Monroe
I pulled into the parking lot at the condo and saw Charley’s Jeep. This was going to suck. Nikki texted me earlier in the day to let me know that Charley was going to be picking up Emme and that they’d head over around dinner time. In the same text, she also told me that there was no rush, especially if I was busy with Stone. I never responded to her text. I didn’t want to admit that I wasn’t even remotely busy with Stone because I kicked him out of my studio.
Damn it.
I had no choice now; it was time to face the music. I grabbed my purse and my bag and got out of the truck. I made my way to the front door of the condo and the minute I pushed through the door I heard the girls talking. I walked into the family room and found them there with smiles on their faces and wine glasses in their hands. That was to say that they had smiles on their faces until they saw me.
“Monroe, honey, what’s wrong? Are you okay?” Charley asked.
“Is it that obvious?” I answered.
“What happened?” Emme questioned.
“What happened is that I’m an idiot. Did Nikki bring you up to speed on what happened with Stone yesterday?”
They nodded.
“Right. So, any advice that you were planning to give me tonight is no longer needed.”
“Babe, you were so ecstatic this morning. Literally, you were on cloud nine. What did he do?”
“I know I’m not normally much of a drinker, but I think I need a really big glass of wine right about now.”
“Sure,” Emme said as she went about pouring me a glass.
I plopped down on the couch, seized the wine glass from Emme’s hand, and took several huge gulps.
“You’ve got to slow down, Monroe,” Charley began. “You don’t normally drink and you’re essentially chugging that.”
I finished off the glass and held it out to Emme. She refilled it for me and after drinking about half the glass I started talking.
“I am going to be twenty-five in less than two weeks and I’m still a virgin. I will have been alive for a quarter of a century and nobody has ever had their way with me. Up until last night I had only ever kissed a total of two guys in my entire life. Two! Feeling the things I did around Stone I stupidly thought that he was the reason why. I was sure of it. Hell, it’s the reason I moved here! He is the reason I left my family back in California and came here. Vaughn, Remi, and Deacon fought me so hard on my decision to move. I was firm in my decision because I was so sure that Stone was the one for me. What I feel when I’m around him is like nothing I’ve ever felt before,” I declared.
I paused to drink more wine.
I continued, “Even if he couldn’t be in a romantic relationship, I told Nikki this morning that I am so far gone for him that if all he could offer was a physical relationship I was prepared to agree to it. I went to the studio early this morning because after sharing that kiss with him last night I thought for certain he was having a change of heart. I was feeling so great and I haven’t danced in so long. I got in a solid hour of dancing before I noticed him standing outside the room I was in. When I walked up to him after turning the music down, I smiled at him and greeted him. He had a look of torment on his face. He apologized yesterday for walking out of Lou’s the night we did karaoke at Emme’s party, and I guess I should have been grateful that he didn’t walk out this morning. That said, the look on his face this morning spoke volumes. We got to work on painting and he was so quiet. I couldn’t figure out what happened or what changed.”
I took in a deep breath and went on, “Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore and I just asked him what was wrong. Ultimately, he told me that he never should have kissed me last night and that it couldn’t happen again. I asked him why he won’t give us a chance when he has admitted to me that he’s attracted to me. He said he wasn’t going to explain his reasons. I ended up asking him to leave just before lunchtime today. I can’t be around him feeling that attraction to him, knowing he feels some of that in return, and not want to act on it. To top it off, I never even got my mirrors hung.”
Emme and Charley turned their heads toward each other and gave one another a look.
“What? What’s that about?” I asked.
“I’m sorry, Monroe,” Emme began. “I knew better, but still pushed for this. Remember the day you and Nikki came out to visit and I told you all about what had been happening with Seth resurfacing and the full extent of what he did to me?”
“Yeah. I’ll never forget that day,” I replied.
“I had a conversation with Zane when we woke up. He was going to train that morning and would be coming over to Wes and Charley’s afterward. He said he was going to be training with Stone and that he’d let him know that you were going to be there. I asked him if he thought that Stone would get serious with you because, obviously, I knew you were feeling something for him. Zane told me Stone wouldn’t have a problem showing you a good time. Of course, I told Zane you are a virgin and that you deserved more than just a one-night stand. He told me that Stone’s had a rough past and that what he went through is the kind of thing that changes a person. Zane’s advice was that if we didn’t want you to get your heart broken that we should make sure you didn’t pursue Stone. I should have said something to you then, but I was thinking about the fact that I had my mind made up about where my life was headed before Zane came along. It got me thinking that if I went through what I did and I still ended up finding a way to allow myself to love again, I thought that maybe Stone could get past his stuff with the right girl.”
