Royal

My body is vibrating with nerves when I get to Heathens Ink. What if I fucked up last night and now Nash doesn’t want to talk to me about this again? What if Nash isn’t as cool with the situation as Zade is, and wants me to choose. How could I? Now that Zade has dangled the idea of having both of them in front of me, it feels like a necessity. I don’t want to settle for having only half of my heart. I realized during my long night of reflection that’s exactly what Zade and Nash are, two halves of my heart.

 “Looking for Nash?” Dani asks with a knowing smile. “He’s working on Adam.”

When I reach Nash’s workspace I take a deep breath and then step inside.

“If you keep avoiding me, Adam won’t have an inch of skin left to tattoo,” I joke.

“I’m not avoiding you, I had an appointment with Adam,” Nash argues.

Adam makes a sound of disapproval in the back of his throat.

“I don’t know what’s going on between the two of you, but don’t drag me into the bullshit. I’m an innocent bystander who’s getting a tattoo.”

“Can we please talk, man?” I press.

Nash’s shoulders tense and he doesn’t look up from his work.

“Talk,” he grunts.

“Really? In front of Adam?” I challenge.

“Yeah, say whatever you’re going to say.”

Adam looks uncomfortable but doesn’t argue.

“I’m sorry about last night,” I say, and Nash tenses again. “I’m not sorry for kissing you, I’m sorry I pussied out and ran away,” I clarify.

Adam makes a choking noise but doesn’t say anything. Lucky him, he’s got a front row seat to the soap opera today.

“Fine, I forgive you. I shouldn’t have said that shit to you anyway. You have a boyfriend, it was out of line to tell you I have feelings for you.”

“I’m glad you told me.” I glance at Adam, bracing myself for the next words I’m about to say. “I’ve been in love with you since we were sixteen.”

The buzzing of the tattoo machine stops and I hear two gasps, but I can’t bear to check Nash’s expression. Was that a happy gasp or merely surprised?

Then Nash is standing and striding toward me. In my peripheral vision I see a gleeful smile on Adam’s face, but I can only watch Nash as he stalks toward me. In an instant Nash has me boxed in against the wall, not touching me but overwhelming my senses all the same.

“Are you serious?” he asks, his hopeful yet vulnerable tone a departure from his fierce body language.

“As a heart attack.”

Then his mouth is on mine, hot and demanding. He thrusts his tongue into my mouth and I meet it with enthusiasm. I press my body to his and rub against him like a cat in heat. I can’t stop myself, I have no need for dignity where Nash is concerned.

By the time he pulls away we’re both panting and disheveled, and Adam is conspicuously absent.

I glance toward the door and find that Adam was kind enough to close it behind him. I push on Nash’s chest to get him to take a step back and then I sink to my knees.

“Jesus,” he rasps, his lips parting and eyes half lidded.

“Is this okay?” I ask, palming the hard bulge in the front of his jeans.

“Uh-huh.”

It’s not the first time I’ve seen that expression on his face, but it’s the first time it’s directed at me. How long have I fantasized about this? Not that this will be the first time I’ve sucked him off. But it’ll be the first time I know that he’s getting off on me.

I lean forward and trail my teasing tongue along the zipper of his jeans. His hips buck and he groans in frustration.

“Might want to keep it down, unless you want everyone to know what I’m doing to you,” I warn as I open his pants, exposing his red boxer briefs with a growing wet spot where the head of his cock is pressing against the fabric.

“I don’t give a shit who knows,” Nash growls, his hands fist in my hair, not pulling or forcing but anchoring. I wish he was pulling, forcing his dick down my throat.

I tug his briefs down just enough to expose his erection. My mouth waters as his gorgeous cock bounces free in my face.

I trace my tongue along the thick vein running the length of his shaft and he shudders. God I love sucking cock.

I wrap my lips around the head of his dick and then grab his hips to pull him forward, encouraging him to thrust into my mouth. He takes the hint quickly, grabbing my hair in a tight fist and fucking my mouth like his life depends on it. I could almost cry from how fucking incredible this moment is. My own throbbing erection is a distant thought to the pants and moans of ecstasy coming from Nash as he leaks salty pre-come onto my tongue.

“Fuck, I’m so close,” he warns, his rhythm faltering momentarily.

My fingers dig into the taut globes of his ass and I suck him harder, faster until his knees buckle and he shoots his load down the back of my throat.

When he’s done I pull his pants and underwear back into place before standing up.

