings.
“I’m going to let you be the first to see what happens when someone fucks with what’s mine.” I smash Michael right in the face and his nose explodes with blood.
“Fuck!” He stumbles back making a go for his gun. He grabs it and points it at me, but I kick it out of his hand then punch him again. He drops to the ground, and I continue to pound on his face. Soon, it’s barely recognizable. His cheeks are swollen, his lips are split, and his eyebrows are ripped open. I pull my fist back about to slam him again when he speaks.
“Do it! Kill me, you motherfucker! Just like you killed my father!” I pause to look at him mid punch. He thinks I killed El Rey? Everything begins to make sense now. Ellie, Endeavor, he was trying to get to me.
I lower my fist and respond harshly. “You’re wrong about one thing. I didn’t kill your father.” He sputters blood as I speak. “But you’re right about the other. I am going to kill you.” I jerk a Glock out of my back holster and pull the trigger, shooting him square between the eyes. Then I pull it again—and again and again. I pull it until the chamber clicks.
Then I reload and repeat.
“Kayne!” I hear Juice’s sharpened voice cut through my murderous rampage. “I think he’s dead!”
“Not enough for me.” I squeeze the trigger one last time.
“Heel man. Jett needs you. Ellie needs you.”
“Ellie!?” I snap out of my lethal haze and turn to see Jett leaning over her body under the bright moonlight.
“Ellie? Ellie?” I crawl over to them. “Ellie?” I examine her face. Her eye is swollen, and her lip is bleeding.
“Give me your shirt!” Jett roars. It takes a second for my mind to catch up with my body as I process the scene in front of me. Jett’s hands covered in blood. Ellie lying still as a statue, a pool of red staining the grass underneath her, growing larger by the second.
“Kayne now! She’s going to bleed out!”
Without thinking, I rip off my holster and tear off my shirt. “I need you to hold here.” He takes my hand and places it on his already soaked T-shirt pressed against her abdomen.
“I think it went straight through. I need to compress the exit wound.” He tilts her body, assesses her back, and then applies pressure with my shirt.
“There’s a medivac already on its way. The house is secured.” He talks to me, but all I see is Ellie, dying right before my eyes.
We hear the chopper in the distance. “Two minutes max,” he says.
It’s going to be the longest two minutes of my life.
“Kayne,” Ellie’s faint voice calls my name.
“Ellie, I’m right here. Hold on.” I wish I could scoop her up in my arms and hold her, but I know my hands need to stay where they are.
“You were right,” she murmurs.
“About what, baby?” I try to keep her talking.
She doesn’t open her eyes as she speaks. “I am a terrible judge of character.” I nearly lose it. That’s what I said to her when she was locked in the dungeon. “I won’t hold it against you for being a bad judge of character.”
“I don’t know shit. I was talking out of my ass,” I choke.
“It’s so cold in the city.” She shivers. I glance at Jett.
“She’s hallucinating. She thinks she’s in New York,” I say, shaking.
“She’s going into shock,” he tells me as her eyes flutter and chest compresses just as the air ambulance hovers overhead.
“Shit! Come on, Ellie!” Jett yells over the propellers. “Be the strong girl we all know you are!”
The spotlight shines on us as the EMS helicopter lands. The door flies open and two flight paramedics dressed in all white exit with a gurney and oxygen.
They check her vitals as soon as they reach us and instruct Jett and me not to move.
“Ellie?” one of the medics asks. “Ellie, can you hear me?”
She doesn’t respond.
I watch withdrawn as the two men work rapidly to bandage the bleeding, place her on the gurney, and cover her face with an oxygen mask. Right before they lift her, I whisper in her ear. “Ellie, if your hearts stop beating so will mine. Third rule of survival, fight like hell. Stay with me.” Tears escape down my cheeks as she’s carried away, leaving me helpless, hopeless, and in utter despair.
“Come on, come on.” Jett pulls on my arm, lifting me to my feet as the helicopter takes off. My entire existence is in that aircraft. Everything I have to live for.
He hauls me into the back of a Suburban I didn’t even see pull up, and we speed off in the same direction as the transport.
