When I got the text from Suzie telling me Justin was going to pick Emma up from Denise’s, I wasn’t sure what to think. Actually, I was afraid this would be the thing that pushed him away. I’d gone out of my way to try to limit his interactions with Emma to a degree. She ran back and forth between the two houses, and he saw her when we had cookouts, but I pretty much tried to make sure she didn’t see any more of him then she did of my other friends. But picking up my sick kid and watching her until one of us got there was skating the line between a friend with benefits and, well, something more. I just hoped it didn’t spook him. At some point, he was going to decide he had had enough and move on, but I wasn’t ready for that to happen. I was pretty sure I would never be ready, and I really hoped it wouldn’t be today.

I pulled into the drive and noticed Justin’s car was still there. I wasn’t sure if that was good or bad. Did he stay to see me or so we could talk? Considering the ghosting episode a few months ago, I was hoping the fact that he was still there was a good sign. I parked in the garage and went inside. The house was really quiet, but I could hear something coming from the family room, and that is where I found him. He was crashed out on the couch with an episode of Forensic Files playing on the television. “Hey, Justin,” I said, loud enough to wake him.

He startled awake. “Mark, what are you doing home already?” He looked ridiculously cute in that I-just-woke-up-and-have-no-idea-if-it-is-morning-or-night kinda way.

“Already? It is almost 7:00.” I was really trying to not to laugh at his reaction. He just looked so annoyed about the time. “Did you have somewhere you needed to be?” I thought I’d give him an out in case he wanted to go without having to tell me why we had to end this.

“What? No, I was planning to fix us something to eat and have it ready for you when you got home.” He blushed. Justin Johnson actually blushed. “I mean it wasn’t going to be any big deal; I was just going to fix a chicken and spinach dish I like to make. After Suzie got Emma, I ran to the store down the street, you know that organic foods grocery, anyway I got the stuff, but it was too early to start it, so I just sat down for a minute. Well crap. I’m sorry, Mark.” He looked really upset with himself. Then, all of a sudden, he looked like he remembered something. “Have you been over to see Emma yet? Because I promised her I’d tell you she was just fine but that you should come get a hug once you got here.”

“No, I haven’t been over there yet. I should run over and get a hug real quick. Will you be here when I get back?”

“That is the second time you have asked me if I was leaving. Is something wrong? Do you want me to leave?” He looked both confused and worried. Something was going on with him, but I had no idea what. But I needed to run see Emma before she went to sleep and then I could worry about what was going on with Justin.

“No, I don’t want you to leave. I’m going to head next door, and while I’m gone, why don’t you order us some take out. Will what you bought keep until tomorrow?” He said that it would keep and that he’d order us some Thai food. While he did that, I went over to see Emma.

She was laying on the couch, propped up on pillows, looking like the princess she was. “Hey there, sweet pea, how ya feeling? I hear you weren’t doing so well earlier.”

She hugged me hard and then she launched into a story about how she and Abby played with her play kitchen, and they made a pretend feast, but then she threw up real food all over Ms. Denise’s rug, and how Jay Jay came to get her and they ate Popsicles and read the wild things book. By the time she finished, even I was tired, and all I did was listen. I told her good night and that I would see her the next day. Then one more hug and I was ready to go next door and wait for food. I turned around to leave, and there was Suzie, standing in the doorway, watching me. She had that look in her eyes that said she was about to butt into my business.

“So, Justin was great with Emma today.”

“I’m sure he was, Suze. He’s amazing with kids.” I sounded defensive, but Suzie didn’t care for what I was doing with Justin. She just wanted the best for me; I knew that. But I wanted Justin, and I wasn’t going to let her give me a hard time again about that.

“That was a compliment, Mark, relax. I like him. I don’t think you should give up on him. I think you two could have something really special.”

“What? Really special. What are you talking about? I told you we are just friends. He doesn’t do long-term relationships. Hell, I’m not even sure you could call what we have a relationship at all.”