“How was that? Weird without a girl involved?” I ask nervously.

“Not weird, amazing,” Nash says, still catching his breath.

“I need to talk to you about something,” I force myself to say. It would be easy to stay in this happy, sexy bubble with Nash but I need to address the Zade situation.

Nash steps back and drops down onto his work stool, looking at me expectantly.

“Okay, here’s the situation. I don’t think I can choose between you and Zade.”

Nash’s face remains impassive so I press on.

“I told Zade that I kissed you last night. And, he told me that he’s fine with me not choosing. If that's okay with you, too.”

“So you'd date both of us?” Nash clarifies.

“Basically, yes.”

Nash is quiet for several of the longest seconds of my life before he answers.

“I can live with that. Zade makes you happy, why would I want to take that away from you?”

Best. Day. Ever.

“We need to have open communication on this okay? I'm serious when I say I can’t lose either of you.”

“Deal.”

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Of course.”

“Are you attracted to other guys too, or just me?”

“ Other guys too,” Nash admits. “I think I always was, I just didn't realize it before.”

“I'm glad you realized it now.” I take Nash's hand and link our fingers. He looks surprised at first, then relaxes into a smile.

“Me too.”

 

 

Nash

By the time Royal leaves with a promise to see me at home later it takes me twenty minutes to get my hands to stop shaking so I can finish Adam’s tattoo.

“So, that was pretty crazy,” Adam notes with humor in his voice.

“You’re telling me. I had no idea he felt that way about me.”

Adam snorts a laugh.

“That wasn’t the crazy part. We’ve all known he was in love with you forever. It’s crazy that none of us realized you liked guys, for one, and that you were into Royal, for two. Why’d you wait until he started getting serious with Zade to tell him?”

“I didn’t know I was into guys, or Royal, until a few weeks ago. What do you mean everyone knew he was in love with me?”

Adam rolls his eyes.

“Dude, he was so obvious about it. Open your eyes. So, is he dumping Zade?”

Heat flares in my gut at the question. Royal’s request to not choose between Zade and I had caught me off guard. I’m not sure how it’s going to work, or even what Royal has in mind as far as dynamics, but the idea of it feels right.

“No,” I answer Adam.

“No? He’s going to date both of you?” Adam asks skeptically.

“Yeah. He said Zade is cool with it, and I’m cool with it. I don’t see any reason for him to have to choose.” I shrug.

“I don’t think I could do it. I’d be way too jealous,” Adam muses.

I consider his point, searching every crevice of my psyche for jealousy, going as far as conjuring an image of Zade fucking Royal. A heady shot of lust through my body? Yes. Jealousy? Not so much.

I shrug again, avoiding Adam’s gaze.

“I think it’s kind of hot,” I admit. “If you’d have suggested the idea to me before Zade was in the picture, I probably wouldn’t have been into it as an abstract either. But, the thought of Royal kicking Zade to the curb feels...wrong.”

Adam chuckles.

“Whatever floats your boat, man.”

Once I’m finished with Adam’s tat I jump on my laptop and start trying to plan a date. The first question I run into is how’s a date with your best friend supposed to be different than just hanging out? It’s not like I need to get to know him. We know everything there is to know about each other.

That’s when the full weight of the situation hits me. How the fuck do you date your best friend? There is no ‘testing the waters’ period. It’s just a relationship. What if I fuck it up? Will I lose Royal as a friend, too? What if he decides he doesn’t want to date two men after all and chooses Zade instead? I wouldn’t blame him, Zade is the total package.

Normally when I’m freaking out like this about something Royal is the person I would turn to for help. I can’t though, can I? No, I wouldn’t want him to think I’m having second thoughts, because I’m absolutely not. I want Royal, and I want whatever this is. I just feel like I’ve been thrown in the deep end without learning how to swim.

Then, a crazy notion occurs to me. Maybe there is someone I can talk to about the situation.

I clean up my work area and say goodbye to Adam, Gage, and Dani.

When I pull up in front of the unfamiliar apartment building I’m even more convinced that this is insane. What if Zade isn’t as cool with this whole thing as Royal led me to believe? Although, maybe that would be better to know now rather than later. Or, what if he’s cool with it but in more of a ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ kind of way, and won’t want me bringing it up to him?

I take a deep breath and force myself to get out of the car. There’s only one way to find out.

I hit the buzzer with Zade’s name on it, hoping he’s home.

