______
Emily
“She was hiding in your closet?”
I wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. That was scary and ridiculous all at once.
He nodded, licking his bone clean as he sat at my computer chair. I was sitting with my legs crossed on my bed eating. “Yeah. Luke had invited a few people over to our apartment and most of them were drinking, so once they started getting obnoxious, I went to my room and tried to drown them out with some headphones. I didn’t expect to have a heart attack when I opened my closet door to get a change of clothes.”
I shook my head. “I thought I was the one that picked the wrong ones in a relationship? Not you. The world’s not right. College has officially killed your judge of character.”
He scoffed, turning the chair slightly. “We weren’t dating.” My eyes slid over his jogging pants, and I was suddenly curious if his legs were as toned as the rest of him was. I already knew the answer to that question. Benjamin was always naturally fit and beautiful, but now…with the bulging muscles, he was slowly losing those boyish looks and becoming something else. All within a few months apart.
It was strange.
I didn’t know how else to put it.
“You were having sex…which is equally not you. Did you finally become a full-blooded male at college?”
“Get out of here.” He frowned at me. “Why do you always act like I’m not interested in sex? I’d just like to find a girl that doesn’t require my attention twenty-four seven and not entirely crazy.”
“Not entirely?” I grinned.
“Yeah, I can handle crazy in the bedroom, just not outside it.”
“You’ve officially become a jerk.” I threw a pillow at him, and he laughed.
“It also doesn’t help that I attract the wrong ones when they find out my parents have money.”
I gave him a pitying look. “That’s true… But their money is your money the moment you start working for your dad.”
He groaned. “I plan to finish college first. I’m in no hurry.”
“To grow up?”
He flicked his eyes over me. “No, it’s not that. My personality requires me to give myself all the attention that’s why running a business or even dating isn’t easy for me.”
I rolled my eyes and shook my head. Benjamin did have a lazy personality trait and he only ever did what he wanted, but he definitely had what it took to date and love someone, even marry and have kids one day. I should know. He’d been watching after and caring for me our whole lives.
“Everyone’s like that, besides you’ll meet someone who will grab your attention from yourself and maybe she’ll keep it for the rest of your life.”
He squinted one eye at me and shrugged. “I’ve probably already met her. She just doesn’t know it.”
I laughed. “Benjamin, it’s you that’s supposed to know she’s the one when you meet her.”
He was a nut.
Smirking, I leaned over and grabbed one of the beers from the desk and held one out to him waggling my brows. “Enough about this, it’s time for you to drink with me.”
“I’m not drinking with you.” He shook his head, fighting his smile.
I sighed. “Why won’t you ever drink?”
“I do drink.”
“I know,” I grumbled. “Just not with me.”
He never went to any parties, but I did know that when he’d go to his buddy’s house in high school, he’d drink some with them because Sean would tell me about it the next week. I had access to alcohol all the time since my dad was an alcoholic yet I’d only had a couple of drinks here and there. The few times I had were with my exes because at the time I had wanted to feel older.
Now, I just wanted nothing more than to relax and get a nice buzz with Benjamin. I really wanted to get him drunk because I bet it’d be hilarious. We always had fun together, but I still wanted to meet drunk Benjamin. I wanted a good giggle. I’d never met a drunk Emily to know what she was like. The closest I’ve gotten was a small buzz, and I’d always stopped, a tight knot in my stomach stopping me from taking it any further every time.
He leaned forward and started scooting the chair toward me. “I’m probably not a good drunk, besides, I don’t want to lose all my inhibitions.”
I snorted by accident, and he started cackling. “Stop laughing,” I huffed through laughter. “And please, inhibitions, my ass.”
His expression sobered…seemed like a lifetime later, and he watched me with a hint of sadness. “You used to hate that your dad was drunk all the time growing up, I guess I can’t get myself to drink around you because of that.”
I straightened my back as my smile waned. I looked away from Benjamin’s penetrating gaze. Here we go, turning our fun night into an uncomfortable one.
“Yeah, but then I got older and realized that it was my father, and I just accepted that about him.” I finally looked at Benjamin and hated the look he was giving me. “Stop looking at me like that, Dad’s not a bad person, Benjamin.” I used my authoritative tone on him that I used on the handsy drunk men that I dealt with at Crash’s. “After the DUI, he stopped drinking and driving. He stays home where he bothers no one.”
