______
Emily
1-year prior…
I couldn’t sleep. I rarely ate. I could hardly focus.
All I could think about was my gorilla and a human girl named Rosie. AKA: Me and Benjamin. It was hilarious, or at least it felt that way inside my head. I laughed out loud at the trouble that went on in their world, earning a few odd looks from Roger or whoever was around me.
Even at work, I walked around inside my head, often making mistakes and getting into trouble because of it. And since Katie was pregnant and ranting about her hormones, she pitched a fit when I wasn’t paying attention today. She finally broke down and told me to write. She said I was annoying everyone around me because I wasn’t listening or responding.
I was daydreaming.
So, I listened.
I sat on the couch and typed away while Roger slept in our bedroom. I moved in with him a couple of months ago after many months of him asking. I didn’t regret it. I enjoyed living with him, and Dad was doing great. I handed him control of his money and life before I left, and I wouldn’t forget the absolute fear in his eyes when I did. But he hadn’t messed up. He was doing good.
Mom and Sarah came over to my apartment once a week to eat with me and Roger. They both liked him. Dad was so-so about him. Said that I didn’t act like a woman in love. I probably wasn’t, but I fell out of the idea of love in high school after three crappy boyfriends. Now I just sought out comfort and time with someone.
That probably made me a crappy girlfriend, but Roger didn’t seem to mind. He told me he loved me all the time. I just never said it back, but he said it most when we were having sex, so I didn’t feel compelled to say it in the heat of the moment.
Not that there was any heat. Rarely did I get off, but at least I did get off with Roger. He was the first guy. The other three…. Duds.
_____
“What are you still doing up?” Roger came stumbling out of the bedroom rubbing his eyes a few nights later.
“I’m writing,” I told him in total concentration as the clicks of my fingers hitting the keyboard echoed in the darkened living room.
“You’re serious about this writing, aren’t you?” He yawned.
I looked up at him. “Yeah, I am. I feel like I won’t be able to concentrate on anything until I write it.”
He smiled at me. “That’s good… So, is it a short story or…?”
“I thought it would be, but turns out there’s a lot more to it than I thought.”
“What’s it about?”
It felt weird saying it aloud, especially when it came to the gorilla’s name, I didn’t actually know why that was. “I’m writing a sort of comedy or maybe fantasy about a gorilla and his pal.” I thought about it for a second before I added, “I’m using Benjamin for the gorilla.”
He laughed, wrinkling his nose. “What?”
I smiled. “Yeah, I gave him a personality just like him. It’s hilarious.” I listened to myself. “Well, I think it is.”
He lifted his brow at me. “I’m heading back to bed. You coming?”
I really didn’t want to, but I closed the laptop and did anyway.
_____
Me: On a scale of 0 to 0 how upset would you be if I made you into a giant gorilla slash man?
Benjamin: Huh?
Me: I might have written something. I also might have finished it : )
Benjamin: No way! I knew you could do it.
Benjamin: Wait… Am I character in the book?
Me: Maybe… You’re my main man.
Benjamin: Send it to me.
Benjamin: Now.
Me: Nooo. It makes me nervous to think of anyone else reading it… What if it’s horrible?
Benjamin: Then you’ll know.
Me: -_-
Benjamin: Send it to my email. I’ll suffer and read through it. I want to see how much of a gorilla I am.
Me: Well, when you put it like that.
_____
Benjamin
I couldn’t hold in my laughter that time, it came out like a snort.
This was hilarious. Emily had outdone herself. But maybe I enjoyed it because I could tell it was us. Emily turned herself into Rosie in the story. Only she hadn’t told me that, but I could just tell. This had us written all over it.
Shit, though. I didn’t know how annoying I could be when it came to looking out for her. It was obvious in this story that I could be.
I found myself smiling though. Rosie still liked her gorilla Ben, regardless.
Tammy turned over and looked at me in bed. “What are you doing?” Sleep filled her voice.
“Reading,” I told her, setting my phone down.
Only I was still thinking about her story. I wanted to know where she planned to take their story next. Were Gorilla Ben and Rosie just going to stay friends or would something else evolve?
If you asked me, I felt the story needed romance.
The next day, I called Emily. She answered on the second ring. “Hello?”
“The way it ended… You plan to write more, right?” I started out.
She laughed. “You finished it in one night?”
“Yep.”
“Well, what did you think?”
“Well, I think I did one of your snorting laughs a few times last night while reading and woke Tammy up because of it.” Emily laughed over the phone. “It was hilarious, Emily. Not just that. It was good. But I might be biased… I could send it to a few friends and have them read it and give you some honest feedback.”
“What?” she sputtered. “No, why would you do that?”
“Because we need to let the world know about Gorilla Ben and Rosie.”
She was quiet. “Stop. You’re exaggerating. Of course, you’re gonna think anything I write is decent.”
“With some proper editing and work, I’d bet a lot of people would get a kick out of these two.”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because it’s silly. Who would read it?”
“I would. I need more of them, actually. I’ll get a few people to read it, and you’ll get some honest feedback. You do the same. Ask some teachers at the college.”
She groaned. “This is making my stomach churn.”
