I WAKE UP EARLY, IN CJ’s arms. I feel safe, exactly where I’m meant to be.
My ribs still hurt, but not nearly as much as last night. I thank God for small favors. I roll over to face him, digging my nose into his neck. He smells good, like aftershave or cologne of some sort. Clean. I just lie there inhaling him, getting high off his scent.
“You better quit that,” he murmurs sleepily. “I promised Philly I’d stay away from you last night. All bets are off this morning.” He slides his hand down around to my ass and pokes his erection into my thigh.
Is that why he wouldn’t touch me? Because of Philly?
“I told you I needed you last night. Nothing’s changed.” I suck on his neck lightly, the stubble from his five o’clock shadow tickling my skin.
CJ pops his eyes open, the dark brown turning to cognac in the bright morning sun.
“I don’t want to end up hurting you more.” He places his hand over my rib.
I shake my head. “The only way you can possibly hurt me more is if you reject me.”
“I could never reject you.”
That’s all I need to hear. I lift my head and shove my tongue right between his lips, kissing him like the desperate woman I am. Like the needy, wanton, emotionally-impoverished beggar I’ve become.
He kisses me back with equal vigor, grabbing my hips and moaning into my mouth, reducing us to two starving vagabonds finally indulging in a seven-course meal.
“Up,” he spontaneously announces, dragging me out of bed.
“Where are we going?” I lock my arms around his neck, trying to climb up his body.
“Into the shower,” he mumbles between famished kisses, pulling me off the ground.
“Why?” I wrap my legs around his waist and fuse my mouth to his, our tongues playing a wild game of cat and mouse.
“To abolish our sins.” He walks us into the bathroom and drops me gently onto the floor. With quick, provisioned movements, he turns the shower on and then strips me of all my clothes. His are gone a moment later. After we’re both naked, he inspects me with his hands, running his fingertips over the bruised skin on my side and the black and blue mark on my face.
“I’m going to kill him, Tara.” He kisses my cheek. “Over and over again.”
“I didn’t know you could die more than once.” I close my eyes, relishing his touch.
“That’s the misconception about death. You can die multiple times, in multiple ways, and I plan to make him suffer.” He hums darkly, touching me so tenderly I feel the affection in the deepest, most inner part of my soul. A place no one has ever reached before.
I nearly tackle him, overcome with need and an abundance of emotion.
“Please, I need you,” I beg him. “Just you, only you.” I’m talking crazy, drunk with desire and distress.
Before I know it, a stream of hot water is soaking my hair and a barrage of even hotter kisses are searing my skin. I’m alight with need, my body pleading, and my clit pulsing just from CJ’s sheer proximity.
Everything happens so fast and moves so quickly as I’m swept right off my feet and pinned to the wall.
“You’re on the pill, right?”
I nod zealously. “And I’m clean. I swear. I would never . . .”
CJ silences me with an eager kiss as he sinks into my already enflamed folds. I expel a hysterical moan, lightheaded from the feel of him. He takes his time, pumping in and out of my pussy slowly, savoring every second. But I want more, so much more. I need more.
I grind my hips, tightening around his cock. There is an orgasm buried so deep inside me, it’s literally trying to claw its way out.
“Make me come! Oh God, please, make me come!” I implore, becoming more desperate by the second.
“Not yet. Not until I hear you say it.”
“Say what?”
“That you love me.” He looks me in the eyes, water dotting his face as it bounces off his shoulder.
“You know I do.” I clutch his head in my hands. “I said it and I meant it and I will never take it back. I can’t ever take it back.” I kiss him riotously. “I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you,” I chant sincerely.
“Mmm . . .” He moans into my mouth, seemingly appeased as he palms one of my ass cheeks and drills into me. I actually scream from the delicious force as I sink my nails into his back. CJ begins to pound away, finally giving me exactly what I’m begging for. Hard, deep, penetrating thrusts and abusive clitoral stimulation. I whine and whimper as CJ grunts and groans, slamming into me over and over, punching me right in the g-spot.
