“Now what?” I ask myself in the parking lot of the courthouse. My dad is standing beside me, too stunned to even communicate with me. The priest has taken leave under a shady grove, fanning himself with his Bible.

“Now what?” I repeat it aloud. “Huh Dad?”

No words come from his mouth, but he glances up at the sky, as if he’s received some sort of revelation. “I’ve been a shit, haven’t I?”

“Yes, you have, Dad. But so have I,” I say.

“I guess it runs in the family,” he laughs.

For the first time in my life, my dad humbles himself in a way I haven’t seen. He starts to show exactly how he’s feeling, without hiding behind his pride, and his values. He lowers himself on the grass and sits down, exhausted. “I don’t know what I was thinking,” he says. “Trying to get you to get married. Bribing you…”

“I grew up in that house too, Dad. It means a lot. I want to honor it, to give it new life, but if you need me to marry someone right this second in order to give it to me, I can’t do that,” I say. “Just trust me on this. When the time comes, I’ll have a family. When it feels right, I’ll jump into that role. I’m not going to be a bachelor forever. I love Olivia. I guess I just have to hope that she still loves me.”

“You two will figure things out. You’ll make things right for her. I know you will. You’re a good man. That’s what good men do. They lower themselves for other people. They’re humble. That’s you, James,” he says.

“Thank you, Dad,” I say.

“Listen, I want to talk about something important,” he says.

He wipes his face with his hands. He groans to himself and tries to stabilize his breathing. “What’s up?” I ask him. “What’s wrong?”

“Your mother,” he says. “I think we all need to see her one more time. I think…” His voice trails off. He looks away, but I can tell that he’s about to cry. I’ve never seen my father cry until now. It’s a big step in our relationship.

“It’s okay, Dad,” I say. “Everything is going to be okay.”

“She lived a damn good life, right?” he asks me.

“She loved her life with you, with us,” I reassure him. The pain hits me square in the solar plexus. Fuck, love can hurt sometimes, but the payoff is worth it. All those memories have bottled up to make us who we are. She loved us. She gave us all she was able, and now she’s leaving.

“I just wish I could have one more moment with her. I didn’t know it would spread so rapidly. I thought we had time. When she first started feeling different, I just looked the other way. I thought she was just feeling our age. Hell, I feel like crap every other day. But then she fell. She fainted, and I knew that something bad was coming. A storm was rolling in,” he sobs. “As a man… no, as a father and husband, you think you’re a hero. You take on that role so fast that you forget your old self. Youth passes, but they don’t tell you that you can’t be strong forever. I couldn’t be a hero for her anymore. I couldn’t fix what she got. I failed her.”

I fall to the grass beside him. I grab my old man and I bring him in. I shelter my own father and try to be the hero he’s talking about, for him, for my family. “You didn’t fail anyone. At a certain point, it’s out of our control. We’re only human, dad. Mom knew it was her time. She never blamed you or anybody else. She told me once that peace was coming for her. I believe that, but you have more to look forward to. You still have life. Let her live through you.”

He nods solemnly and wipes his tears away. “Shit,” he growls. “I’m a grown man. Look at me. I’m crying like a baby.”

“I do it every damn day in that surgical room,” I laugh. “Real men don’t give a damn.”

“It’s a different world than what I’m used to, my boy,” he laughs. He pulls himself off that grass with me. “I think it’s time to talk to the doctors. I think we need to stop the machines. You’re right. She’s not coming back. Peace is coming for her. We need to let her go.”

“Yeah,” I say. “I guess it’s time.”

“We should meet with Jenna. Maybe tomorrow,” he says.

I should be pissed at my father for what he put me through. Sure, dads can be pretty shitty, but this was unprecedented. However, I know that he’s a good man, despite all of this. I know that deep down, he’s trying his best to cope with everything that’s changing around him. He’s an old man who has been forced to accept that his life partner is drifting away from him for good. I can’t begin to imagine how isolating that must feel.

My mind always goes back to Olivia. What will happen with us? I think of her drifting away from me, all because how stupid I’ve been. I can’t let it be for good.

I try to imagine how our life could be. I could move away with her. I could transfer to another hospital, or find other work in helping people. None of that matters to me now when I think about it. I never used to believe in love, like this, but now that I feel it, I know it’s real. It punches you in the gut and leaves you searching for answers. When she’s gone, you feel empty. When she’s near, you feel unstoppable.

“Tomorrow,” I tell my dad. “I’ll tell Jenna.” There’s a lot I need to figure out, but I know I’m on my way. I’m getting Olivia back, even if it means sacrificing my entire life for her. I don’t give a damn anymore. She’s the one. She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.