Chapter Twenty-Six
Noah
“CAN WE GO over everything one more time?” Lauren asks.
“We’ve gone over it twice,” I say.
“Please?”
I can’t say no when I look into her sea-green eyes. My heart softens, knowing her compulsion is out of nervousness.
“Of course.”
She swings her feet over the side of the bed and extends her hand for me to take and help her up. She’s thirty-eight weeks along today and is being induced in just a few hours.
“We have diapers and wipes,” I say with smile. “That’s pretty much all we’ll need. Just keep Ella clean and fed and she’ll be good.”
“Hah-hah, not funny.” She slowly makes her way into the nursery, hands on her large baby belly, and stops in the middle of the room, looking around.
And I look at her.
She gave me a chance to prove myself—again—and I won’t ever let her or Ella down. I never thought I could feel any stronger toward Lauren but this last month proved me wrong. I’d never opened up to anyone before. Making the promise not to bottle shit up and let it slowly fester and eat me up has made us closer than I ever thought possible.
Being honest with Lauren means being honest with myself, and that’s a new thing. A good new thing.
“Okay,” Lauren mumble to herself as she goes around the room. “Diapers, wipes, clothes arranged by color and size … first aid kit … books and toys … swaddle blankets, burp cloths … all the bath stuff is in the bathroom.” She nods. “I think I’m good here. I just need to check the diaper bag and my hospital bag one more time.”
“Then let’s rest for a few hours we have to head in. Maybe even get a little sexy time in there.”
Lauren raises an eyebrow. “Don’t hold your breath. I have a seven-pound baby pressing on my cervix. I don’t want anything else inside me.”
“Fine. It’ll be the last time we get to have sex for a while.”
She makes a face. “I’m scared I’m going to tear.”
I’m scared she will too. “It’ll be fine, I’m sure.”
“And as long as Ella is okay, it doesn’t matter, right?”
“Right.” I take her hand and help her check the bags one more time, then pretty much have to drag her into the bedroom so we can lay down.
“The next time we’re in here, we’ll be a family of three,” she says. “It’ll be weird. A good weird. But weird.”
“Definitely good.” I spoon my body around her; she’s laying on her side with a big pillow under her belly … pretty much the only way she can sleep now. Ella hasn’t been born yet and I’m already feeling like the luckiest man in the world.
*
“All right, it’s time,” the nurse says after checking Lauren. “She’s pretty far down. I think it’ll only take a couple of pushes and she’ll be out.”
“I’m scared,” Lauren tells me. “What if I can’t do it? What if she gets stuck?”
“Deep breath,” I say, leaning over the bed to kiss her. “You can do this. You’ve been amazing this whole time.” Ten hours ago, she got induced and hasn’t complained about anything the whole time. Her mom and Katie are here with us, but stepped out for the actual birth.
“I can’t feel anything. I shouldn’t have gotten the epidural. What if I push wrong?”
“There’s no wrong way to push,” the nurse says. “And you did great with the practice pushes. Are you ready?”
Lauren looks at me, green eyes full of fear. “I think so.”
“I’ll get the doctor.”
“Noah,” Lauren says as soon as the nurse leaves the room. “I’m scared.”
“I know you are. But you’re going to do fine. Our baby is almost here. You can do this.”
She closes her eyes and lets out a shaky breath. “I hope you’re right.”
“I know I’m right.”
The doctor comes in, and just a few minutes later I’m holding onto Lauren’s leg, watching our baby come into the world. She’s tiny and wrinkly and covered in goo, but she’s the most beautiful thing I have ever laid eyes on.
She’s perfect.
Then she opens her mouth and lets out a little scream, followed by a cry. I’m hit in the heart with emotion.
That is my daughter.
That teeny tiny little thing is mine. She gets to come home with us, make us a family.
The nurse puts a blanket over Ella then puts her on Lauren’s chest.
“Oh my god,” Lauren whispers, tears running down her face. “Ella.” Carefully she wraps her arms around the little bundle and kisses Ella’s head, which is full of hair, dark like Lauren’s.
I move to the head of the bed and put my hand over Lauren’s. Ella’s cries quiet, soothed by the touch of her mother.
“Dad,” the nurse calls a bit later. “Time to cut the cord.”
I don’t want to step away from Ella. It takes me a few seconds to tear away and cut the thick cord. Then I’m right back up there with Lauren and Ella.
