I knocked on the front door of the house I’d lived in for years before Mason and I divorced. It was sobering to feel so uncomfortable walking into a place that had been my home for so long. I stared at the shocked face in front of me as Mason answered the door. He looked like he’d seen a ghost and it took him a minute to speak.

"Emmy, what are you doing here?”

“I think we need to talk,” I said softly.

“Come on in,” he said stepping to the side. Mason put his hand on my lower back and led me in. The touch of his hand both turned me on and infuriated me at the same time. It killed me that my body still responded to him after everything.

“I'm a little surprised that you even want to talk after how the last time ended,” he said dryly.

We stood in the living room staring at one another. I wanted to let go of my anger. It was consuming me at this point, and honestly, I didn’t have the energy for it anymore. I wanted better for myself. Something like what Violet and Jaxon have, or Stephen and Taylor, and it was going to be with a man who loved me and deserved me. Mason Davis had loved me at one point, but I didn’t know if he deserved me anymore.

"Why did you ask for the divorce?"

"What?" he asked in confusion.

"The divorce. When I left to go to New York, why did you ask for it? Why didn't you follow me to New York?"

"Emmy, do we really need to do this? I don't think that rehashing all of this is going to fix things."

I kept my calm CEO demeanor on the outside, but inside I was a complete mess. "Mason, please, just tell me why."

His jaw tightened. "You know why. Stephen told you."

I looked away and whispered, “But I want to hear it from you."

He tugged on my hand pulling me over to the sofa. We sat down and I saw the hurt and remorse in his eyes that he had been hiding all these years. My Mason was still in there somewhere.

"There’s one thing you have to know. I never wanted the divorce, but you were about to get your dream job, Emmy. I couldn't be the one to hold you back. When my dad first got sick he was worried about the family. John and I had a lot of discussions about how we would take care of everyone after Dad died. I can't say that his death made me realize that I wanted a family with you, but I'm sure it influenced my decision. You know the part where I was too chicken to man up and just tell you, instead I just begged for us to elope." He took my hands in his. “Emmy, I'm so sorry. You deserved better than that. I should have given you a fairy tale wedding that was perfect."

"Mase, I didn't care about the wedding. I just wanted to be married. We’d waited so long. None of that stuff mattered."

He squeezed my hand. "John got his orders a few months after Dad passed. Aubrey was a mess. It took everything for him not to go AWOL. They found out about Jacob right before he was deployed and that made everything so much harder. He made me promise I wouldn’t leave Aubrey if anything happened. John knew we were close, closer than her and Kaleb, and he had this gut feeling that he wouldn’t be back.” He huffed out a breath. “He was right.”

I was quiet for a minute. “Did he ever tell her?”

He shook his head. “No, and he didn’t want me to tell her either. He knew that she would feel like a burden if she ever found out. I asked him about telling you, in the end he told me it was my decision, but when you got the offer I couldn’t ruin it for you. It killed me inside to push you away, but I knew you wanted that job. You deserved success and happiness. So in taking care of a dead man’s wishes, I ruined our marriage and hated myself while doing it.”

“Mason,” I whispered.

“You don’t know how many times I wanted to call and beg you to forgive me and explain everything.” He had tears in his eyes as he looked down at his hands. “I missed you so much.”

“Why didn’t you tell me? I didn’t want a job more than you. The only reason I took it was because I thought you didn’t care. I thought you regretted marrying me.”

“Oh god, Emmy, baby, no. I never regretted marrying you. I loved you, I still do, but if I had told you what John had asked, you would’ve stayed. I wanted you to get to live your dream and achieve everything you wanted in life."

"Mason, what about us? You were part of that dream.” I wanted to scream and cry. John had put Mason in this impossible situation. “I don't know what to say. I wish you would have trusted me."

He shook his head. "I trusted you with my life; I just couldn't disappoint you or let you give up your future for me. I hoped you would change your mind, or hate your job, or something. That's why I didn't file for the divorce."

I closed my eyes, trying to process everything that he was telling me. Even Stephen didn't have the whole story.

"That's everything?"

"Yeah, that's everything. Except for the fact that I'm so," he sucked in a sharp breath as his voice choked up. "So fucking sorry for ruining what we had Emmy. You will always be the love of my life."

He dropped his head into his hands and for the first time in our entire lives, I watched him cry. Mason was just as broken as I was. He hated the fact that we were so distant now as much as I did. When I left I hadn't just lost my husband, I’d lost my best friend. Even through our tumultuous relationship in college, we always leaned on each other and ended up together because that's where we were supposed to be. I leaned into his shoulder and rubbed his back. Tears fell down my cheeks and onto the material of his soft, worn t-shirt.

"I miss you," I whispered. "Not just a little. My whole world is spiraling out of control and you've always been the one to fix it for me. You're not there and I don't know what to do."

He finally sat up. I leaned into his hard chest and allowed him to wrap his arms around me. Everything felt right in that moment. I wanted to ignore my life in New York and pretend that the past two years hadn't happened. I didn't want to leave and act like I wasn't in love with him anymore, even though everyone already knew the truth. It was stamped across my face when any of my friends looked at me. My relationship with Adam was a cover up, so I could pretend that my life wasn't in shambles around me.

I was sick of being strong and independent. For once I wanted to let someone look after me.

"Can I just stay here with you for a little while?" I asked softly.

His arms tightened around me. "You can stay forever if you want."