“Fuck!” The wind is knocked out of me as I shatter, the emotionally-charged climax ripping me to shreds. I cry through my orgasm as a rush of relief carries away the weight on my chest.
“Tara, don’t cry.” CJ holds me close as he finds his own release, his muscles tightening and his voice straining. But I can’t stop the tears no matter how hard I try. I’ve kept my lies hidden so long, now that they’ve surfaced, I have no control of the poignant effect.
CJ holds me securely as I cry out every single cathartic tear, drowning out the sound of shower spray and his choppy breathing.
“Do you feel cleansed?” he asks eventually as he plants soft, loving kisses down my neck.
“More than cleansed.” I sigh emotionally, my lip still trembling. “Absolved.”
AFTER OUR FIRST THOROUGH CLEANSING, we got dirty all over again. It was exactly the remedy I needed. By the time we stumbled out of the shower, it felt like I was beaten up all over again, but in the best possible way.
I walk out of the bathroom and nearly lose my towel. “Jesus!” I jump. “How did you get in here?”
Slade is sipping coffee casually on my couch. He turns his mysterious gaze up to me. “I picked the lock. Didn’t think you two were ever going to come out of there.”
“You picked the lock?” I bat my eyes.
“Yeah, not much to it. This is New York. You should consider investing in a deadbolt. Wouldn’t want to get your pretty little head into trouble, would you, sunshine?”
“No,” I answer simply. It’s a little too late for that anyway.
“You weren’t kidding when you said first thing in the morning.” CJ exits the bathroom also wearing only a towel. They bump fists. “And you brought coffee.”
“You said it was urgent. I don’t fuck around with urgent.” Slade stands up and hands CJ a cup of coffee. He then turns his attention to me, taking my chin with two fingers and inspecting my shiner. “Fucked you up pretty good, huh?”
I look down at the floor, embarrassed. “Least it’s not permanent.” He lifts his head so I can see his scar under the brim of his hat and regards me darkly. It makes my scalp prickle.
“Right.” I shake him off uneasily and go to grab some clothes.
“That cocksucker isn’t going to be walking around much longer after what he did,” CJ says, pulling his pants on under the towel. He then discards it and pulls on his shirt.
“You got a plan?” Slade asks.
“Aside from a sniper rifle? Not yet, but I do have a mobile command center. So it’s a start.” He sits down on the couch and pulls out a laptop from a leather bag on the floor. “Babe, hurry up and get dressed. We need to talk,” CJ says, distracted as he boots up the computer. I hurry into the bathroom and get dressed; I brush the knots out of my hair but leave it to air dry.
I sit down next to CJ as he types away, Slade standing cross- armed opposite from us.
“Huh,” CJ grunts as he reads something on the screen.
“What?” I ask.
“Your cocksucking friend has quite the rap sheet. Assault and battery, robbery, possession.”
“Nino has always been in and out of trouble.” I wring my hands together.
“And he loves to bring other people down with him, huh?” Slade comments.
I stay silent.
“Do you know this girl?” Slade pulls up a picture on his phone of a young Asian girl with long black hair and a pretty smile.
“I don’t.”
“Never seen her at the club?” he interrogates me.
“No, never. Why?”
“She’s missing.”
“And you think Nino has something to do with it?” I pull my knees up to my chest.
“The number to the club showed up frequently on her cell phone bill but came across as Joe’s Pizza. All the calls were incoming.”
I shake my head. “I don’t know anything about that. Nino doesn’t like the girls to mingle. The only way I knew who was working for him is the wristbands. He was very specific with his instructions. You show up, work, and then leave. He wanted you to blend in and look like just another patron in the crowd.”
“Sophisticated business,” Slade mocks.
“I tried not to get too involved.”
“At least you had enough smarts for that. So what’s the next move?” Slade directs his question to CJ.
“Not sure yet.” He’s still focusing on his laptop. “I’m going to need to gather more info on Nino and the pros ring. I’m thinking maybe a raid or send in the local authorities. Come up with a cover story so the trail doesn’t fall back on Tara.”
