We got back upstairs to the room, and I grabbed a couple of beers out of the fridge while Mark went out on the terrace and got the fireplace going. That was one of the benefits of Texas this time of year; it was warm during the day but cool at night. When I got out there, Mark had made himself comfortable on the outdoor couch and indicated that I should sit with him. He turned sideways and positioned us so that I was leaning against him. I didn’t hesitate because I figured it would be easier to get this all out if I couldn’t see the pity in his eyes. He wrapped his arms around me and just waited.

I took a moment to get my thoughts in order, and then I began. “So, I told you that my mom died about five years ago in a car accident and that we weren’t very close right?”

I felt him nod. “Yes, you told me that.”

“My mom was… difficult. And that is me being nice. She really was just young and selfish. My mom was sixteen when she had me. She said she would have had an abortion, but her periods had always been irregular so by the time she realized she was pregnant, it was too late. My grandmother refused to hear of her giving me up for adoption, so she raised me at first. I have no idea who my father was and to be honest, I’m not sure my mother knew. But anyway, my grandmother raised me, and my mother finished school. Then she went on to cosmetology school and was working as a stylist in a small little salon.

“She would pop by sometimes and say hi, but that was pretty much the extent of it. Then when I was six and she was twenty-two, my grandmother died. All I knew was that I went to school that morning and at the end of the day my mom was the one who picked me up. She said my grandmother had had a stroke, and I would be living with her now.”

I stopped for a minute and watched the fire flicker. Mark just traced small circles on my arm and waited. “So anyway, she wasn’t thrilled that I was there, but she wasn’t horrible either. She just wasn’t really very maternal. It was more like I was living with my big sister, you know?

“She dated a lot, and I met some of her boyfriends, but she wasn’t ever very serious about any of them. Until Ron. He was one of her customers at the salon, and he was a single dad. My mom was really pretty, and she was also fun most of the time. She started dating Ron. His son Jake was two when they started dating. Jake was the sweetest little kid. I was nine at the time, and I had always wanted a little brother, so it was fun to have him around. They dated for almost a year and then they got married. It was great. Ron was such a nice guy. I had never had a dad before and he was a great dad. He was the one who suggested I try out for the swim team, and I loved it.

“Did I tell you that a swimming scholarship was how I paid for college?” I asked him absently.

“No, you didn’t.” He softly kissed my head and squeezed me just a little tighter.

“If nothing else, I guess I have Ron to thank for my lack of student loans.” I chuckled sadly. “Anyway, he was great. He came to all my meets, and he gave the best pep talks. And Jake was fantastic. We each had our own rooms, but sometimes at night, he would sneak out of his bed and come climb in with me because he was scared of the dark. He had this blue rabbit he carried around with him everywhere, and he’d come dragging it in there and ask to sleep in my room. He was just so cute.

“And for five years, everything was great. My mom worked at her salon, and Ron was an IT guy. I know you would think that eventually, I would get tired of having a little kid hanging around, but I never did. I’m not sure what changed. But one day, when I was fifteen, I came home from school and my mom told me we were leaving. I was so upset.

“She told me to pack up anything I didn’t want to leave behind because we were going to go stay at my grandmother’s old house. I’m not sure where Ron was, but he wasn’t there. It was summer, and Jake had just left to spend a week with his grandparents on his mother’s side. I told her I didn’t want to go back to Texas, that I wanted to stay with my family there in Arizona. Jake had just turned eight, and he was old enough to drive the go-karts at the local arcade, and I had promised to take him as soon as he got back. He had been waiting all year to be able to race me instead of ride with me. But she told me Ron and Jake weren’t my real family; they were my stepfamily and that was over. I packed up what I wanted and we took off. I cried all the way from Arizona to Texas. I never heard from Ron, and I never saw Jake again.”

I didn’t realize I was crying until Mark turned me to face him and wiped my tears with his thumbs. I started to pull away, embarrassed to be crying until I noticed he was crying too. He pulled me against him into a strong hug and just held me there and let me cry.

“Oh, baby. I’m so sorry. That must have been horrible for you to lose your family that way. What happened? I mean why did she leave like that?”

“I don’t know; she refused to talk about it. She just told me Ron wanted us gone just as bad as she wanted to leave so I had to get over it. But I didn’t. I still miss them.”

“Of course you do. They were your family. No wonder you were so hesitant to get involved with someone who had kids. But yet you decided to take a chance on me.” He looked awed. “I don’t even know what to say. It takes a lot of strength to decide to do this with me having been through that.” He kissed me sweetly. “What changed your mind?”

I laughed. “Suzie did actually. She kinda gave me the riot act about me not being willing to give us a chance and before I knew it, I was telling her a little about my past.”

Mark laughed. “Yeah, Suzie has some kind of superpower that makes you spill your guts. It’s a gift.”