“It’s going to be okay. It’s going to be okay.” Juice’s voice is distant compared to Ellie’s in my head. “Till death do us part.” She only said that yesterday. Yesterday was the start of our tomorrow and now tomorrow might not even exist.
“Put this on,” Jett whips a shirt in my face while Juice drives like a maniac. “And here,” he hands me a pack of wipes. Black op survival kit, a change of clothes and baby wipes. “We gotta clean up, they’ll never let us in the hospital looking like we just left the scene of a massacre.”
“Didn’t we?” I tighten my fists and draw them into my chest. I don’t want to clean Ellie’s blood off my hands. It’s the only piece of her I have to hold on to.
“Kayne.” Jett chastises me as we speed through Honolulu. “Come on.” He grabs my hands and starts wiping frantically in the dark. I look up at him, removed. I feel like I’m six years old again. Helpless, alone, and scared out of my mind. “If she dies, you’re going to have to bury me with her.”
Jett pulls his lips into a tight line. “She’s not going to die.”
“How do you know?”
“Because I know everything,” he says, not sounding very confident of knowing anything at all.
Juice pulls up in front of the hospital, and Jett and I jump out. We’re somewhat put together, but still look like we just walked through hell. Or maybe that’s just me.
“Ellie Stevens,” Jett asks the front desk guard. “She was brought in by medivac. Gunshot wound.”
The elderly man in a security uniform punches something into his computer.
“Steven or Stevens?” he asks.
“Stevens,” Jett answers. I pace.
“Ellie with a Y or i.e.?”
“I.e.”
The man shakes his head.
“Female?”
I fume. What the fuck is wrong with this guy? I slam my fist onto the desk. ”Elizabeth Anne Stevens. Female, with a fucking F!”
The man jumps.
“Kayne!” Jett yanks me back. “Re-fucking-lax. We’re all worried about her, but giving the security guard a heart attack won’t help.”
“Fine!’ I throw my hands up and walk away, leaving Jett to deal with the incompetent man.
“Down the hall, second set of double doors. Emergency medicine.”
Finally.
At Emergency medicine, we don’t find out much more except Ellie is in surgery, and all we can do is wait—which feels like a set of red-hot butter knives are slicing me open one long, slow slit at a time.
“I think we should contact Ellie’s parents,” Jett tells me. “If something happens, they should be here.” There’s a grave tone in his voice. I just nod. What else can I fucking do? I’ve done everything. Everything wrong. I drop my head into my hands. I should have never gone that night. I should have stayed away like my gut told me to. She wouldn’t be here right now fighting for her life. She’d be out having fun, living the way she so desperately wanted to. And I took that all away.
“Hey,” Jett puts his hand on my shoulder, “don’t do it.”
“Do what?” I look up at him.
“Blame yourself.”
“Too late. Too. Fucking. Late.”
He frowns. “I’m going to go arrange to have Ellie’s family flown out.”
I just nod despairingly.
Three hours. I have watched every second on the clock tick by for three agonizing hours.
“I’m looking for the family of Elizabeth Stevens,” a man in light-blue scrubs and a mask hanging off his face announces in the waiting room. Jett and I immediately stand up.
“I’m Dr. Holiday. I worked on Ms. Stevens.” He shakes both our hands.
“Jett Fox.” “Kayne Rivers.” We both reply.
“How are you related?” he inquires.
“I’m her fiancé,” I answer with a thread of composure. “How is she?”
The doctor sighs. “Ms. Stevens wound was severe. She lost a lot of blood and coded on the way to the OR.”
My knees nearly give out. Jett catches my arm and holds me up. “She—”
“No,” Dr. Holiday continues. “We were able to revive her, but she was deprived of oxygen for nearly five minutes. She’s stable, but in a coma,” he says gently.
“So, that’s good? Right?” I grasp at any tiny reassurance Ellie is going to be okay.
“It’s promising, but there is a chance, Mr. Rivers, that she’ll never wake up.
“Never?” my voice nearly disappears.
“The next forty-eight hours are critical.”
I nod, barely holding it together.
“There was something else,” the doctor frowns.
“What?”
“Our examination showed severe trauma to the vaginal region.”
I blink rapidly at the doctor. “She was raped?”