“So, what happened to him?” I asked.
“We don’t know,” Charley started. “Emme and I were talking about it on the way here, but neither of us knows the details. All Zane and Wes have shared is that life hasn’t been easy for him, but they won’t share his story.”
I finished the last bit of my second glass of wine. I held it out again for more, but Emme didn’t move to pour any. I figured I’d need to do this myself. I stood and it hit me. I fell back on to the couch from the dizziness. Realizing I needed to take this slow I sat up slowly and scooted to the edge of the couch. Standing slowly, I moved to the bottle of wine and picked it up. That’s when Charley’s hand wrapped around mine and took the bottle. She took my wine glass as well and set both back down. Then, she wrapped her arms around me, pulled me into a hug, and asked, “When was the last time you ate today?”
I felt the tears stinging my eyes and I simply shook my head.
“You haven’t had anything all day and you just drank two huge glasses of wine in a matter of minutes?” Nikki worried.
I stayed silent.
“I’ll get food warmed up,” I heard Emme call out.
As Emme walked out of the room I stayed where I was wrapped up in Charley’s arms. “I’m so sorry, honey,” she comforted me.
That’s when I could no longer control it and the tears flowed from my eyes.
“Why?” I managed to get out through my crying.
“Clearly, he’s got some other issues going on,” Nikki said from beside me as she put her hand to my back. “He’s not worth your tears, mama.”
Nikki and Charley moved me back to the couch. They held me tight for a long time while I cried. It was miserable. I didn’t even know how it was possible that I had any tears left in me considering I spent the better part of my afternoon shedding thousands.
Emme rejoined us with food and the girls made me eat. Halfway through I finally spoke.
“Getting your heart broken sucks. My heart feels like it’s been shattered into a million pieces and all I got out of it was the most incredible kiss of my life that left me with a wet pair of panties. How is that even remotely fair?
The girls laughed at me. I think they thought I was trying to be funny and make light of the situation. I wasn’t. I was serious and, if I was being totally honest, a little angry. That’s when I decided to do something about it.
“Alright ladies, I’ve made a decision. I don’t think I want to fall in love anymore. This shit is for the birds. I have a new mission. I need to have sex. I’m not sure how I can say that since I’m not sure if that’s what I really need, but I know I need something. Since I’ve got nothing else, I’m assuming it’s sex that I need.”
“Monroe,” Emme said, her voice trailing off.
“I’m serious. Maybe I’ve been too picky all this time. I was waiting for that feeling…the one I feel when I’m around Stone. I wanted the fairy-tale romance. Clearly, that’s not going to happen. So, I’m thinking it’s time I stop being picky and start focusing on finding someone who can get the job done.”
“There’s nothing wrong with being picky, mama,” Charley began. “You are hurt right now and it sucks, but you can’t settle for less than what you want...and certainly, not less than you deserve. If you want that fairy-tale, you wait for it.”
“Fairy-tales aren’t real, Charley. It’s sad that I just learned that. What’s not sad is the fact that I’m finally going to have sex. I’m planning to not be a virgin when I turn twenty-five, which means I’ve got almost no time to make this happen.”
“Monroe, babe, I think you know that I’m all for a girl getting what she needs and not having any strings attached. That said, Charley is right. A no-strings-attached physical relationship is not what you want. You make the decision to go down this road, I have a feeling you’re going to regret it.”
“Love you all to death, but I’m not looking for you to change my mind. What I want to know is if my best girls are going to support me with this the same way I’ve supported them? Will you all go out with me next weekend and help me?”
None of them answered.
“You know we’ll always support you,” Emme finally started. “If you want to go out on Friday night and try to find a suitable guy, we’ll be there for you. Just know, if you are giving up on being picky, you have to let us make sure the guy is a good choice.”
I smiled at her. “I can work with that.”
“Emme,” Charley called, a bit of a warning in her tone.
“Charley, sweets, it’s alright. Monroe deserves this from us. We will help her make the right choice.”
