Chapter 4
Alexa
The more time that passed, the more Dalton’s death settled. I wasn’t nearly okay with it yet, but I didn’t feel like I was dying, either. Friday, two weeks after the funeral, Ariel and I went out for the first time since it had happened.
“I don’t know what to wear,” I said, standing in underwear in front of my closet.
“Don’t go crazy,” Ariel said, straightening her hair in front of the mirror. “I’m wearing jeans and that red top I bought last week.”
I nodded. This was the hardest part. Lately, I’d been struggling to do mundane, everyday things like they were so damn important. Life was short, and I spent so much time fussing about things that didn’t matter. Dalton’s death had pointed that out to me.
“Is it okay if I wear your black top?” I asked.
“Of course.”
I walked to Ariel’s bag and found the black top. I paired it with dark skinny jeans and black kitten heels. I sat for Ariel to straighten my wavy hair and applied smoky makeup and red lipstick.
My phone beeped.
“It’s Luke again,” I said, reading the text.
“Is he going to join us?” Ariel asked.
“Looks like it,” I said. “He’s not taking no for an answer. He’s serious about watching out for me.”
Ariel didn’t answer. I didn’t mind Luke being a little overbearing. Since Dalton’s death, he’d been popping in at my place almost every day. Now that I was going out, he wanted to join us. It was a good enough excuse to spend time with him.
“I’ve met him before, right?” Ariel asked.
I nodded. “Once in sophomore year. I don’t know if you remember.”
She shook her head. “I’ve met a few of Dalton’s friends. They’re all one male blur in my mind. Is he hot?”
I nodded. “You’ll see when you meet him.”
We left the house. We were going to do this. I was going out, and I was going to have fun.
Far Bar was a fun place to go. It wasn’t exactly mainstream, but it was full often enough, and you could get sushi along with your cocktails. The décor was cozy, with a dark bar, leather stools, and booths around the sides. When we walked into the bar, music wrapped me in a cocoon, and I wanted to go back home. Everything felt like too much suddenly.
I followed Ariel to the bar. She ordered two mojitos, but I was suddenly not in the mood to drink anymore. Some people got wasted to run away from their pain. I didn’t see the point.
“Are you doing okay?” Ariel asked.
I nodded. She eyed me like a friend who knew me too well, and I sighed.
“I’ll be fine, Ariel,” I said. “I just need time.”
Ariel nodded and sipped her mojito.
“When is Luke arriving?” she asked.
I shrugged. I’d told him where we were. I took a sip of my cocktail. The taste of alcohol was bitter on my tongue, more pronounced than usual, and I didn’t want it.
“Hello, ladies,” Luke said, appearing next to me. I smiled and stood up to hug him.
“This is Ariel,” I said to Luke. I watched Ariel’s face as he took her hand. Her eyes were wide, and she glanced at me.
“I remember,” Luke said.
Ariel smiled, blushing a little. I knew why she was reacting like that. Luke had that effect on women. They couldn’t hold it together in front of him. I didn’t blame them, either. He was hot.
He looked great tonight, too. He wore a collared short-sleeved shirt. The sleeves hugged his biceps like they wouldn’t let go, and his shoulders were broad. He wore faded-in-all-the-right-places Levi’s that hung off his hips, and he wore them like he was doing them a favor. His hair had been raked out of his face like he’d only used his fingers, and his blue eyes were bright and intense.
“Might I add that you ladies look fantastic,” Luke said, but he looked at me when he said it. I smiled, and he grinned at me. My stomach did a little flip when he smiled like that. God, he was hot.
Luke had a powerful presence. He was big and muscular, and everyone looked twice when he walked past—women because he oozed sex appeal, and men because they were threatened by him. He was the epitome of an alpha male. When he walked in, no one questioned the pecking order. Luke was right at the fucking top.
“I want to dance,” Ariel said when the music changed and a few people started shuffling in the middle of the bar, making a temporary dance floor. “Are you coming with me?”
I shook my head. “I don’t feel it, Ariel,” I said.
“You don’t mind if I go?” she asked.
“No. Go have fun, please. Luke will keep me company.”
Ariel nodded and looked at Luke. “Make sure she doesn’t drown in that drink,” she said before she turned and disappeared.
I shook my head, smiling. Luke sat down on the stool Ariel had vacated.
“You’ve got good friends,” Luke said.
I nodded. “Yeah. Ariel is great. She’s really been there for me through all of this.”
We both glanced at where she was moving to the music between a handful of guys. They were watching her. She was comfortable in her own skin and demanded attention. It seemed like I always surrounded myself with people who knew who they wanted to be.
“So, how are you doing?” Luke asked. His eyes were serious, boring into me.
I sighed and looked away. “I don’t know. I’m okay, I guess. I’m just…numb.”
Luke nodded. “I get that. I think I feel the same way.”
