Chapter 18
Monroe
I never understood what was wrong with those women who made it seem like their lives had ended when they broke up with a boyfriend. Moping around and pouting because some guy decided to break things off. I always used to think that it was crazy to give that much effort and emotion into feeling bad about someone who clearly didn’t deserve it in most cases. I mean, if the guy couldn’t realize that you were someone worth being with, then that was his loss. Right?
What a judgmental bitch I was.
It was now Thursday morning and I still felt like my life had ended. And I guess, in some ways, it did. My love life pretty much died so there was that. My sex life died and that was such a shame considering it barely had a chance to even grow. Mostly, though, my chance at a fairy-tale romance died.
The worst part about all of it was that I knew this was going to happen and I threw myself into it anyway. Stone told me there would never be a forever. I should have heeded his warning and not allowed this to happen, but I couldn’t fight my attraction to him.
Deep down I also believed that I would be able to help him get past it.
That I could be his cure.
I was wrong.
Unfortunately, because of my desperate attempt to find a happily-ever-after ending, my week leading up to today was total shit.
When I woke up Monday morning to find that Stone had officially left me sometime in the middle of the night after I had fallen asleep, I wanted nothing more than to stay in my bed the rest of the day. I wanted to remember making love to him the night before. Yes, making love. I’m certain he wouldn’t have called it that, but I was because that’s what I had been doing. Making love to him while trying to memorize every bit of him.
Sadly, as much as I wanted to stay in the last place I had been with Stone, I couldn’t stay in my bed.
My bed.
My bed that now smelled like him.
On that thought, I broke down into tears and cried.
As good as it would have felt to do nothing, I couldn’t. I had my two new employees that were starting their jobs with me and I needed to get to work. So, I managed (just barely) to get myself out of bed so that I could get ready and leave.
Monday at the studio was brutal. I tried to stay distracted with preparations for the grand opening, but my heart hurt too much. My thoughts kept drifting to Stone. By late afternoon, I sent Nikki a text.
Me: Hey. At the studio now. You going to be around later tonight?
Nikki: Yes. Got in early this morning so I didn’t make it to the salon. Want to get there early tomorrow, so I’m staying in tonight.
Me: Stone came by last night. Need you. And the girls.
Nikki: You’ve got me, babe. You’ve got them too. We’ll be here when you get home.
Me: Thanks.
Nikki: I can order in or make something for dinner. What do you want?
Me: I have no appetite.
Nikki: Oh, mama. Alright, I’ll see you later then.
I finished my day at the studio and was so grateful for Lexi and Jenna. They were a tremendous help. To add to it, they got along great. We had a couple of walk-ins who signed up for classes and Lexi took care of getting them situated after I showed her what needed to be done. We left the studio around dinner time.
I drove home and when I pulled into the parking lot I immediately spotted Charley’s bright orange Jeep. I felt my eyes already getting wet. I parked, got out, and walked to the door of the condo. I stuck my key in the lock, opened it, and pushed through the door.
The minute I walked in and closed the door behind me, I looked up to see my girls standing there in front of me. I completely lost it. They instantly wrapped me up in their arms and held on tight. I must have stood there with them crying for a solid ten minutes before they ushered me into the family room.
After a bit of encouragement, I managed to tell them everything that had happened with Stone. I cried through most of my story and they cried right along with me.
“I tried everything I could think of to get Wes to tell me,” Charley began. “He’s not talking. He knows I’m going to tell you and he doesn’t think it should come from me.”
“Same here,” Emme said. “Zane rarely tells me no. In fact, he always complains about the fact that he can’t ever say no to me, but he’s not budging on this. All he did say was that what Stone went through was traumatic. He said that he doesn’t think it should stop Stone from pursuing something with you, but when whatever it was happened Stone felt it deep. Ever since it went down Stone’s been guarded. Zane did say that, up until Friday’s turn of events at Lou’s, he’s seen Stone smiling more in the last week than he ever has in the last fourteen years.”
“I really didn’t want to put Luke in a bad position, but after you texted me earlier today I called him. I told him what I knew from you, which obviously wasn’t much, and he let out a frustrated sigh. He told me he wasn’t going to betray Stone by sharing his story, but he said Stone was like a brother to him. Luke said he really thought you were the key to helping him get past what he went through and it kills him to see Stone with anguish in his eyes every day. He said he’s seen that same look in him since Stone moved in with Luke and his family years ago.”
“He moved in with Luke and his family?” I asked, shocked at this news.
“Yeah. Luke said they were still kids, but didn’t tell me anything else.”
“He’s never talked about his family?” Charley asked.