“Not a relationship? That’s funny. The two of you have been exclusively ‘not dating’ each other for longer than Tom and I were together before we got married. You two can call it whatever you want, but you guys are in a relationship, and I think it could be special if you can hang in there while he figures stuff out.” I honestly had no idea where this one-eighty came from. But apparently, the way to Suzie’s heart was an afternoon of babysitting.

“Look, I know you mean well, Suzie. But I can’t go there. I can’t wish for something more with Justin because he’s made it very clear that’s not something he can give me. I know where I stand, I know how this ends, and it isn’t going to be good for me. But I’m okay with that, so don’t worry okay. Now, I need to head back over there. Our food should be here any minute.”

“Okay you go eat, but just let me say one thing. I know what he said, but you need to pay attention to what he shows you with actions instead of just what he tells you with words.”

I headed back over to my house refusing to think about what Suzie said. I would give anything for her to be right, but I couldn’t get my hopes up. Guy says he doesn’t date men with kids. Guy can’t help himself and falls in love with a guy with a kid anyway, and they all lived happily ever after. Stories like that were reserved for rom-coms, not for the real world.

“So how is Em doing?” Justin asked me as soon as I walked through the door.

“She’s doing better. Suzie said her fever stayed down, and she hasn’t been sick once since they got home. Hey, thanks for going and getting her. She can be a bit of a mess when she feels bad.”

“It was no problem. She really just slept until Suzie came to get her. She’s a good kid.” He gave me a smile that was somewhere between nervous and maybe excited. Something was up with him, but I couldn’t put my finger on what. He seemed unsure of himself, which was so not Justin, but before I had chance to ask him about it, the delivery guy arrived with our food.

By the time we finished eating, things had gotten back to normal. I told him about the meeting I had been at all day. My firm had decided to volunteer their services for a new LGBTQIA youth shelter here in Austin. I had gone down to San Antonio to tour their shelter. It was a great facility, and I was able to get some great ideas.

“So, are we still on for the game Saturday?” he asked. We were supposed to go to my first baseball game. I really had no interest in going. Baseball games were longer than hockey games and they were so much slower. Well, I assumed they were anyway, but I had never actually been to one in person. But Justin had gone to hockey with me, so it was only fair, I guess.

“Great! Can’t wait!” I said with not so convincing enthusiasm.

“Liar.” He laughed. “It’ll be fun, just wait and see.”

“Well, we’ll see if Saturday is any fun or not, but I know what would be fun right now. Let’s go to bed, and I’ll show you.

In the time that we had been sleeping together, we had established a bit of a pattern. We hung out playing video games or whatever. Then we went to bed and had sex. Usually hot, crazy, phenomenal sex, but that is what it was, sex. Then we went to sleep, either together or one of us would go home, depending on if we had plans for the next day or not. We didn’t really talk much in the bedroom unless it was to say “harder and faster”. It was like we had an unspoken rule to keep our friendship and the sex separate.

That was why I was so surprised when he slipped up behind me, wrapped his arms around me, and gently kissed my neck.

“I love what your company is doing with the shelter. It’s so important. It’s so sad that we need it, but we do.”

I leaned against him, enjoying the feel of him behind me. “Yeah, one of the studies we read said that most of the LGBTQIA kids who are homeless in Austin aren’t from Austin. They are from the smaller conservative towns like where we grew up. They come here hoping to find acceptance.”

He tightened his grip around me and rested his chin on my shoulder. “You know everyone has a story that helped to shape them into who they are, but not having a safe place to call home should never be part of any kid’s story.”

“That’s the truth. I’m really excited about the possibilities. I think we can actually make a difference. I’m so proud to be working for a company that wants to be a part of it. They are pretty awesome.”

He slid his hands down my torso and began caressing my stomach as he placed light kisses on my neck. “Mmmmm,” he hummed, “I think you’re pretty awesome.”

“Oh really. How awesome is pretty awesome?” I asked.

“Well, why don’t you take off these clothes, get on the bed, and I’ll show you how awesome.”