 

***

 

We must have fallen asleep at some point because I woke up later with my arms wrapped around Mason. He held onto me tightly, like I could escape at any moment if he didn't hold onto me. I guess I had shown up out of the blue. His hands ran lightly up and down my back in a calming motion when he realized I was awake. It was something he had done for years when we laid in bed together, or cuddled on the couch like we were now.

“Do you still want me?” I whispered.

“What?” he asked. Clearly it was the last thing he expected me to ask.

“Do you still want me? Do you still want us?”

He stared at me, unable to respond. His mouth opened and closed several times as he tried to form an answer. The longer he looked the more I felt my heart breaking. Mason had moved on. I sat up quickly, crossing my arms in front of my chest to try to hold myself together. He didn't want to reopen the difficult relationship between us, not that I blamed him. I needed to leave before I broke down in front of him. I needed to save face and just go, forget everything about Mason Davis. He needed to be a bad memory.

“Clearly that’s my answer. Mason, I just want to know why. I supported your decision to go to law school; I even went with you because that’s what you wanted. I talked your parents out of freaking out on you for not going to medical school after you had spent three years as pre-med.” I paused, trying to keep it together as I continued because the hard things were coming up next. “Guess what Mason, you lost the entire package you had planned. House. Wife. Baby. All gone. I’m happy in New York. I’m successful in New York. You know what else? I have someone that wants the entire package with me in New York. Stupid me assumed you wanted the same things that I did. Obviously that was a mistake."

I tried to pull away, but he wouldn't let me.

"Em, this isn't," he cut himself off.

"Isn't what?" I demanded.

"We always get back together."

"You pushed me away, but I need to know."

"I love you, Em. I am always going to love you."

"That's not what I asked, Mason." I pushed away from him and this time he let me go. "You told me at Stephen and Taylor's wedding that you thought we could work it out. Did you change your mind?" I pleaded. God, just let him give me a straight answer.

"Em, in the ten years we've been together, we've made it through everything. We always make our way back to each other."

Tears fell down my face. "You still aren't answering my question, Mason."

What was going on in this man’s head? Did he think I was selfish for telling him no in California? Did he hate me for bringing Adam with me to Vegas? Maybe he didn’t realize I was just trying to protect myself. I wanted to rage at him, beg him to want me, something—anything—to get an answer. Reality hit me that I’d lost this battle before it ever began. He was right though, each time I left, I always came back. Of course he would think I was coming home when I originally left for New York, I’d conditioned him to think that. I softly pushed away from Mason.

He looked at me with tears shining in his gorgeous gray eyes.

“I loved you with everything I had, Mason. I’m sorry it wasn’t good enough.” He watched me stand up and move towards the door. His hand wrapped around my arm.

"You can't leave like this, not again. I won't let you.” A single tear ran down his face. “Yes, I still want you, but after everything I put you through I don't deserve to have you."

Is that what this is about? His hesitation to tell me how much he still wants this is about punishing himself?

"Why are you the one that gets to make that call? Didn’t you learn anything the first time you stupid fool?" My voice cracked at the end. His arms wrapped around me, pulling me in as tight as he could, and I fell into his chest sobbing. I shivered when his lips found my neck. He pressed soft kisses there as he tried to calm me down.

"Baby, I want you so much. I'm never going to stop wanting to be with you."

My fingers clutched at his shirt, pulling him closer. He rubbed my back gently. My sobs echoed throughout the room. The feeling of Mason’s lips against my skin should have been sobering, but it wasn’t. It was intoxicating. As I pulled back, my eyes met his.

“Mason,” I whispered, right before his lips met mine.

His kiss consumed me. I wanted to get lost in every second I had left with him.

Our lips never broke as he picked me up in his arms. He moved easily through the dark house because it’s where we’d spent more than a decade getting to know one another. I wanted him touching me and to be able to touch him back. It had been too long since we’d truly connected. My fingers ran through his hair as he carefully laid me down on the bed.

He peeled my shirt over my head, kissing each inch of skin as it was exposed. His skilled hands had me arching off the bed easily as he slid them into my jeans. I whimpered softly as he placed a kiss to my mouth before pulling back to take his shirt off.

I was so lost in the feeling of his touch that I didn’t realize he’d already tugged my pants and panties down my hips. Apparently, he had pulled his own off at some point too because he caged my body in with his naked one. My hands rested against his heated skin. As his length slid against my entrance, teasing us both, I gasped. I felt more exposed to Mason that I ever had in the years we’d been together. His mouth traveled up the column of my neck and goosebumps rose on my skin at the feeling of his heated breath.

I wanted him inside me and I wasn’t above begging. He ran his fingers up and down my leg, letting his cock rest right where I wanted him. The teasing smile he was giving me made me crazy. We both moaned in unison as he finally pushed inside me, his length filling me up perfectly. My fingers dug into his back, trying to pull him as close to me as possible. We were both silent as we made love. This was us coming back to one another.

Mason’s touch assured me that if he had his way, he would never let me leave again. That was fine with me because I never wanted to go anywhere without him. It had taken me too long to figure out who I was. I wasn’t sure I liked the person I was without him. We’d both changed so much in the past two years.

I cried out his name as my release raced through my body. Mason’s deep groans followed as he stilled above me. In a perfect world I would end up pregnant with his baby this way, but I knew it wasn’t possible.

Mason cupped my face and kissed my eyelids. His lips brushed away the tears I hadn’t known had gathered there. I wanted this second to last forever. We were perfectly content in each other’s arms. The outside would creep in eventually, but this time we would be ready to fight for us. I was ready to fight for my husband.