I woke up cuddled in Travis’s arms. I opened my eyes lazily.
“Good morning,” I said to him.
He leaned forward and gave me a soft kiss on the lips. “Come to the office with me today?” he asked.
I smiled. “Why? I can’t sit around while you’re working. It will distract you.”
He chuckled. “It will distract me all right. But I don’t really mind,” he said. “You can paint while I read some contracts. I’ll work only until noon. Then maybe we can go to a hotel. It’s almost the weekend anyway.”
My face brightened. “Really?”
He nodded. “Really. I want to celebrate my birthday with you alone, Mrs. Cross.”
I beamed at him. “Wait for me. I’ll go dress and pack some clothes.”
I had a big smile on my face as I packed our stuff for the weekend. I realized that somehow, I hadn’t thought much about Christian since I’d gotten engaged to Travis. Damn! I hadn’t even thought about how I would hunt for Mr. Right since I’d married Travis. I realized that…now, my world revolved around him and our marriage.
I didn’t realize that a smile had crept to my face. I was happy! I didn’t think I’d been happier than this. And I thought we gotten married only to buy me time to find Mr. Right. But at that moment…Travis felt so right!
If only…if only he hadn’t been in love with somebody else when he married me. I still wondered who she was. Maybe a former fling or a mistress, and maybe he realized at the last moment, before he married me, that she’d meant more to him.
We were a couple that didn’t sleep with each other. But since we’d gotten married, it seems we did everything else that married couples did. We kissed, but we made sure we didn’t step close to the line. I was not sure how he was having his needs satiated, and frankly, I didn’t want to think about it. I wondered if he still saw her, if he’d been with her since he married me. He didn’t attempt to make love to me. He always stopped before we got so close that we’d have to make a choice again. I wondered if during the times he wasn’t with me, he actually made some effort to see her.
I couldn’t really be jealous, could I? I was the one who’d taken his life and his love away from him. I might have been the legal wife, but it was when he was with me that he was cheating. Because we both knew that his heart belonged to someone else. He was only mine on paper. But everything else that was Travis…belonged to her.
And suddenly, this realization made me feel sad. So sad that I felt almost heartbroken. Maybe I really believed that he was happy with me. Everything he showed me was genuine, sincere. And every time he kissed me and held me, he made me feel that I was all that was on his mind. I had no suspicion that he was ever thinking about somebody else. Damn! I didn’t even feel that he was having his needs satiated somewhere else. He made me feel that I was enough for him. What we had was enough to keep him happy.
When Travis opened his office, his staff was there, and they all cheered, “Happy Birthday!”
Travis was surprised. It seemed that many of his employees were uncomfortable…scared, even. I remembered Karl telling me that the last time they surprised Travis, he didn’t like it and told them never to do it again.
I stared at Travis. I was afraid that he would shout at everybody and tell them to get the hell out of his office.
But instead, he raised his brow and asked, “No confetti?” His tone was light and teasing.
Finally, they were all able to breathe…in relief.
“We were afraid you wouldn’t like the mess, boss,” Karl said, and then he motioned for somebody to bring the cake.
Suddenly, the whole room started singing Happy Birthday. I joined them. A big cake was brought in front of us and at the end of the song, and Karl said to Travis, “Make a wish.”
Travis took a deep breath. He closed his eyes for three seconds, and then he blew the candle. We all cheered after.
“Speech! Speech! Speech!”
“You guys are pushing your luck, huh!” Travis said, but he was chuckling. Even I was amazed by this transformation. I was ready to put my hand on his mouth just in case he said something rude or insensitive to his employees, like he would normally do.
He took a deep breath. Then he said, “Thank you all for remembering. I guess I never really allowed you to in the past…and I do apologize for that. But I really appreciate your efforts…and the cake.” He turned to me. “I want to thank my lovely wife. It’s an amazing feeling not to wake up alone on your birthday as I always did in the past. I wish to celebrate the rest of my birthdays with you by my side.” And he turned to his employees. “And you, too, of course. Thank you all. Lunch is on me. Karl, please take care of that. I’ll be leaving after lunch, so anything you guys need me to sign or review, my office is open until noon. And if you have finished your tasks for the day, you’re free to start your weekend early. But please, join us for lunch.”