“Or a curse,” I joked. “But she was offended for Tom. She told me I was wrong thinking stepfamilies weren’t forever because theirs was. Period. She said it was up to us to decide if we were, and I realized she was right. It was up to us. I decided right then and there I was never letting you and Emma go.”

“Great.” Mark grinned. “I’m never going to hear the end of this. We’ll be old people living in some retirement home, and Suzie’ll still be telling the story of how she’s the one who saved our relationship.”

“Yep, most likely,” I agreed. “But I figure she deserves it. That and a super big Christmas present every year.”

“So back to your family, do you know where they are?”

“I have no idea. They aren’t still at the same address, I know that, but I haven’t tried to find them. You know, Jake’d be graduating this year. I keep thinking my baby brother is graduating from high school, and I don’t even know where he is. I’d love to be there for that.”

“Have you looked on Facebook? I bet we could find them. We should try and see. I can’t believe that a man who was such a good dad to you wouldn’t want to know you were doing okay.”

“I haven’t ever looked. What if he doesn’t want me to find him? What if he is disappointed in who I am?” I asked, for the first time voicing one of my biggest fears out loud.

“What is there to be disappointed in? You are a kind, successful man. I mean you are physical therapist, for heaven’s sake. You help people all day every day.”

“Not like that. I mean what if he doesn’t want to know me anymore because I’m gay. I wasn’t out back then. Shit, I didn’t even know for sure back then, and I never really had to deal with the whole ‘coming out’ thing. My mom didn’t care as long as it didn’t affect her. What if he is happy to hear from me but finds out I’m gay and then he doesn’t want me around Jake. Or worse than that, what if Jake doesn’t want to see me once he finds out?”

“I know it’s scary, baby, but think about this. If he doesn’t want to see you, then you know. But what if he does? What if it doesn’t matter to him at all but you are too scared to find out?” He reached over and grabbed me behind my neck and pulled me forward until our foreheads were touching. “We’re your family. Me and Emma. And we aren’t going anywhere, so no matter what happens, you aren’t alone. You have me. But we always have room for more, if they want to see you.”

“You know, I almost let fear keep me from pursuing a relationship with you, and I have been letting fear stop me from contacting Ron. I think it’s time.”

“Well, let’s not wait then. I mean it’s only a couple weeks before graduation.” Mark dug out his phone and pulled up Facebook. “So, what is his full name?”

“I don’t know his middle name. But his last name is Morris, last I knew he lived in Flagstaff and worked for an IT consulting firm.”

It wasn’t but a few minutes and Mark said, “Is this him? This guy lives in Flagstaff, works at Network Solutions, and he has a Jake Morris on his friends list.”

“Are you serious? Let me see.” I grabbed his phone and enlarged the picture and it was Ron. He was a little older, but it was definitely him. I couldn’t believe it. There he was, right in front of me. “That’s him. Mark, it’s him. I’m not sure what to do. I can’t contact him. I don’t even have a Facebook. I deleted my account years ago.”

“Well, let’s do it this way. First of all, come here and take a picture with me.” He positioned me back the way we were on the couch earlier and snapped a picture of us. He showed it to me and asked if it was okay. I was sitting in front of him leaning back against his chest. He had his chin resting on my shoulder. We looked adorable together, and I told him so.

He set that picture as his profile picture and then he opened up Messenger and started to type.

“My name is Mark Montgomery, and I’m looking for the Ron Morris who was married to Angie Johnson ten years ago. Her son, Justin, is my boyfriend, and he is interested in talking to you. If this is the right Ron Morris, and you are willing to talk with Justin, please let me know. He does not have his own Facebook account, so we have decided to contact you through mine.

“That should kill two birds with one stone. You’ll have made contact, and he’ll know you’re gay. Is that okay?”

“That’s perfect. Send it. But let’s not sit here waiting for a response; let’s go do something, or I’ll go crazy. I mean I doubt he is sitting there on a Friday night watching Facebook. We probably won’t get a response right awa…” I trailed off as Mark’s phone sounded a notification.

“Crap. Is that him?” I stared at the phone. I wasn’t ready for it to be him. I mean like ten minutes ago, I assumed I’d never see him again and now, we’re talking to him. What the fuck?

“Yeah. It’s him. Do you want to read it or do you want me to?”

“You read it. I’m too nervous.”

“Okay,” he said, then started to read. “Yes, I’m the Ron Morris who was married to Angie. I have been waiting and hoping to hear from Justin for ten years. Is he there with you? If so I would love to talk to him now. We can talk on here through Messenger or if he wants he can call me. Just let me know.” Mark looked at me expectantly, waiting to see how to respond.

“Get the number, I’ll call him.”

