“THIS KID NEEDS TO COME out, now!” I complain miserably, sprawled out on the bed. The baby is a week late and showing no signs of wanting to grace the world with his presence.
“He’s comfortable in there. He knows how good it is.” Kayne makes an off-color joke.
I smack him with a pillow. “Well, Mommy is ready to have her body back.” I’m hot, swollen, and convinced my bladder has disappeared with how much I pee.
“We can go for another walk?” Kayne suggests.
“No. If I walk around the block one more time, I may scream.”
“Have sex?”
“Definitely not.”
“Thai for dinner? Maybe some spicy food will light a fire under him.”
“No.”
“Just want to lay here and be miserable?”
“Yes,” I whine.
“Can I go work out while you’re parked on the bed?”
“Abandoning me when the going gets tough already?”
It’s Kayne’s turn to hit me with a pillow.
“I’d never abandon you.”
“I know. Sure, go ahead.” I sigh. “I’ll be here . . . fat, miserable, and immobile.”
“Miserable?”
“Miserable.”
“I promise I’ll bring you up some ice cream when I’m done.” He gets up off the bed.
“I won’t get too excited. Your workouts are like four hours long.”
“I’ll make this one fast.” He chuckles and leans down to kiss me.
“Oh!” I sit up suddenly and end up colliding with Kayne’s face.
“Ouch, Ellie you just head-butted me,” he rubs his nose.
“I’m sorry. I got a pain.” I stroke my huge stomach.
“Are you okay?” He sits back down on the bed then immediately shoots up. “Did you pee?”
“What? No! Oh shit! I think my water just broke!”
Kayne looks at me stunned. “He heard you.”
“Good! At least I know he listens.” I push myself up and swing my legs over the side of the mattress. This is gross. “We have to go.”
“Ya, think? Good thing I’m trained for emergency situations.” He helps me stand.
“You are not delivering this baby in the backseat of our car.”
“If we don’t get you to the hospital soon, I might.”
“Shit!” I nearly keel over as another contraction hits.
“Quick, we gotta change your clothes and get out of here.”
“I need to take a shower first.”
“What?”
“I’m all sticky. I need to shower.”
“Ellie, we don’t have time.”
“It will only take a second. I can’t show up at the hospital with amniotic fluid dripping down my thighs. Just please get me something to wear while I wash off.”
Kayne grumbles. “You better not be cursing me when I tell you to push in the backseat of the Jeep.”
“You’re not delivering this baby in the car! Now go!” I waddle into the bathroom and hop in the shower.
“I’ll remind you of that when you have your legs spread wide open and dangling over the roll bar!” he yells over the shower.
If he were close, I would punch him. This kid makes me very aggressive.
I clean up in record time and change into the shorts and T-shirt Kayne grabbed for me.
“Ready?” Kayne has both of our hospital bags slung over each shoulder.
“What about the bed?” I ask. “We should clean it up.”
“It’s going. I’ll order a new mattress and have it express delivered.”
I won’t argue with that.
As I walk down the stairs, another contraction hits. “Oh!” The pain shoots up and around my stomach and lands right in my lower back.
“Ellie? Are you okay?”’ Kayne holds me up by my arm. I swear I could just sit right here and never get up.
“I’m not sure.” I breathe heavily in and out.
“Come on, we have to go. Now.”
My contractions come on hard and fast, and by the time we get to the hospital, Kayne is clocking them at three minutes apart.
I can tell you, the maternity ward is no-nonsense and efficient. The minute we got here, I was put in a delivery room, hooked up to a fetal monitor, and examined thoroughly.
“Do I have time for an epidural?” I ask the nurse after she checks my cervix.
“Unfortunately, no. You’re at eight centimeters with contractions less than three minutes apart. This baby is coming soon.”
“Shit. Shit!” Another contraction begins, making me see stars. The pain is in my back and utterly excruciating.
“Fuck, this hurts.” I crush Kayne’s hand. “I don’t know if I can do this without drugs.”
“Ellie, you have to. You heard the nurse. He’s coming soon.” There are so many emotions in my husband’s voice.
“I can’t.”
“You can, just breathe. You’re strong enough.”
“You’re going to have to keep reminding me of that.”
“Till death do us part, you know that.”
I can only nod frantically as another contraction pummels me.
“They’re getting closer.” Kayne looks at his watch while he holds my hand. There is ungodly pressure between my legs, like I’m about to rip in two. I almost hate him for being so calm.
The nurse comes in to check on my progress again. “How’s Mom doing?”
