“This is beautiful, Luka,” I whisper, looking around in awe. When he showed up at my mom’s this morning, I wasn’t sure what to expect. He even asked to let my mom babysit. She’s still not what one could say her “old self” around him, but she’s making an effort to be nicer… or at least civil. Maybe she feels since we’re getting divorced that she won. Maybe she is starting to see that Luka is nothing like his father.

After we left River, we drove for an hour with very little talking between us. He begged me to spend the day with him, and because I’m weak where Luka is concerned, I agreed. Now we’re standing in front of a beach along the Texas coastline. Luka comes up behind me and wraps his arms around me, bending so that he can burrow his lips against my neck and kiss me. I close my eyes and drink it in.

I thought our marriage was over…

“It’s nowhere near as beautiful as you are,” he murmurs against my neck.

“Luka… what’s going on? What is this all about? We’re supposed to be getting divorced next week. I’ve moved out…”

“I don’t want a divorce, Lo’. I don’t want any of that. I want my family back. There’s still reason to fight for our marriage—to fight for us.”

“River will be—”

“I’m not talking about River, Petal. I love our son, I do. But I love his mother. This is about you and me. There’s still something between us. That same thing that pulled us together to begin with. We’re magic together, Petal. You don’t just turn your back on that,” he says urgently, and he turns me around to face him.

I see so much in his face. A face I love with all my heart. I want to believe him, but I can’t be the naïve child I was coming into this marriage—not anymore. I have River and his welfare to think of. I have to protect my son.

“We are. But we are surrounded by so much toxic—”

“They don’t matter, Lo’. This is about you, me, and River. We’re the ones who matter.”

“The world doesn’t work that way, Luka. If I agree to this—and you know I want to, you even know I love you—what else changes?”

“What do you mean?”

“Are you willing to move? To start over somewhere else, away from Mason and—”

“My parents? That’s what this is about, isn’t it, Petal? You hate my parents.”

“They hate me, Luka. This can’t work as long as your father continues to direct his hate at me.”

“What about the hate your mother turns my way? I put up with it, Petal. For you, I put up with it. Why can’t you?”

“My mother can’t hold a candle to your family, Luka. Besides, she’s really trying. She has been since River was born.”

“Trust me, Petal. She might have calmed down, but she’s not going out of her way to make me feel part of the family.”

“I think you’re wrong, but if we move…”

“What about my job here? My career? I’m not going to get that anywhere else, Petal. You expect me to turn my back on that?”

“You don’t know if you will or not if you don’t try. It could happen…”

“Same old Petal. You’re seeing all of this from what you want and need. You’re not taking anything else into consideration.”

“If you believe that, then you don’t really know me at all,” I say, my heart feeling broken. Why can’t he understand that moving is not what I want either? I love my brothers and sisters. I love my mom. Moving isn’t an easy solution for me, but I’d be willing to do it… for Luka.

“We can make this work, Petal. I know we can. We can make it work in Mason.”

“Move with me, Luka.”

“Petal…” he starts, but I see the answer in his face. I see it, and it’s a white flag waving in front of my face. It’s time to give in. Time to walk away.

It’s over…

* * *

Present:

“Spill,” Luka tells me.

We talked to River about his homework. It was really our fault. We had been sitting down with him and going through his assignments in class. With my trip and Luka working more hours after one of his deputies quit… things just got away from us. We have to work harder to keep that from happening. River has to be our number one priority.

We worked together to get River to sleep, and I’ve somehow managed to dodge Luka’s looks or whispered questions up until this point. I look at the clock on the wall. It’s 9:30 at night. I know we’ve been sleeping and spending every moment we can together, but I don’t want to take it for granted that he’s okay with me staying late—or all night. I used to worry about getting found out myself, but the closer I get with Luka, the less I care. I faced his father today and survived. It may have just been a year, but it’s a year in my life that I’ve grown wiser and stronger being on my own. I won’t let him—or my mother—intimidate me anymore. Mom may have good reason for her hate toward the Parish family, but Luka is not his father. He’s not even close. Somehow, I have to make her understand that.

“It’s getting late, Luka…” I start, trying to warn him, but I don’t get the chance to elaborate before Luka walks over, pulls me close into his arms, and looks down at me sternly.