“I’m sorry,” I said. I had my hand on my cocktail, the glass cold and wet beneath my fingertips, but I wasn’t drinking it.
“For what?” Luke asked.
“For not asking if you were okay, too. You also lost him.”
Luke reached out to me tentatively. His fingers brushed against my cheek, and the electric feeling that accompanied it made my breath hitch in my throat.
“Don’t be. We’re all going through our own version of hell. It’s okay not to think about others.”
“You do,” I pointed out.
Luke smiled at me. “That’s because I told Dalton I would look out for you, and I’m a man of my word.”
I looked at my drink again. Luke was so nice. So nice and so hot and so considerate. He was being strong through all this, and it made me feel like I was allowed to be weak.
“Are you going to drink that?” he asked.
I shrugged.
“How about a real drink? Let’s have a shot. To Dalton.”
I looked at him and nodded. I could do that.
Luke ordered two shots of tequila—it had been Dalton’s favorite—and we threw them back without bothering with the salt-and-lemon routine.
The alcohol burned down my throat and heated my body. I pulled a face, and Luke laughed.
The sound of his voice was intoxicating, like velvet stroking my skin. I looked at him. His eyes searched the room, finding Ariel. He was looking out for her, too. I took the time to study him. His jaw was square, his nose straight as an arrow, and his lips were perfect—not too thick so that they were weird, not too thin so that kissing them might be uncomfortable. I wondered what it would be like to kiss him, what he would taste like.
I’d kissed a couple of guys in my life, but I hadn’t ever slept with someone. I was probably the last virgin at age twenty-six, but I hadn’t found someone I wanted to lose it to. None of the men in my life had been dominant enough. I wanted a strong man, a man who knew who he was and what he wanted from a woman. I wanted to be dominated. I was just who I was.
And Luke seemed to be a man like that. He was strong and sexy, as alpha as they came, and I could just imagine him dominating me, putting me where he wanted me and taking me hard and fast.
My body responded to my thoughts, and the alcohol fueled the fire. If I had to lose my virginity to anyone, Luke would be my first pick.
The moment I thought that, I felt guilty. Dalton was dead and I was lusting after his best friend not two weeks later. And Luke probably didn’t feel that way about me. He was four years older than me. I’d been a child for most of his life in our home, and I doubted he saw me as anything other than his best friend’s sister.
God, how I would love for him to see me as more. I had wished for that for a long time. I’d kept my little crush to myself—not even Ariel knew about it—but I hadn’t outgrown it.
Luke turned his eyes to me, and I blushed, caught in the act of staring at him. His eyes sparkled, a smile curled around his lips, and I couldn’t read his expression.
I sipped my mojito, grateful for the alcohol now that I’d been lubricated a little by the tequila. I wanted to loosen up a bit, smile and laugh with Luke. I wanted to forget about how terrible everything was and flirt with the man I found attractive.
“I’m glad you came,” I said to him. “You don’t have to keep checking up on me, but I’m glad you’re here tonight.”
Luke smiled at me. “I’m not here just to check up on you tonight,” he said. “I’m here to enjoy myself, too. It’s been hard, and I haven’t exactly gone out, either.”
I nodded. We were in the same boat. He could be there for me so completely because he knew exactly what I was going through. I hoped I could be there for him, too. I didn’t know how to get through this, though. Until then, I would lean on the arm he was offering.
Speaking of arms, his were so big. He must have been working out more lately. His body was fantastic.
“Look at Ariel,” I said. She was dancing with a guy, grinding against him.
“She looks happy,” Luke said.
“Not as happy as he looks,” I said, and Luke laughed. It was clear the guy had a boner for Ariel.
“It’s because she’s so hot,” I said. I’d always seen Ariel as the pretty one between the two of us, and I was the smart one. She attracted guys all the time, and she’d lost her virginity when she was seventeen. I was still holding out, waiting, spending my time working or reading or something else instead.
“She is beautiful,” Luke said. My heart sank a little. “But she’s got nothing on you.”
I looked at him, and he was smiling, his face sincere. My stomach flipped, and I felt a blush creep onto my cheeks. Luke chuckled, and I looked away. He shifted a little closer.
“So I can hear you better,” he said.
Sure. His fingertips were on my arm, brushing lightly against me. I shivered under his touch. He was just a friend, I told myself. He was Dalton’s friend. I was still mourning. Luke was just looking out for me. He was like a brother.
A hot brother who wasn’t related to me at all and, therefore, completely not off-limits.
I tried to shake off the thought.
“Another drink?” Luke asked when I finished mine.
I nodded, and he ordered me another. Drinking more would make me forget more, but it would also lower my inhibitions. I wouldn’t necessarily behave as well as I was behaving now.
But what if I didn’t want to behave? But it was Luke. He wouldn’t see me like that. He was being nice, looking out for me, but he wouldn’t see me as a lover. Maybe I should start looking somewhere else for someone to take me.