“Dying,” I whine.
“Ellie,” Kayne snaps at me. “Not even funny when it’s a joke.”
“I’m not joking!” I scream as another wave of pain hits.
“Hopefully, it will be over soon.” She measures my cervix again. “Oh!” Her face perks up. “It looks like we need to page the doctor. You’re fully dilated.” She smiles, removing her latex gloves. “As soon as he gets here, you can start pushing. Hang on for a few more minutes.”
That seems like an unbearable amount of time.
The pain is constant now, just a steady stream of agony.
“Ellie.” My doctor walks into the room smiling brightly. I’m glad someone is in a good mood.
The OB practice I go to has several doctors, all of whom I met and could potentially deliver the baby depending who was on the floor. Luckily, my main doctor is at the hospital today.
“So, looks like we’re ready.” He pulls up a chair and sits right in front of my wide-open legs. I have been told childbirth is beautiful and wondrous, but up until now, I’ve felt more like a lab rat, poked and prodded with my lady bits on display than an excited mother-to-be.
“Okay, Ellie. We’re going to push,” Dr. Hanini tells me. “On three.”
“Okay.”
“One. Two. Three.” I push with all my might, hoping the baby comes out on the first try.
“Good. Relax.” Dr. Hanini is in his late forties, has golden brown skin, and is native to Hawaii. I connected with him the minute he walked into the room. He just has this wonderful calm energy and the nicest bedside manner. Even Kayne likes him, which is saying a lot since he’s seen my vagina just as much as my husband has over the last nine months.
“Again, Ellie.” I push once more, squeezing Kayne’s hand for dear life.
“Come on, baby, you can do this.” Kayne is peering down over my legs to see what’s going on.
“Can you see anything yet?” I ask, drained already.
“Nothing, not yet,” he tells me.
“Gotta keep pushing,” the doctor encourages me.
And I do, for over two excruciating hours.
“WHY WON’T HE COME OUT!” I’m crying by this point, exhausted and ready to pass out.
“A little more, Ellie. You need to hold on a little more,” Dr. Hanini urges me to keep going.
“I can’t. I’m so tired,” I protest, nearly delirious.
“Ellie, come on. Strong enough, remember?” Kayne wipes some sweat away from my brow and feeds me some ice chips. “You’ve been through worse than this.”
“Okay,” I pant, determined to push this kid out.
With a deep breath, I summon the little bit of energy I have left and push again. It feels like something gives way and suddenly there is a little less pressure.
“Good, Ellie. His head is out!” Dr. Hanini exclaims, and then his expression turns grim. “Stop. Stop pushing.”
“What? I can’t stop!” Now that the baby has momentum it feels like I no longer have control. My body is on autopilot.
“Fetal heart rate is dropping.”
“What?” I look back and forth between Kayne and the doctor. Both their faces are expressionless, but Kayne’s eyes are wild.
“What’s happening? What’s going on?”
“Ellie, try to relax. The cord is wrapped around the baby’s neck,” one of the nurses informs me in a palliative tone.
“One second.” Dr. Hanini works quickly, doing something I can’t see.
“Please hurry! I have to push!”
“Okay, now!” The doctor gives me the green light. I barely even push before I see a still, silent, little blue infant being lifted into the air. I nearly pass out.
“Let me see him! I need to see him!” He’s not crying and all the nurses are crowded around the doctor and my baby.
“Kayne!” I grab his wrist, but he’s still as stone as he watches the hospital staff work on our child.
My emotions spin further out of control every second there’s no sound.
I don’t know how long time lingers before we hear it.
The first wail of our newborn son.
It breaks me out of my petrified state of panic.
“Is he okay? Please tell me he’s okay.”
“He’s perfect.” One of the nurses places him on my chest, and I burst out into tears.
“We just needed to suction him.”
I hold him close as he squirms, instantly bonding with the helpless little angel. I fall in love for the second time in my life. I look up at Kayne. He’s stiller than a glassy lake. I think he’s in shock. Actually, I know he is.
“Say hi to your son.”
Only his blue eyes move. From me to the baby and back again.
Definitely in shock.
“Okay. Time to clean up this little fella.” One of the nurses lifts him off of me.
“Already! I just got him.”
“It will only be for a few minutes, and then I’ll give him right back.” She’s a sweet woman, very smiley, but I still give him up reluctantly.
Kayne tails the nurse, putting his super stalking skills to good use and hovering already.
“What’s his name, Mom?” One of the other nurses in the room asks.
