The wind at the airport was bitterly cold and the walk from the taxi into the terminal was enough to chill me to the bone. Winter just didn't want to give in to spring this year. I was waiting for the flight attendant or the pilot to come get me from the terminal for the chartered flight. Mason had flown into LaGuardia commercially, but then we were flying out through the private charter. It was amazing how quickly he’d made everything happen.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and when I turned around Mason hesitated for only a second before sweeping me into a huge hug. My body sank into his, comforting him as much as he was soothing me. He’d always been good at calming me down.

"Have you been waiting long?"

"Just a few minutes. They told me at the front desk that the plane was here, but they were doing last minute flight checks, then they would come get me. Well, us."

"Good. The pilot is actually a friend of mine." I didn't answer. He hadn't known any pilots when we were married, so this was a new acquaintance. It was a stark reminder of how absent from each other's lives we had been. He cleared his throat and flushed before continuing, "Sorry, I know this is going to be difficult. I've missed you, Emmy."

I looked at him. His stormy grey eyes gave nothing away. I used to be able to read him like a book, but now things had changed. He was as closed off and nervous about this whole thing as I was.

"I want to wait until we're in the air, but I have something important I need to tell you." His eyes changed, allowing the worry and fear to slip through. I continued on quickly, "No, nothing about Stephen. I haven't heard anything else. It's something that happened after the divorce, or what I thought was the divorce. Hell, it’s all started running together."

Mason looked past me and reached his hand out to shake someone's hand.

"Hey, Ben."

"Mason."

"I'd like you to meet my wife, Emerald."

I reached out my hand to shake his hand while I shot Mason a withering glare. He shrugged.

"Nice to meet you."

"You never told me you had such a beautiful wife, Mase."

"Sometimes I take it for granted," Mason said, without breaking eye contact with me.

"Well, the plane is ready when you guys are."

"Let's go," Mason said, putting his hand on my lower back.

The plane itself was amazing with a small kitchenette, living area and bedroom with a king sized bed. Six huge leather club chairs flanked the plane on either side. I had flown on private jets for work and vacations, but this little plane was nothing like what I had flown in before. Even though I was an experienced flier, I still hated taking off and landing. My hands gripped the sides of the leather chair until my knuckles turned white and I thought I would be permanently stuck to the plane. Mason frowned and reached over, threading his fingers through mine. I smiled gratefully over at him and clamped my eyes shut as the plane gained speed for takeoff.

"Still hate this part, huh?" As the plane tipped back, I squeezed his hand harder and he chuckled lightly. "There's my answer. Holy hell Em, let up a little bit. The only time I thought you would be squeezing my hand this hard was during labor."

My eyes flew open. I tried to yank my hand back from his, but he held on tight. Hearing those words from his mouth hurt. Confusion covered his handsome face and I knew that I had to tell him. I couldn't put it off any longer.

I was quiet while we gained altitude.

"Mason, when I left, I was pregnant."

His face went from confused to angry.

"What do you mean by was? And why the fuck did you still leave if you were pregnant?"

My eyes dropped and I felt them burn from the tears that threatened to fall. I felt guilty. No matter how many times Lexi and Adam told me it wasn't my fault, I still felt that I could have done more to keep from losing the baby.

"I found out a few months after I came to New York, not before I left. I wouldn’t have done that, but we weren't talking when I did find out and I didn't know how to tell you."

"What do you mean by was, Emerald?" His voice was cold. Distant. "Did you have an abortion?"

I narrowed my eyes at him and finally turned away, unable to look at him while I spoke. "You really don't fucking know me at all do you? Ten years together and you still don't know a damn thing about me." He turned away from me as I spoke. "I was fourteen weeks along when I collapsed in my office. Luke found me and called 911. Lexi called a specialist to come and take care of me. Adam saved my life.” My voice rose each time I mentioned someone else who cared for me and was actually there during that miserable day. “The pregnancy was ectopic and there was nothing anyone could do. I had to have emergency surgery and they removed my fallopian tube. Adam also found out that I have a cervical abnormality that should have kept me from getting pregnant in the first place, so it's doubtful that I will ever be able have kids unless I do IVF."

