From the time I left Mark’s house, I hadn’t thought of anything but how I was going to convince him I was serious. He seemed so wary and unsure of everything the other night, and that was my fault. I wasn’t sure if we were on the same page or not. Lord, I hoped we were, but the only way we would find out was for me to go first. I was the one who said we could only be friends, so if I wanted the rules to change, I would have to be the one to change them.

It was my fear that made me keep him at a distance when I was pretty sure that wasn’t what he wanted. When Mark freaked out over me watching Emma and my suggesting she come with us to a game, I realized what a fool I’d been trying to keep things separate. Emma was a part of Mark. I couldn’t help loving her any more than I could help loving him.

I wasn’t sure when it happened, probably from the beginning if I were being honest, but the simple fact was I loved him, and I wasn’t letting him go. But if I kept insisting on a separation between Mark the man and Mark the father, I would lose him and that thought terrified me.

But I didn’t have to lose him, I reminded myself, as long I quit being an idiot. Mark wasn’t like my mother. He wasn’t going to wake up one day and decide to just throw everything away. At least, not if he loved me, he wouldn’t. I mean look at him and Suzie. Even when they divorced, he didn’t just walk away.

And I wasn’t like my stepfather. I wouldn’t give up so easily, and I would never allow siblings to be separated like he let me and Jake be separated. If we did like Suzie said and decided it was forever, then it was. God, I hoped we wanted the same thing because if not, I wasn’t sure what I was going to do. What I did know was that having the two of them in my life was worth the risk, and I was ready to take it.

I spent all day Sunday planning. I called a friend of mine who used to live in San Antonio and asked him for the best place to take someone I wanted to impress. He gave me the name of a couple of hotels and some activities. I pulled out my computer and got to work. It didn’t take me long to find the perfect place.

Monday, I talked to my boss and arranged to have Thursday off as well as Friday. I doubled checked with Mark and made sure he was able to get free to go to on the trip. Once he let me know he was good, I booked our room. I knew I wouldn’t get to see Mark the rest of the week. But dropping off the radar wasn’t going to help my case, so I made sure to text him often throughout the week so he would know I hadn’t freaked out, changed my mind, or disappeared on him.

Thursday morning, I headed out to put the final part of my plan into action. I pulled into the car lot and looked around. I thought I would be sadder to let the BMW Z4 go. I mean I really loved that car. But there was no way I was putting Emma in the front seat, and she would be in preschool next year, not just next door, so if I needed to pick her up, I needed a car she would be safe in. It was a pretty crazy thing to do without even knowing where Mark and I stood, but I was ready to take a leap, and this was the first step. I had already done the research, spoken with a salesperson on the phone, and had a plan, so I knew what I was doing.

Of course, when I pulled on the lot in the BMW, the salespeople started to swarm like sharks, but they were all out of luck. One of the guys at work had a sister who had just started working here, and this sale was all hers. To their disappointment, I asked for Karen, and once they realized there was nothing in it for them, they all headed off to find other prey.

She came out to greet me and admired my car for a minute. “That is one beautiful machine. You sure you want to trade her?”

“Yeah, she is, and yeah, I want to trade her. She just doesn’t work as a family car, you know. I can’t quite picture a four-year-old riding shotgun being a good idea.” I laughed.

“Probably not,” she agreed. “Well then, let’s do this thing.”

* * *

I had been back and forth all week with myself, trying to decide how and when I was going to tell Justin things had to change. He had kept in touch all week, and he really seemed excited about this trip. I was able to get in touch with the shelter and set us up to tour it around 2:00 on Saturday. Aside from that, I had no idea what we were doing. I had asked him what I should pack, and his response was “plan for all contingencies” which really cracked me up but didn’t make packing any easier. But in the spirit of all contingencies, I did pack plenty of lube and condoms. I was betting Justin did too, but you can’t be too prepared.

He was supposed to pick me up around 8:00 in the morning, which was crazy since it was only a two-hour drive in bad traffic, but I was a nervous wreck and waiting for him by 7:30. I was pacing around the house, making myself even more nervous when Tom knocked on the back door and entered, shaking his head. “Yep, just as I thought.” He laughed, handing me a cup of coffee.

“Thank you for the coffee, and what do you mean just as you thought?” I asked him as I took the cup and inhaled the scent. It was perfect, and it was exactly what I needed.