“You’ve got that right. Two weeks from now, Miss Monroe is no longer going to be a virgin,” I announced as I set my plate on the coffee table and brought my wine glass up to my smiling lips.
“She’s hammered,” Charley said.
“Yep,” Emme added.
“And she’s going to feel like absolute fucking shit tomorrow,” Nikki pointed out.
“I feel fantastic,” I informed them. “Thanks for the pep talk, ladies. I’m thinking I’m ready for some sleep now, though, so I’m going to head to bed. Love you girls.”
I moved to stand up and the girls all stood with me. It was a good thing because I fell forward and they caught me. I don’t remember anything that happened after that.
*****
My head was pounding. I hadn’t even opened my eyes and the throbbing I felt in my brain was indescribable. When it came to consuming alcoholic beverages, I was a lightweight. I rarely drank, so when I made the decision to down more than a half a bottle of wine last night I should have known just how horrible I would feel this morning. Unfortunately, when you have your heart broken by a man you barely know, logic goes out the window and you end up consuming copious amounts of alcohol.
I allowed myself a few minutes to replay the events of the past two days in my head before I made the effort to face the upcoming day. Unfortunately, I ended up considering more than just the past two days. My thoughts took me back to every single encounter I had had with Stone from the first night I met him. I’ve heard people talk about love at first sight, but never thought it actually existed. That night, I set my eyes on Stone and was instantly transfixed by him. Suddenly, love at first sight was a real thing. Every time I was around him after that, my attraction to him grew. Then, everything happened with Emme.
Nikki, Charley, and I all learned well after the fact that not only had her crazy ex-boyfriend been beating her for years, but also that for the last year of her relationship with him he was raping her. I felt an incredible amount of guilt over what happened to my best friend. Guilt and responsibility consumed me, and I couldn’t even look my friend in the eye at the thought that I’d see that disappointment in her eyes…disappointment that I hadn’t been a better friend. Stone was there the day I learned about all of this. He took me away from the crowd of people we were with and talked with me for quite some time about it. At first, he let me talk and never once interrupted me. Even when I had to stop talking because I was crying so much, he simply held me while I pulled myself together. When I finished telling him everything, he said all the right things to help ease my guilt a bit. He encouraged me to talk to Emme and tell her how I felt. I appreciated him so much for what he did for me that day. What I felt for him only grew stronger the night Emme was kidnapped.
Charley, Nikki, Emme, and I had gone out with Wes, Luke, Zane, and Stone to pay tribute to Charley’s late brother, Taj. Wes’ sister, Elle, is a singer and put together a set to honor Taj. That night, after Elle finished her set, all the girls and I went to use the restroom. Lou’s was crowded and so when we returned to the table the guys were at and Zane asked where Emme was we all knew something bad happened. As it turns out, her ex-boyfriend kidnapped her. Nikki and I were staying at Charley and Wes’ place and neither Luke nor Stone hesitated to spend the night there with us. I’ll never forget what Stone did for me that night. I remember feeling a fear like no other because it had only been a year when Emme’s ex beat and nearly killed her and he had come back to kidnap her. I was terrified for her. Stone wrapped me up in his arms and held me. Of all the things he said to offer me comfort that night, the one thing that stuck with me was his promise. He promised me she’d be found. He wasn’t wrong and I trusted him implicitly from that point forward.
I guess that’s why I had the brilliant idea a week later to sing to him at Lou’s. I thought I could trust him. I thought there was more there. Unlike Stone, I was wrong.
Opening my eyes now, literally and figuratively, I knew I needed to get up and get on with my day. I’d given Stone too much of my heart already and I needed to protect what was left of it while I tried to repair what he broke. This meant dancing.
I got out of bed, used the bathroom, and made my way to the kitchen. Nikki was already there.
“Morning, babe. Feeling shitty?” she greeted.
“My head is pounding,” I admitted, taking a seat at the island.
“Here,” she said, as she set a bottle of water and some pain killers in front of me. “Take that and I’ll make you some toast.”
“Thanks.”
I took the medicine and drank the water while Nikki moved to put the bread in the toaster. She stayed silent while it toasted. I was consumed with a million thoughts in those few minutes. When she set the plate in front of me she asked, “So, now that you’ve had some time I’m curious if you’re still planning on finding some random hook up this weekend?”
