Royal

My cocoon of sleepiness is disturbed by an incessant vibrating sound coming from Zade’s side of the bed.

I sit up and realize it’s Zade’s phone ringing. I put my hand on his ridiculously muscular shoulder and shake him.

“Zade, your phone.”

He grumbles in his sleep and turns his head the other way.

“Zade, your phone is ringing,” I say again, shaking him harder this time. When he still doesn’t respond I reach across him and grab the phone just as it starts to vibrate again. Thane’s name flashes across the screen and my stomach plummets. Why would Thane be calling Zade in the middle of the night?

“It’s Thane,” I tell him, shoving more than shaking him this time as I start to worry that something might be wrong with Madden. Don’t ask me where that thought comes from, but once it’s there my hands start to shake. “I’m answering it.”

Zade mumbles something that sounds affirmative so I click the green icon to answer the call.

“Hello?”

“Zade?” Thane sounds exhausted and confused.

“No, it’s Royal. Zade sleeps like a fucking rock. Do you need something?”

The sound of a shaky breath comes through the phone and then Thane clears his throat.

“Um...Madden…” his voice breaks and my heart thunders in my chest.

“What about Madden? Is he okay?” I demand, jumping out of bed and frantically looking around for clothes to put on. Anything will do, I just need to get to Madden.

“The doctor said he’ll be okay. He’s in the hospital, but he’s going to be fine.”

“What happened?” I ask as I finally manage to find a pair of pants to pull on.

“I don’t think it’s my place to tell you. I want to let Madden decide. I just...sorry, I shouldn’t have called in the middle of the night like this.” Everything about Thane sounds broken.

“I’m going to come down there, okay? Hang tight and we’ll be there in twenty minutes.”

“No. No, you should go back to sleep. I promise he’s okay, and it’ll be better to let him rest tonight and then tomorrow I’ll give you a call when he’s ready for visitors.”

“But what about you? You need your best friend there for you,” I argue as Zade starts to blink awake and regard me with confusion. “Zade’s waking up, I’ll send him over there for you.”

There’s a long pause on the other end of the phone before Thane agrees.

“He’ll be there soon. Tell Madden I’m thinking of him,” I request.

“I will.”

I hang up and hand Zade’s phone to him.

“You need to go to the hospital.”

“What? Was that Thane? Is he okay?” Zade asks in a panicked rush.

“He’s okay, it’s Madden…” my throat tightens, making it impossible for me to finish my sentence. Not that I knew how to end it, anyway.

I don’t even know what happened to him. Although, I could guess. Madden is a recovering drug addict and he hasn’t exactly been having an easy time of things lately. That’s the only thing I can think of that Thane would want to leave up to Madden to disclose. He relapsed and overdosed. There’s no doubt in my mind that’s what happened. The only question is whether the overdose was intentional. 

“You should go, Thane sounded rough. He needs you.”

Zade wraps his arms around me, only then do I realize I’m trembling.

“What about you? I can’t leave you here like this,” Zade argues.

“I’ll be okay, I have Nash. Thane is all alone right now.”

Zade releases me reluctantly and pulls his clothes on.

“I’ll call you in a few hours with an update, okay?”

I nod and press my lips to Zade’s, desperate for connection and comfort. One of my best friends almost died tonight.

Once Zade is gone I feel cold and lonely, so I do the only thing I can think of.

 

Nash

When the bed shifts and Royal pulls back the blanket and climbs in beside me, my sleepy brain thinks for a moment that he’s here for sex. Which would be crazy, since as far as he knows I’m straight. It’s not until he buries his face against my chest and begins to cry that my brain overrides my dick.

“What’s wrong? What happened?”

“Madden’s in the hospital. Thane wouldn’t say, but I think he might have overdosed.” Royal clutches my shirt as his body is wracked with sobs.

I don’t bother to say anything else, just wrap my arms around him and do my best to soothe him by stroking his back and murmuring calming sounds into his ear. Eventually he tires himself out and his breathing becomes deep and even as he drifts off to sleep in my arms.

I risk brushing the lightest of kisses to his forehead. He murmurs and nuzzles closer to me. Even this brief contact has every cell in my body turning to liquid. How did I go this long without realizing how much Royal means to me? And what does my attraction to Zade mean, if anything?

 

Zade

My body is cold as ice as I step through the sliding doors, into the waiting room of the hospital.

“Excuse me, I’m looking for Madden Brody,” I tell the receptionist. She clicks around on the computer for a minute and then picks up a phone and apparently calls down to Madden’s room to check that I’m allowed to visit. When she hangs up she tells me his room number and gives me directions.

When I step into his room, Madden seems to be fast asleep with Thane in the chair beside the bed looking every bit as haunted as Royal had implied.

“Hey,” I crouch down beside Thane and whisper my greeting so as not to wake Madden. I force my voice not to shake. “Do you want to stretch your legs? We can grab some coffee or something?”

Thane continues to stare at his sleeping boyfriend for a few seconds before he nods and stands from the chair without a word.

It’s not until we’re in the hallway that Thane turns to me and buries his face in my neck, wrapping his arms around me to seek comfort. 

“It’s okay,” I soothe my hand up and down his back, hugging him tightly. “Everything will be okay.”

“I failed him. I promised I’d protect him and I failed him.”

“What happened?”

“He tried to kill himself,” Thane whispers, and my blood runs cold.

My first thought when Royal said Madden was in the hospital was that he’d tried to take his own life. I didn’t want to be right. The whole way over here I did everything I could to convince myself that something else had happened.

