Chapter Nine
Lauren
MOM’S FACE IS as pale as a ghost. “You’re pregnant?”
I just nod.
“You’re having a baby?”
“That’s what being pregnant means, Mom,” Katie says.
“You’re not serious, right?”
I put the ultrasound pictures down. “I figured you’d think that, so I brought proof.” Mom takes them, mouth open as she processes this.
Colin has already gotten it. He jumps up again, coming at Noah. Wes is sitting between us, strategically placed by Katie, I’m sure, and pops up just in time to stop Colin from throwing the first punch.
I turn to Dad, sure he’d be hightailing it to the coat closet to get his shotgun, but he’s sitting there, looking too stunned to breathe. Please don’t have a heart attack.
“My sister!” Colin says, batting at Noah, who stands. He’s shielding me, keeping me from becoming part of the scuffle. “Why would you do this to my sister?”
“It’s not like I had no say in this,” I snap, surprised at how defensive I feel over Noah. “It takes two, you know.”
Wes gives Colin a bit of a shove and he backs off, sitting back down. He’s staring at his best friend with a mixture of hate and shock. Jenny has her head turned down, and I think she might cry.
Oh my God.
How could I have forgotten? She’s been wanting a baby for months and hasn’t been able to get pregnant. And here I am, knocked up after one night. I should feel horribly guilty, right?
“Everyone just calm down, please,” I say, tears coming to my eyes. Yes, I feel horribly guilty. Terribly guilty.
Mom looks at me, stricken. “How could you let this happen?”
“I didn’t mean to,” I start, unable to look my mother in the eye.
“I would hope not,” Dad says. “We raised you better than this, Lauren. And you.” He glares at Noah, at a loss for words.
Mom’s hand is resting on her chest, feeling her rapid heartbeat. “You’re so young, Lauren. You have your whole life ahead of you and … and now…” she trails off, tears springing to her eyes.
“I know, Mom. I know.” Great, and now I’m crying. Noah flips his hand over, lacing our fingers. “But it happened and now … and now…”
“Now we’re dealing with it the best we can,” Noah says.
I wipe my eyes, glad I decided to forego any eye makeup today. “Please don’t be mad at me.”
“We’re not mad,” Dad tells me. “We’re disappointed.” Ouch. That’s even worse. “I didn’t expect this from you. Him on the other hand…”
“Mom, Dad, please!” Tears fall freely from my face. Katie gives me a sympathetic smile. Colin is staring daggers, and Jenny’s eyes are on the table. Wes looks a bit entertained, and I know Katie told her fiancé beforehand what’s going on. “I know this is the last thing any of us wanted, but it happened, and I need your support. I’m really scared.”
Mom’s face softens and she gets up, coming around the table to hug me. “I’m here for you, honey. I always am.”
I press my head against her shoulder to muffle a sob. Mom pats my back, holding me for a minute. I didn’t realize how much I needed my own mom until I discovered I’m going to become one.
“Shhh,” Mom soothes. “It’s okay, Lauren. We’ll figure this out.” I nod and sniffle. Mom takes my hands in hers. “It’ll be okay in the end.” She kisses my forehead then takes the ultrasound pictures off the table.
“When are you due?”
“December third.”
She looks back at the ultrasound for a full minute, processing everything, then smiles. “I’ll have a grandchild in time for the holidays!” She turns to my dad, who is as still as a statue. “We’re going to be grandparents, Riley!”
Dad blinks, then takes the ultrasound images. “I assumed your brother or sister would be the first to provide some grandkids,” he starts, still staring at the pictures. “This is incredibly unexpected, Lauren.”
“Trust me, I know,” I sigh. Should I apologize?
“But every child is a blessing.”
I sink back in my chair, relieved. I can tell my parents are less than thrilled, but they’re not going to yell at me. Not now, at least, when everyone else is around.
“How are you feeling?” Mom asks. “And when did you find out? How long have you kept this from me?”
“I’m really tired, but other than that, totally fine. And I just found out a few days ago. I wanted to tell everyone at the same time, ya know. To get it over with.”
Her eyes go to Noah, who barely uttered a word since we got here. “And you two have been dating in secret for a while?”
“Uh, well, not that long,” I say. Or at all.