“Tell me what happened, Petal.”

I sigh, realizing I’m not going to get out of this.

“It’s nothing, Luka. The same old crap your father always pulls on me. ‘Stay away from my son, you ruined his life.’ Same old story, different day.” I shrug it off.

I’ve purposely kept Luka in the dark about what I suspected—and confirmed—about his father and my mother. I’d like to say it’s because I don’t want to hurt Luka by telling him how truly awful his father is. That’s not it, however. It has more to do with the fact that I’m afraid to know how he would react. Would he believe me? Would this ruin all chances we have of making this thing between us last? Would Luka say something about my mother that I could never forgive? I have so many questions and fears when it comes to it all, it has just been easier to remain silent. That’s going to have to change if Luka and I are going to try and make this last long term. I know it, but it doesn’t mean I’m not dreading it. Nor does it mean that I’m ready to face it all right now. I’m not. I need a little more of the happy we have right now between us. I want more time with Luka just in case it doesn’t last.

“Where did you see him?” Luka asks, and the anger on his face is visible. So much for having a nice relaxing night and trying to make him feel better. It’s things like this that always made me feel defeated.

“He was at River’s school,” I tell him, flopping down on the couch in disgust. Talking about Luka’s father is draining.

“What on Earth for?”

“Someone called him to tell him that River was called into the principal’s office.”

“Why would they do that? My father barely sees River. Besides, what happens with our son should not involve anyone else but us.”

“I said something similar,” I mutter as Luka sits down beside me.

“What did he tell you?”

“He reminded me of who he is, his power and his connections. Do we really have to talk about this right now? Wouldn’t you rather see me naked or something?”

“We can talk about it while you’re naked—but we are still going to talk.”

“You’re killing the mood,” I grumble. “There’s nothing to discuss. Your father is an asshole. He always has been, and I’m pretty sure he always will be.”

“It must have been pretty bad for River to see you slap him,” Luka answers, his voice full of concern.

“I’m sorry about that, Luka,” I answer regretfully. That sick feeling in my stomach I used to get in the past lodges in my throat—making me second-guess everything.

“Petal—”

“I know you hate when your father and I… Crap! Luka, I swear, I didn’t mean for River to see anything. I sent him to the vending machines for a snack until I could get away…”

“Whoa, slow down. I wasn’t blaming you, honey. I want us to talk about what happened, that’s all.”

“That’s different,” I whisper.

“Different?”

“Talking about things. Before, it was always a fight, and it was me you usually were disappointed in.”

“We got started off all wrong, Lo’. If I could go back and change things, I would,” Luka insists, his voice oozing with regret.

“That’s my fault. I should have never lied to you,” I confess. Out of everything, that’s the one thing I feel guilty about—the one thing that I always wish I could go back and change.

“You shouldn’t have, but I helped make it easier by keeping our relationship a secret.”

“I asked you to do that, too. I didn’t think I was, Luka, but the older I get, the more I see how stupid I was at sixteen. Heck, I didn’t get much smarter at seventeen.”

“If you were stupid, then so was I, Lo’. I should have agreed to move. I could have stopped the divorce. I stubbornly wanted to be enough…”

“You were. It’s just…”

“Why do I feel like there are things you’re not telling me, Lo’?”

I swallow down words that want to bubble out. I swallow down the guilt of keeping my secrets.

Still, what if I tell Luka what I suspect about his father? What if I tell him exactly what the man has been saying to me? Luka never believed me in the past, and I truly did try to tell him. What if this new Luka, the one I’m starting to love even more than the old one, still refuses to believe me when it comes to his dad’s hate toward me and my family?

Will it kill all of the hope I have inside where Luka is concerned? Am I being stupid in even hoping we have a future? Was all of this a big mistake?

“Petal?” I hear Luka ask, then his voice drops down. “Lo’, talk to me.” My gaze—which I am sure is full of panic—centers on him. “Talk to me. Let’s do it right this time. We can’t change the past, honey, though we can learn from it. I know you have no reason to believe me, but I’m here, and I’m in this thing one hundred and ten percent. Trust me. Talk to me.”

His hand curves into the side of my neck as he pleads with me. I swallow down the fear.

Can I do this?