“Down in a Hole”—Alice in Chains
THERE WAS NO SENSE of time in Hell. It was just pain, degradation, hate, and more pain. Never in my life had I hated another human being to the extent that I hated Lawrence. That hate was probably the only thing that kept me alive. Because when he first dragged me into our old house after pulling into the garage and handcuffed me, I was terrified. When he hooked those handcuffs to a chain suspended from the ceiling, that terror magnified by a thousand.
After he ripped my clothes off me and beat the shit out of me with that fucking cane, time stood still. Moving hurt. Being still hurt. When I thought it couldn’t get worse, he came back.
“Miss me?” The words accompanied my head being yanked back by my hair. A jarring jerk to my arms, then my body collapsing to the floor had me realizing he’d unhooked me. The crumpling noise didn’t register at first, as my head felt fuzzy. After I tried to lift my head and my face stuck to the ground, I looked around and saw I was laying on damn plastic.
Through the slits of my eyes, I noticed the plastic ran from wall to wall in the bedroom that was Ty’s. No. No. No, no, no, no, no, no. I didn’t realize I had even spoken aloud until he laughed.
“Oh yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Welcome home, darling Serafina. Did you forget I told you no one leaves me? I did try to warn you what would happen, didn’t I? Would you like to see how I uphold my promises?” He pulled his cell phone out and pulled up a news video.
Oh, God, no.
It showed my brother being led into the police station surrounded by officers who looked at him like he was a roach under their shoe, and news media yelling and hounding him for the reason he took bribes and sold out his fellow officers. Sobs wracked my body. Christian would never have done those things, and anyone who knew him would surely believe that.
“Daddy dearest is next. Just like I promised. You’re mine for as long as I want you. You don’t leave me. And when I’m done with you, there will be nothing left of you for anyone else. It will be like you never. Even. Existed.”
My eyes burned from the salt of my tears. The clanking of metal didn’t register until he flipped me to my back and kicked my legs apart. Despite the pain and inability to move before, I started to fight. Adrenaline was my only weapon. When he overpowered me and pushed between my legs, I screamed. His grunts barely registered, nor did the hand around my throat squeezing the life from my body. Hatred bled through me, but my mind closed down in self-preservation. Darkness swallowed me, and I welcomed it with open arms.
Water filled my mouth, my nose, my eyes. Choking, sputtering, fighting for breath, no matter how I moved, it was always there. I’d thought I died. I’d prayed for it, even. Instead, I was drowning. How many times could one die?
“You awake now, darling?” The water had stopped, and I coughed and gasped for air. Wet hair hung in my eyes, sticking to my face. That’s when I realized I was hanging from the chain again. The burning in my shoulders had me wondering if they had dislocated. Swimming in and out of consciousness, I only heard sporadic words.
Hatred multiplied and expanded, taking on a life of its own each time he violated my body. When my mind was coherent, I prayed that my son and little Rose were safe. When my mind folded into itself, I became delusional and imagined I was away from there. With Kayde. Sometimes we were alone, others with Ty like a little happy family.
There was no way for me to know how long I’d been there. Lucidity was short-lived. Delusions were my friend, and it was far easier to escape into fantasy than to deal with my horrifying reality.
Kayde was holding me. Whispering words in my ear, telling me how much he loved me. My head rested on his strong chest, his arms cradling me in their safety. Suddenly, I was jerked from him, back into the cold, harsh, terrifying misery of my reality.
“Fuck!” The demon’s voice rang out, echoing in my head. I dropped to the ground, jarring my shoulder, my arms lying on the floor like dead weights. Heavy lids shielded my eyes and must have weighed a ton as I tried to look around me at what was happening.
Rolling and rolling, my stomach cramped, and I heaved. Vomiting and choking, I vaguely realized my hands were no longer cuffed, but I still couldn’t make them move. Excruciating pain radiated from head to toe like an electric wave. Everything throbbed, hurt, burned. By the time feeling started to return to my arms and legs, I was seized by the stabbing of a million flaming pins puncturing my skin.
Silence.
Then an intoxicating smell.
It burned my nasal passages, making me feel light-headed. Nausea increased, overwhelming me until I puked to the point there was nothing left but dry heaves. Cramping felt like it spread throughout my body, doubling me over. Constant crinkling surrounded me, suffocating me. It was so fucking hard to breathe.
Crackling, blinding light creeped in from the edges of my vision.
Then Tyler was standing over me. “Sera! Get up! Now! Come on, Sera. You have to get up. You can’t let him win. Please, Sera. Listen to me.” His beautiful face swam in and out of focus in a tide of darkness and light. “That’s it. Look at me, Sera. Concentrate. You have to get up and get out of here before it’s too late! God, Sera… please.”
“Can’t, Tylerrrrrrr. Too mucssshh.” Words escaped me, slurring as exhaustion slid over me like a comforting cloak, sucking me under into the peace of the black abyss yawning before me.
Hell was creeping closer. Its wicked flames licking at the curtains blurred through the plastic in front of my face. Tyler lay in front of me, holding my hand. “Oh, Sera. I’m so sorry I didn’t protect you better. I didn’t know.” The warmth of his hand comforted me.
“In here!” The muffled voices drew closer. Tyler wavered in front of me before dissipating into the smoky air. Whimpers escaped me, though I wanted to yell for him to wait for me.
“Jesus.” The glint of a blade flashed in front of my face and the plastic was gone. Briefly, I saw a man in fire gear before my throat was prodded, my mouth and nose then covered again, but this time I breathed sweet, clean oxygen. Jostled, my head flopped back and forth as flame and color sped past in a rainbow-like blur. Deep darkness beckoned me, and with no more fight left, I allowed myself to fall in.
The next memory I had was being rolled through sliding doors, then people in scrubs surrounding me as I continued gliding down the hall. Fluorescent lights above me flashed by, blinding me over and over again.
“Fucking hell. Are you sure she’s still alive?”
“Wait. Doc, her eyes just opened!”
“Hurry up, let’s get her in trauma two.” Bustling movement surrounded me as I bumped from one flat surface to another. Vague memories circled in my head, just out of reach. “Hey, can you hear me? My name’s Ross. This is Amy. We’re going to get you through this, okay? Stay with us. Keep looking at me.”
“Amy….” The whisper that slipped from my mouth was rough and scratchy. I knew an Amy. How was the elusive answer, like trying to grab smoke tendrils in your hands.
“Jesus Christ. No. Oh shit. Ross, I can’t. Oh my God!” More murmuring, then shouts, a sharp pain in my arm, and cold air shoving its way down my throat. It was all just too much, and when the darkness pulled at me again, I gave up and gave in to it.