Mom’s still looking at Noah. He’s always been polite to her, never causing a scene at any sort of family get together he’s tagged alone with Colin to, but she still didn’t like them being friends. Noah was the wild child, dragging Colin into trouble right along with him.
“Well,” Mom finally says. “It could be worse.”
“Mom!” I say and feel embarrassed.
“What?” She shakes her head. “So you’re eight weeks already?”
“Yeah.”
“Have you picked out names?”
I turn to meet eyes with Noah. That hasn’t even come up. “Not yet.”
“What about called insurance or asked about leave at work?”
My blood pressure rises. “Not yet either.”
“You can’t wait on these things, Lauren,” Dad says and I’m suddenly feeling like a bad mother already and totally overwhelmed.
“It’s been a shock,” Noah says. “And we’re still wrapping our heads around this, but we will get everything figured out.”
“Are you going to be involved?” Mom asks, point blank.
“I am,” Noah says, deep voice steady. “I care a lot about Lauren. I have for years, actually.”
I turn to him and our eyes meet. Something unspoken is said between us, and it’s genuine. My heart does a little flutter thing and I feel some sort of connection to Noah.
“I’m sorry to spring this on you all,” I say, thinking I need some sort of closure. “But it is what it is, and there’s no going back. Noah and I are going to do the best we can to make this work, and I really need your support.”
“Treat her and my future granddaughter right,” Dad says, tone threatening. “And you won’t give me a reason to castrate you in the shed behind the house.”
Noah swallows. “I think I can do that. And if Lauren wants another kid someday, I’ll need my balls.”
I kick him under the table. Just agree and shut the hell up, please?
“Dad, you don’t know it’s a girl,” I say.
“Yes I do,” he says. “Intuition.”
My stomach grumbles in warning, telling me I need to eat or risk feeling sick. I reach out and start filling my plate. No one speaks, but some of the tension leaves the air.
Thank fucking goodness.
Noah serves himself and we both start eating. The others take our cue and do the same. Then Mom starts a string of questions asking about cravings and saying she’s helping me decorate the nursery. I can’t bring myself to look at Jenny. Just as I start sharing in Mom’s excitement, I accidentally turn my head and see just how crushed she looks. I don’t want her to be mad at me, but at the same time, I can’t blame her. Though nothing was done on purpose or to beat her to the punch. She should be having this conversation with my mother. She should be giving them their first grandchild.
Not me.
After dinner, things move along normally. The guys go into the family room to watch TV, and the girls stay in the kitchen, drinking wine and cleaning. If Noah and I make things work he is so helping me clean the kitchen after meals.
“How did this happen, Lauren?” Mom asks.
I raise an eyebrow. “After three kids, I’d assume you’d know how someone gets pregnant.”
Mom makes a face. “That’s not what I meant. You and Noah … I never saw that coming. You’re a smart girl. Noah is, well, Noah. I thought I raised you better but apparently didn’t.”
“Mom,” Katie says. “Stop with the guilt. She already has enough to worry about.”
Mom waves her hand, dismissing Katie’s comment. But Mom’s been like that, always has, always will. She’s great at a good guilt trip and half the time doesn’t even realize it.
I choose my words carefully. A lot of alcohol is how this happened, but I don’t want Mom to know her first grandchild was conceived during a night of blackout drunk sex neither of us remember.
Not yet, at least.
“I don’t really know. It just did. We got to talking, one thing led to another, and—”
“That’s all I need to know,” Mom interrupts.
I roll my eyes. “You asked.” I take a breath, feeling emotional again. “Are you really disappointed in me?”
She puts a pan away and comes around the island counter to hug me again. “Yes and no.”
“That’s not what I want to hear.”
“And this news from you isn’t what I want to hear,” she counters.
“I thought you wanted grandchildren.”
“I do,” Mom promises. “And I hoped you would have kids someday … just someday when you were a bit more ready. I love you and will love this grandchild. You know I support you no matter what, and I’m proud you owned up to keep this child. I worry about your future, but I have faith in you to raise this baby right.”
But she doesn’t have faith in Noah. And honestly, as of right now, neither do I.
“She’s not a teen,” Katie says.
Mom smiles. “Silver lining this didn’t happen in high school. Or college.” She gives me another hug. “Whatever you need, you let me know.”