I didn't dare look at Mason as I talked. I swiped angrily at the tears streaming down my face as I told him as clinically as possible everything that had happened. Mason would probably blame me as much as I blamed myself. He would probably think it was karmic justice because I’d decided to take the job in New York and ended our marriage. I did.

Ben, the pilot, who my husband was now friends with even though he hadn’t known him while we were married, came over the intercom to tell us we were at flying altitude and we could move around the cabin. This was all too much. I unclipped my belt and ran away just as Mason opened his mouth to speak. I flew from my seat to the bedroom, slamming the door and locking it behind me.

 

***

 

Mason knocked on the door an hour later. Honestly, I was surprised he had waited as long as he did. He’d never been particularly patient.

"Em, baby, please open the door." I wasn’t sure if I wanted to face him yet. I walked over to the door, resting my hand on the knob. He knocked again softer this time. "Please, Emerald. I'm so sorry."

I cracked open the door. "Why are you sorry?"

"Because I'm the biggest asshole on the planet."

I opened the door all the way. Mason stood in front of me with red eyes like he had been crying. I wanted to ask, but I didn't want to make this conversation any harder than it had to be.

"I can't believe that you thought I would have an abortion," I whispered.

"I know you wouldn't. I'm sorry. I was just...angry. Angry that you didn’t tell me when it happened. Angry that you had to go through that without me. Furious at myself for fucking up our relationship."

I rested my head on the door. "I was trying to figure out how to tell you I was pregnant, but I didn’t know how. I’d only found out about a week before everything happened. It was so hard since we weren't even speaking to each other. I couldn't just call you up and say, 'Hey guess what, that last time we had sex I got knocked up'."

He wiped at his eyes and I couldn't tell if he was upset or stressed out. It was probably a mix of both. "Just so you know, I would have wanted that baby, Emmy. One of the reasons I pushed so hard for us to get married was because I wanted us to start a family."

My chest ached. This conversation wasn’t making things better; if anything it was breaking my heart even more.

"Why didn't you tell me that you wanted to start trying?"

He shrugged. "I was scared."

I reached for his hand and tugged him over to the bed. We perched on the edge and sat next to one another, unsure of what to say next. His hand rubbed gentle circles on my back.

“That makes two of us.” My voice was hoarse and I fought back tears as we sat their quietly.

"I never wanted the divorce," he admitted.

I looked over at him in shock. "What?"

"I didn't want the divorce. I thought that if I threatened you with it, you would stay. When I took over the law office from my dad, I thought you might end up working with me. It killed me when I realize you didn’t actually want to. Stubborn pride was the reason I didn't back down on the divorce. I hoped when we slept together after we signed the papers that you would change your mind and stay. I was so pissed off and hurt when you left that I couldn't bring myself to file. Every day I would look down at those papers in my desk drawer and the hurt would come flooding back."

"You had to have known I would find out."

"I thought you would a lot sooner than you actually did. It was dumb luck that those other papers showed up at your dad's house when they did. When I finally realized you still didn't know, I was trying to figure out how to tell you, but before I could come up with a plan, you showed up at Kale's bar." I cringed. "No, I deserved it. You were right to call me out. I'm just sorry that I didn't say anything sooner."

"There was a reporter that started to run an article on me and my job, but they called to ask me how it was living away from my husband while working such a demanding job. I called Sidney and she checked the dockets to see what was going on."

Mason laughed softly. "At least it was my cousin who found my fuck up. Technically."

I chuckled. Mason was right, if anyone had to find it, at least it was Sidney.

"Where do we go from here?" I asked.

"I don't know, but I'm exhausted.”

“I haven’t slept since—” I cut off quickly, realizing that I couldn’t say anything about my dream. I could feel the flush rising up my cheeks. Mason gave me a funny look. “This bed is really comfortable. I'll go in the front if you want to nap. I can curl up in the chairs a lot easier than you can."

"Em, don't be silly. We’ve slept in the same bed before. Lay down, I promise I won't touch you."

I stared at him for a moment. It was tempting to lie down and sprawl out on the comfy bed. He smirked as I laid down next to him, curling up on my side, facing away from him. His breathing became steady and I thought he’d fallen asleep. I was surprised when he whispered, "Thank you for telling me about the baby."

