Two months after filing, I was finally starting to feel like myself again. Mason hadn’t disrupted my life since my visit and things were settling down. Even though I was happy with the new life I’d made for myself, it was hard for me to accept that the past ten years of my life had been wasted on a man that couldn't even bother to give me a direct answer of why our marriage was over. I wanted to push and get answers, but the idea was terrifying. The man was a lawyer alright, he talked circles around an explanation over and over again.
Or maybe that was just an excuse because I was scared of losing the only man I had ever loved. When I’d thought I was already divorced, things had been so much easier. Now there was so much emotional unbalance. The only place I felt like myself was at work because I wouldn’t bring the drama there. At least being CEO gave me things I craved that I wasn’t getting at home. When I was working, I was in control. I was strong. No one messed with me. It was just in my personal life that I was a complete and utter mess.
I wanted things to progress with Adam because it felt like we had been on hold for so long, but I wasn't sure how to push forward. He seemed to be taking his cues from me, and I wasn't sure how to let him know that I was ready to see where things could go. My worse fear was that this would end up being a rebound relationship and that I would hurt him. It didn't feel like that, but things had been so confusing from the start that it was entirely possible I wouldn't be able to fully open up to Adam the way I wanted and needed to.
Sex hadn't been on my mind much before my last night with Mason a few months ago, but now it was like I was obsessed. Everywhere I looked, someone was getting laid. Everyone except me. I had a battery operated friend that was getting a workout every night though. Poor Adam was just as sweet as ever, but I sure as hell wasn’t putting out, not with this state of mind. The idea of having sex with Adam made me nervous. Twitchy. I’d never slept with anyone other than Mason. And up until the divorce, I never planned on it, but now things were different.
Adam and I would get there eventually, but something about confronting Mason had thrown things off kilter in my new world. Adam had waited this long, surely he could last another few more months without getting laid. I shook my head. Shouldn't I want to have sex with my boyfriend? If I could even call him that. Was Adam my boyfriend? He was a great guy and someone I dated regularly, but that seemed like such a juvenile way to describe him. Then there was the tricky line we were riding between doctor, friend, and boyfriend. God, my head was so messed up. It throbbed when I started considering all the variations of my relationship.
One of my best friends, and the reason I even had my amazing job, was flying through the city for a few days. It had been forever since I’d been able to catch up with Luke and I couldn’t wait to see him. Maybe he could help me figure out all my drama. He’d probably have some interesting theories about why Mason never filed for the divorce too. There was no love lost between those two. They had never gotten along well even though we’d all grown up together. Mason was jealous that I was friends with a guy. It didn’t matter that Luke was as gay as the day was long, Mase just hated that he was part of my inner circle. Plus over the years, he’d helped me out with my career as much as I’d helped him, something Mason hadn’t been able to do. Sometimes being a record executive and having a best friend that was a very talented star had its perks.
I sat down at the table across from Luke and laughed as I took in his makeshift disguise. He’d grown out a beard since I’d seen him last, probably in hopes that he could leave his apartment at some point. It didn’t look bad, but paired with the oversized aviators and hat pulled down low over his face, he looked obvious.
“Who do you think you’re hiding from?” I teased.
He sighed. “Things are even more insane now that James and I officially announced we’re dating. I just need one day of freedom, even looking like this.”
I gave him a sympathetic look. I knew the perils of being chased by a reporter wanting a story. Hence the whole, not divorced debacle. “I’m sorry hon. How’s James taking it?”
“Actually, really well. I’m just thankful he hasn’t run for the hills yet. We both know this life is a little hard to take for someone not used to it.”
“Speaking of that, I have news.” I filled him in on the catastrophe that was my personal life and he laughed when I told him that Mason hadn't filed the divorce papers. Straight up, threw his head back and laughed like a fool.
“Emmy, that’s typical Mason. Why are you even surprised?”
“It’s typical Mason that he didn’t file for the divorce?” I asked in disbelief. What the hell? Luke had obviously lost his mind.
“Think about it, Mason is used to getting what he wants. He wanted you to stay in Savannah and play the good little housewife, so why would he file? You come back, because admit it, you always do, and he convinces you to stay this time.”
“You aren’t entirely wrong,” I said slowly. “I wouldn’t stay, but he had to have expected I would come home at some point and demand the divorce.”
Luke raised his eyebrow. “That’s it, you don’t think he expected you to stay?”
“I don’t know what to think, Luke. All I know is that I’m not divorced yet, and I haven’t been for the past year. And that’s a freaking problem.”
He reached across the table and patted my hand. “It’ll work itself out, hon. Believe me, when things are right you’ll know. If you and Mason are supposed to work it out, you will. And if you and that delicious doctor are supposed to work, it will, but you can’t force it and you can’t fight it.”
I was quiet for a few minutes and he told me all about the past few stops on his tour and his new boyfriend, who I adored already. When he asked me how the sex was with Adam, I blushed crimson, smacked his shoulder, and change the subject quickly. At the very least, lunch had made me relax a little and laugh at my drama. Luke had always been good at helping me see the hilarity of any situation. It was one of the best things about our friendship. My life may be screwed up as hell, but at least it was entertaining to all of my friends.
***
“Can’t you pick out something with color once in a while?”
Lexi wrinkled her nose. “Why?”
“So you don’t look like you’re going to a damn funeral all the time. Lexi, seriously, you’re depressing as hell to be around sometimes.”
She pulled the hanger from my hand. “You aren’t much better, pot. This isn’t anything like your normal style.”
“Answer me this, why is it that you dress like the undertaker and have bright red, almost fuchsia hair?”
“I like a limited amount of color in my day.”
I sighed. “I can’t be a President of a major record label and wear florals all the time. I’m not the president of a sorority anymore, Lexi.”
She groaned. “Why was college so much easier?”
“Because all we cared about was having fun and making sure we didn’t flunk out. Life was so much easier back then. No crazy ex-husbands, or jobs that were high stress, high demand. Things were simple.”
Lexi laughed. “We should have realized how great things were. I feel like I took that for granted. Honestly I don’t think I realized exactly what I’d done going to medical school until the night of my first forty-eight hour rotation.”
“Maybe we should bring back margarita Wednesday,” I mused.
“Let’s do it. You buy that dress,” she pointed to a pink number that I secretly loved. “And I’ll make sure that I wear color at least one time this week. Plus, I’ll make sure that someone takes my call for that night so we can get buzzed on margaritas and eat bad Mexican food.”
“It’s a plan.” I grinned. “But seriously, put down the hanger in your hand. It’s the same shirt you bought last week.”
She looked down at the shirt. “Holy fuck, it is.”
We needed an intervention. Neither of us were actually living life, we were both just existing. There was no fun or excitement. Hell, sitting on the couch and watching reruns on Lifetime and eating ice cream from the carton was my entire Saturday night lately.
“This ends now. We aren’t even in our thirties yet. Damn it Lexi, we need to get out there and have some fun. First margarita Wednesdays, next we’ll be back to having fun like normal twenty somethings.”
She laughed. “Easy for you to say, you don’t have an entire line up of patients about to go into labor at any time. I will promise you this though, I will make an effort to get out there and meet more people.”
“Deal. Now get the purple one, it’ll look good with your hair.”