I shook my head.
“I get where he’s coming from,” Emme added. “I mean, I don’t know what happened, but I understand him not wanting to talk about it. When bad stuff happens, you don’t want to relive it. Look how long I kept what was happening to me from the three of you. Zane started tearing down my walls and the last thing I wanted was the ugliness from my past tarnishing the beauty that I eventually saw I could have with him.”
“The first night we slept together he said something that bothered me. After he found out I was a virgin, he was upset by what he had said about me that night we were at Lou’s. I told him that he had already apologized for it, that I forgave him for it, and that I didn’t want him holding on to that. He looked at me and said that I really was an angel and that he didn’t deserve someone like me. It broke my heart to hear him say something that indicated he thought so little of himself. I wish I knew why.”
Nikki put her hand on top of mine and said, “Unfortunately, you might not get that answer, babe. You’ve not heard anything from him today have you?”
My eyes filled with tears again.
Fuck.
Was it going to be like this every single time I thought about how much I missed him?
“No. I don’t think I will either. It was pretty final last night. I don’t know how to get past the pain, though. It hurts so bad.”
“You need time, honey. You’ll get there.”
“I can’t see him. If I see him when I feel like this…I can’t see him.”
“Okay, mama. We’ll make sure that doesn’t happen,” Emme reassured me.
The girls spent the next few hours with me before I decided to call it a night. They tried to get me to eat, but I couldn’t. The thought of food really turned my stomach.
Tuesday and Wednesday were much of the same. I spent both days with Jenna and Lexi preparing for the grand opening. They were incredible and the studio looked fantastic. Nikki and I took the girls out in my massive Yukon on Wednesday to pick up the hors d’oeuvres and refreshments we needed.
My mind stayed distracted throughout the day, which helped immensely. The problem for me came both evenings when it was time to go home. The minute I was alone, my mind was consumed with thoughts of Stone. I missed him terribly and I couldn’t eat. To top it off, I barely slept over the last few days.
So now it was Thursday morning and tonight was the grand opening. I needed to try to find a way to put on a happy face. Inside I was dying, but I made a choice to start a new life out here and that was what I was going to have to try to figure out how to do.
As I was contemplating how I was going to accomplish this feat my cell phone chimed with a text. I picked it up, looked at the display, and couldn’t breathe.
A text from Stone.
Nothing for the last three days. Now this.
Wanted to wish you luck at your grand opening tonight. I hope it goes well for you.
My chest was burning. My eyes were filling with tears.
He wasn’t going to be there.
I knew that already and didn’t think I could have been around him anyway, but for some reason the confirmation from him that he wouldn’t be there hurt like a bitch.
Why?
Why was it that at the exact moment I had made the decision to try to find a way to move on he had to contact me?
I couldn’t feed into this. It would only make it worse for me. I loved him, but I needed to love me more if I was going to heal myself. So, despite how badly I wanted to respond, I ignored his text and it made me feel like total shit.
I could still just barely smell Stone on my sheets and I didn’t want to leave the comfort that it brought me. His scent was fading, though. There wasn’t anything I wouldn’t give to bring him back to me so I’d never have to think about what I’d do when I no longer had that aroma to soothe me. The more it faded, the worse I felt. It was difficult, but I finally managed to get myself out of bed.
Lacking motivation for anything I took my time getting ready. I wasn’t planning to head over to the studio until lunchtime, so I had no reason to rush myself. I took a shower and after I got out I put on a pair of panties and a t-shirt. Then, I climbed back in my bed. I stayed there for another half hour crying.
Was this ever going to get easier?
There was a knock at my bedroom door before I heard it open. When I rolled over, Nikki was walking in.
“Aw, mama. I heard you in the shower a little while ago; I thought you were in here getting ready,” she said as she walked over and climbed in my bed with me.
“He’s not here anymore.”
“I know, Monroe.” Her voice was gentle and comforting.
“No, I mean his scent. My bed smelled like him. I can just barely smell him now.”
Nikki grabbed my hand and held it tight before she confessed, “I’m so angry with him. I know that’s probably not fair considering he was honest with you up front about where what you two had couldn’t go, but I hate that he’s done this to you. He gave me his word that he would treat you with the respect you deserve and that he wouldn’t break your heart. Maybe he wasn’t disrespectful, but he has absolutely broken your heart. Oh, I’m so angry I could scream.”
“He texted me this morning.”
Nikki bolted up in the bed and her eyes were nearly popping out of her head.
“What?” she practically shouted. “What did he say?”
“He wanted to wish me luck tonight at the grand opening. He said he hopes it goes well for me.”