“Alec. Alec Jett Stevens. AJ for short.” I wipe away my happy tears as they fall one by one.
“Jett? Oh, I like that.” She smiles coyly.
If you knew him, you’d like it even more.
Kayne and I both wanted to name him after someone important in our lives. Who’s more important than my father and Jett?
I watch as Kayne’s towering figure spies on everything the nurses do to AJ, while at the same time battling with fatigue. The adrenaline that was keeping me awake is now fading fast, exhaustion settling in its place.
“I HAVE SEEN A LOT of nasty shit, oops, I mean stuff. Daddy needs to learn to watch his language, but that black tar in your diaper takes the cake.” I hear Kayne before I even open my eyes.
When I crack them open, I watch silently as he wraps AJ up in a little blue blanket and lifts him from the hospital’s bassinet.
“I know you’ve only been here a few hours, but I think now is a good time to have our first talk.”
Kayne sits down in the rocking chair in the corner of the room and proceeds to talk to the tiny bundle nestled in his arms. AJ looks even smaller when he holds him, like an oversized peanut.
“First, and this is extremely important, always keep your head down and hands up in a fight.” He lifts one of AJ’s little hands to his face. It doesn’t surprise me in the least that that’s the first piece of advice he shares with his son.
“Second, ketchup is delicious on eggs. Don’t let anyone tell you different. Especially Mommy.
Third, don’t be afraid to talk to girls. Uncle Jett may need to help you with this in the future. Daddy isn’t very good at it. It’s the only thing Daddy isn’t good at.” The arrogance is blatant in his voice. Heaven help me.
“Lastly, and this is the most important, it takes courage to love. Mommy taught me that. She’s the strongest, most resilient person I know. She was brave enough to love me, and it changed my entire life. So try to be a good boy for her. I already give her enough grief.” Kayne’s tone gets softer as he kisses AJ’s forehead. He’s so sweet with him I could melt.
“When did you learn to swaddle?” I ask, interrupting the love fest.
Kayne looks up at me and smiles the most brilliant smile I have ever seen.
“While you were sleeping. The little man and I were having some quality father-son time.”
“And how is that going for the two of you?” As if I didn’t already know.
“Amazing.” Kayne glances down lovingly at AJ. “How do you feel?”
“Better.” I sigh. “I want to see him.”
Kayne walks AJ over to me. He handles him like a natural. When I take my first good look at his little face, my heart nearly explodes with joy. His eyes are open and alert, and he’s trying to fit his entire fist into his mouth. I think someone’s hungry.
“He’s so perfect, Ellie,” Kayne breathes.
“He is,” I agree.
Ten tiny fingers and toes, a little mouth shaped like a heart, and vibrant blue eyes just like his daddy.
Kayne sits down on the edge of the bed, reluctant to give AJ up. “For nine months, I felt like a spectator, and now that he’s here and I can actually hold him, it all suddenly feels real.” Kayne draws his gaze away from the infant. “How did this happen?” he asks in awe. “How did this become my life?”
I laugh softly. “Evolution?”
“No.” He shakes his head resolutely. “A miracle.”
“Knock knock,” a soft voice rasps just before Jett, Layla, Beckett and a very pregnant London walk into the room. She’s having a girl, and they’re naming her Shia.
Kayne turns his head, and clears the emotion from his throat before he faces our extended family.
“I want to see!” Layla rushes to Kayne, and stands on her tippy toes. He leans in slightly to show the children AJ.
“Baby.” Beckett giggles trying to touch him.
“There’s going to be one of these in your house soon,” Kayne tells him.
“They can’t wait,” London informs us, putting a loving hand on Becks’ blond head. He returns a little chicklet-toothed smile.
Kayne hands me AJ and steps back so Jett and London can get a better look. I cannot put into words what it feels like to hold my child. It’s surreal. A manifestation of two people who’s more beautiful and more perfect than I ever dared to imagine.
London caresses AJ’s sweet little cheek with the tip of her finger. “I love him already, Ellie.”
“I do, too,” I reply, brimming with emotions I never knew I had.
Kayne and Jett just look on like two proud lions protective of their pride.
“You’ve done good, grasshopper.” Jett elbows Kayne.
Kayne clenches his jaw and flares his nostrils. “Please don’t make me kill you. I don’t want to shed blood on such a happy day.”
Jett laughs melodramatically. “Like you could ever kill me.”
London and I just roll our eyes in response to our husbands’ ceaseless banter.
No matter how crazy or life-altering the moment, some things will just never change. . . .