It’s hard not to notice the long-lasting smile, stretched across my face. When I walk into Josie’s apartment, she frowns. See, we’re pretty much the opposite of each other. If she’s happy, I’m unhappy. If I’m happy, she’s pissed. It’s just the way it goes.

“What’s making you so chipper?” she asks.

“What’s making you so angry?” I ask back.

“Finals. What else? I’m so over all of this crap. I just want to get a job,” she says.

“And then when you get a job, you’ll be wishing that you could go back to school,” I laugh.

“Right, and pay another forty grand? No thanks. Anyway, what’s happened with you? Did you somehow win the lottery or something?” she asks.

“Sort of.” I smooth my skirt with my hands and sit down on a giant beanbag in the center of her room.

“Sort of? Stop being vague, woman. Spill the dirt!” she exclaims.

“I just had a little convo with the doctor last night,” I say. Her eyes widen. A smile finally forms on her face. “Turns out, he’s a dirty, dirty man.”

“No way.” She says the words slowly. “No fucking way.”

“Yes way,” I whisper.

“Tell me everything now. I want to hear everything. What’s he into? Does he love that you’re a virgin? Is he that depraved?” she asks.

“I didn’t go that far, Josie. I’m not going to tell him straight up that I haven’t ever been with a man,” I say.

“But he’ll love it,” she sings, clapping her hands together.

“You’re being annoying and ruining my story,” I say.

She smiles, closes her eyes, and leans back against the carpet. “Okay, okay. Go ahead. Tell me in your own words. What did the dirty man do to you?”

“He touched me here and here.” I point and laugh. “No, really, we just talked for a bit.”

“Did he cum? Did he moan loudly into your ear and tell you that you’re the one?” she asks.

“We haven’t gotten that far into our relationship, but I’m sure he will soon,” I say. “He definitely likes that I’m younger than him. He told me that much.”

“What a pig. I told you he’d go crazy for you. Didn’t I?” she asks. “You’re so lucky you have me as a friend.”

“Honestly, I doubt I could go through with doing that again. It was pretty out of character of me,” I say.

She sits back up and frowns. She grabs my hands and squeezes. “You have to keep this going. You can’t stop now,” she says.

“My brain is telling me to stop now,” I say.

“But what is your body telling you? Never listen to your brain. It’ll always lead you astray,” she says.

“That’s Josie’s philosophy, huh?” I ask. She lets go of my hands, still frowning.

“It hasn’t betrayed me yet. Look at me. I live a good life. You could be where I am now, completely content,” she says, proudly.

Sure, because I’d love to be in her shoes. In all actuality, she does seem to be going in an okay direction. It’s just that her direction isn’t necessarily what I’m looking for. I’m looking for stability. I’m about to graduate. I want something more out of life, not just one-night stands with strange, horny surgeons.

Can I stop thinking about him, though? Can I stop imagining his strong, steady hands against my hip? Can I stop my heart from beating heavy when I hear his voice in my ear? I’m not sure about that yet. Maybe, for once in my life, I want something different, strange, and completely wrong.

“I don’t know. Maybe I’ll go out with him. He seems pretty nice, actually,” I say.

“Maybe he’ll be able to get you a job,” she shrugs. “Maybe his dick is exactly what you need.”

“A compromise of favors?” I have to laugh at that. A night with me, in exchange for a high-paying career. No, I’m not about to prostitute myself out for the guy. That’s not why I called him last night. I called him because I’m growing up and he’s, well, pretty hot. Plus, he seems stable enough. It’s not that weird that he wants a little fun, is it?

“Exactly. You scratch his back and he scratches yours,” she says.

“I’m sure all he wants is a little scratching,” I quip back.

“Heavy petting,” she says, pouting her lips and moving toward me. I fall back as she pounces on me, laughing. “Stroking, sucking, pounding, and a little scratching…”

“Gross!” I exclaim, pushing her off of me.

“You’re a prude,” she groans.

I lift my body from the beanbag chair and walk over to her window. The weather is starting to get really nice. I look out and watch as the wind brushes past the trees. The faint smell of citrus hangs in the air. Life is good, generally, when it’s uncomplicated by the heart and body.

“Anyway,” she continues, “I’ve got a date tonight.”

“With who?” I turn around and place my hands against my hips, though I’m not surprised. This is most likely her 60^th date this semester.

“Some idiot. Jarod from Women’s Studies,” she says.

“Of course it’s someone from Women’s Studies. Of course. Men are so predictable,” I say.

“Of course they are! That’s what makes them so fun,” she smiles. “Anyway, he’s taking me to a pretty nice restaurant, so I sort of have to go. I’m not about to turn down a hundred-dollar lobster dinner just because I might have to blow him after.”

“You’re too much,” I tell her.

I grab my phone and check the time. Only thirty minutes until my next class. “I should probably get going if I want to make it on time,” I say. “Have fun with the lobster and dick sucking.”

“You always leave me at the worst times. Just skip the damn class today. Live a little with me. Let’s get high and watch scary movies,” she begs.

“I have to go! I’ll get docked on the final if I don’t,” I say.

“Fine,” she pouts. “Well, at least keep me updated on the hot doctor man. I need to know everything.”

“I’ll let you know if we ever talk again. Don’t worry,” I reassure her. I walk to the door and say my goodbyes. She waves solemnly.

I shouldn’t talk to James again. He’s almost twice my age, I think. But I can’t help but acknowledge the undeniable truth that I truly can’t stop thinking about the way my heart pounds when I think of all that could happen. It’s all so wrong, which is exactly why it’s so fucking right.