“Thank you,” I say and hug her back. I can see the heartbreak in Jenny’s eyes, so I change the subject to work.
Later, when Noah and I are ready to leave—yep, I’m tired already and it’s only eight—Colin pulls me aside.
“You let me know if he puts one toe out of line,” my brother whispers. “He’s my best friend and all, but I know him, and I know he’s not, uh, ready for something like this.”
“I will, and thanks. I’m beginning to see what you’ve been saying for years though. He’s not that bad of a guy.”
“Underneath it all, he’s not.” Colin lets out a breath. “I’m still pissed at him, and you—there’s a rule against hooking up with your brother’s friends, you know. But having my best friend be the father of my niece or nephew is kinda cool.”
“I’m so glad you are the level-headed one,” I say with a smile. I consider telling him I’m sorry for upsetting Jenny, even though I didn’t mean to, but decide against it. He doesn’t know I know, and I don’t want to risk upsetting him even more. He’s taking this better than I thought he would at the moment. “And really, he’s trying. He said he wants to be involved, and I believe him. For now. Go easy on him. He won’t admit it, but he’s worried you’ll hate him. It’s not just his fault this happened.”
Colin’s nose wrinkles in disgust. “I don’t want to think about it. Noah has told me stories, and nope. Can’t do it. Can’t go there.” He holds his hands in front of him, blocking me from sight.
I laugh. “I’ll spare you the details then.”
“Are you okay?” he asks. “This definitely isn’t on your list.”
“I’m coming to terms,” I say honestly. “It’s a lot to process. Having Noah with me is helping a lot.”
Colin nods. “Just let me know if I need to put him in his place.”
“I will. So far so good … though we haven’t even gone on our first date yet.”
“First date?” Colin shakes his head. “This is so messed up.”
I sigh and put my hand over my stomach. “You’re telling me.”
*
I stand in front of the bathroom mirror, smoothing my dress over my stomach. I’m a little bloated, but I don’t look pregnant yet. My hair is up in hot rollers, and I’ve done up my makeup. Eyes lined in black, dark shadow on my eyelids, and red lipstick. I rarely put this much effort into my appearance, and I almost regret that I did tonight.
Because this first date isn’t going to lead to anything.
And yet I want to look good.
Why? It’s not because Noah Wilson looks like a fucking bearded Norse god or anything. Nope, that’s not way at all.
I take out the curlers, finger-brush my hair, then spray it with hairspray. I can use hairspray, right? It’s not toxic to the baby or anything? I put away my hair and makeup supplies then go into my bedroom to Google hairspray and pregnancy. I’m ready to go, and Noah isn’t supposed to be here for fifteen more minutes.
I’m surprised when the doorbell rings five minutes later. The dogs run, barking again, and I close the computer (yes, hairspray is fine) and grab my shoes.
“Lauren,” Noah says, deep voice rumbling as he says my name. Dammit knees. Why are you getting weak? “You look … beautiful.”
“You sound surprised,” I say and give him a quick up and down with my eyes.
“Not surprised,” he says. “But I rarely see you like this.”
“You rarely see me at all,” I say with a smile. “And thanks. You look good too.” He does. In dark jeans and a light-gray button-up shirt, he looks effortlessly put together. His dark hair is styled in a way that makes it look like he woke up like that, which is as sexy as it is unfair.
Nobody wants to see me when I just woke up. I look like a creature from the black lagoon, not a model from a Calvin Klein shoot. Damn him.
“Should we get going?” I ask, turning to grab my purse and my coat. “You made reservations, right?”
“Yeah. You only reminded me to a dozen times.”
“Sorry,” I say with a shrug. “It just doesn’t make sense not to, ya know?”
“I guess.” He extends his hand for me to take.
“Where are we going?”
“Zazzios.”
“Really?”
“You sound surprised.”
“That’s a pretty fancy place.” Fancy, and expensive. It opened last year and got very popular after some reality TV star was seen dining there with her boyfriend.
“I don’t do first dates often,” he starts and holds out his hand for me to take. “But when I do, I do them right.”
I just smile, not sure how I should feel that my perspective on things has already changed. I love getting dressed up and going somewhere fancy—it doesn’t happen that often—and this is an ideal first date. But it feels … weird.