* * *

Mark didn’t even hesitate to do what I told him to. He quickly stripped off his clothes and got on the bed. I just stood there for a minute looking at him. He was magnificent. His dick was hard and ready for me, and he had a look of anticipation that was crazy sexy. I slowly took off my clothes as I moved around the bed, watching him watch me.

I reached out my hand and lightly touched him. I ran my fingers from his shoulder to his wrist and back up. Then trailed them down his chest, over his nipples, and back up. “You look so beautiful laying here all spread out for me. Look how hard I am for you.” I gave my dick a long slow stroke. His tongue darted out, and he licked his lips and then swallowed hard. His pupils were blown, and he just looked so damn fuckable. I reached back out and slowly feathered my fingers down his thigh and back up, almost but not quite touching his throbbing shaft, and he whimpered.

“Justin, my god, you’re killing me,” he groaned.

“Want me to stop?” I teased.

“Fuck no.”

I laughed, continuing to touch and tease him as I tried to decide what to do with him. “What do you want, Mark?” I asked as he let out a frustrated growl.

“Anything, everything. Just something please,” he babbled.

“Let me see. I could give you a blowjob,” I said as I ran my hand up his stomach. I brushed my finger slowly down the trail of hair, being careful not to touch his dick. “You know how I love to give a blowjob.” His dick twitched, and I shook my head. “Nah, not right now.” He whimpered again. “I could fuck you, or I could lay down and let you crawl right on up here on top of me. I know how much you like to ride me.” I looked at him and raised one eyebrow.

“Yes, I do,” he said as he started to sit up like he was going to do just that.

“Lay back down,” I said firmly. He gave me a dirty look, but he did as I commanded.

“I don’t think I want you to ride me tonight,” I said as I reached down and fondled his balls, and he shuddered.

“I’m going to fucking kill you if you don’t get on with it,” he growled.

I chuckled evilly. “You’re so cute when you get all growly; you make torturing you so much fun. But I think I figured out what I want to do to you. Get on your hands and knees.”

He shot me what I’m sure was supposed to be a glare but was just cute, and then he rolled over and got into position. I moved behind him and stared at his firm, perfect ass. I used my hands to slowly knead his cheeks. “You have the most perfect ass.”

“Yeah well, if you stop teasing me and get on with it, this ‘most perfect ass’ could be yours,” he said with a grin and a wink. But I wiped that grin right off his face when I leaned down and licked from his balls to his hole.

“Holy fuck!” he gasped.

“Like that, do you?” I gave him another lick.

“Oh my god yes,” he groaned as I continued to tease the nerves around his ass with my tongue. “I’ve never. No one has ever. Oh shit. Fuuuck.” He continued incoherently as he writhed against me.

“Really. Never? Well then, my friend, you are in for a treat.” And then I went for it. Licking and sucking and teasing. I plunged my tongue his ass, and he just about lost his mind.

I couldn’t believe no one had ever done this for him. I was holding his cheeks apart as I ate his ass.

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck,” he chanted as rocked against my face.

“Be still.” I let go with one hand and swatted his ass. He stopped moving, but he moaned. I stored that little tidbit away for later and went back to pleasuring him.

“Please, Justin,” he gasped. “I want you inside me when I come.”

I grabbed the condom and lube on the bed beside me and got myself ready. I used my fingers to prep him, and he groaned. Then I slowly entered him until I was buried deep inside him. I started to slowly thrust in and out of his body. “God, Mark, you’re so tight. This feels so amazing.”

Then remembering how he’d groaned earlier, I swatted his ass. He cried out but he also pushed back against me.

“Again,” he moaned.

So, I swatted him again. “Oh fuck. I’m going to come,” he gasped.

I started to thrust faster and deeper. He reached down, grabbed his dick, and started to pump as I continued to slam into him. His channel clinched around me as he came, and that triggered my release as well.

I slowly pulled out of him, and he whimpered.

“Holy shit,” I breathed out. Then I tossed the used condom into the trash.