“Hi, sweetie,” Lauren says softly. “I’m your mommy, and this is your daddy. We love you very much already.” She closes her eyes, nuzzling her face against Ella. “Is she okay?” she asks the nurse.
“She’s prefect.”
“Told you,” I say with a smile, looking down at our baby. I lean over and kiss Lauren. “Good job, Mama.”
“Do you want to hold her?” Lauren asks.
“Yeah. How do I pick her up?”
The nurse comes over and helps, tucking the blanket around Ella’s little body. She opens her deep-blue eyes and looks around, taking in the new world. She’s so light in my arms, like a feather. It’s crazy how something so little, something I’ve only seen for mere minutes, can make me feel so much love.
I look down at Ella, then at Lauren. “We did this.”
*
I sit in an uncomfortable chair next to a hospital bed, holding a sleeping baby. It’s been four hours since Lauren gave birth. We’re in a different room now, and her parents—and my mother—are all crowded in to see Ella. Everything went as smooth as we could hope, and Ella is perfect.
“It’s my turn to hold that baby,” Mrs. Winters says. I carefully stand and hand her Ella. I move to the bed, sitting on the edge next to Lauren.
“Are you doing okay?” I ask.
“I’m sore,” she says. “The epidural is completely worn off now.”
“Want me to call the nurse? She said you can have pain medicine.”
“Yeah. And I have to pee. Help me up?”
I take her hand and slowly help her to her feet. She winces when she takes a step. She did end up tearing and needing stitches.
“Can you fill this with warm water?” she asks, sitting on the toilet.
“Sure, but, why?” I take a squirt bottle from her and move to the sink.
“I can’t wipe.”
“Oh.” I turn the water on. “Birth is a lot more, uh, messy than I thought.”
“Are you glad you watched it or do you wish you hadn’t?”
“No, I’m glad I did. Yeah, it’s messy but it was kind of amazing.”
She smiles. “I’m glad you were there. I’m glad we were there.”
I know what she means. We were there together, as a couple. “We will always be there.”
“And we just had a moment while I’m on the toilet,” she chuckles.
I fill up the bottle. “I didn’t even realize that. Spoken like a real couple, right?”
“Right.”
I help her back into bed.
“She looks just like you,” my mom tells me. “I’ll find your baby pictures when I get back home and send them over.”
Our parents stay for a while longer, then leave so Lauren can sleep. But right after they leave, the nurse comes in to check on Lauren and Ella, then sticks around to help Lauren with breastfeeding. Ella is sleepy and not wanting to latch.
I thought pushing out the baby was the hard part.
Twenty minutes later, I’m able to take Ella and Lauren lays down. Not five minutes later, someone knocks on the door, asking about insurance. By the time they leave, the nurse has to come back and take vitals.
And now I remember why I hate hospitals.
“You’re never going to get any sleep at this rate,” I say, taking Ella out of Lauren’s arms after a feeding again. “Try to rest now.”
“I know,” she sighs. “I’ll sleep tonight. Well, probably not.” She looks at Ella and smiles.
“I’ll stay and hold her.”
“You don’t have to. That chair looks super uncomfortable.”
“It is, but I feel like I shouldn’t complain. I didn’t get my nether regions ripped just hours ago.”
She shudders. “I asked the doctor to stitch me up extra tight.”
I laugh. “It’ll feel like your first time, baby.”
“We have at least six weeks until we attempt anything again. That’s probably the longest you’ve gone without sex since we started dating isn’t it?”
I look down at Ella, heart still so full. “It’s not, actually.”
She raises an eyebrow. “Really?”
“There was a time, recently. I haven’t been with anyone else but you since that night.”
“Since the night we got drunk and made a baby?”
I nod.
She smiles, but looks confused. “I’m glad to hear that, but you didn’t know I was pregnant—hell, I didn’t know—for like two months after that. It just seems out of character for you. The former you, I mean.”
“I wanted to be with you for so long. Then I finally was and couldn’t remember anything. It was worse than putting food out of a starving man’s reach. It was letting him taste it but not eat it. I had you, had what I wanted, but blew it. I would have given anything to have that chance again and remember it. Because I knew being with you would be different.”
“Noah,” she says softly, looking at me with so much love in her eyes.
“I love you, Lauren. I always have, and I always will.”