Chapter Nineteen
Lauren
“SHOULD YOU START bringing stuff over?” I ask Noah. It’s Tuesday night and I just got off work. I’m exhausted. At thirty weeks pregnant, I don’t see how I can get any bigger. And I still have ten weeks left.
“Probably. I hate packing.” He makes a face and stands, taking both our empty dinner plates off the table to put in the dishwasher. “If I start now and slowly bring shit over it won’t be that bad.”
I nod. “What about your furniture? It won’t all fit in here.”
“Fuck. I hadn’t thought about that. Is there room in your basement?”
“There is.” With this house being older, the basement is dark and cold, making it feel more like a cellar. Plus, it’s creepy. I keep the door closed and rarely go down there. “We can swap some stuff out. Your stuff is a bit nicer.” Most of my furniture is a hand-me-down from my sister, parents, or grandma. But hey, it works.
“Whatever you want,” he says. “But I am putting in my TV.”
“It’s going to take up the whole wall!”
“I know.” He smiles. “Trust me, you’ll learn to appreciate watching your princess movies on it.”
“I probably will.” I lean back, resting my hands on my belly, and yawn. “These twelves are killing me,” I say then regret it. Noah worries too much about me working.
“You should cut back your hours. Or start your leave earlier.”
“If I start earlier, then I’ll have to come back sooner. Though, that is tempting.” My back and feet scream in protest every morning when I get dressed. Noah comes over and helps me up, and we take our conversation into the living room. The dogs follow, squeezing onto the couch with us.
“You get off at four tomorrow, right?”
“I do. Why?”
His full lips pull into a smile. He shaved his beard off last week and it’s coming in thick already. He looks good with and without it. “I booked you a prenatal massage.”
My eyes light up. “Seriously? Oh my God, thank you!”
“I didn’t know they were a thing, or else I would have done it sooner. A client told me about it yesterday. It’s an hour massage then a pedicure. It’s at four-thirty, so you can go right after work. Then come back here and I’ll make dinner. And later you can thank me sexually, of course.”
“Of course.” Maybe I’ll be in the mood after some pampering. Because right now, Ella is pressing down hard on my pelvis, making sex uncomfortable. So much for keeping romance alive the whole nine months.
My phone buzzes with a text message, and I reach to grab it off the coffee table.
“Yay! Rachel can make it to the shower this weekend!”
“Rachel Brown, right?” Noah asks. Should I be impressed he remembers her? She was over at our house just as much as he was when we were kids. I guess it’s not that surprising.
“Yes. She wasn’t sure if she could get off work Monday. She lives in New York now. I haven’t seen her in ages.”
“I’m glad she’s coming then.” He pulls me close and kisses me.
My heart feels so full right now, sitting there with Noah. He’s been so thoughtful, so caring and attentive. Thirty weeks ago, my life changed forever. And right now, I’m thinking those changes are for the better.
*
I get home from work Thursday, ready for a nap already. I go inside, change out of my scrubs, let the dogs out, and get the mail. Afraid of getting another bill insurance won’t cover, I cringe every time I open my mailbox. Half the time there’s nothing in there since I get everything via email now.
Today, there is one large white envelope. My heart drops into my stomach when I see it.
“Holy shit,” I mumble and flip the envelope over. With everything else that’s gone on, I totally forgot about this. Now my hands are shaking. I start to open the letter but stop and rush inside, grabbing my phone. I call Noah, get his voicemail, and hang up.
I can’t wait any longer. I rip open the envelope and unfold the letter, eyes scanning like mad. My hand flies over my mouth and excitement rushes through me. Holy fucking shit.
“I got in!” I scream. I have to read the acceptance letter one more time to believe that I got into vet school. Ella flips around, excited with me. “I got in, little girl!”
Then it hits me: I can’t go away to Purdue University in the fall.
I can’t leave Ella.