He nods. “If she does wake up, a social worker will be visiting.”
I don’t hear the last part as rage explodes inside me like a nuclear bomb. I punch a hole right through the wall to relieve the pressure in my chest.
“Mr. Rivers!” the doctor shouts. “I understand this is distressing news, but please compose yourself, or I’ll be forced to call security.”
I breathe savagely in his face. “You don’t understand jack shit.”
“Kayne!” Jett yells at me for the umpteenth time tonight. “I apologize for my friend.” He steps between me and the doctor. “He’s had a very rough night.”
Dr. Holiday acknowledges with a head nod. “Hearing someone you love was hurt is never easy.”
“No, it’s not,” Jett agrees as I seethe behind him, wishing I could kill Michael all over again.
“Can we see her?” Jett asks.
“When he calms down.” With that, Dr. Holiday turns and leaves.
NOT ONLY DID JETT ARRANGE for Ellie’s parents to be flown in from New York, but he also arranged for her to have a private room with extra care.
Sometimes I don’t know how I would function without him.
My first look at Ellie lying in a hospital bed, unconscious with tubes sticking out of her, was almost too much to bear. Knowing what Michael did to her was the grain of sand that tipped the scale. Alone with Ellie, as still as silence, I finally broke down. Her suffering will always be my fault.
“I’m sorry,” I sob exhausted. “I’m so sorry. I wish I could take it away. I’d carry it all. It should have been me.”
“Kayne?” I feel a hand on my back. I pick my head up off Ellie’s mattress and wipe my face hastily.
“Hey. What’s up, man?” I ask Juice, trying, but failing miserably, to pretend to pull it together.
“They found this when they swept the house.” I turn to see he’s holding Ellie’s engagement ring. “I thought you’d want it.”
“Thank you.” I take the ring and slip it back on Ellie’s finger and nearly start crying all over again. I’m really not sure I’m going to survive this. I lived through a lot of fucked-up shit in my life, but this? It’s the worst of the worst.
“I’ll be back in the morning. Ellie’s parents are due in at ten. I’m picking them up and bringing them straight here.”
“Okay. Thanks.” I hide my face. “Have you seen Jett?”
“He’s in the emergency room with London.”
I snap my head back to look at him. “For what?”
“She was still sick. Couldn’t stop throwing up, so he made her come in. They’re giving her IV fluids.”
“Why didn’t he tell me?”
“Figured you have enough on your plate,” Juice states the obvious. “Get some rest, man.” He taps the doorframe then leaves.
Yeah, right.
I WATCH THE SUN COME up through the window. Bright yellow rays breaking through the dark sky.
Ellie hasn’t moved a muscle, or fluttered an eyelash, or twitched a lip.
The nurses come and go—readjusting pillows, checking vitals, and taking blood. I never move from her side. I just hold her hand and imagine all the things I want to do with her when she wakes up. The wedding I’m going to give her, the honeymoon I’ll surprise her with.
“Ellie, you have to wake up. There are so many things I have to tell you.” My heart pinches in my chest. “All the ways you’ve changed my life. I want to tell you all my secrets. I want you to be the one to know.” I caress her hand with my thumb. Always so soft. “I’ve been thinking. You know how you asked which last name we should use? Well, since I’ve never really had a family of my own, I thought maybe we could use yours? You’re the closest thing to family I have besides Jett. What do you think? Kayne Stevens doesn’t sound bad, right?” I’m just fucking rambling now, slowly unraveling.
“I want to know who’s responsible!” a man’s voice bellows from the hallway. I immediately stand up as the door to Ellie’s room swings open. “I want to know why my little girl is laying in a hospital bed fighting for her life!” I stand there frozen as Juice walks in with three people I only know from pictures. Ellie’s family.
“Alec, please stop shouting.”
“Stop shouting! How can I stop shouting? Look at her!” There’s obvious emotion in the man’s green eyes. The same eyes as Ellie’s.
“Kayne. Alec, Monica, and Tara Stevens,” Juice introduces us.
“Kayne?” Her mother repeats my name as if she recognizes it. Tara eyes me suspiciously.
“Who the hell are you?” Alec snaps at me.
