“Save Me”—Hinder
DAMN, I HATED WAKING up after pain meds. Everything always felt so heavy and my head was foggy. It was why I never took anything stronger than Tylenol since Ty was born. I was too afraid of not being clearheaded for him. Top off my muddled feeling with every part of my body being stiff, and I woke miserable. When I reached up to rub my eyes, I realized my left hand was held gently in a big hand. Following the hand to the arm and up to the face had my breath catching in my throat.
Smoky gray eyes watched me, unblinking. “Kayde? When did you get here?” When I dozed off last night, my brother was here, and he had told me I needed to find a way to get out of town for a while. Without stopping to think it through—and I blamed that a little on the pain meds and a little on knowing if I thought too much, I would chicken out and not call him—I had waited only until my brother went to get coffee and then called Kayde. He hadn’t answered, but I had left him a message explaining that something had happened and I needed his help. That was putting shit mildly, but I didn’t want to leave the whole sordid story in a voice mail message. I couldn’t put that on him.
So how had he gotten here so fast? And how had he known where to find me? Christian never would have called him.
My heart felt light and happy with him being so close. His presence just did that to me. Then everything came crashing down as my ordeal spun through my head on fast-forward. The memories of why I was there in that bed, IV tubing a maze and monitors beeping. Oh shit. Knowing I must look hideous, I tried to cover my face, but he held my hand firm without hurting me. Instead, I turned my body away and pushed my face in to my pillow.
Shame washed over me. I didn’t want him to see me like this.
“Don’t, baby. Please don’t hide from me.” Flinching, I screwed my eyes tightly shut when his free hand stroked my hair from my face with a featherlight touch. “Sera, look at me.”
“No. God, Kayde, don’t. You shouldn’t be here. I don’t even know what I was thinking, calling you. It was stupid.”
“Are you saying you expect me to walk away and leave you alone and hurting? Not happening. Sorry. I’m here, and that’s where I’m staying until you get sprung from this place. And I was already on my way down before you even called. Javier called me.” The sound of his voice was a soothing balm, but I didn’t want to get used to it.
“You hate hospitals. That’s what you told me. So feel free to go. I’ll be fine. Besides, dammit, I don’t want you seeing this. I don’t want you feeling sorry for me. Or worse, feeling disgusted by me.” God, why wouldn’t he listen and take the out I was giving him?
“Trust me, you’re right. Hospitals aren’t my favorite place, but this is where you are, so I’m not leaving until you do.”
God, he was so damn stubborn… and such a beautiful sight. But no, I wasn’t going to look at him. I was afraid if I did, I would give in and beg him to stay. It left me feeling so torn. Like I was playing tug-of-war with my own head, heart, and emotions. On one hand, I was so afraid and wanted to pull him close and let him protect me, have him deal with all my demons for me. On the other, I was ashamed and embarrassed and didn’t want him to see me for the weak, broken person I was. I was also deathly afraid of how his soft, caring eyes full of love would turn to hate, blame, and disgust when he found out the truth of what I had caused.
My voice was muffled in the pillow. “You were right. I was so stupid. I should have listened to you. Is that what you want to hear? That I did this to myself? Me. My own stubborn idiocy. The blame all lies at my own damn feet. You have no idea the extent of what I’ve done.” My voice broke at the jagged breaths that escaped. Keeping my face averted, I didn’t want to see the love on his face transform to hate when I told him.
It was a struggle to get the words out. “I swear, I didn’t know. I figured it was the stress of my life messing with me.” His hand gently lifted my head, then stroked my cheek until I opened my eyes and faced him.
“What are you even talking about, sweetheart? I don’t blame you for what happened. You didn’t make him do this to you. There is no blame to lay at your feet. This is all on that piece of shit, not you. Don’t let me hear you say anything like that.” His words were firm and still heavy with love. Love I didn’t deserve.
Burying my face in my hand, I started to cry the tears that just wouldn’t stay dammed up any longer. I heard him stand from the chair, and then I felt the bed dip on the side he sat on before he carefully leaned over me. Those beautiful lips of his brushed softly across my arm, then on my gowned chest. “Shhhh. Babe, I’m here. It may not seem like it, but everything is going to be okay. I promise. Please don’t cry.”
“No. No, it’s not. Nothing can ever make this right. I didn’t know though. I didn’t know. Oh God, Kayde. I…. He….” His arms wrapped around my hips, with his legs curled at the foot of the bed, as he gently laid his head on my belly. Sobs tore from me at the thought that he should have been like that talking to our child. If only I hadn’t been so foolish. My fingers threaded through his dark, spiky hair, holding him close to me, sucking comfort from him like a succubus. Despair driving me, I whispered, “I lost our baby.” The last came out in a mournful cry. I didn’t understand why this had to happen. That tiny little human was an innocent in all of this.
“Jesus, Sera, I know, baby. I know. I’m so fucking sorry.” Large hands framed my face, tenderly swiping at tears that just kept raging. “Don’t cry, baby. You kill me when you cry. Scoot over.” He nudged me to move over away from him, and once I did, he carefully lay next to me. Gathering my broken body and soul in his arms, he cradled me against him and laid my head against his beating heart.
“None of this is your fault. The only person I blame is the one responsible, and I promise you, he will pay. We have a lot to talk about, but you need to rest. I need you to worry about healing, and then we’ll talk.”
“No. I’m not tired. Please, just say what you have to say.” Hiccupping breaths shook my body. The sound of his heart thumping under his firm chest was like a hypnotic, calming beat, and I felt my tension easing. Snuggling into his warmth, I wanted to just feel him and not think about all the rest of this shit, but I wanted to know what he was thinking. He lost something precious too, and I knew it had to have hurt him. Oh God, what if he didn’t think it was his?