“What did you say back?”
I shook my head and answered, “Nothing. I can’t. It hurts too much and it’s going to make me hopeful. I can’t do this again, so I’m not setting myself up for it.”
“Okay, whatever you want. Can I make you breakfast this morning?”
“No thanks. I feel sick thinking about food.”
“Babe, you’ve got to eat something. When was the last time you ate?”
I shrugged my shoulders. “The toast you made.”
“That was yesterday morning!”
“I know, but I have literally no appetite.”
Her eyes were pleading with mine when she begged, “Please, Monroe. You’ve got to have something.”
“Not now. I can’t. Maybe later. Tonight, at the opening.”
“Promise?”
“I promise to try.”
She nodded and asked, “Want to ride over together this afternoon?”
“Yeah. I probably shouldn’t be driving in my condition today. I’ll be ready on time, too. I just have to scrape myself out of this bed.”
“Alright. I’m going to go get myself ready. Love you, babe.”
“I love you, too, Nikki.”
With that, Nikki got up and walked out of the room. I did as I said I would and forced myself out of bed. I did my best to try to make myself look half decent by fixing my hair, putting on a smidge of make-up, and wearing clothing that didn’t consist of dance shorts or sweats.
Before I knew it, it was time to go. Nikki drove the two of us to the salon and studio. I unlocked and went in while she made her way to the salon to get things ready there. Twenty minutes after I had arrived, Jenna showed up. Another thirty minutes later, Lexi walked through the door. We did all our last-minute preparations and then walked next door to see if Nikki needed any help with the last bit of her stuff.
Fifteen minutes before the start of the opening, I was back in my studio and my people showed up. Well, most of them anyway. Charley, Wes, Emme, and Zane all walked in. They informed me that Luke had arrived, but that he was next door with Nikki. I didn’t have much time to chat with them because minutes before the grand opening was set to begin, people were already showing up. Apparently, I had made such a name for myself with my studio back in Ventura that when the word got out that I moved here and opened a studio, people wanted in.
Lexi was a rock star getting people signed up for classes. Jenna talked with a lot of the girls who had come in and were waiting in line to sign up. She was so friendly, she knew her stuff, and she was making the girls comfortable while they waited. I made my rounds trying to connect with as many people as possible and told them all that they needed to head next door to Nikki’s salon to check her out. I knew that with one look at her they’d have no doubts about her talent.
There was a large rush when it first started, but two hours later the crowd had died down. Only a few girls remained waiting to sign up for classes. My people were also still around. I was just about to take a seat when I heard the new alarm system indicate that someone had walked in. Not wanting to miss the opportunity to bring more dancers in, I stood and looked to the entrance.
I nearly collapsed right there on the spot, but something else had taken over me. I don’t know what it was. All I knew in that moment was that I needed to not be standing where I was anymore. I ran toward the door and threw myself into safe, protective arms. Then, I cried my eyes out.
I was held in silence for several minutes while I attempted to pull myself together. I wasn’t quite fully there mentally when I heard, “Feels so good to see you and hold you, kid, but hearing you cry like this is not making me happy. It’s not making any of us happy.”
Deacon.
Deacon, Remi, and Vaughn were all standing here with me at the entrance to my studio on the day of my grand opening. They came out here for this, for me.
I still had tears running down my face when I cried, “You’re here.”
“We wouldn’t miss this for the world, Monroe,” Remi responded, as he pulled me out of Deacon’s arms and into his. “Of course, we’re going to come out and support you.”
As I wrapped my arms around his waist I shared, “Oh my God, I’ve missed you so much. How long are you staying?”
“Leaving Sunday afternoon,” he answered.
I let out a sigh.
Time.
I was going to get time with them. This was exactly what I needed right when I needed it the most.
“Come here, kid,” Vaughn said, as he wrapped his arms around me and pressed a kiss to the top of my head.
The tears spilled down my cheeks.
“I’m such a mess, Vaughn,” I whispered.
He rubbed my back and comforted me, “We’ll take care of you. I’ll make sure you’re okay before we leave. If I need to send Remi and Deacon back without me so I can stay here to do that, I will. Okay?”
I nodded into his chest.
When I pulled away, I looked to my big brothers and said, “I want you to meet everyone.”
I introduced Remi and Deacon to Wes and Zane. Vaughn met both of them the last time he was out to visit. Of course, Charley and Emme were given lots of love from my brothers, too. My brothers treated Charley, Emme, and Nikki just the same as they did me. They were very protective of us. I had filled them in on what Wes did for Charley and how Zane made it his mission to protect Emme from her abusive ex, so Remi, Vaughn, and Deacon approved of them very quickly.