Benjamin held his hands up. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have mentioned it.”
I met his eyes with a glare. I suspected why he acted this way. “You think I’m going to turn out that way? That I’m going to drink every day?” I voiced my own fear.
“I don’t think—”
“Jesus, Benjamin, the last time I drank anything was when I was dating Josh and it was only one. I’ve never been drunk!” I admitted, and Benjamin’s eyes widened.
“But all those parties…” he trailed off.
Feeling hurt, I turned away from him. “I’m not an idiot, there’s no way I’d get drunk with people I don’t know.”
“But you always went with someone you were dating.”
“Exactly, we know what poor choice I had in guys.”
He looked a little irked. “Fuck, Emily, if you were wary of drinking around them then why the hell were you dating them?”
I flinched at his words. “I don’t know,” I said miserably. For some reason, I gravitated toward the bad ones. Like they were something great, but it dulled so quickly that it was scary how fast even my brain couldn’t trick me into thinking they were something better than they were.
Now I stuck to myself. And it felt great not needing someone to not feel lonely. I had Benjamin and Katie, even Dad who I carried a conversation with every single day, mostly one-sided, but I counted it. And Mom… Ah, not so much.
“Come here,” Benjamin whispered, and I looked over to see him opening his arms wide and coming closer. I placed my foot up, and my leg stretched out between us.
“I don’t think so. Go back to your chair.”
He complied and watched me through dark eyes. “Let me hug you, I feel fucking horrible when I make you upset.”
I gave him a side-eyed frown then crossed my arms. “I only bug you about drinking with me because you’re the one person I’d want to get drunk with.” I faced him head-on because I needed him to see my sincerity while I said it. “I know that I’m safe, and I can get completely wasted, and you’d make sure nothing happened to me. You don’t understand, it’s what I need to let loose.” It was the truth.
I needed him like a fish needed air to survive.
I trusted him more than anyone.
After dating guys that didn’t know the meaning of the word no, and Josh who even forced himself on me after a guy spoke to me at a party, I knew not to give anyone the chance to take advantage of me. So, I didn’t.
“I’m such an ass,” he muttered, raising back up. “Come here.”
I sighed, feeling awkward now that I knew he was coming to hug and pet me.
“I’m sorry,” he murmured.
I let him drop down on the bed and wrap me in his huge arms. And I felt completely content when he did. I relaxed in his hold and breathed in his cologne that smelled so good. I closed my eyes and relished in the way I felt safest with him. “It’s okay. I’m used to your coddling by now. Just hate when you don’t have more faith in me. I’m not going to become some alcoholic like my dad, and I’m definitely not going to end up with an abusive husband.”
“I know you won’t.” His grip tightened around me. “I’d never let that happen.”
_______
Christmas arrived quicker than I liked. When it was over, I knew it’d be time to say goodbye to Benjamin again.
I didn’t get to see him today since he went with his parents to his grandparents’ house, something they did every year on Christmas Day.
His family celebrated Christmas with all of its light and cheer while mine never even put up a tree. It was hard not to feel envious when the holidays came. My mom stopped buying me a gift years ago. I chose to cook us something this year. Nothing too big because I didn’t want to spend a fortune on a meal that only Dad and I ate.
Mom was a picky eater and for someone that watched her own health and weight, she didn’t give much attention to her alcoholic husband or daughter. She’d been staying away lately, more than usual.
But it was weird that she wasn’t home on Christmas. The courthouse was closed, so she wasn’t working.
“Where’s Mom?” I plopped down on the couch as Dad reclined in his chair.
“She left earlier. I don’t know where she went.” I already knew that much.
I sighed. “It’s Christmas, where else would she be?”
He turned his head and looked at me like he seemed to be considering my words. “Huh? I don’t know. Try calling.”
I stood up and dialed her number on my cell when the front door opened.
“It’s freezing out.” Mom shrugged her jacket off and grabbed her arms.
“Where have you been?” I asked her.
“I ran to the gas station to get me some cigarettes,” she answered, and I frowned.