I reached back over and took his hand in mine. Remembering how well I fit against him made me long for the times when he could spoon me to sleep. I drifted off to sleep quickly as I laid next to Mason, feeling more comfortable than I had in a long time.

 

***

 

I rolled down my window and stuck my hand out into the wind. Mason was driving up Highway 17, occasionally catching glimpses of the ocean on our way to Tybee Island for a special weekend getaway. It had been months since we’d really had any alone time. Between working at the record company my normal forty-five hours and helping Luke find his record deal, I was exhausted. Mason wasn’t doing much better working sixty hour weeks for his father’s firm.

The sunshine felt amazing on my face. I could hardly wait to be stretched out on the beach. For the next seventy-two hours, it was just us. No phones. No technology. No family or friends. Only one gorgeous bungalow on the ocean, with a huge king size bed.  

“What do you want to do as soon as we get there?” I asked.

Mason tilted his head and shot me a look over his aviators. “You know what I want to do.”

I giggled. “You always want to do that. I meant after that.”

“Let’s just spend time together. I don’t care what we do as long as we get to be together. These past few months have sucked.”

“How did we end up being this busy again?”

Mason shook his head. “I wish I knew. I hate that I only get to see you after you’ve gone to bed. It’s hard to get a response from you when you’re dead to the world.”

I laughed. “No easier than me trying to wake you up in the morning. You were almost late yesterday because you slept through your alarm.”

“I should have been late anyway. It wasn’t fair that you woke me up in just a bra and a thong.”

“I had on a robe.”

“It was see through, Em. You were trying to kill me.”

I grinned. “No, I was trying to get you excited for our trip.”

“I’m excited. Maybe we should just stay in bed all weekend. We don’t need to go to the beach.” He reached over and squeezed my leg. “I’ve missed you, baby.”

I rested my hand over his. “I’ve missed you too, Mase.”

“I do have something special planned for us tonight.”

I raised an eyebrow and looked at him from over my sunglasses.

“Do you now?” He smiled and squeezed my leg again. “Can I guess what this surprise is?”

“Be my guest.”

“Are we…going deep sea fishing?”

“No, remember I got sea sick the last time we did that. I never want to be on another boat out in the open ocean after that experience.”

“Okay. Are we going skinny dipping tonight?”

“We do that every year. That’s not it.”

I tried to think of some of the more creative ideas Mason had had over the years. “Does it have to do with food and sex?”

He chuckled. “Not this time. You can keep guessing, but you won’t get it.”

“I might.”

“God, you’re stubborn.”

“Always.”

He threaded his fingers through mine and brought my hand to his mouth to kiss my knuckles. “I love that about you. Don’t ever change that, Emmy.”

I smiled back and squeezed his hand. “So, tell me what my surprise is.”

 

I woke up with Mason’s arms still around me as I remembered the time he proposed. None of the past few years seemed fair as I thought back to how happy we were. You didn’t just forget the love of your life, and you never stopped grieving the loss of your relationship with them. I’d tried to move on with my life, but it wasn’t easy. There were days I wished I hadn’t taken the job in New York and I had pushed harder to get Mason to tell me why he wanted me to go so badly. If he still loved me as much as I loved him, how could he be so awful to get me to leave?

 

***

 

Jaxon met us at the airport. He wrapped me up in a huge hug and whispered in my ear how thankful he was that I was there. His eyes showed just how tired he was from trying to take care of everyone basically by himself. At least Gage was helping take shifts at the hospital. Their calm demeanors had probably been the only thing keeping the girls sane. Mason shook Jax's hand and we walked towards the waiting car. Jax and Mason had met briefly a few times and despite the fact that Mason knew Violet's ex husband, Aaron, and hung out with him sometimes, the two got along pretty well.

"No one knows you're coming. I told them I was going home to sleep for a little while." He sighed. "If you can, try to get Taylor to sleep. I don't think she's had more than a few hours since the accident happened. Lexi seems okay, but she's really snippy with Taylor, so I've been trying to keep them apart as much as possible. Violet is…lost. I've never seen her like this, even after her father died."

"We're going to the hospital right?" I asked.

"Unless you want to take your bags to the house first?"

"No,” I said quickly. “I need to go see my girls and check on Stephen first, please." Mason had been quiet and I looked over at him. "Are you okay?"