“Kayne Rivers, sir.” I put out my hand over Ellie. He doesn’t take it. The tension in the room intensifies. He hates me already. Can’t say that I blame him.
“I see it’s a party,” Jett walks in a moment later whiter than a ghost.
“How’s London?” I ask worriedly. I think this is the worst I’ve ever seen him.
“Pregnant.” Every head in the room swings toward him.
“What?” My jaw hits the floor.
Jett just shrugs, dumbfounded.
“Mazel tov,” Alec spits. “Now is someone going to tell me what happened here?” He motions to Ellie.
The room becomes deadly silent.
“I believe Mazel tov is used for a wedding.” Jett breaks the ice.
“Whatever. I’m very happy for you, son. Your life just got a hell of a lot more complicated, but right now I’d like to know what the hell happened to my daughter.”
“A very unfortunate accident,” I answer. “She was in the wrong place at the wrong time,” I lie. Lie upon lie upon lie. It’s what my life is built upon. Ellie is my only truth.
“Has there been an arrest?”
“No arrest,” I tell him.
“Why the hell not?” he barks.
“The perpetrator has been taken care of,” Jett informs him.
“I thought you said he hasn’t been arrested?” Alec looks crazily between Jett and me.
“He hasn’t,” I tell him menacingly calm.
“Then how—”
“He’s dead.”
“Who killed him?” Alec’s face contorts.
“Me,” I say evenly, staring straight into his eyes.
Alec glares at me for what seems like a lifetime before he nods, almost satisfied, then sits down next to Ellie. I look around the room; it’s suddenly very crowded and very uncomfortable. Tara makes her way next to me and picks up Ellie’s hand.
“Why is she wearing an engagement ring?”
All attention falls on me.
I clear my throat. I suddenly feel like I’m suffocating. “I asked Ellie to marry me, and she said yes.”
“What?” Alec scowls at me, Monica gasps, and Tara scoffs.
“That is so Ellie.” Tara laughs.
“What’s so Ellie?” I ask her.
Tara tosses her long platinum hair over her shoulder and looks over at me. She’s a cute girl. Big blue eyes and a nice smile. “Getting engaged to a man she didn’t even tell us she was dating. I’m surprised you two didn’t already elope.”
I glance at Jett. “We didn’t get the chance.”
Alec looks like he’s about to go into cardiac arrest, he’s turning so many shades of red.
“Why don’t we give Ellie and her family some time alone?” Jett suggests to me. I want to throw daggers at him. There’s no way in hell I’m leaving her side. He gestures with his head. I shake him off. ”Get the fuck out,” he mouths strictly. I bare my teeth at him, but do as he says, begrudgingly.
“If you need anything, I’ll be outside,” I tell her family.
“Thank you.” Monica grabs my arm and I flinch. She smiles up at me, but I don’t understand why. I don’t really appreciate her touching me either, even if she is Ellie’s mother and my potential mother-in-law.
“Big daddy Jett.” Juice clasps his shoulders once we’re outside in the hallway.
“Yeah.” He looks like he’s in shock.
“You happy?” I ask him, keeping an eye on Ellie’s room.
“Yeah.” I think that’s the only word he’s capable of at the moment.
“You going to make an honest woman out of her?” Juice asks.
“I was planning to propose when we got back from Tahiti.”
“Why not while you were on vacation?”
“Too cliché.” he laughs, regarding me.
I flip him the finger. “That wasn’t planned.”
But I’m happy as hell that it happened.
ELLIE HAS BEEN UNCONSCIOUS FOR three days.
I haven’t left her side for one minute. I’ve basically moved into her hospital room. I eat, sleep, and shower here. I’ll live here for the rest of my life if I have to.
We put Alec, Monica, and Tara up in a hotel nearby so they can come and go as they please. Presently, Alec is pacing the hallway. The man doesn’t sit still. I now know where Ellie gets it. Monica is sitting beside me watching Ellie, and Tara is having lunch with Juice. Not sure how I feel about that. He says it’s innocent, but we’ll see. We call him Juice for a reason.
I’ve spent the most time with Monica. Despite my issues with women, matriarchal figures in particular, she quickly grew on me. She’s nurturing and mellow and very non-threatening. All the same traits that drew me to Ellie.
