A speaking function here, a check there. It’s all in a good day’s work. The universities pay big money to have a guy like me come in and talk about the basics, so of course I’m going to do it. What I didn’t expect was that completely hot bombshell of a brunette to come my way.

“She’s a student,” I keep telling myself. Shit, she’s probably a freshman. I can’t be thinking about young women like that. Still, I couldn’t help myself, could I? If she was to call right now and say, “Come fuck me, doctor,” I’d be driving to her place right fucking now. Even when I was leaving, I had to sneak one more peek at that ass of hers.

She’s innocent, dammit. And, of course, that’s why I like her so much. Innocent. Pure. I haven’t been with a woman like that in a long time. My dad’s words come into my mind and I have to physically remove myself from my desk in order not to dwell too much on that. No, I’m not marrying any women. I’m admiring. Can’t a man just admire without feeling the gnawing idea of marriage?

Apparently not. Which is why I can’t go too far into the hole with this one. I shouldn’t make assumptions either. She’s probably just genuinely into my research, the facts, and the state of our healthcare system. Yeah, that’s it. She’s not trying to fuck me. She’s just a well-to-do student.

I burst out laughing at the thought and my door swings open. Neil Johnson, the chief surgeon at this hospital peeks his head in. “What’s so funny, Mason?” he asks me. Mason. He only calls me by last name because he knows I hate it when he does it.

“We’re not at football practice, Neil,” I groan. Then I remember he asked me about the laughing. Shit, I probably seem insane right about now. Here I am, sitting in my office, while my mother is going through the last rounds of “treatment.” Her deathbed is near and I’m laughing.

“How are you holding up?” he asks. He pulls up a chair and sits down.

“I don’t know. I guess I’m just sort of floating by,” I admit. “I’m sorry, man. This whole year has been a fucking mess. Right now, I’m just trying to make sense of it all.”

“Don’t apologize. You remember how it was last year,” he says.

Last year, his father had gotten into a horrible car accident. Drunk driver turning left. His dad never stood a chance, as the grinding metal made its way toward his vehicle. He was the man who had to operate on his own father. He was the man that had to watch the life fade from him. He was the man who called the time of death.

This place isn’t to be celebrated. We clap at our award ceremonies and fundraiser dinners, as if we’ve achieved the highest glory a man can attain. In the end, we have to lie in our beds. It’s us who has to realize we haven’t done a damn thing. We’re still powerless over the sublime power of nature. We can always take one step forward, yet somehow, we’re always pushed back three.

“So, I get it,” he continues. “Maybe it’s not the best time to mention this, but you’re still the best damn surgeon at this hospital. Your work hasn’t decreased in value during this whole thing and I just want to commend you on that. You’re doing good work.”

“Yeah. Well, it doesn’t feel that way. It feels like I’ve done nothing. There just aren’t enough options,” I say. And there it is. That pain in my heart. It rushes in and swells, until finally it turns numb. My face feels cold. My limbs hang like they’re weighted.

“You’re lying to yourself. You’ve done more than most people in the seven years you’ve been here. Hell, I wish I had accomplished what you have in that span of time,” he says. “As for options… well, you’re right. There never seems to be enough we can do. I don’t have a real response to that, Mason.”

“James,” I correct him and a smile forms on both our faces.

“You know what you need?” he laughs and shakes his head. “Don’t take this the wrong way or anything.”

“Oh, God. More advice, huh?” I ask. “Go on. Give it to me. I guess I could use some advice right about now.”

“It’s the soundest advice a doctor can ever give you.” He winks and leans back in his chair. He looks smug and content. “You need a woman, Mason.”

A mixture of groaning and laughter comes out of my mouth. “Why does everyone in the world keep telling me that?”

“It should be obvious. Pussy is the magic elixir of the world. Pussy makes the world go ‘round. Pussy can heal a man. Trust me. I’ve seen it happen,” he says, all with a giant, cocky smile. I have to smile back.

“I’ll be sure to get some… pussy,” I say. He couldn’t even use the sound medical term? He just goes straight for the “pussy.” Now, I can’t stop repeating it in my head.

“No prospects?” he asks.

“I don’t know. I haven’t really been keeping an eye out for it,” I say. “In fact, the whole idea of wining and dining some broad just so I can go home and feel good about myself just doesn’t sound too appealing. And now my father wants me to settle down and get married. You know, the whole circle of life thing. Life, work, marriage, children, grandchildren, and death. That’s how that man operates.”

“Forget about all of that. Marriage is an antiquated idea. You’re not going to find what you want by getting married,” he says. “Unless of course, you want a divorce, alimony payments, and two annoying, little children begging for the money you’ve earned.”

“I forgot about your divorce. That was almost ten years ago and you’re still bitter,” I laugh.

“Alimony payments for life. Shit, it’s not fun. The court system doesn’t rule in our favor. All I’m saying is be careful. Your father’s a great guy, but he comes from a different time. Just have fun as much as you can without hurting anyone. That’s all you can do these days,” he says. He slides his chair back and sighs. “Well, I should be going. Tons of shit to take care of. I’ve got the board down my ass over this expansion.”

“Good luck,” I say. He waves a hand and exits the office.

Marriage. No, that’s not something that sounds very appealing right now. Divorce and all of that. It happens to everyone now, doesn’t it? Plus, I’m a fucking surgeon. The amount of hours I work is enough to drive any woman crazy. She’d leave within a year.

Still, he may be right about one thing. Pussy does make a man feel like he’s on top of the world. What was her name? Olivia? Well, if she calls, I’m inviting her over.