We had just finished introductions and greetings when the door opened again. I looked over to see Nikki and Luke walking in.
“Oh my God,” she yelled out as she ran over to my brothers.
Luke stood there slightly confused and had a look on his face that told me he was not okay with seeing Nikki being held by another man.
Uh oh.
Time for damage control.
I walked over to Luke and grabbed him by the hand.
“Come and meet my brothers, Luke.”
Realization dawned in his features and he visibly relaxed. I introduced Luke to my brothers, who had no issues telling him that he better take good care of Nikki. He didn’t seem bothered by their request and I think that sat well with them.
We all stood around chatting a while and I introduced my brothers to Jenna and Lexi. A little while later, the last of the crowd had left. Nikki told me that everything went really well for her at the salon and that she appreciated all of the people I sent over to check her space out. Nearly all of them got on her books. Overall, the night had been a huge success.
“I’m going to head over to the salon and get my things together. You riding with me or are you going to go with these guys?” she asked pointing toward Remi, Vaughn, and Deacon.
“I’m going to show them the rest of the studio and catch a ride with them. Thanks for driving me today, Nikki, and for all of your help to make this day successful.”
“No problem, babe. I have some appointments scheduled for tomorrow afternoon, but my morning is free so I think I’m going to crash at Luke’s tonight. This way, you’ll have our place to yourself and can catch up with your brothers.”
“Thanks, Nik. Have a good night.”
I gave her a hug and said good-bye to Luke. He gave me a soft smile before he pulled me into a hug, knowing my heart was hurting. Charley, Wes, Emme, and Zane followed next. They all congratulated me on the turnout and wished me the best of luck with the studio moving forward. After a round of hugs from the girls and top-of-the-head kisses from the guys, the foursome took off.
Jenna and Lexi left minutes later. I told them both to take the day off tomorrow and to enjoy the long weekend because we officially started classes next week. They were both incredibly excited.
Finally, I was there in my studio with three of my biggest supporters and the men I knew I could always count on to never let me down. Even though Vaughn had already gotten the grand tour when he came out to visit a few weeks ago, he tagged along while I showed Remi and Deacon the rest of the studio.
“So proud of you, kid,” Deacon shared. “You’ve worked really hard and you deserve all of the praise you’ve received tonight.”
“Thanks, Deac. That means a lot.”
“When did these get put in?” Vaughn asked, as he walked over to one of the mini-screens set up in the dance room we were in. “I don’t remember seeing them here when I was out for a visit a few weeks ago.”
My mood shifted and I instantly grew somber.
“Monroe,” Remi started. “What’s wrong?”
A single tear trickled down my face as I answered, “He had them put in.”
“What?” Deacon asked.
“Stone. He had a brand-new security system put in here a little over a week ago because every time he would stop in I never knew he was here since I was playing my music so loud. Even though I’m not in a bad area here, he said he didn’t like that anyone could just walk in without me knowing it.”
My brothers all looked to each other and gave looks that I couldn’t read. When they looked back to me, Remi disclosed, “I know what this is and it had to have cost you a pretty penny. Who did the work?”
“Zane’s brother, Levi, has a security firm. Cunningham Security. Levi came over and checked out the place after Stone called him. The next day, Levi sent his brother, Cruz, and two of his other guys over to install everything.”
“I know the firm. Solid guys. They are the ones who found Emme, right?” Vaughn confirmed.
I nodded my head.
“They aren’t cheap,” he added.
“I wouldn’t know. Stone told Levi to give me the best there was for what I needed here and that I was not to get a bill for it. He paid for everything. I tried to fight him on it, but he said that because he suggested it and because he wanted me to have the best available, he was going to cover the costs. I don’t know what he paid for it?”
My brothers looked to each other again.
They gave each other that same look I couldn’t read.
“Monroe, this cost thousands,” Deacon began. “I’m not talking one or two, either. We’re talking about ten to twelve grand.”
My eyes rounded at the news Deacon had just shared with me.
“Are you kidding me?” I retorted.
“Not at all.”
Ten to twelve thousand dollars.
Stone spent that much money on a security system for me. For someone he never planned to even attempt to get a forever with.
Suddenly, I felt dizzy.
I was hot.
Sweating.
My legs wouldn’t move and I knew I was going to fall over.
I put my arm out trying to steady myself.
“Monroe?” Remi called.
I couldn’t speak.
I began blinking my eyes trying to focus, but I couldn’t.
The last thing I remembered, everything went black.