My excitement dies and I sink back onto the couch, unsure of how to feel. I’m incredibly disappointed … but I shouldn’t feel that way, right? I’ve worked so hard the years to get this far, and now I’m in. I got into vet school. And I can’t go.
My phone rings, and I get up to get it, moving on autopilot. “Hello?” I say to Noah.
“Hey, baby. I’m still at the studio. A shoot took longer than I expected. I’ll be home soon.”
“Good.”
“How was your day?”
“Fine. Hurry, because we need to talk.”
“Is something wrong?” he asks, a little panicked.
“Yes,” I say without thinking. “Well, maybe. I don’t know.”
“Are you and El—”
“We’re fine. Sorry,” I sigh. “I didn’t mean to freak you out. It just … I got accepted into vet school.”
“Correct me if I’m wrong, but that’s fucking awesome, not bad.”
“It is awesome. It’s everything I ever wanted, only now I can’t go.”
“Why can’t you go?”
“Seriously?”
“Yeah, seriously,” he says. “Why can’t you go?”
“Because I’ll have a baby then!” I snap. I’m upset, but not with Noah. I shouldn’t take it out on him.
“Lots of people with kids go to school.”
“Not vet school. I can’t go. I’ll never go. Might as well give up.”
“Lauren, calm down. It’ll be okay.”
He means well, but I’m too emotional. “Stop acting like it’s not a big deal. Do you know how hard I’ve worked for this?” Tears run down my cheeks.
“You have worked incredibly hard. That’s why you’ll go. We’ll figure it out. I promise.”
I inhale, feeling guilty again. I run my hand over my face, the conflicting emotions starting to confuse me.
“I’ll leave soon and bring home something for dinner. Lay down and rest. It’ll be okay.”
I take a deep breath. “Thank you, Noah.”
“You don’t have to thank me. I want to help you. I’ll see you soon.”
I hang up and debate calling my mom. Though I almost would rather tell her I didn’t get in than to make her get excited and disappointed like I am.
“I’m not mad at you,” I tell Ella. “Not at all. Things … things are complicated.” I rub my belly and lean back on the couch. “We’ll figure it out somehow, little girl.”
An hour later, Noah comes home with Chinese takeout and a box of cupcakes. I so need this right now. He sets the food down on the coffee table, shoos away the dogs, and sits next to me. His arms wrap around me, pulling me in. I rest my head on his shoulder, inhaling deep, loving the way he smells like cologne and leather from his motorcycle jacket.
“I should be happy. Am I being dramatic?”
“You’re allowed to be dramatic right now,” he says with a chuckle. “And you, you’re not. It’s kind of complicated. Can you apply to vet school again next year?”
“I can, but there’s no promise I’ll get in again.”
“What about taking just one easy class your first semester.”
“It doesn’t work that way.” I pull away and open the cupcakes, sighing. “Everything I want is happening, just not in the right order. I had a plan, you know.”
Noah’s blue eyes meet mine. “Life doesn’t go according to plan.”
“You can say that again.” I peel the wrapper off the cupcake. “I honestly didn’t think I’d get in. Only like seventy people get into this program, you know.”
“Seriously, that’s it? You’re going then. If that’s what you want, we’ll find a way.”
I bite my lip. Dammit, I’m having second thoughts and already dread leaving Ella. Noah takes notice puts his hand on my thigh.
“Hey, you don’t have to make a decision right now.”
I bury my head against him. “I know.”
“I asked you before, but let me verify. You like your job now, right?”
“I do.”
“And part of why you wanted to be a vet was to make a better living.”
Is it horrible to admit that’s true? “Yes. But that’s not the only reason. I’ve always wanted to be a vet. Always, Noah.” I close my eyes, feeling something weird shifting around inside me … and no, it’s not Ella. It’s my priorities, what I hold dearest to me. “But right now I don’t know if I can do it.”
“School?”
“Leave Ella. And you.”
“Who said you’d have to leave us?” He beams down at me. I can’t speak. I can only kiss him.