“Please don’t tell anyone until Madden can decide what he wants them to know. I shouldn’t have even told you, I just…”

“Shh, it’s okay. I won’t say anything,” I assure him as he finally gets himself together enough to pull out of my arms.

“You tried to warn me and I didn’t listen. I won’t let him down again,” Thane vows.

“He’s lucky to have you.”

“I don’t know about that. I should’ve forced him to get help sooner. The signs were all there, but I ignored them. I told myself that he was healing at his own pace and I shouldn’t push him. I practically handed him those pills.”

“It’s not your fault and it’s not too late to help him.” I put a hand on his shoulder and wait for Thane to look up at me. “You can help him now.”

 

 

Royal

When I open my eyes to find myself in Nash’s bedroom, my sleepy brain can’t seem to put the pieces together. More confusing is the feeling of Nash’s arms around me, his epic morning wood pressed against my lower back. Did I say confusing? I meant arousing.

Slow breaths tickle the back of my neck, Nash’s familiar scent surrounding me. The only thing that could make this moment any better would be Zade on my other side.

As if summoned by magic, the door to Nash’s bedroom creaks open and Zade peeks his head inside.

If Zade is jealous or weirded out to find me in Nash’s bed he doesn’t show it. In fact, the heated look that flashes through his eyes as he takes in the sight of the two of us in bed together makes me think he might be as into the idea as I am.

“Sorry, didn’t want to wake you,” Zade whispers.

“I was just waking up,” I assure him, before glancing behind myself at Nash who’s still sound asleep. A pang of loss hits me in the chest before I even climb out of his bed.

Nash grumbles in his sleep as I slip out of his grasp, but he doesn’t stir.

Once we’re out of Nash’s room Zade pulls me into a tight hug that seems to be meant to comfort himself as much as me.

“How’s Thane?”

“Pretty rough, but he’ll be okay.”

“And Madden?” I force myself to ask, voice trembling.

“He’ll be okay,” Zade assures me.

“Did he overdose?”

“It’s not my place to say, I think Madden would appreciate being able to decide what he wants everyone to know in his own time.”

I sigh with resignation before offering to make Zade something for breakfast while he goes to nap for a little while in my bed.

It’s not until Adam shows up a few hours later with Gage and Dani in tow that I finally get some answers.

“Mind if we all sit down? I talked to Madden and he asked me to fill you all in so he won’t have to keep rehashing it over and over again,” Adam explains as I lead everyone to the living room.

“So, what happened?” I ask as soon as everyone is situated.

“He took the Oxy the doctor sent him home with after the shooting,” Adam says, confirming my suspicions.

“How many?”

“All of them.”

“All of them? He took thirty fucking pills in one sitting?” I shout, my body shaking with the realization that one of my best friend’s really and truly almost died.

“Yeah. He says he didn’t really want to kill himself, he was distraught and not thinking clearly. As soon as he took them he called an ambulance. They got there fast enough that there isn’t any permanent damage. They’ve place him on psyche hold for the next few days, but otherwise he’s fine.”

I reach for Zade’s hand for comfort. He gives my fingers a reassuring squeeze and no one says a word as we all sit there reflecting on what happened.

Adam, Gage, and Dani only stay for another few minutes and once they’re gone Nash disappears into his bedroom.

I’ve never seen Zade so subdued as he suggests we lay down on the couch and watch a movie. At no point during the night does he make any sexual innuendos or attempt to grope me.

“You’ve been quiet all night, you okay?” I ask, running my hand up and down Zade’s back as we cuddle on the couch.

“Not so much,” he admits.

“Tell me what’s wrong.”

“I should’ve done more,” Zade whispers, voice thick with emotion. “I couldn’t help Julie, but I could’ve done more for Madden.”

“I don’t understand what you’re talking about.”

Zade buries his face against my neck and tells me about the Julie from his tattoo.

“I first met Julie seven years ago, when we were both just grunts. She was one of the most hardcore, badass people I've ever met in my life. No challenge was too big for her. And the fact that she felt like she had twice as much to prove being a woman, she never settled for second place.

We were stationed separately for several years and lost touch. The next time I saw her she wasn't the person I remembered. She was jittery, and gaunt. She couldn't sleep but wouldn't get out of bed. Nightmares haunted her, even when she was awake.

It took weeks before she gave in to my questions and told me what had happened. She'd been gang raped by her three men in her squad. When she reported the incident to her commanding officer he pressured her to recant her story. Told her she'd be doing a huge disservice to the fight for equality for women in the armed forces. He pushed her to say she'd wanted it, asked for it, enjoyed it. And when she agreed he sent her away so she couldn't cause more trouble.

She wasn't mentally fit for service-or much at all- when she got to me. Eventually she was dishonorably discharged. A week later I got word that she'd overdosed on sleeping pills.”

“I’m sorry you lost your friend that way.” I soothe my hand over his back.

“I was worried about Madden. The signs were there and I told Thane he needed to keep an eye on him, push him to get help. But, Thane didn’t believe me. I should’ve pushed harder, talked to Madden myself about getting help. He could’ve died and it would’ve been my fault.”

“It wouldn’t have been your fault,” I assure him, kissing his forehead and holding him tight. “Is that why you left the Marines?”

“It was the main factor. I didn’t feel like I could trust the system anymore. If they would let that happen to an amazing Marine like Julie, and not care enough to help her get justice, how can I respect the organization? My heart wasn’t in it anymore.”

“What is your heart in?”

“Not sure yet. I’ll figure it out,” he assures me.

“I know you will.”

I give him a little love bite on the chin, which earns me a titty twister in return, and we scuffle on the couch until we’re both laughing, some of the pain of the day finally eased.