“When Suzie told me you were going away for the weekend, and what you had planned, I knew you’d be a nervous wreck. I also knew you’d be ready way early but wouldn’t bother to make a pot of coffee because you would be grabbing some on the road. It is the same thing you did before the move and the same thing you did when you interviewed for your job.” He laughed. “I don’t think you need to be nervous though. I think you guys are perfect for each other, and even if this weekend doesn’t turn out perfect, I believe you guys will be okay. It’s obvious you guys love each other; you just need to get out of your own way.”

“You really think so? ‘Cause I’m not so sure.”

“Let me tell you a little secret. The idea of creating a family with you, Suzie, and Emma was a little bit intimidating. I mean even back when Suzie and I first got married and you guys weren’t on the best of terms, it was obvious how much she loved you and how much the two of you loved Emma.

“Imagine how intimidating it could be now that you guys are basically connected at the hip and I’m in the mix. Don’t get me wrong; I think it is wonderful. It’s great for Emma, and I like having you next door. But to someone on the outside, we’re a bit unconventional. I think it’s going to go one of two ways. He is either going to look at us and see the way a stepfamily can work, or he is going to look at it and be terrified we are some kind of weird polygamous cult. Which is what most of the people where I work think,” he said with a wink.

I cracked up. “A polygamous cult huh? Thanks, Tom, I needed that. Hey. Where are the girls?”

“They are still crashed out, or at least they were when I came over. I should probably get back. Don’t worry so much. You guys are going to be fine.” He headed out the back door just as I heard a car pull up in the drive. Well, not a car but something. It sure wasn’t Justin’s Beemer. I wondered who was here and opened up the front door to look.

At first, I had no idea who was at the house. I didn’t know anyone who had a truck like that but man it was big and pretty. As I was trying to decide who it was, Justin climbed out of the driver’s side.

“You ready to go? I want to stop and get breakfast, so I hope you haven’t eaten yet.” He seemed nervous but happy.

“No, I didn’t eat yet. You told me not to. You said you wanted to try a new place you heard of that has great French toast. Remember?”

“Of course, I remember I just hoped you had too because I’m starved.”

“Okay, let me grab my bags.” I was so confused. That truck was gorgeous. It was the prettiest color of red I had ever seen. It had four doors and a long bed. I thought most pickups with 4-doors had shorter beds but this one was full-sized. I knew I had probably seen one like it before, but man, this one was nice. I drove an SUV because it was practical, but I have always loved trucks. I shook my head to clear it and went in to grab my bags. Ready to put the bags in the back seat, I opened the door, and the running board descended from underneath the truck like magic. The inside looked and smelled wonderful. Like new car with leather seats wonderful. I put my bags on the seat and then opened the front passenger side door.

I climbed in and buckled my seat belt. Then I turned to look at Justin, and he was watching me like he was waiting for a reaction. “So, umm, what happened to your car?” Apparently, that wasn’t the reaction he was waiting for because he looked disappointed.

“I thought it was time for something new so I traded it for the truck yesterday.”

“Really, the truck is yours?” I asked, my excitement was starting to show.

“Well yeah. I am driving it after all.”

“Can I drive it? Like this weekend, on this trip, can I drive?” I sounded like an excited little boy, but man this truck was sweet.

“Yes, Mark. You can drive it.” He laughed, and I could tell he loved my enjoyment of his new toy.

There are some moments in life you will just never forget. Moments where one small thing happens or maybe one sentence is spoken, and in that moment, your world shifts. I had hoped that this weekend would be one of those, but I had no idea that moment would happen before we even left my driveway. But it did, because the next words out of Justin’s mouth changed everything.

“I thought maybe instead of renting kayaks at the park, we would buy a couple so we could take them to other lakes or rivers. Of course, you can’t do that if you don’t have a way to haul them. Plus, I figured if we’re going to take Emma with us places, I needed something safer and more kid-friendly to drive.”

And in that moment, I knew everything had changed and that we were going to be okay.

“Come here,” I said, leaning across the seat to pull him over for a kiss. I couldn’t say anything because, well, shit that was just overwhelming. The man traded in his freaking BMW Z4 so we could haul kayaks and take my daughter places. Damn. So instead of talking, I just put everything into that kiss. Pulling back, I smiled at him and said, “Okay, let’s get going.” He smiled at me, and I was pretty sure he understood what I was trying to say with that kiss.