“I remember that night,” Monica says randomly, staring at Ellie.
“What night?”
“The night she was going to meet you. She was so excited, on another level even for Ellie.” Monica smiles. Her dark-brown hair is pulled back in a low ponytail and her bangs are falling into her eyes. I don’t think she’s slept since she arrived. “Tara kept teasing her, and she and Alec were fighting over her dress,” she reminisces.
“He didn’t approve?”
“The man has died seven times over from the girl’s wardrobe alone.” She glances over at me amused.
“Really?” I say intrigued.
“Yes. Those girls drive him nuts. But Ellie is Ellie, and she does what she wants. She kissed us goodbye,” Monica’s eyes water, “then she disappeared.”
Oh, shit.
“She went through a lot,” I say softly, a mix of guilt and impenitence battling inside me.
Monica nods, wiping away a stray tear. “She did. I don’t know how you two crossed paths again, but I’m glad. I could see how much she liked you.”
“I sought her out,” I tell her truthfully. “I really liked her, too. Now I love her.”
“That’s very clear.”
“What was Ellie like as a child?” I ask, wanting to know as much about her past as possible. If I can’t ask Ellie, I can ask the next best person.
“A pain in the ass,” Monica laughs.
“What?”
“She was. She never stopped moving, she got into everything and was independent to a fault. We used to call her Hurricane Elizabeth.”
I chuckle. “That is surprisingly a very accurate nickname.” Considering the way she turned my world upside down.
“She was also very loving and so, so adorable. Like a living doll. She could knock you over with just one dimpled smile. I think that’s how she survived childhood. She had us all wrapped around her little finger.” Monica is now laughing and crying all at the same time. I’m not sure how to interpret that.
“It’s how I survive adulthood, too,” Ellie murmurs, and both Monica and I jump up. “How did you two end up in the same room?” she asks as she cracks her eyes open. I think I’m about to start laughing and crying.
“Were you eavesdropping on us?” I ask, as my heart starts beating again with short shallow pumps.
“Yes. You’re not the only one who can spy,” she responds groggy.
Monica shoots me a funny look. I grin uncomfortably. “Inside joke.”
“Oh, well I guess that’s a good sign that she’s making jokes.”
“Why does it feel like I was shot?” Ellie groans in pain.
“Because you were,” Monica tells her kissing her forehead. “I have to go get the doctor and your father,” she announces overjoyed. “I’m so glad you’re awake.”
Once she’s out of the room, Ellie looks up at me confused. I want to smother her with kisses, but I brush my lips lightly all over her face instead.
“How long have I been out?” she strains.
“Three days.” I kiss her lips, reacquainting myself with the feel of them. “I’m sorry, baby,” I nearly weep, the guilt eating me alive.
“Sorry for what?”
“Everything. Every single second of suffering I’ve ever caused you.”
“It wasn’t your fault,” she grimaces as she tries to move.
“That’s a fucking lie, and we both know it.”
“Kayne, don’t. Just tell me it’s over.” She says exhausted.
“It is. He’s dead.”
Ellie’s eyes start to cloud with tears. She’s been up for five seconds, and she’s upset already.
“Do you know?” Her lip quivers.
I nod solemnly.
“Do my parents know?” Her voice tapers off.
I shake my head.
“Good,” she sighs with relief.
“Do you remember everything that happened?” I ask delicately.
“Yes,” tears drip down her face.
I grab her cheeks in my hands and wipe away the wetness with my thumbs. My heart cracks in nine different directions. It’s amazing how many times that muscle can be destroyed and still keep working.
“I killed him, Ellie,” I tell her with conviction. Like somehow that’s supposed to make everything better.
“Good. I hope it hurt.”
“I can assure you it did.”
“Can I please have some water?” She tries to sit up.
“Lie down,” I order. “I’ll get it.” I dutifully pour her a glass and press the straw to her lips, allowing her take several long sips.
“Thank you,” she smiles weakly.
“You’re welcome.” I skim my knuckles across her face. God, I can’t believe how much I missed touching her. “I’m not going to leave your side. We’re going to get better together.”