I laughed. “It’s all good. You can use a pen name when you publish so that you can be anonymous.”
“Will you stop?” She huffed. “Let’s get a few unsuspecting souls to read it is all…”
I smiled. I had her.
______
A couple months later…
“Jeremy’s words were, ‘When is she writing the next one?’”
“Heyy... I got a friend request from a Jeremy on Facebook today.” I filed that away to ask him about later. I didn’t like any of the guys I knew knowing Emily. “I wonder if that’s the same Jeremy?”
“It probably is.” I sighed. “You’ve made a fan out of him.”
I smiled when she laughed. “What about the others?”
I mentally started going through what everyone had been saying about the story after reading it. “Jessie said it was out there and ridiculous but in the best kind of way.”
“Well, that sounds good-ish.”
“Alexa said she liked it but didn’t love it.” Then I added, “But she’s into romance more than anything.”
“Ahhh,” Emily sounded disinterested in the idea of romance.
“What, no kiss-kiss, hug-hug, bump-bump, bend her over and hump-hump for Gorilla Ben?” I teased her.
“You just tainted my character, you pig,” she muttered. “I guess I’m not a girl when it comes to that stuff.”
Oh, you’re one all right, I couldn’t help but think to myself.
“You just haven’t had the right bedroom experience,” I told her.
“What a douchebag thing to say,” she muttered.
“I’m just saying, sex shouldn’t feel like a chore or an obligation in a relationship. You should want it, crave it. Hell, you should love it.”
“Not everyone cares for sex.”
It really crawled under my skin that she didn’t know how much fun touching and fucking someone you were physically and emotionally connected to could be.
Now I was sporting a stiffy below the belt and it had everything to do with the idea of having our bodies together—connecting every which way I could convince her to. A fucking explosion was what it would be.
I had Tammy, and I was centering myself around Emily’s made-up world. And picturing very bad things with her.
I was the biggest ass.
With this story, it pulled me right back into what I tried to stay away from with Emily. I didn’t even go home anymore for the simple fact that I was trying to keep a safe distance. After that kiss incident that nearly crippled me, I would have walked next door and ended things with Tammy right then and there if that kiss had meant anything.
Why the hell did she kiss me on the cheek after I kissed her forehead? I knew why I did it, trying to play it off as innocent. I was horrible and pathetic.
So, I played it safe far, far away from her where I wasn’t tempted to kiss her forehead again to see if she’d kiss my cheek once more—and how easily it could be to turn my head and meet her lips with mine when it happened.
Yeah… Nope.
Now, here I was fixated on her story and helping her. She placed me in a made-up world with her in it. They were the only characters in the book too, other than the people, animals, and villains they encountered.
She had me obsessing over her and what I always wanted with her without even trying. It was tiresome, but I couldn’t get away.
I wanted nothing more than to talk and help her, and just have her in my life.
So, I stayed safe. At a safe distance.
With another someone.
But that someone was bound to notice that she never truly had my attention. At least not completely.
_____
“That’s great, do you mind if I give her your email?” I asked Tiffany over the phone.
“It’s no problem. Can’t wait to help her!” Tiffany replied.
“Who are you talking to?” Tammy asked behind me. I turned around to see her arms crossed underneath her breasts with a scowl on her pretty face. A face I’d kissed many times over.
“Great, I’ll talk to you later.” I hung up. “That was Tiffany. She does graphic designs, I asked her if she could help with Emily’s book.”
Her scowl grew harder. “Why are you with me?” she asked suddenly.
“What?” I didn’t know how else to respond.
“When we first got together, I thought you looking after Emily was sweet and attractive, but now it’s not.” She dropped her hands to her sides and gave me a frown. “I don’t feel any sort of emotion from you when we’re together, but you’re full of it with the mention of Emily.”
“Tammy, I just want to help her.”
She tossed her hands up in the air. “You’re doing too much for someone that’s just a friend. Have you really never dated her?”
I scoffed. “I’ve never dated Emily.”
“But, you’ve wanted to.” I didn’t respond. “You would right now if she wanted you, wouldn’t you?” she accused, and I couldn’t fucking speak. I hated the look on her face. “You love her…. You’ve always loved her.” She wiped her eyes, but I forced myself to keep watching her break down. “That’s why you’ve never really been here with me. Because a part of you never truly leaves her—she gets to keep the best part.”
She walked toward me, and I took a step back. I felt uncomfortable now that she brought every truth to the surface. She grabbed my hands. “She’s with someone. She doesn’t think of you as anything other than a friend.” I was quiet as she probed my eyes for answers. “Choose right now.” My eyes widened. “Stay with me and stop talking to her…or choose her and remain just a friend.”
I looked down, and she sucked in a breath.
“Damn it, Ben, choose!”
My silence spoke enough. She gave herself a pitying laugh as she took a step back. “All this time—wasted. The sad truth was, I already knew.” She turned around and walked away. “I’ll come and get my things another time.”
I watched her go. I didn’t stop her.
I walked to the couch and flopped down. I couldn’t get Emily, but I didn’t feel bad for letting Tammy go.
She deserved more. I kept her longer than I should have.