* * *

I could tell he wanted me to stay with him while they talked, but I also knew I was making him nervous.

“I’m going to go inside while you talk. If you need me, just come get me. I’m going to find us something to snack on in that amazing mini bar in there and choose a movie for us to watch.” I kissed him softly. He nodded at me, but he was sitting there staring at his phone. “Hey,” I said to get his attention, and he looked up at me. “I love you.” He smiled at me and started to dial.

I put some popcorn in the microwave and started to look for a movie, but my mind was on what Justin had just told me. He had mentioned that he and his mother hadn’t been close before she died, but I had no idea why until now. I couldn’t imagine a mother ripping her son’s family away from him like that. It just made me all the more grateful that he had decided to give us a chance to make this work. I wished there was some simple way to make him feel more assured that I was in this for the long haul and that he didn’t have to be afraid to love Emma.

I couldn’t come up with anything though. If it were just me and Emma, we could talk about a possible adoption when we got to that point so he would know she was always his. But we weren’t there yet, and with Suzie and Tom, that wasn’t an option anyway. Basically, what it boiled down to was he was just going to have to decide to trust us and after his childhood, I was shocked he was even willing to consider it.

I worried that I’d pushed him to do this and that he’d be disappointed. I hoped not. As he told me about Ron, I could hear how much he loved him. It sounded like Ron had done everything he could to be a good father. I kept walking by the glass doors that lead out to the terrace so I could check on him. It looked like it was going okay though. I was pretty sure if Ron had a problem with Justin being gay, he wouldn’t have responded to my instant message. Now, I just hoped he and Justin wanted the same things from this phone call. I couldn’t imagine missing Rachel’s graduation much less missing ten years of her life, and I knew Justin was hoping to get his brother back.

As I walked back to see how Justin was holding up, he waved me outside. He was smiling though, so I didn’t think anything was wrong. I opened up the door as he was saying, “Let me check with Mark and see what his schedule is like.” He motioned for me to come sit down. “Do you think you could get off a few days the end of May, first part of June? We could fly to Flagstaff Thursday and come back Sunday. Wait, has Emma ever been on an airplane? We could drive but it’d mean we’d have to take more time off…”

I laid my hand on his leg to stop him. “Slow down a minute and let me answer your questions.” I smiled at him. I could practically see the joy coming off of him in waves. “Yes, I can get off that weekend. No, Emma hasn’t been on a plane, but that’s just because we haven’t had any reason to. I think she would love it.” I reached over and took his hand.

“Hey, Dad. Let me put you on speaker phone. Mark, this is my dad, Ron. Dad, this is my boyfriend, Mark.”

“Hey there, Mark. Justin tells me you convinced him to contact me. I can’t thank you enough. I have been hoping for this for a long time.”

“Nothing to thank me for, sir. I just want Justin to be happy.”

“Are you sure that Jake will be okay with me just showing up at his graduation party like this? I mean this should be his weekend. I don’t want to mess that up for him.”

“I can’t think of a single thing he’d like better than to have to you show up for his graduation. This will be the best gift you could possibly give him. He’s missed you, Justin. We both have, and I’m telling you this is going to be such a great surprise. The hardest part’ll be keeping it a secret. You know how I am.” Ron laughed.

“Yeah, you never could keep a secret. You’re like a little kid, and you just can’t wait.” Justin turned to look at me. “One time, he bought me a new bicycle for Christmas, but he got it on sale way before Christmas. It was the only thing I wanted because I had this crazy idea I was going to ride BMX. He was acting weird, asking me all kinds of questions about why I wanted one. Eventually, he caved and gave it to me early. I mean like months early. I was so excited, but I swear he was more excited than I was.” They both laughed, and I could picture him as that kid.

I squeezed Justin’s hand and just sat there and listened as the two of them went back and forth so naturally. It was hard to believe they had been apart for years. It was wonderful to see him so happy. This just made me even angrier at his mother. It was obvious that Ron and Justin had had a true father/son relationship, and I couldn’t imagine what it must have done to both of them to lose contact like that.

We talked a little bit more, and I could tell neither one of them were ready to get off the phone, but it was getting late. Finally, Justin told him he would give him a call next week and let him know when our fight would be arriving and they hung up.

Justin just kind of sat there for a minute like he was trying to absorb everything that had just happened. After a bit, he turned to me, and I noticed his eyes were shiny. I reached for him, pulled him into a hug, and held him. “Thank you,” he breathed. “I never would’ve had the nerve to contact him if it weren’t for you.”

“So, I guess he was happy to hear from you then,” I said, hoping to lighten the moment since the last hour or so had been really emotional for him.

“I made popcorn, but I’m sure it is cold by now. How about I get us a cup of coffee instead? We can sit out here and you can tell me all about your call.”

“That sounds perfect,” he said and smiled.