He collapsed onto the bed, and I curled up behind him. He sighed deeply as he snuggled in. “You were awesome,” he murmured.

I chuckled softly. “No, baby. This was about you and just how awesome pretty awesome is, remember?”

“Oh yeah,” he mumbled, and he drifted off to sleep.

* * *

“That was such a good game,” Mark said. “I can’t believe I never bothered to come. I just figured since it wasn’t Major League it wouldn’t be as good, but I swear it was even better.”

I couldn’t help but laugh at his enthusiasm. “Well, I’m glad you like it because I have season tickets, and there are five games a week some weeks.”

“Well, it was fun but not that fun. How about if I agree to come on weekends as long as I don’t have Em.”

“We could bring her if you want. I know they have a special kids day every year where the kids can take their picture with Spike.” As long as we have been doing this friends with benefits thing we haven’t taken Emma anywhere with us. It had always seemed too “relationshipy” but I had been thinking about what Suzie said. And while I wasn’t sure I could say I was ready to take that leap, I was past pretending I wasn’t crazy about Emma. Honestly, she’d had my heart since the first time she called me Jay Jay.

“Really?” Mark asked. “You wouldn’t mind her coming? I think she would love it. Especially if she got to meet Spike. When does that happen?”

“I wouldn’t mind at all. Actually, I think it would be fun. I am pretty sure the game where they meet Spike is in mid-May or so; we’ll have to check the schedule. They also have a great 4th of July celebration if you want to check it out.”

And yes, it was the end of April, and I was thinking ahead to July. I realized what I had said and looked over at Mark to see if he had picked up on it too. And I could see by the look on his face he had. The question was just exactly what did I see there? Surprise, confusion, and maybe even a little bit of hope, or maybe that was just wishful thinking on my part. After spending so much time telling him over and over that I wasn’t interested in more, I wasn’t sure how to tell him I thought maybe I was. And honestly, maybe I was wasn’t good enough. I needed to be sure before I even hinted at wanting more.

“Actually, we already have plans for the 4th. We take Emma back home to see her grandparents. They have a parade and then the town has a fireworks show. It is smaller than here, but it is pretty good.”

“Oh, umm okay,” I said, feeling silly because I was so disappointed. “That sounds really nice. I bet Emma really enjoys that.”

“She does. I mean it is a much slower pace than here of course, but for a town that small it is a big deal. You should come with us. I mean if you don’t think it would be too boring.”

“No,” I said without thinking about how that no would sound.

“Yeah, it was probably a stupid idea. Why would you want to come to some small-town festival when you can do the whole Austin celebration?” Mark was obviously embarrassed and trying to blow off the suggestion.

“Wait. I mean no, it wouldn’t be boring,” I said quickly. “It isn’t a stupid idea at all; I’d like that. To go I mean. I would like to go.”

“Really? Okay. I’ll have to figure out where we’re going to stay. I usually stay at my parents when I’m in town, but I haven’t taken anyone home with me since Suzie and I split. I mean not that I’m taking you home to meet the parents like with Suzie or anything.” Mark winced. “I don’t think they’ll care, but I’ll check anyway.” He rushed on. “If we need to we can either get a room or maybe get an Airbnb house with Tom and Suzie. I wonder if there are even any Airbnb houses there. But most likely we’ll just stay with my parents.” Mark was practically babbling he was so nervous.

When did things get so freaking awkward between us? From the very beginning, things had been so easy. Talking to Mark had always been like talking to someone I had known my whole life. Now, all of sudden, we were acting all weird, like we were both unsure of the other’s reaction to everything we said, and that wasn’t okay. I wanted my relaxed, fun, geeky Mark back, and as I looked over at him, there was no maybe in what I wanted because mine was exactly what he was. We had to do something to fix this quickly, and I was pretty sure I knew where to start.

“I have an idea. Let’s go somewhere next weekend. Just the two of us. I don’t know where, but let’s go. I can probably get Friday off, even though it’s last minute, if you can. What do you think?”