* * *

Present:

“Luka,” Petal whispers.

“Is this the kind of shit he threw at you when we were together, Lo’?” I bark at her, and I’m not careful with my tone—despite what she’s just witnessed and gone through. I can’t. I’m so angry right now, I want to turn around, go back, and pound in my father’s face again. My father.

I haven’t been proud of him in a damned long time, but after witnessing what I did tonight, all I can feel is shame and disgust that this man’s blood flows through my veins.

“Luka,” she says again, and I shake my head no, because I’m not letting her out of this. For once, by God, she’s going to answer me, and she’s going to answer me directly.

“Answer me, Lo’! Is this the shit you put up with when we were married? Is this why you left me?”

“We’ve already had this conversation,” she says, her voice sound resigned.

“We didn’t! You told me he said shit to get to you. You let me believe it was normal animosity between the two of you. Then tonight, I find out that he threatened you… and after what I saw just now. Fuck, Lo’. Just what kind of threats did he make?”

“Just let it go, Luka. We can’t change it.”

“You should have told me. You should have come to me. I was your husband.”

“A husband who I had lied to. A husband who only married me because I was pregnant,” she says, looking out the window. I turn my eyes back to the road. I have so many emotions running through me, I’m dangerous enough behind the wheel. I have to focus. “A husband who didn’t really trust me,” she adds so softly, I have to strain to hear it.

The truth of everything she says kicks me in the gut—hard. She’s right. She may have been the one who lied to me, but I spent the duration of our marriage holding it against her… punishing her for it. I did it without even realizing it.

“Lo’.”

“Yeah?” She sounds so tired it hurts me.

“I didn’t marry you because you were pregnant.”

“Come on, Luka. We’re both realists.”

“Maybe so, but I’m telling you that’s not why I asked you to marry me. I wanted my family with me, and yeah, you were too young, and I used the pregnancy as an excuse, but damn it, Lo’… I wanted my ring on your finger. I wanted my name on you. I wanted it so every asshole who came close to you knew you belonged to me.”

“Luka…” she whispers just as I pull into our driveway.

I shut off the car and look straight ahead. I look at the house I bought with my family in mind. I look at everything around me that I did and created, thinking of nothing more than providing for my family and putting us all under one roof. Jesus. I made so many mistakes.

“I didn’t include you in anything, did I, Lo’? Not really. Even this house, I picked it out and bought it without even consulting with you.”

“I loved this house, Luka.”

“But it was to be your home, too. You should have had input in that. You should have had input in everything. I should have listened. I should have talked to you about my father. This is why you only asked in the divorce that my father didn’t get River by himself, isn’t it, Lo’? Why the fuck didn’t that clue me in?” I growl, slamming my hands down on the steering wheel as suddenly things that didn’t make sense before now click into place. “I was being so self-righteous, playing the wronged—”

“Luka, stop. Don’t you think I have regrets? I lied to you. I didn’t talk to you about your father, and I should have. I lived in fear of alienating you further, and because of that, I let it destroy our marriage. I kept trying to be an adult, a mother to River. Instead, I was making childish mistake after childish mistake. I have the same regrets, Luka, but we can’t go back,” she whispers.

“My father isn’t going to take this quietly. It might get uglier, Lo’. Until I know exactly how unhinged he is, I don’t want you or River alone.”

“You really think he’ll get that bad, Luka? I mean, he’s evil, but he’s also the mayor. He can’t do anything overt…”

“I think he’s been drunk more than sober lately. I think the man I saw tonight had nothing but hate inside of him, and I know there’s no way he will win re-election, which makes him dangerous—more so than before.”

“He was always dangerous, Luka. Nothing has really changed.”

“Except now you have me with you, Lo’. I’m right here with you.” I put my hand on her lap, palm up. She stares at me and then down at my hand. Slowly she puts her hand in mine, linking our fingers together.

And just like that, some of the anger inside of me lessens.