He nodded distractedly. His eyes never met mine though. I worried he was taking this harder than he was letting on. We seemed to be in a good place after our long nap on the plane, but we hadn't said much to each other since we’d woken up.

Jax's eyes met mine in the rearview mirror and I shrugged. Jax didn't know Mason well enough to help me figure out what was wrong, or if we would even be able to help.

When we got to the hospital, Jaxon led the way up to Stephen's room, but stopped at the door and said he was going to go down to the cafeteria before coming inside. He seemed beaten down, like he needed more time before going back into the room. I hesitated for a split second before pushing the door open. I sucked in a sharp breath when I entered the room. Stephen's normally huge body looked small in the hospital bed. There were too many tubes running from his body for me to count and his bruises, especially around his face, stood out in stark contrast against his pale skin. Mason's hand wrapped around my shoulder and I turned in towards him. I tried hard not to cry, but tears still pricked at my eyes and fell down my cheeks. When I looked up at Mason, his eyes were damp too.

Taylor looked over her shoulder and saw us standing there. She did a double take before standing up and walking over to me. Mase dropped his arm and I stepped forward, wrapping Taylor in a soul crushing hug. She clung to me and sobbed harder than I’d ever seen her. My heart broke for her. I couldn't even start to imagine what she was going through. No matter how bad the divorce was, I still knew Mason was alive and safe. Her pain was so palpable, I could feel it slowly suffocating her.

Mason rubbed Taylor's back as she cried on my shoulder. When she finally slowed down, he gave her a sad smile, stepped back, and walked out, leaving us alone in the dark room. I wrapped my arm around her waist and led her to the chair next to the bed. She sat down, exhaustion showing in every move she made.

"What are you doing here?" she asked.

"Why wouldn't I be here? You guys needed me and I love Stephen too."

"Oh, my god. Em?" I heard from behind us. Violet's arms wrapped around me from behind. "You came."

I nodded. "Where's Lexi?"

"Getting coffee.” She paused. “This was all Jaxon.”

I shrugged. "You know your husband well. He knew you guys needed me, but wouldn't admit it. Stephen is my friend too and work can wait. I know that you guys were trying to help me, but I was too worried to stay at home. As soon as Lexi was on the plane I was looking at flights."

Lexi and Mason walked into the room together. Violet shot me a look. Mase handed Taylor a bottle of water and she took it gratefully.

"You got here fast," Lexi said, as she walked to the bed.

"How many people are allowed in here? Are we going to get in trouble for this?" Mason asked, looking around.

Vi chuckled and walked over to hug him. "Stephen's a freaking rock star around here. They let us have as many people as will fit in this tiny room. The nurses love it when Gage and Scott come to visit."

I walked over to the bed and took Stephen's hand in mine, ignoring the conversation behind me. This wasn't right. Stephen was supposed to be teasing me for being so worried about him and telling me to suck it up. He was supposed to be asking me why Mason and I weren't back together yet, because we both knew it was supposed to be that way no matter what happened. I thought back to the last conversation I had with Stephen a few weeks ago where he was telling me exactly that.

 

"That man loves you more than life itself, Emmy. He would do anything for you, including let you go so you can follow your dreams. I don't know why he didn't file the divorce papers, but I bet it has something to do with the fact that he still loves you. You two are supposed to be together. Nothing has ever kept you apart and this shouldn't do it now. Admit it, you still love him."

 

Stephen's words rang over and over in my head. I kneeled down next to the bed and put my forehead against his limp hand. "It's not supposed to be this way, Stephen. Wake up. Please," I whispered.

Mason was behind me, tugging me into his arms as I broke down. I went willingly, sobbing into his chest. Big, fat, ugly sobs that shook my whole body as he held me. His hands ran through my hair and over my back, calming and strong. He had always been my rock and this threw me, because I shouldn’t do this. How was I supposed to move on from what I had with him when we always fell back into the same patterns?

This time was different though. My life was in New York, and his was in Savannah, and neither of us wanted to give up anything for our careers. Suddenly I wasn't just crying for Stephen, I was crying because even though Stephen was right, I didn't see a way for it to work out.

I still loved Mason and it scared the hell out of me.