“Merry Christmas,” I grumbled.
She finally looked up, her eyes fell over me before she smiled. “Merry Christmas.” I watched her sniff the air and turn her head toward the kitchen. “Did you make something?
How did it take her that long to get cigarettes? “Yeah, it’s Christmas. Someone should cook something.”
She frowned at me. “What’s wrong, Emily?”
I wiped my forehead and sighed. “Nothing, I guess. I’d just like to celebrate with you both.” I tried not to sound too hopeful about it.
She walked into the kitchen, and I followed her. “Do you want to watch a movie or something?” she asked, glancing at the food on the table.
“Sure, I guess.” I turned my head and yelled, “Dad, do you want to watch a movie?”
“Sure,” he replied.
“Okay, then we’ll watch a movie.”
______
“Merry Christmas,” Benjamin sang as he placed a box in my hand.
I smiled and handed his gift to him. “Merry Christmas,” I replied in a quiet tone since we were in his parent’s living room. Faith wasn’t in here with us. The fact that Benjamin made me come over here to sit around the tree while we opened our gifts probably killed his mother’s dark soul.
I waited for Benjamin to open his first, but he wouldn’t. “Go on,” he urged me, smiling.
I grinned. “You go first.”
“Emily.”
“Benjamin Helen.”
He visibly shuddered. “Please, don’t. It sucks enough that my last name sounds like a chick’s name.”
I laughed. “Fine. I’ll go first.”
I opened the neatly wrapped box and…frowned. It was a laptop. Why would he get me this? This was too much money.
“Don’t,” he warned me as I looked up at him. “Do you still daydream of monsters and horror?” he asked randomly.
“What?” I was smiling again.
“Remember when we were little, and you were always scaring the shit out of me with your stories. You used to say you’d write something unbelievably scary, and someone would be forced to turn it into a movie.” I saw where he was going and still smiled as he spoke. “You won that writing competition in the eighth grade, and I can remember how proud of yourself you were.”
“So?”
“So, type.” He pointed at the laptop in my lap. “I know it’s easier than writing by hand.”
I gaped. “First, you force me to go to college this semester, now you’re telling me to write?” I squinted my eyes at him. “Who do you think you are?”
“Your caregiver. Now listen to what I say and write.” He shrugged his shoulders like what he was saying wasn’t a big deal, but it was. No one ever encouraged me to do anything unless it was him. No one had faith in me unless it was him.
I was going to cry.
I didn’t even know if I wanted to write.
But, now I thought I might put my daydreaming into words.
All because of this laptop.
All because of him.
“English is the only thing you’re good at, better stick to it.” He tore me out of my thoughts. I blinked and met his eyes. “It’s okay, you can cry. I know I’m the best, ever.”
With the box and laptop still in my lap, I motioned to his present. “Open yours.”
As he opened his, worry gnawed at me. “It’s nothing expensive.”
“You didn’t even have to get me anything,” he muttered, amused.
“Well, I have to because you’re always getting me something every year, so I’d feel bad not doing the same.” That wasn’t true, I didn’t mind getting him anything. He was easy to buy for because I knew him so well. I’d even admit that I looked forward to the one present I’d get every Christmas from him because at least I knew someone was thinking of me.
That sounded so pathetic.
Maybe it was.
I watched as he unwrapped the box and opened it. His grin stretched ear to ear as he pulled out his gift. “You didn’t.” He shook his head.
I smiled. “I did.”
“You got the first seven seasons. How much did you pay for these?” he asked me.
“I got good deals on them where they were pre-owned.” I paused. “Are you disappointed?”
“No!” He laughed. “You know I’m a total fanboy when it comes to One Piece.”
I rolled my eyes. “You have such bad taste in anime.”
“You still going on about Naruto being the best anime?” He looked up from the DVDs.
“Naruto is the best.”
“No.”
“Yes.”
“All right.” He stood up. “Let’s go watch them at your house.”
I pretended to be annoyed with that idea and groaned. “Ugh, why did I get you those again?”
We spent the rest of Christmas break watching the anime I got him, all the while he annoyed me about writing something for him to read.
Sadly, break was over.
And my best friend was gone again.