Chapter 6
Alexa
I didn’t know why Luke wanted me to run errands with him, but I could think of worse things to do with my time than watching Luke and all his muscles move about his day.
The way he’d looked at me when I’d just been wearing my robe… If he hadn’t been my brother’s best friend and we hadn’t grown up together, I would have said there had been a hell of a lot of lust in that stare. But he was male, and men always stared when they saw a half-naked woman. It didn’t mean anything about what he might feel toward me.
So I agreed to go with him.
The atmosphere was relaxed in his car. The radio blared popular music in the background, and Luke seemed to be in a good mood. We both felt better than we had just after Dalton’s death. That was for sure.
I still ached for my brother of course. There was a Dalton-shaped hole in my life now that he was gone, and I still had to learn how to carry on with my life without my brother, almost like people who lost a limb had to find their balance all over again.
But it wasn’t wrong to smile from time to time, and Luke made me smile.
Luke was looking hot today, too. He’d gone home and changed, and he wore another pair of jeans that made his ass look fantastic and a T-shirt that clung to him like it’s life depended on it. It was so tight I would have to peel it off him to undress him, I was sure. I was willing to do the work if that was what it came down to.
Luke’s hair was still messy—he hadn’t really made much of an effort with it—and it looked hot and stylish. He was the kind of guy that had swagger, that looked fantastic without even trying.
His car was a big black SUV, big and strong the way Luke was. It suited him perfectly without suggesting he was trying to make up for something. Sitting next to Luke in his car was something else. The leather seats heated up, he told me, and the console had enough controls to pass for a spacecraft. When he drove the car, it purred softly, and we glided through the streets in style.
Was this what Luke was like? Was everything about him this classy?
“So, what are we doing first?” I asked.
“I need to go pick up a suit that I had tailor-made and then pick up bike parts,” he said.
“A suit?”
He nodded. “I don’t have a standard body, so I have them tailored to fit me.”
That I could believe. Luke most definitely did not have a standard body. If extra-large and extra-broad were a size, that would have been Luke.
“And what bike?” I asked.
Luke glanced sideways at me. “Dalton’s bike. He left the key to the garage with me the last time I saw him. He was working on it when he died.”
When Luke said the word “died,” it felt like my insides shriveled up, but I pushed the feelings away, forcing myself not to look as distraught as I suddenly felt.
“Can I see it?” I asked.
Luke nodded.
The bike had been Dalton’s everything. It had started with a crappy old bike that he’d bought at a scrap auction. He’d spent years building up the bike, turning it from the piece of shit it was into something that actually ran and wasn’t too bad to look at.
When he sold that bike, he had enough to put down a deposit on the bike he’d been riding ever since, and he’d been paying it down until it was rightfully his own.
That had been only a few months ago. The thought struck me that Dalton had only been able to enjoy the bike as his own for a short while before his life had ended. I was suddenly incredibly sad.
“He was happy, Lexi,” Luke said. I looked at him. Dalton had always called me Lexi. “He had a good life, a family that loved him. It sucks that he’s gone, but he was happy.”
I nodded. Luke was right. Dalton hadn’t had a horrible life, and even his death had been clean.
Luke parked in front of the men’s tailor, and I walked in with him to pick up his suit. The shop assistant brought out the dry-cleaning bag the suit was still in and unzipped it to show Luke. The suit was a shimmery dark blue—there had to be silk in the weave—and it looked expensive.
“That’s great. Thank you, Roland,” Luke said. I followed him to the register where he paid for the suit. I didn’t look at the price even though I wanted to. One point for me.
“Are you sure you’re ready to look at the bike?” Luke asked.
I took a deep breath and shook my head. “To be honest, no. Earlier I thought I wanted nothing more, but I’m having a good day. I don’t want to ruin that. I haven’t had many of those lately.”
Luke nodded. “On to the next stop then.”
We hopped into his car again. I turned my face away from Luke and looked out the passenger window. Los Angeles slowly slid by as Luke made turns, weaving through the city.
I tried to distract myself and think of things other than my deceased brother, like the club I’d found online. When I’d considered finding someone to lose my virginity to, I’d started searching around online. I wanted someone to dominate me. I knew that it wasn’t for everyone, and there were days I thought I might be crazy for wanting to lose my virginity that way, but I couldn’t change how I felt.
So I searched for the dom/sub scene in LA and came across a club where there was no obligation but I could take part if I wanted to. I wanted to check it out later and see what it was all about.
Thinking about potential sex and what that could mean for me made me feel better. It distracted me from Dalton and everything that had been happening. I had to wear something sexier than usual, something black. I had no idea what to expect, but I wanted to find out.
I’d wanted to have my virginity taken away like this for a long time. It was the main reason it hadn’t happened yet; no one who had opted for doing the dirty with me had been demanding or forceful enough. I wanted someone to hold me down, to pin me to the wall, to have their way with me. I would even do restraints if it wasn’t too intense.
I’d been cuffed by someone once, a long time ago, and that had turned me on more than anything I’d done before. It had just been a joke then and nothing had come of it, but that was when I’d realized what I really wanted.
So I wasn’t like other women. I had a kink. I wanted to be dominated from the start. I knew it was dirty, but I had the idea that I liked it dirty. I wanted more than just the straightforward vanilla shit that was out there.
Luke and I spent the rest of the day together. I went with him everywhere he needed to go, and I got to know a side of him I hadn’t seen before. Luke was a responsible adult. I wasn’t sure when that had happened. I’d known him as the reckless teenager who came to visit my brother so often that he was part of the furniture. I guessed it must have happened the same time it had happened for Dalton, but because we’d both moved out and gotten lives and jobs of our own, I hadn’t noticed it.
It was refreshing to see a man who could take care of himself. Although apparently he had no idea how to cook if the number of microwave meals he bought was anything to go by. When the sun was low on the horizon, we were finally done, and I felt oddly refreshed. Luke stopped in front of my apartment.
“How are you feeling?” he asked.
“Less hungover, more cheerful,” I said and chuckled. “Thank you.”
Luke nodded. “Anytime. Would you like me to stay over again tonight?”
His blue eyes were sincere when he asked. I shook my head.
“Not tonight, Luke. Thank you for offering, but I’d rather just be alone. There’s still a lot I need to work through.”
Luke nodded. “Of course. I’ll call you tomorrow and check up on you, okay?”
I nodded and leaned over the gearshift to give him a hug.
“Talk later,” I said and got out of his SUV. He waited until I had my front door open before he left. A real gentleman.
I felt a little bad that I’d lied to him. I wasn’t going to stay in and be alone tonight. I wanted to head out to Blush, the club that was supposed to be a place where you could set your fantasies free. I doubted Luke would condone anything like that. He was trying to look out for me, and a BDSM club was the last place you’d suggest a mourning little sister go.
I walked to my bedroom and opened my closet. I decided on a patent leather black dress—something a lot more risqué than I usually wore. I’d bought it for a themed party a few years ago. I paired it with big black heels and a red coat.
I spent time doing my hair and makeup. I curled the ends of my hair and pulled it back. My makeup was darker than usual, and when I looked in the mirror, I didn’t recognize myself.
Tonight might be the night. Tonight I could very well lose my virginity if the mood was right and I met the right guy. I wasn’t going to jump into anything stupid, but if the timing was right and the person made me feel right, I wasn’t going to hold back, either.
I checked my handbag for everything I needed and left the house.