__________
Emily
“With your giant movie collection, our living room looks less bare at least.”
I sat on the floor with my legs crossed as I handed him a few movies at a time while he sat them neatly in place on the shelf he brought.
We spent the first night putting up his bed, correction, he put up the bed while I got in the way more than once.
Whattt? I had wanted to sit and talk to him while he worked.
“We can go buy some more things for the apartment if you want,” he suggested.
I shook my head. “No, we can just get a little at a time. You’re already feeding us and going to help me with the rent.”
He smirked. “I don’t mind taking care of it all, if you’d let me. You let Roger when you were together, didn’t you?”
I frowned. “No, I helped out.”
Now his smile was gone. “Why?”
“Because, when you don’t have much, you don’t want people thinking that’s all you want from them, and you especially don’t want them thinking they have the right to boss you around since they pay something for you.” When his eyes darkened, I sighed. “I don’t know why this comes as a surprise to you, you should know after the guys I dated… I don’t ever want to give anyone the opportunity to hold something over my head.”
“You think I’d be that kind of person?”
He looked upset. I shook my head quickly. “No, it’s not like that with you.” I gave him a smile. “Truthfully, you’re the only person I let myself count on. Didn’t I keep you busy in high school because of that?” That made him loosen up and smile. “I just don’t want to take advantage of you or our friendship. I care about you too much to do that.”
“We grew up together, Emily. I know who you are. I take care of you. I always have, and I always will.”
“Your future wife is probably crying in her sleep right now for some reason she has yet to know.”
“None of your boyfriends liked me either,” he stated with a grin.
“True, but Roger put up with it because he loved me. Despite what you want to believe, he wasn’t a bad guy.”
His gaze probed me. “Then why did you break up with him?”
“Because I didn’t love him. I didn’t feel anything, and that was sad. I was settling because he was the first decent guy I dated. Maybe I do believe in romance and passion because I suddenly have a thirst for it again.” I laughed quickly, suddenly hot in the cheeks. “Guess the crappy experiences I’ve had are fading with time because I’m a dreamer again,” I added awkwardly.
When I looked up at Benjamin, he was standing still and watching me with probing eyes. I got up quickly and stood because I could no longer hold his gaze. “I better get ready for work, you’ll have to finish this up yourself.”
______
A few days later I was making tacos for us when Benjamin glanced up from his phone and said, “Looks like Mom gave Kelly my number.”
I stiffened, spatula in hand.
“Oh,” I mumbled. “Did you text her back?”
“Yeah, no point in ignoring her. I’ll have to hear about it from Mom if I do.”
That tightness in my chest? Well, it was making it hard to ignore the truth of what was becoming of me.
I tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear and shrugged casually like I wasn’t suddenly in a rotten mood. “She’s the one that broke up with you. Why is she trying to get in touch now?”
He stepped into our small kitchen with me and leaned against the counter next to the stove. “Who knows? Maybe she thinks I’ll be a better boyfriend now that I’m older.”
I gave him a soft gaze. “Stop. You’re great. You might not have given her a lot of your time in high school, but you’re a catch.”
“Look at you, giving me compliments. You’re the one that said I didn’t bone her right, remember that?”
I blushed and looked down at the stove. “Well, I didn’t say you’d be a good lay.” This entire conversation was slightly awkward since I couldn’t stop thinking about what he’d be like in bed. I’d never had great sex in my life—maybe that was my problem—and my frustrations were taking it out on me in the form of torturing me over fantasizing about my best friend. “I do know that you’re a good guy. You’re loyal and protective. Good qualities.”
“Not really. It’s my protective nature over you that gets me in trouble with every girlfriend.”
Straight to the heart.
I ignored him and grabbed the pan to drain the grease out. “What? No telling me that I should be more considerate of who I’m with?” Why was he saying that? Good God! “Jesus, Emily, you’re shaking. Give it to me before you burn yourself.” He took it from my hands and I stepped away to get my breath back. He looked back at me while I did. “What’s wrong? You’ve been weird lately.”
I grabbed the back of my neck. “I’m fine. I just haven’t eaten, so it’s making me a little woozy,” I mumbled.
“You’re always making me worry,” he hissed.
I straightened my spine. “Well, sorry for making you worry. I don’t ask to be babied!” I started stomping out of the kitchen.
“Whoa, Emily.” He grabbed my hand. Even that wrecked me. “Chill out.”
“Don’t tell me to chill. You chill.” A ghost of a smile appeared on his face. “Don’t be annoying,” I gritted out. “Stop coddling, seriously. You make me feel like a kid all the time.”
“I can’t help it.”
I huffed and turned my head away from him, acting like a brat.
He looked at me like I was absurd. “And I don’t treat you like a kid.”
“Let’s just finish making the tacos, I’m hungry.” I grabbed the tomato on the counter and rinsed it off. “I’ll cut the tomato, you can finish with the meat.” I told him as I grabbed the knife.
“How about I use the knife instead—” He shut up when he saw the death glare I was giving him.
I couldn’t stand him coddling me, knowing that he saw me as something like a younger sister he had to watch over. It was so damn depressing. Why couldn’t he see me differently in the way I saw him anew?
It wasn’t fair.
I couldn’t stop these feelings.