There should have been an encore after that. But instead, his employees were open-mouthed. They were silent…and I was afraid they were in shock.
He stared back at their blank faces. “I must have been such an ogre in the past, huh,” he said to them.
Karl was first to recover. “Thank you, boss! And happy birthday again!”
I clapped my hands first, and everybody started cheering after that.
When everybody left his office and we were alone, I went to him with a big smile on my face. My eyes were pretty teary.
“Why?” he asked.
I shook my head. I gave him a hug. “I’m so proud of you, Travis. Did you really mean what you said?”
He hugged me back. “You must know that all these years, I lived in ruthlessness, insensitivity, brutal truth, and sarcasm. Do you think I would lie about what I feel now just to make other people feel good?”
“No. I don’t think you can,” I giggled. “You’re starting to see things on the bright side now.”
“That’s because I have my sunshine with me,” he whispered. He pulled away slightly to look me in the eyes. “That’s you, love.”
I smiled at him. “It’s good to know I’m not the only one benefitting from this marriage.”
“Who told you you were benefitting from this marriage at all?” he asked me with a mischievous grin on his face.
I laughed and raised my finger to him to show him my engagement ring. “Diamonds are a girl’s best friend!” I teased.
He narrowed his eyes. “If diamonds are all it will take to make you stay, then I won’t have a problem at all. But we both know you don’t need or even want diamonds at all, Brianne.”
I pouted. “Sure I do. I especially love my engagement ring.”
He smiled. “That was my grandmother’s,” he said. “She left it for me a month before she died.” There was pain in Travis’s voice. “You know, my grandparents were the only ones in my family who ever loved me at all. When they died, I was left with nannies and butlers. Then I met Tom and your family. Then…there was only just you.”
“What about…” I took a deep breath. “Her?”
He narrowed his eyes. “Who?”
“The woman you said you love…the woman you…made love to before you married me.”
A mix of emotion instantly returned to Travis’s face. Pain, guilt, remorse, anger. I think I read it all in a span of five seconds, and then he took hold of his emotions and his expression became steady again. He took a deep breath and held my face between his palms.
“There’s only just you,” he repeated.
“But Travis…” I insisted. “How can you ignore what you feel? How can you…”
He stopped me by giving me one hard kiss on the lips. “There’s only you, Brianne,” he whispered again. “My wife.” And he kissed me thoroughly.
A surge of happiness seeped through me. Travis was trying to make this work. He was trying to make us work. He was trying to belong in this marriage…because that would mean he belonged to a family again now. And that was more important to him than anything he felt before…or felt now…for any other woman.
I painted while Travis read through contracts. I caught him staring at me several times. He would wink at me when he caught my eye, and I would smile and blush.
Noon came, and we had lunch in one of the office’s conference rooms with the rest of the staff of Cross Industries. The atmosphere was fun and light.
Karl came up to me when Travis was on a phone call. “You’re a miracle worker, Mrs. Cross,” he said. “And I thought that man was hopeless.”
I laughed. “He’s making an effort to change. And I think I like him better.”
“His old man is starting to use different tactics now. He learned that Travis got married,” Karl said. “The older Cross said he would only give up his shares of Cross Magnates to Travis if Travis could give him a grandson.”
I stared back at Karl. “And what did Travis say?”
Karl shrugged. “He told his father that if he had kids, his father would never be able to stand within a mile of them.” Karl chuckled. “But when do you plan to have a baby? That would be the fastest way to change the old man’s mind. I think he’s getting old and tired of the game. He just doesn’t want to admit to Travis that he’s losing. He doesn’t want to be the first to make a move to reconcile with his son.”
“Why does he want a grandson?”