“We?” she asks concerned. “Are you hurt?”
I nod, rubbing my chest. “Funny thing about pain,” I laugh, not finding anything funny about it at all. “It’s a hell of a lot easier to deal with the physical than it is to deal with the emotional. I could run twelve miles and ignore the burning in my legs or take a bullet and withstand the throbbing in my arm. But try to take away someone I love? There’s no escaping that agony. I may not be lying in a hospital bed, but I’m still injured.”
Ellie sighs trying to hold back the overload of emotion that is so clearly evident on her face. “What now?”
I smile. “We move forward. We can get married, have children, travel. Whatever you want to do.”
“No children,” she fires back at me spontaneously.
I look at her funny. “Why no children?”
Her dark-green eyes widen and completely well with tears. “Kayne, my mother needed more therapy than I did after I came home. And after going through what I went through—” she wipes her cheeks as large the reflective droplets fall, “there’s so much evil in this world. I don’t think I could handle it.” She starts to cry so hard she can’t breathe. “I don’t think I could handle—” I wrap her snugly in my arms. “Okay, Ellie. It’s okay. We don’t have to talk about any of that right now.” I let her sob on my shoulder, worried someone is going to walk through the door any second. I don’t want her family to see her like this. “Shhhh . . .”
“You still want to marry me even though I don’t want kids?” She sniffles, eyes puffy and face red.
“Of course I do,” I assure her. “You are the only person I need in this world. Whatever makes you happy will make me happy. Okay?”
She nods sternly, burying her face in the crook of my arm.
“Please don’t cry,” I beg her. “Everything will be okay.”
I hear the door swing open as Monica, Alec, Tara, Juice, and the doctor on rounds appears in the room.
“Where’s my little girl?” Alec announces. I reluctantly let go of Ellie, and I have to give it to her, she puts on her bravest face. She really is the most resilient person I have ever met.
“Right here, Daddy.” She rubs her eyes and smiles.
I step back and watch as she’s showered with love, hoping like hell everything really is going to be okay.
IT HAS BEEN ONE VERY long, tiring, trying week. Ellie spent the last seven days recuperating in the hospital, and today she finally gets to go home. I watch as she signs the discharge papers the nurse hands to her and listens as the sweet older woman explains how to change her dressings and which medications she should take when. She’s been prescribed so many antibiotics, pain killers and anti-depressants, she could start her own cartel.
“I’m going to get the car.” I kiss her head once she sitting in the wheelchair.
She nods silently. Silent. That’s Ellie these days. Her superficial wounds may be healing, but more often than not she’s lost inside her head.
It’s making me a lunatic. I worry nonstop. I don’t eat, I barely sleep, terrified that Michael may have succeeded in taking her away from me. He might not have killed her, but her spirit is definitely broken, and I’m scrambling to figure out how to fix it.
I pull up to the front of the hospital just as Ellie is wheeled outside. It’s another perfect day in paradise. Blue skies, white puffy clouds and rainbows in the distance. Ellie’s parents went home yesterday, leaving her in my care. We may all be screwed. To say I’m not nervous would be lying. We’ve had this discussion—I’ve never looked after another person in my life. Never had anyone have to depend on me, or commit myself to caring for another person. But I’m going to do my damndest with Ellie.
I just hope it’s enough.
I help her gingerly climb into the car, and then hop in the driver’s seat.
She looks around the interior strangely.
“Whose car is this?” she asks mildly confused.
“Mine.”
“You drive?” I almost think she’s trying to be funny.
I snicker. “Of course I drive. Why’d you say that?” I punch on the engine and the Jag rumbles to life.
“Because I’ve never seen you drive a car before.” She grabs her seat, surprised by the vibrations. “You always showed up in a limo when you came to Expo and we were carted all over the place in Bora Bora. Jett even drove the boat to and from the airport.”
I laugh to myself as I put on my sunglasses. Oh, how little does she know. I can drive all sorts of thing.
“Well, I guess I’m full of surprises.” I press a button and the roof retracts, Ellie squints as the sun shine hits her face. I open the glove compartment. “Sunglasses?” I hand her a brand new pair that Jett picked out especially for her.
