“Oh, God! I’m dying. I know I am,” I whimper.

“Stop that! You are not dying. You’re just a little green around the gills.”

“I’m dying!”

“Lotus Petal, if you don’t stop spouting that nonsense, I’m going to clobber you!”

“Clobber?”

“It seems more effective than spanking,” Mom says with a shrug.

“I can’t go out there and face everyone, Mom!”

“Of course you can! Why on Earth can’t you?”

“I just threw up!”

“So? People throw up all the time! Stop being dramatic!”

“I threw up on Luka after the preacher announced us man and wife!”

“It’s okay. I got a little sick myself at that part,” Mom says helpfully.

“Mother!” I cry, unable to believe her right now.

“What? I may like Luka now, but I don’t have to like his last name. I swear, I don’t see why he couldn’t have let me adopt him. He’d be so much better with the last name Lucas,” she grumbles. “Orange Lucas.”

“Orange?”

“For the color of his prison uniform! What do you think?”

“I think you might really be insane, and besides you couldn’t have adopted him,” I sigh, having had this conversation with my mother at least a hundred times—at least it feels like that many.

“Of course I could have! Why do you and Luka keep insisting on that?”

“Because he’s a grown man!”

“So it’s still perfectly acceptable. I checked into it—numerous times,” she huffs.

“Then you couldn’t have because it would have made Luka my brother! I can’t marry my brother!”

“He wouldn’t have been your brother, dear, at least not by blood. It would have been fine. They make made-for-TV movies about that sort of thing all the time.”

“Mom, please,” I whimper, holding my stomach.

“And you should see the romance novels about this kind of thing. I found this one book by an author… What was her name, again…?”

“Mother,” I sigh, knowing it won’t help at this point.

“She writes the naughtiest stories about stepbrothers and sisters. They’re very hot actually. Why can’t I remember her name??”

“Kill me now,” I plead, looking up at the sky for mercy. God doesn’t feel giving, though, because I’m not carried up into the clouds.

“Actually, if you think about it, having Luka as your stepbrother might have spiced up your sex life. There was this one scene involving butt plugs that looked like rainbow—”

“Oh, God, I’m going to be sick again,” I whine, then pull away from my crazy mother and lean over the commode, emptying what’s left of my stomach.

“Lo’, are you okay?” Luka cries, worry thick in his voice as he comes barging into the bathroom. He somehow manages to get around my whack-a-doo mother and holds my hair while I puke my guts out—literally.

“I’m dying.”

“We have to get you to the emergency room,” Luka insists, trying to gather me in his arms.

“She’s not dying,” my Mom interjects. “She’s being overly-dramatic. It’s a flaw she has. I think she got it from her father’s side. I can’t remember him that well, but he had that gift.”

I turn to face her just as she’s giving Luka a cool cloth for me. I’m grateful for it, so her act of kindness ruins my look of annoyance I give her.

“We need to have her checked out anyway. We can take my truck.”

“There’s no need, dear. Lotus Petal will be fine.”

“You can’t know that.”

“I’m not going to be fine. I just threw up on my husband! At our wedding!” I cry.

“Lo’ honey, calm down. That doesn’t matter. Let’s get you to the truck—”

“Oh, Lord in Heaven. Will you two cut it out? Lotus Petal is fine. She’s just pregnant.”

“She’s not… Wait… Lo’? Is she right? Are you pregnant?”

“I… don’t know? I could be? I haven’t really been keeping track.”

“Of course she is! You two have been going at it like rabbits. Besides, I’ve been making sure you drink the tea I make. What did you think was in that?”

“You said it was medicine to help with the migraines I’ve been getting,” Luka mutters. “Stuff tastes like shit, though.”

“Well, it does help with migraines, but its main purpose is to give some extra strength to your soldiers.”

“I… My… Lo’, did you know about this?”

“Of course not,” I whisper, but I’m holding my stomach. “I’m pregnant…?”

“Definitely,” Mom assures me with a grin.

“I’m going to be a dad again,” breathes Luka.

“And I’m going to be a mother,” I whisper back, barely noticing my mother leaving the room.

“Lo’. We’re getting our daughter.”

“It could be a boy,” I warn him.

“If it is, we’ll just keep trying,” he says with a smile.

“I’m sorry I threw up on you and ruined our wedding.”

“We’re man and wife. There’s not a thing ruined.”

“We’re man and wife,” I agree.

“Do you feel up to going outside to cut the cake?” he asks.

“I’d rather lie on the bed and just let you hold me until the room stops spinning,” I tell him honestly.

“Then that’s what we’ll do.” He takes me into his arms.

As we settle on the bed and his fingers play in my hair, I can feel my eyes grow heavy. I know I’m going to fall asleep. There’s just one thing I want to say before I do.

“Luka? Promise me no matter what happens in our lives together, you never ever get near me with butt plugs of any kind—especially rainbow-colored ones.”

“Now Lo’—”

“Promise me!”

“We’ll negotiate,” he says as I drift off. I realize I’m going to lose the negotiation, but that’s okay. I have a feeling it will be a good loss.