Karl shrugged. “He knows he may not be able to fix his relationship with his own son. He might soon retire. He needs somebody to give the fruits of his labor to. And he knows Travis would never accept them. So he thought he’d name Travis’s son his heir instead. Your kid is going to be a prince, sweetheart. He’s going to be richer than his father,” Karl chuckled. “When do you intend to have kids, anyway?”
Karl didn’t know that nothing was happening between Travis and me, and the chances of having a kid were between nil and zero. So I just shrugged and gave him a smile.
“He loves you very much, you know,” Karl said.
I didn’t say anything. I knew that was true. Travis did love me a lot. But he was not in love with me. Not the way I thought I was starting to be.
That realization crept up on me like a thief behind my back. I turned red, and suddenly I felt dizzy…nauseated even. I looked at Travis, who was speaking on the phone in one corner, and I realized that…I was falling in love with him…if I wasn’t already!
I no longer had the will or the intention to find my Mr. Right while I was married to Travis. It had seemed since our honeymoon that there was only him in my world…and my life had taken a different route.
Suddenly, I felt like everything I had eaten was starting to work its way back up my throat.
“Excuse me,” I said to Karl.
Immediately, I went to the ladies’ room. I got there in time to reach the sink and throw up everything I ate that day.
I gargled with water then I washed my face. I stared at myself in the mirror.
Could it be true? Could I really be in love with Travis?
Whenever I thought of the other woman in Travis’s past, I felt a stabbing pain of jealousy. I didn’t even want to entertain thoughts of him sharing a bed with her, or with any other woman for that matter…even though we were not sleeping with each other…even though I hadn’t satisfied his needs in that department since prom night.
Whenever he stared at me, I could feel my blood heat up and my heart pound wildly in my chest. I had this aching pain to hold him and kiss him constantly.
For a while now, my objective had been to make him happy with me so he would forget about her. I realized why I was doing it. It wasn’t out of guilt. I was doing it for my own personal reasons. I wanted him to get over her…so he could finally fall in love with me, too!
I married Travis because he was my safety guy. Because I needed time to find that one guy who would make me happy. But I’d lost that will now because…I was happy! Very happy. With Travis. With this marriage. He was right. This marriage was bliss. The only thing missing between us was a deep physical intimacy, which God knows I wanted so much, too, but I was afraid it would make me lose him forever.
But if Travis felt the same way I felt now…making love would not destroy us…it would strengthen us! But only if!
But sadly, I remembered the emotions he wasn’t able to hide when I brought her up. There was pain. There was guilt. There was remorse. There was anger. So, even though he told me that there was only just me now, I knew that the woman in his heart was still her.
That made me throw up again. I held on to the sink for a while to steady myself, keep my balance.
An old woman came out from one of the stalls. I smiled at her in the mirror. She was beaming at me. I realized that she was too old to be one of the employees. She must have been a guest in the building.
“Congratulations, dear!” she said as she walked past me.
It took me a moment to realize that she thought I was having morning sickness. But she was gone before I could correct her. I stared at myself in the mirror again, and then I laughed.
It would probably be the end of my world if Christian had left me a souvenir and I’d found out about it too late. If it happened that my ex-boyfriend had impregnated me and I was already married to Travis, my family would not only be ashamed of me, they would disown me altogether!
But that was the least of my worries. I may have asked Travis to marry me out of desperation, but I wouldn’t ask him to be a father to my ex-boyfriend’s baby! Especially not now, when I realized that I loved him…more than I loved him before. I didn’t love him as a brother, or as a best friend anymore.
Luckily, I remembered having my periods in Manhattan. So I knew I was not pregnant after I broke up with Christian. It’d been months since we last slept together. I would have been halfway through the pregnancy by now, and that was impossible since I had still packed a pair of two-piece string bikinis in my bag.
I gargled with water again, and then I fished mouth spray out of my purse. I combed my hair and put on a bit of powder before I went out of the ladies’ room.
Travis was leaning on the wall, his arms crossed as he anxiously watched the ladies’ room door. His face lit up at the sight of me.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
“Yes,” I replied.
He pulled me into his arms and gave me a tight hug. “You had me worried.”
