________
Benjamin
3 days prior…
We were losing each other.
I didn’t know any other way to put it. Ever since I left that day to go see Kelly, we’d barely spoken to each other. I had drunk too much that day after spilling my guts out to Kelly. I hadn’t felt bad about it either. It felt good to tell someone how much I loved Emily. Only Kelly said she had already known. She just wished she’d been wrong. She still tried to hit me up that day, but I turned her down, and she drove me to the apartment and dropped me off. Emily had already left. I hadn’t seen her at work yet though, but I had been drinking.
I wished she had been home when I got there. Alcohol made me bolder. I might have spilled my heart out if I had seen her. Emily had still never told me if she had gotten her chance to get drunk yet, but she hadn’t asked me again either.
Now she was distant, and I was too.
I wasn’t sleeping well. I was tired throughout the day. When I got home, I wanted nothing more than to spend my time with her because I missed her so damn much this month. But she didn’t offer me a chance to say much every night when she laid down, and maybe I didn’t give her the chance either. We were off-kilter.
I knew she had contacted Tiffany for the fourth volume’s cover, and it gave me the chance I needed to strike a conversation with her that evening. She was off work, but she wasn’t in the living room. She was in her room. I headed straight for her door when I got off work and knocked.
“Yeah?”
“Can I come in?”
“Sure.”
I didn’t like her cold response. I wanted to shake some sense into her and me because this shit was uncomfortable, and I hated being at odds with her. I didn’t know what went wrong. I didn’t make a move and still fucked up our friendship somehow.
I opened her door and stood there. “You going to let me read the fourth volume?”
She was sitting on her bed reading. I might have had a chance against her if my heart didn’t tremble at the sight of her. She wore a pair of shorts that didn’t cover her ass cheeks and a baggy white T-shirt.
“I wasn’t aware you wanted to read it.”
“What the fuck, Emily?” I snapped. “Of course, I’d want to read it.”
She lifted her head and seemed almost afraid of me. “I’ll send it to you then.”
“All right, what’s going on? Something’s been off all month. We’re not even talking to each other.”
“We do talk.”
“Saying ‘hi’ and ‘bye’ doesn’t count.”
She tilted her head, her eyes sweeping over me. “Go away, Freddy.”
“No, he’s here to stay until you stop this—whatever this is.”
“Why don’t you go hang out with Kelly? Bet you’d have a good ole’ time with her instead of coddling me!” She was glaring at me. If I wasn’t so pissed at this entire situation and her, I’d say there were heat waves rolling through her room. Even her anger was giving me a hard-on.
“I DO NOT CODDLE!” I yelled. “Damn, I care, Emily. You’re making me so damn crazy.”
She laughed through her anger. “You’re making me more than crazy!”
“You’re making me a nervous wreck!”
“You’re making me lose my hair!”
“I’m not getting any sleep because of you!”
“Well,” she huffed. “I’m not either.”
We were both breathing heavy. Her cheeks were so red, and her eyebrows were slanted. This was getting too out of hand. I really wanted to kiss the holy hell out of her. Us yelling at each other was only making it worse.
“Shit,” I muttered, running away.
______
“What are you doing here?” Mom handed me a cup of tea I didn’t want. I grabbed it and sighed but left it sitting on the table we were at. I was at the house because I didn’t want to hang out with anyone that required me to be good company.
“I’m exhausted,” I told her.
She frowned. “I can see that. Not work-related, is it though?”
I smiled. “No, work’s great.”
“Emily then?” She sipped her tea casually.
“Don’t start talking about her, Mom. You know I can’t stand when you start bad-mouthing her.”
“So it is her then.” She took another sip of tea.
I sighed. “I can’t hold it in any longer… I love her, and I want to be with her.”
Now she was the one that sighed. “Why does it have to be the wild one?”
“She’s not wild. I think deep down even you know that. She’s a great person, Mom. So what? You don’t like her because she snuck out with her boyfriends in high school? You don’t like that she trusted me enough to call me when she needed someone?”
“Yes, yes, yes! Why? Is that so bad? You’re my son. I want someone as good as you are.”
I blew a frustrated breath. “Emily’s amazing, Mom. If you’d just get to know her.”
She turned her head. “You sound like your father.”
My mood brightened. “Dad said that?”
“Yeah… As much as I hated it, he started hanging out with her dad while you were away, so he spoke to her a lot too.” She shrugged her shoulders. “I suppose it is good that her dad straightened up. He looks a lot better.”
“Well, you’re in luck. Emily will never see me as anything more than her friend. She’s got it in her head that I coddle her. I don’t coddle, I protect. It’s different and manly.”
Mom’s jaws tightened. “What do you mean she only sees you as a friend? No one can look at my Benny and not see how handsome you are. You’re a catch.”
I rolled my eyes. “Wow, that sounds so amazing coming from my mother.”
Mom looked off into the distance as if she was contemplating something. “I’m good at getting that girl to listen… Should I talk to her?” She looked back to me.
“NO, are you crazy?” I asked her. “And what do you mean ‘getting her to listen?’”
She shrugged her shoulders, dismissing me. “Still, I don’t believe that. She’s always had that smile about her toward you that always ruffled my feathers.”
I covered my eyes. “Ah, fuck. Is it sad that I wished you were right?”
“Language, and I’m serious, Benny. She’s always looked at you…” She looked extremely startled at something she realized. “Like you hung the moon.” She crossed her arms. “Hmm.”
“I’m her safe place.”
“Her what?” Mom snorted.
“Never mind.”