This date isn’t going to end with sexy time and the hope for a second date. I already know Noah and I will be getting together again for pretty much the rest of our lives. The nature of those meetings is still to be determined, but it takes the fun out of this dating thing.
Noah pays for valet parking, takes my coat, and pulls out my chair when we get to the table. He’s playing the part of the perfect gentleman perfectly, and I worry that’s all he’s doing.
Playing.
Not taking this seriously. I look across the table at him, and find it hard not to feel like I’m back in high school, longingly staring across the hall at my brother’s best friend, wishing he would take notice in me … and then realizing that if Noah and I ever did hook up, I don’t know who would murder me first: my parents or Colin.
I don’t know much about Noah, and that needs to change. He might not be the trouble-making bad boy he used to be. Fuck, I hope not. If he is, there is no way this can work between us.
“Would you like to start the evening off with a glass of wine?” the waiter asks as he hands us our menus.
Noah orders two glasses, then realizes what he did right after the waiter walks away. “Fuck, I forgot.”
“It’s okay. You can have it.” I look over the menu. There aren’t even prices listed out. Wow.
The waiter brings us the wine, along with bread and salad. My mouth waters at the sight of lettuce and tomatoes. At least I have healthy cravings, right?
“So,” I start after I order some sort of fancy pasta. I’m not entirely sure what all went into it (why are fancy dishes so confusing?), but it has cheese and noodles and a cool name. Plus it probably cost more than what I make per hour, so it should be good. “Do you still work at the Roadhouse Bar?”
Noah laughs. “You don’t know?”
“No, I don’t. I told you, Noah, I don’t know you anymore.”
“You will soon enough,” he says, eyes meeting mine. Damn you, Noah. Only you are able to make ordinary words in an ordinary sentence borderline orgasmic.
“So, what do you do?”
“I’m a photographer.”
“Really?” I might have leaned back with surprise. “Like a real one?”
He laughs again. “As opposed to what, a fake one?”
“Or one that takes pictures of naked women in their basement and calls them models.”
“I don’t have a basement,” he says. “I live in an apartment in the city. And yeah, I’ll call myself a real one. I did get a degree in art.”
I knew he and Colin went to the same college. My brother got a degree in marketing, and I kind of assumed Noah just floated along, posing as a TA to get in girls’ pants. And now I’m starting to feel guilty for assuming anything about him.
“Why photography?”
He shrugs. “Being honest … I had to pick a major. Photography seemed easy and was a good excuse to take those basement photos you were referring to, which led to hookups in college. Then I got my first photography job and realized I could make a decent living doing something that had no set hours. Plus I’m good at it, I guess. Win for me.”
“What kind of photos do you take?”
“Whatever I get hired to do, really. I worked for a magazine for a while before starting my own business. I can show you sometime.”
“So do you have a studio?”
“I do. On Washington street.”
I know exactly where that is. It’s the historic district of this town, located near the heart of the business center. It’s a busy place, ideal for any sort of shop or store, and rent isn’t cheap on that street. He must do pretty well.
“And you work at…?”
“Banfield Animal Hospital. I’m a vet tech.”
“You like it?”
“Oh, I love it. It’s what always wanted to do.”
“I remember. It was one of the first things you ever told me,” he says then looks almost embarrassed. “In Mrs. Jefferson’s office.”
I have to think back for a second. “Oh right. You were in trouble or something. Why?”
He shrugs. “I don’t even remember.”
Curls fall over my shoulder when I shake my head. “I never would have thought we’d be here, in this situation.”
“Yeah … things have gone off course of what I expected too.” He reaches across the table, fingertips touching mine. “It doesn’t mean it’s bad, though.”
He locks eyes with me, holding steady as if looking away would be the death of him. My heart flutters and suddenly I’m looking at a whole new Noah, one that holds a promise of a future.
Maybe this can work after all.
“So,” I say and pull my hand back, afraid of how intense my feelings are becoming. “If this was a normal first date, what would we do after dinner?”
“I’d take you back to my apartment and we’d have sex.”
“You’re very certain about that.”
He gives me that smartass smirk I remember from years back. “I am. It’s almost a shame you don’t remember anything from that night.”
“Almost. So, then what? You part ways and that’s that?”
“Yes, I wasn’t interested in dating anyone. But that was then.”
I smile back. That was then.
And this is now.