I felt good. Especially now that I knew that I was in love with him, his hugs gave me an entirely different feeling. They made me feel whole. They made me feel home. I realized that Travis was the only guy who could complete me. He always had been anyway.
“I just felt a little dizzy,” I said.
“Do you want to cancel our plans?” he asked.
I shook my head. “No. Of course not.”
He smiled. “Come, let’s go,” he said. “I can’t wait for us to be alone.”
I giggled. “Why?”
“It’s my birthday,” he said. “My three wishes. Peace. Quiet. Brianne.”
My heart swelled when I heard that. How could Travis say all those things to me and yet be in love with somebody else? Or was he over her now?
“Are you sure…you don’t want to be somewhere else?” I asked quietly. “It’s your birthday, Travis. You can ask me anything you want.”
He stopped walking. He stared at me for a long moment, and his eyes were unfathomable. I was afraid I’d offended him.
I bit my lip. I knew he was angry.
“Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Brianne,” he said in a cold voice. “I just might take you up on that offer.”
I raised my chin to him. This is it! He will finally admit that he wants one chance…at least one day to be with her! Damn, it hurt, but I knew I would allow that!
“I mean it,” I said brokenly.
He narrowed his eyes at me. He gave me a bitter but devilish smile, as if an evil plan had just hatched in his head. Then he took my hand and walked toward the building exit.
“Travis… wait!” I said. “Where are we going?”
“Where we planned to go,” he replied coldly.
“Why? I thought you wanted…”
“You don’t know what I want, Brianne!” he snapped.
We reached his car. He opened the passenger door for me. I refused to get in. “What the hell is going on? Where are you taking me?”
“It doesn’t matter! I can take you home, or at the hotel, or I can haul you back to my office. Either way, I’m going to make sure you don’t break your promise. Now, do you need help getting in the car?”
I glared at him and then I got inside his car. Travis didn’t say a word during the entire drive. He’d made arrangements for us to spend the weekend at the Four Seasons. He was driving fast, and I could tell how furious he was.
When we got to the hotel, we were immediately assisted by the hotel staff. Travis took my hand firmly, and we immediately went to our suite through a private-access elevator.
The room he rented was very luxurious. The architecture was very dramatic and posh. But I was too afraid of Travis to actually enjoy looking at the suite.
Once we were alone, Travis finally looked at me. He gave me one hard look. His eyes were dark with fury. He came closer to me.
“What did you say to me, Brianne?” he asked. “You said I could ask you anything I want?”
I took a deep breath. “Travis…” I whispered. “I only said that…because I thought…”
“You thought what?” he asked angrily.
“I thought you wanted to be with her…that woman you said you fell in love with…I thought I was being selfish. That I was taking too much of your time…”
“You have no idea what I really want, Brianne!” he said almost angrily. “But if you meant what you said, I will let you know!”
I had to be strong, and brave. This man in front of me was furious… cold and ruthless again! But I was not afraid of him. I knew that no matter how mad he was, he wouldn’t hurt me! I was just afraid of what he would say to me…afraid that he would tell me that what he really wanted was her.
I raised my chin to him in pure defiance. “I mean it.”
He smiled at me crookedly. There was a hint of mischief in that smile, and a hint of evil.
His face descended toward mine and he gave me one hard kiss. He devoured my lips as if he had been hungry for a decade. He invaded my mouth as if it were his sole mission to conquer me.
Then he nuzzled my neck, and I let out a moan in a voice I could barely recognize. My knees felt weak instantly and I lost my balance. Travis caught me in his arms. He gave me one hard look and then he picked me up and carried me to bed.
“Travis…” I whispered.
He took off his jacket and his shirt, his perfect abs exposed before my eyes. He got on top of me, and he kissed me again. The world stopped and then it spun ten times faster.
He kissed me savagely, as if he was going to take what he had deprived of himself of for a long time. He was bruising my lips.
“Travis…stop,” I whispered.