I sighed as I picked up the toast and began pulling it apart. “I want to move on, Nik. It doesn’t matter how strong of a connection I feel to Stone. He’s not interested. I can’t spend the rest of my life pining away for someone who doesn’t want anything to do with me.”
She crossed her arms over her chest, tilted her head, and cocked an eyebrow. “From what you said yesterday morning, he wants plenty to do with you. He just doesn’t want the relationship. I don’t think that’s a good enough reason for you to suddenly decide that what you’ve held onto all these years means nothing. Don’t give it up to someone who, a, doesn’t mean anything to you and, b, doesn’t deserve it.”
I felt myself grow sad. “My heart hurts, Nikki. I had this crazy idea of what love would be and all my thoughts about it were warm and happy and beautiful. I never thought in a million years it would feel like this. I realize it’s ridiculous that I’m saying this was love, but I don’t know what else to call it. Maybe it’s lust. Maybe I don’t know the difference. Either way, I know that the pull I had to Stone was too strong to ignore. I’m sad that he didn’t feel it strong enough in return.”
“Mama...” Nikki began, trailing off as she walked over to me. “You can call it whatever feels right to you. Lust, love…it doesn’t matter. What matters is that you felt something between you and him that meant more to you than anything else has up to this point. When it doesn’t go the way you hope, that shit hurts. I hate that he hurt you, but I’m happy he was honest about where he stands from the start. He doesn’t know that he’s part of the reason you moved here or, at least, he didn’t when you made the choice. I have a feeling that if he knew, he would have said something then. That said, he broke my best friend’s heart; and so, if that means we hate him now or I need to kick his ass, you know I’ve got your back.”
I let out a little laugh. “Thanks, Nikki. I don’t want to create any tension in the group, especially since Emme and Charley are engaged to his best friends. Let’s hold off on the ass-kicking for now.”
She smiled at me. “Whatever you want, babe. You dancing today?”
“Yep.”
“Want to ride in together?” she asked. “I want to get to work on setting up the salon.”
“I think I do. How soon are you leaving?” I asked.
“Within the hour work for you?”
I nodded as I put the last piece of toast in my mouth. “I can do that. I’m going to go take a shower. Hopefully, I won’t feel so lousy afterward.”
“Keep drinking the water. It’ll help.”
“Thank you, Nik,” I said as I picked up the water bottle and went back down toward my bedroom. I didn’t wait around for a response and didn’t offer an explanation on what I was thanking her for because she already knew.
Not quite an hour and a half later Nikki and I arrived at our place. She came in and checked out the work Stone and I had done on the studio before she went over to get things set up in her salon. I walked back to the fourth room Stone and I painted yesterday. A feeling of sadness began to overwhelm me the moment I stepped inside. Fortunately, I didn’t have much time to dwell on that feeling because I heard the alarm chime indicating someone had walked in. I figured Nikki needed help with something since I wasn’t expecting any visitors, especially not this early in the morning. I walked back out to the reception area and saw Wes and Zane were there.
“Hey guys,” I greeted. “Are Charley and Emme okay?”
“Yeah, darlin’, they’re fine,” Zane said. “We heard you needed some help with mirrors.”
Crap.
I was going to cry.
My bottom lip quivered and my head dropped to the floor. I buried my face in my hands as the tears spilled down my cheeks. “Fuck,” I heard Wes mutter before he pulled me into his arms. As he pulled me in for a hug he urged, “Talk to me, babe.”
I didn’t answer immediately because I wasn’t sure what to say. Telling Wes and Zane about what happened between Stone and me wasn’t an option. They were his friends and I wasn’t about to come in middle of their friendship. “I’m sorry. You caught me off guard. I just wasn’t expecting it, that’s all.”
“Not sure I understand why you are in tears then.”
I pulled my face back and stepped out of Wes’ arms. “It’s just really nice for the two of you to do this for me. Thank you.”
They both gave me looks that told me they weren’t buying my reasoning, but thankfully, they didn’t press me further. I then showed them how Stone and I hung the mirrors in the first room, so they’d know how I needed the rest done. Zane and Wes got to work immediately and within a couple hours they had all the mirrors on the walls. I spent the better part of the morning working on the décor in the reception area. After I finished, I went into the first room to put together a playlist that I’d blast and dance to as soon as the guys left. I was in the middle of that when Zane walked in.