“Sounds good. Let me know what I can do to help.” He puts his hand up to CJ for another fist bump. “I have to jet. Work to do.”
“Later then.”
“Sunshine,” Slade addresses me and then walks out the door.
I sit there for a second taking it all in. What a crazy twist my life has taken. Missing girls, raids, prostitution.
“How long have you been doing this?” I look at CJ wide-eyed.
“Been an operative you mean?” CJ tears his attention away from the laptop.
“Is that your official title, operative?”
“I’m a jack-of-all-trades. Handler, hacker, analyst, operative,” he says proudly. “But to answer your question, nine years. I always wanted to be in the military, and I followed my dream. ROTC in high school, attended West Point for college, and then enlisted right after I graduated. I was on the fast track until my helicopter crashed, ending my career right on the spot.” CJ clasps his hands together and looks down at the floor.
“That’s what Slade meant when he said you lost the love of your life?”
CJ nods solemnly. “It was a really dark time. I was lost, felt useless, and had no direction. I had no idea what to do with myself. That’s when Endeavor recruited me. They gave me a second chance. With my special forces background and knowledge of cyber security, I was a prime candidate for the organization.”
CJ takes my hands in his. “I wasn’t lying when I told you my job was demanding. It is part of the reason I’ve kept my distance. Being with someone who does what I do is challenging. It’s why I haven’t seen my family in three years or pursued a serious relationship.”
I frown immediately. I don’t like the turn this conversation is taking.
“Don’t worry.” CJ touches the crease in the middle of my brows. “You’re the first woman who’s ever made me want more. Made me want to try and have it all. I have no idea how we’re going to make that happen.” He laughs light-heartedly. “But if Kayne and Ellie and Jett and London can make it work, so can we. You know, if you’re willing, now that you know the truth.”
“I’m willing.” I can barely contain myself. “I’m willing to try anything you need me to do.” I slide across the small couch and into his arms.
“Good because I really don’t think I can live without this.” He kisses me firmly, slipping his tongue between my lips as he traps me flush to his chest.
“I don’t think I can live without it either.” I sigh contentedly against him.
“You’ll never have to until you send me away.”
“Can I tell you a secret?” I ask him flirtatiously.
CJ nods. “You know I love secrets.”
“I will never, ever send you away. I know what life feels like to be without you, and it’s definitely not for me,” I murmur against his lips.
“I’m very happy to hear that.”
“I’m very happy to tell you that.”
“It’s settled then.”
“What is?”
“You officially belong to me.”
“I have always belonged to you. Always, and only you.”
“Ditto.” He runs one finger through my hair and kisses me forcefully again. The embrace is so hot, it could melt the frost right off the windows.
“I have something for you.” He reaches into his laptop bag, pulls out a package, and hands it to me. “I ordered this before everything went down.”
I shake the long, brown shipping box, before I rip it open like the child I am. Like nesting dolls, I pull a long, black velvet box out from a white cardboard one, popping it open with a start. Inside is the most beautiful necklace I have ever seen. It’s thick with what looks like a thousand tiny diamonds strung together like filigree. I instantly fall in love.
“I told you it would be fit for a queen.” CJ pulls it from the box and holds it up. I realize it’s the collar I had agreed to wear.
“I had a vision when I bought this.” He fastens it around my neck, fitting perfectly.
“Do tell.” I hum seductively as he urges me to straddle him.
“Mmm.” He plants his hands all over my body. “I should be working, but I’ll indulge you.”
“I think you want me to indulge you.” I undulate against him, feeling his erection grow.
“It was you,” he pulls my shirt over my head, “wearing nothing but that collar, riding me dry.”
“I think I can make that vision happen.” I flick my tongue between his parted lips, turning up the heat.
CJ moans wantonly. “You are going to be so very good . . . and so very bad for me.” He attacks my mouth while nearly ripping my jeans in two.
Sometimes I just love being bad.