“Thank you.” She takes them, smiling shyly. “What kind of car is this anyway?” she asks, gliding her hand over the door handle.
“Jaguar F-Type.” I hit the gas in my black V8 and take off.
“One of your toys?” Ellie inquires, as her hair blows in the wind.
“One of the many.” I grin carefree, placing my hand over hers, and just drive.
I notice Ellie start to look around curiously as we drive through and then out of Waikiki.
“Where are we going?” she asks confused.
“Home,” I tell her, not taking my eyes off the road.
I feel her staring at me peculiarly. I just smirk and continue to drive.
Ten minutes later we are rolling through the Diamond Head section of Honolulu.
“Seriously, where are you taking me?” she asks again, and I can’t stop myself from smiling widely.
“I told you,” I pull into a driveway. “Home.” I throw the car in park.
Ellie freezes as she takes in the two-story stucco house.
“Exactly whose home are we going to?”
“Ours.” I hop out of the car.
“Ours?” she repeats perplexed as I walk around the convertible, open her door and carefully help her stand up.
I think it’s a record. That’s the most she’s spoken in a week.
“Yup.” I take her hand and lead her to the front door. The walkway is landscaped with lots of bright island flowers and tall green trees. Once inside, Ellie gasps. Yeah, it’s pretty insane. I fell in love with the house as soon as I saw it online. It was so different and modern, yet homey as well. The website boasted it was an award-winning design, inspired by the shape of a sundial, the back of the house curved with one hundred, eighty degree views of the ocean and mountains. Between you and me, I had already put an offer in prior to leaving for Bora Bora. It was some serious wishful thinking on my part, but I couldn’t help myself. Every time I looked at it, I could see Ellie and me living here.
I walk her through the kitchen decorated with light cabinets and dark granite. I grab a small remote off the counter and continue straight back into the living room. I glance at Ellie taking it all in. Then I hit a button and the electric curtains rise. The entire room is made of windows, and as they lift, an unobstructed view of the Pacific blinds us, as if we’re sitting right on top of it.
“Oh my God.” Ellie puts her hand over her mouth as she looks out over the lani, curved swimming pool hugging the house, and vast blue water.
“Like it?” I ask nervously.
She doesn’t answer, just stares straight ahead.
“Ellie?” I put my hand on nape of her neck and rub my thumb back and forth over her skin. “You don’t like it?” I frown disappointed.
Like she snaps out of a trance she looks up at me, her eyes shining with unshed tears. I can’t tell if they’re happy or sad, but by the looks of it, it may be the latter.
“Oh no,” she sniffles. “I love it. It’s perfect. You’re perfect.”
“Then what’s wrong?” I hear the distress in my own voice.
“Nothing. Everything,” she contradicts herself.
“Well, which is it?” I search her face. “Baby, you can talk to me.”
“I’m sorry,” she blurts out.
“For what?” My heart stops.
“I keep trying to convince myself I’m stronger than what happened, but I just keep getting sucked down. It’s like I can’t breathe and I can’t fight.” She starts to cry. I pull her against me and let her sob into my chest. “I don’t want to be broken, but I think that I am.”
Thank god, finally she speaks!
I stroke her hair and hold her close.
“Ellie, if there’s one thing I’ve learned being with you, things that are broken can always be fixed. They can be made stronger. You make me stronger, and I’m the most broken person I know.”
She lifts her head and looks at me with soaking wet eyes.
“How am I going to get stronger?”
I smile down at her. “You’re going to fight. And I’m going to help you. If there’s one thing I know how to do, it’s fight.”
I hug her and she squeaks in pain, but she holds on to me, inhaling me like I’m air, like I’m the oxygen she needs to breathe.” Use me, Ellie. I told you before—get mad, scream, hit me, beat me, torture me if you want. I’ll endure it all if it will help you get better.”
She sighs heavily, “I think all I really need is for you to lay with me.”
I chuckle. That’s exactly what she said to me the first night in Bora Bora. The same words that opened the doorway for our relationship to heal. I’m hopeful for the first time in over a week.
“Whatever you need, Ellie.” I reassure her.
“I have exactly what I need.” She draws in a small shaky breath and gazes up at me. “You.”