I’m not sure what it is, but I always manage to get kicked out of women’s beds. I mean, I know a lot of guys pull that shit, but even though I’m one of football’s hottest tickets, I tend to say the wrong thing one too many times. Shit, I don’t mind. It makes for a good conversation afterward.

This, however, is different. Much different. Fiona… well, shit. I don’t even have to go there. I just keep wracking my brain, trying to figure out how the hell this all came to be.

First, she denies me. Then, she calls me and I apologize. She invites me over, uses me for all I’ve got, and throws me out again. I usually say something offensive, or I’m rude and they don’t want to take my shit. Not this time. This time, I don’t know what the hell I did wrong.

“Man, you know I want the best for you,” Landon says at practice a few days later. “And I thought that you banging this chick—”

“She’s not just a chick. She’s my ex,” I correct him.

“Right. Whatever,” he says. “Point is, I knew you banging this chick was a bad idea. Now you’re stuck in it, brother.”

“Like hell I am,” I laugh, gearing up to go out on the field. “I’m still the same guy, man. No chick is going to bring me down. I promise.”

“Famous last words.” He shakes his head at me.

The whole thing is shit. Utter shit. I’m only saying that because he’s right. She’s going to be the death of me. Now, I’ve got a real problem on my hands. It’s all because I can’t ever keep it together. It’s getting to be an issue.

The coach comes out on the field and gives me a fist pound. “Everything alright?”

“Everything’s great, coach.” I smile back. “What’s the plan?”

And just like that, I’m forced to switch back into game mode. No more outside distractions. No more of the bullshit. Just me, my teammates, and the game. Only, it’s never that easy. What goes on outside makes a difference on the field.

“I think you’re all warmed up enough,” he says. The other coaches nod in agreement. We’ve been running for a straight hour now I’m guessing, and we’ve been training ever since we’ve gotten back from Arizona. “We’ll scrimmage. Over and over again, until I’m satisfied. You all wanted to go to the Championships. Well, here they are. They’re standing right in front of you. What’re you going to do about it? I’ll tell you. You’re going to work, boys. You’ll work until you become men.”

First play, everything goes according to plan. I run how I’m supposed to. I eye the ball, like I’m supposed to. And in the end, I run to the end zone. We’ve gone over these plays a thousand times. I have half a mind to ask the coach to head home.

Then, the images start flying by. “Hike!” Loke screams and the ball comes barreling back into his palms. For a second, I hesitate. Her smooth thighs, shining in the almost dark. The way they wrapped around my chest… I shake my head and blink. I need to concentrate. Her perfect body, the way she looked at me last night, told me more than I should know. Her wetness.

Fuck, my head is not in the game. I look up and the ball is coming at me like a bullet. It hits my helmet and falls to the turf. The rest of the team looks at me like I just had a stroke. Shit, it sort of feels like I did, to be honest.

“Cum,” she said. “For me.” Her scent, the way her fingers curl around my skin, sending electricity throughout my body. What the fuck is happening to me?

“Nice catch, idiot,” Landon whispers, smacking my helmet.

“I think I need some water.” I shake my head and pull off my helmet. I jump around a little to try and get the circulation running through my body. “I’ll be fine in a second.”

“Bullshit,” Landon says, “I think you need a kiss and a hug from your girl. Seriously, man. You’re acting like a little bitch. Toughen up a little. The game is coming up and I want to go to the Championships.”

The coach yells from the side of the field, “What the hell is going on, Leeman?” He throws the folder of plays into the air and I watch it fall to the ground. “You keep playing that way and I’ll pull you from this field so fast it’ll make your head spin. Got it?”

“I don’t know what came over me, coach,” I yell back, walking toward him. “Give me some water and I’ll be good next play.”

He hands me a water bottle and shakes his head. The rest of the players avoid eye contact with me. I’m starting to feel like the whole team knows about my business. I think they all hate me. That can’t be, right? That’s gotta be in my head.

Her legs, propped over my shoulders making me go insane. Her taste giving me all the energy and passion I could ever want. And now? Shit, I’m hooked. I need more. But I’ll never admit it.

“Get back on that field and show me what you got, son,” Coach says, pushing me back on the field.

We get back into a huddle and Loke looks at me earnestly. “Don’t worry about it, brother,” he says. “It’s just one play. It happens.”

“Yeah, I know. I just wish I could figure out what it was that got me back there,” I tell him and the rest of the offensive team. Landon makes a loud grunting noise and I glance at him with anger. “You got a problem?”

“Please. Just play the game and do it without me having to question your manhood,” he says, smiling at me, just jerking my chain about as hard as he can. That’s when I know that shit is going to be weird from here on out. Our friendship will be forever tainted, all because I need Fiona back in my life.

Fuck, fuck, fuck. I don’t need her. I’m just getting shit out of my system. And she’s helping me look better in the limelight. That’s about all our relationship is. We fucked and it was a dumb idea. That’s all.

More images jump into my mind without prompting.

Pumping, pulsating, and yearning for each other, our flesh slides across one another’s. The room is hot and heavy. Her toes curl as I mount her. The anticipation is too great. This is all we’ve both ever wanted. We’ve been waiting for this for more than a decade now.

“Fuck this,” I tell the team. I take off my helmet and tackle Landon’s petty ass. I don’t plan on doing it either. It just happens. In a split second, the rage inside me builds and builds, until I can’t take it any longer. I just want to pound his face in for even giving a shit about my love life. Would I be an asshole to him if he found someone? Hell no. But Landon has always wanted my life. Ever since we met, I knew he was jealous of me.

“You piece of shit!” he screams, taking a shot at my face. “Get off of me! Get the hell off of me!”

“Boys!” Coach screams. “If you keep this up, none of you will play! You hear me?”

Coach Scott Stern, one of the baddest football players in the world and now our coach, comes charging onto the field. I don’t know what it is, but he’s got the energy of his youth behind him. “You don’t want to listen? Fine,” he says. “Then, be warned.”

He jumps on us like a linebacker would on game day. His arm comes down hard against my thigh and I’m forced to let go of Landon’s neck. Landon, like the bastard he is, takes a cheap shot at me. I fall back against the grass and smile to myself. “I’m done. I’m done,” I repeat. That’s right, I think to myself, You’re done for the day. Pack your shit and go home.

“Get the hell out of here,” Coach says. “Landon, you stay behind. I’m not letting you continue this bullshit in the parking lot. This ends now.”

“But coach, I—” I start speaking, but he doesn’t want to hear anything that’s coming from my mouth at this point.

“Jackson…” He sighs loudly, chest going up and down rapidly. I think this little tussle really took a lot out of the old man. “Get the fuck off my field. I don’t want to hear your excuses anymore. Get your anger in check. I’ll see you back here on Wednesday.”

Landon picks himself up from the ground and wipes the bits of grass from his pants off. “All because of a girl? Seriously, man? You need to grow up.”

I don’t say a word back. This whole thing has already embarrassing enough. The whole team is in total shock. I mean, they’ve seen me throw fights and shit, but it’s never against my teammates. Now, a new dynamic has formed. When that shit happens, it ain’t too good for a team’s morale.

I exit the field and make my way through the locker room taking a quick shower before I leave the arena. I grab at my phone. No new text messages. Damn. All this getting worked up, over a girl. What have I become?