“You’ve got mirrors in all of your rooms now,” he declared.
“Thanks again, Zane. I really appreciate you and Wes coming here to do that for me. Is there anything I can do for your troubles?”
He smirked and shook his head. “You’re here and that makes Emme happy. I’m going to do what I can to make sure you stay here so she stays happy.”
I dipped my chin in acknowledgement and gave him a small smile before admitting, “I’m not going anywhere.”
“You should know, Monroe, that Emme shared some stuff with me last night. She’s worried about you. I’m sorry that things with Stone are still strained.”
This was awkward.
“It’s not your fault, Zane. It’s not Stone’s fault either. I misinterpreted things...it was my fault. Please. I don’t want this coming between all of you.”
“Did he do anything to make you think he was interested in you?” Zane asked, his voice firm.
I nodded slowly.
“Then, you can’t blame yourself either. It’s not in the cards for him right now for reasons I won’t share because it’s not my stuff to share. I understand his reasons, even if I don’t agree with them. You should also know that just because he’s our friend doesn’t mean that we don’t care about you, too. Don’t think I forgot what you said to me when Emme and I announced our engagement. You want someone to love you, Monroe. There’s nothing wrong with waiting for that. I can appreciate the fact that you’re hurting right now, but don’t react to that hurt.”
“Zane…” I managed to get out, before he cut me off.
“No, darlin’. You need to listen to me. When all of the shit with Emme was going down I was constantly worried for her. My emotions were running high. I called her when I took a break from training one day to check in. My brother, Cruz, was with her that day while I was training. When I called, I found out that my brother, Levi, had shown up. I knew something was up. I knew Levi would not have come there if it wasn’t serious. My fear for Emme’s safety skyrocketed and I fucking yelled at her on the phone.”
My lips parted in shock. I had no idea this happened.
“When I got home I found Emme on the floor in our bedroom with her suitcases surrounding her. She was going to leave me not because I yelled at her, but because she thought she had upset me. I hated myself in that moment. Watching the tears fall down her face, knowing I put them there, gutted me. I promised myself I’d never let my emotions get the better of me again. What I’m trying to say to you, Monroe, is that you shouldn’t let the hurt you’re feeling make you do something you’ll regret.”
“He’s right,” I heard Wes call from the doorway.
I turned to look at him.
Wes continued speaking. “Said something to Charley once back before we went out to Aspen that made her think I was questioning her loyalty and commitment to me. The hurt in her face, much like Zane experienced with Emme, was gut-wrenching to witness. I said what I did to her that day because I couldn’t handle how I was feeling about something and I regretted it the second I saw the look on her face.”
“Guys, I appreciate what you’re saying and I’m glad that my best friends have found you both. They deserve every bit of happiness you’ve both brought into their lives. I just need to…” I said, before I was cut off again.
“Babe,” Wes began. “You deserve happiness, too. If you do what Charley told me and what I’m sure Emme told Zane you’re planning to do and I’m guaranteeing you, you’ll regret it.”
I looked away. I couldn’t bring myself to look either one of them in the eye.
“No need to feel embarrassed,” Zane reassured me. “We both just told you about the things we actually did when we made decisions to react based on our emotions. Everyone makes bad choices. You haven’t…not yet anyway. You’ve got something special to give to someone. Save it, and give it to the right person. If you do that, I promise you it’ll be something you won’t regret.”
I took in their words and felt sad again. These two men were incredible. My friends were the luckiest women on the face of the planet. They had found men who would get up on a Monday morning, when at least one of them needed to be at work, to go hang mirrors in a dance studio for their woman’s best friend. Men who, despite the potential awkwardness, would talk that best friend out of making an idiotic decision. I wanted a man like that. I wanted a love like that. I just wondered if I’d find it anytime soon.
I looked to the both of them and explained, “I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life.”
“I think I speak for the both of us when I say that I can promise you that won’t happen. You didn’t find what you wanted in California. You’ve given it almost twenty-five years there. You’ve given Wyoming about five days. I think, you give it a little time, you’ll get what you want here.”
I smiled at him and said, “Thanks, Wes.”
“No problem, babe. You good?”
“Yeah. I think I am now.”
“Good,” he responded as he walked over, kissed me on the top of my head, and walked out.
Zane did the same.
After they left, I spent the rest of my afternoon dancing away my pain.