“Yeah?” Zade’s deep voice crackles through the speaker.

“It’s Nash.”

“Oh hey, come on up.” a moment later the door beeps and unlocks.

I climb the stairs and find Zade waiting in the doorway of the first apartment on the landing.

“This is a surprise,” Zade admits.

“Sorry...I….um,” I stutter, trying to find the right words.

“You wanted to talk about Royal?” Zade guesses.

I nod and Zade steps back to welcome me into his place.

“Want something to drink?”

“No, thanks.”

Zade leads me to his living room. It’s small but neat. There isn’t much to the apartment- no art, or plants, or throw blankets. You can tell he doesn’t spend much time here. He sits down on the couch and I follow suit.

“Did Royal get a chance to talk with you this morning?” Zade asks.

“Yeah. He found me at Heathens and we talked,” I confirm.

“Everything is smoothed over I hope? He was worried when you were gone this morning that he fucked up last night. You mean a lot to him, Nash. It would kill Royal to lose you.”

“He feels the same way about you,” I assure him.

Zade smiles.

“I know. Is that why you’re here? You’re worried that I’m going to be jealous of you with Royal?”

“That’s part of the reason.”

“You don’t have to worry. I’m not jealous.”

“Why not?” I ask skeptically. My whole life I’ve been told by society that a healthy amount of jealousy is proof of love. Not so much jealousy that you become insecure or abusive, but enough that you’d break the hand of anyone who dared to touch your person.

“Are you jealous of me with Royal?” Zade asks. It doesn’t sound like a trick question, but like he truly wants to know if I feel uncomfortable of the thought of them together.

“Maybe at first I was. The more I think about it, though, I realize that I like the thought of the two of you together. I just don’t want to be on the outside looking in.”

Zade nods and scoots a little closer to me, causing my skin to prickle with awareness.

“You like that I care about Royal, and look after him, and give him pleasure.”

I nod, breathless at his deep, rich tone.

“So, we’re in agreement, we both want Royal to be happy, and safe, and enjoying as much pleasure as humanly possible,” Zade concludes with a chuckle.

“Yeah,” I agree.

“I don’t know where your head is at with all this, but I’m going to tell you where I’m coming from. Okay?” He says and I nod, holding my breath to see where this is going. “Since I was about eighteen I knew that I was polyamorous. Actually, I knew before that, but I didn’t have a word for it then. When I met Royal I knew pretty quick that I liked him a lot. He’s a great guy. Sexy, funny, sweet, fantastic in bed. I think I could be falling in love with him.”

His words tighten my chest. Part of me wants to be jealous at the idea of Zade with Royal. But, his love and adoration of Royal only makes me like Zade more.

“My ideal scenario is a three-way committed relationship. I don’t know you well yet, but what I do know, I like. And the fact that Royal is completely in love with you tells me just about everything I need to know. I feel like this could be the real deal, and what I want to know is if this is something you’re serious about pursuing or is this just fucking around for you?”

“I’m in love with Royal. And, the way Royal feels about you is quite the endorsement. This is all uncharted territory for me, can we just see where things lead?”

Zade’s smile widens. He looks like he’s just been handed a winning lottery ticket.

“I’m good with that,” Zade agrees, resting his hand on mine. “Now, what else brought you by?”

“I guess I just needed someone to talk to. I don’t want to screw things up with Royal. I don’t know the first thing about dating a man.”

“I’m honored you came to me,” Zade says with a grin. “First off, you pretty much can’t screw things up with Royal. As long as you communicate and make sure he knows how you feel, you’ll be golden. Second, I’ve never dated a woman, so I can’t say I’m an authority but I don’t think it’s any different. Take him somewhere you know he’ll enjoy, show him a good time, make him feel special, and then suck his dick. Simple.”

My body heats when he says ‘suck his dick’. Obviously I’ve never done that before, but god it sounds hot.

“What if I’m no good at it?” I ask in a shaky voice.

“At dating?”

“No, at...um...the last thing.”

Zade’s gaze darkens and he reaches over to brush a stray strand of hair out of my face.

“Don’t stress about it,” Zade advises. “You care about Royal, you’ll figure it out.”

The urge to lean forward and brush my lips to his is almost overwhelming. But, Royal and I haven’t talked about boundaries or how any of this is supposed to work, so I resist.

“Thank you. I think I’d better get going.”

“Okay. I’m glad you stopped by, I hope you and Royal have fun.”