“This is what I want, Brianne!” he whispered hoarsely. “Are you willing to give it to me?” And suddenly, I realized that his voice was no longer angry, or cold…it was almost…desperate…begging.
“Travis…” I whispered. “I told you before you could have your needs fulfilled as per usual…”
Travis’s forehead was resting against my shoulder. His eyes were closed. He had taken a couple of deep breaths before he spoke again.
“I haven’t touched a woman since…since we got married, Brianne,” he whispered.
This confession surprised me, but more than anything, it made me happy. “Why?”
He sighed again. “Because…because I don’t want to cheat on you. And because…” He raised his head so he could look at me. I looked into his eyes. They were like liquid sapphires, almost shining with tears. “Because I don’t want anybody else…but you. I know that nobody could soothe this pain I have…could satiate this need I have…just you, Brianne.”
“Travis…”
“You said I could ask you for anything,” he said. “Now I’m looking at the person I want the most, Brianne. The one thing I want…the one thing I know I cannot have!”
I took a deep breath. God knows I wanted him, too! But the difference between the two of us was… Travis just wanted me. He was not in love with me…the way that I was so in love with him.
“But didn’t you promise Tom…”
“I promised Tom I will look out for you for the rest of my life. I promised him I would always make sure you are safe. I think…I am doing a good job keeping those promises. I never promised him I wouldn’t touch you…or want you.”
“Travis…” I whispered. In truth, my heart was welling up with happiness. But I was also scared. Because I knew I was a few seconds away from giving in to what Travis was asking of me…but I knew that I couldn’t share him with anybody else…even if she was the one he loved, I would not allow him to touch her again.
There was too much gamble, too much risk. My heart was at stake already, and now he wanted to put our friendship on the table. And that friendship was my rock…my pillar. It was what kept me alive and kept me going over all those years.
Travis took a deep breath. Then he pulled away from me and stood up from the bed. I immediately felt empty, heartbroken and deeply sad. He refused to look at me again.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I need some air.”
“Why are you so mad at me now, Travis?” I asked, trying to keep my voice steady. “What exactly pissed you off?”
He didn’t answer. He put his shirt back on and then he headed for the door. Before he left he said, “The way you don’t believe it’s you I’m thinking about all the time…the way you think I’m thinking about somebody else, when I desperately want only you. The way I bare my soul when I kiss you, hold you in my arms…and yet you still believe I want somebody else.” He sighed. “I don’t often show this much emotion for another human being, Brianne. You must know because you know me the best. It’s frustrating that even you…do not believe me.”
He exited the room and I lay back in bed feeling confused and upset. But I knew he was right. Throughout this entire marriage, he had been trying to make things work between us. But I had still kept thinking about the other woman. I had kept thinking that he was not yet over her, and every emotion he’d ever shown me, he would have been happier to show someone else. Maybe he really was over her. And there was just me in his life now.
Amidst the tears and the anguish, I fell asleep. In my dreams, I saw Travis…the way I’d dreamt about him many nights before.
He touched me the way I wanted to be touched, the way I needed to be touched. He was reluctant to touch me, because he was honor-bound not to. But I begged him to. I asked him to make love to me. He kissed me in ways that made me forget who he was…who I was. He held me in ways that kept me safe and warm. I screamed his name as I reached my peak. I felt like jumping off a cliff and then feeling Travis catch me in his arms. And then I told him I loved him. He gave me a smile of triumph, and then his body shook as he reached his own heaven with me in his arms.
And I woke up. I was panting alone in bed. I knew that my dreams of lovemaking with Travis were so potent, so vivid because I wanted them to come true with so much desperation. It was him I wanted the most, too!
I realized what I needed to do. It was time to stop fearing what could be…and go after the one thing I wanted the most in my life now. Yes, I might get heartbroken after this. Yes, I might lose my friendship with Travis. But what if he felt the same way for me? Then I had nothing to lose and everything to gain. But I would never know until I took a chance. I believed in Travis. I knew…whatever happened…he wouldn’t hurt me.
Maybe now…it was time to put all my bets on the table and raise the stakes very, very high!