“This isn’t really the time to talk about some of the things I need to discuss with you, but you need to know our plan. I’m not sure what Christian has told you.” His chest rose with a full inhale. “They don’t know where he is. Last place they picked up his trail, it looked like he was headed into Mexico. So it’s possible he’s long gone, but he could be in the area. I’m taking you and Ty home with me. No arguments. But since we don’t know who we can trust, we need to sneak you out with as few people as possible knowing.” Ruffling my hair, his words were spoken over the top of my head before he kissed it. Terror gripped me at the thought of Lawrence coming for me while I lay helpless in a hospital bed. At the touch of Kayde’s lips to me, an inner peace spread and calm flowed through my veins.
Shaking my head and pressing my face into his chest, I listened to the plan they had come up with. “Are you guys crazy? I can’t. I have to work. I have bills. I need my job.”
His snort of disbelief proceeded his instructions. “Didn’t Christian tell you to call someone to stay with? You called me. You had to know I would come for you. I will help you with whatever you need help with. You’re in no condition to go back to work any time soon, and fuck your job. This is you and Ty’s lives we’re talking about. You’re not going to convince me to leave you behind this time. Not happening. You will be coming home with me.”
We lay there quietly for a while, until my nurse came in with my pain meds. Not really wanting to take them, I considered refusing them, but I was starting to hurt again, and I knew if I didn’t stay on top of things, it would get away from me. My shoulders were the worst, but my wrists were a close second. It wasn’t long before the meds kicked in and I was dozing off again.
When I woke, Kayde was finishing a call. “Hey, beautiful. The doc was just in here. He wanted you to call the nurse so she can get him in here to talk to you.”
I fished around in the covers for the call light. While I waited for her to come in, I ate the bland lunch the sweet, bubbly CNA had brought in and placed on my tray. It pretty much sucked, but I was hungry.
Angela, my day nurse, came in, asked me if I needed anything, took my vital signs, then told me she’d send the doctor in.
“Good afternoon, Ms. Healy. How are you feeling?” My doctor entered the room sounding so happy, I really wanted to punch him. God, why do I feel so violent?
“Okay, all things considered.” Shrugging out of habit had me wincing.
“Yeah, those shoulders will be sore for another day or so. How about your food? Keeping it down okay?”
“So far, yes. When can I go home?” I missed my son. I just wanted to hold him and feel like everything was going to be okay, like Kayde said.
“Well, let me ask a few more questions and take a look and listen to you, and then we can talk about that.”
Nodding, I pushed the tray away. Once he ran the gamut of assessments, to include palpating my uterus and checking to see how bad I was bleeding, he went to wash his hands. Jesus, that was embarrassing and painful. Painful physically and emotionally.
See, my mind and body remembered all those thing from before, only this time there was no tiny bundle of joy waiting for me to make all that crap worth it. The doctor obviously thought Kayde was my husband or something and didn’t ask if I wanted him to leave, which was embarrassing. As a nurse, I knew that was a huge faux pas on his part, but I wasn’t going to say anything.
“Okay. So everything looks good, all things considered. You’re going to be in some significant pain for a few days while your muscle and tissue damage heals. But there isn’t really anything we need to keep you for, unless you have worries or concerns. Your labs and scans all looked good, no internal bleeding noted. Kidney function appears normal—we were worried about that because it appeared you had some significant blows to the kidney areas.” Remembering those blows, I winced. “I’ll write you a script for the meds I would like you to take. We’ll talk to the officer to notify them you are being discharged, and we can get you out of here. You’ll need your stitches taken out of your wrists in about a week.” He explained everything to watch for, which I already knew; then he stood, shook Kayde’s hand, and called him “Mr. Healy.”
The doctor didn’t notice Kayde’s wince at that, but I did. To his credit, he didn’t say anything. “Okay, let me go get everything written up, and I’ll send the nurse in with your discharge instructions. Sound like a plan?” After I told him that was good, he moved to leave the room.
Kayde followed him and asked to speak with him for a moment. They stood just inside the closed door and spoke in low tones. The doctor glanced back at me briefly, then nodded. They shook hands again, and Kayde came back to me.
“Sorry about that.” My cheeks felt like they were on fire, so I knew they were probably flaming red in my embarrassment.
“Why? It’s not like I haven’t seen it before.” His wink had a small smile creeping out on my face as I pulled my bottom lip between my teeth.
“You’re too much. And I was referring to him thinking you were my husband.” Huffing out a large puff of air in frustration, I pulled up my big girl panties. “Okay, so when do we do this?” At that point, I just wanted to see Ty. Make sure he was hale and hearty. Hug him tight.
“As soon as we get your discharge paperwork. We’ll wait to get your prescriptions until after we have Ty. We need to move fast though. Just hang tight, and I’ll be back shortly with help.”
This is where I get to pretend I’m half-dead. Yay.
A tech or nurse came in with surgical gear, and when I started to ask if I could help him, I realized it was my brother. “What the fuck, Christian? What are you doing dressed like that?”
Chuckling, he gave me a goofy look. “It’s not a good look for me?” He planted his hand on his cocked hip.
“Oh dear Lord.” Laughing made me hurt, so I tried my best to hold it in.
Before he could answer my question, a female nurse dressed the same way entered my room pushing a gurney.
“We having a surgical party in here?” She smiled at my attempt at humor.
“Hi. I’m Candace. I work in the OR, and Javier asked if I could help get you out of here without anyone knowing you left. Umm, so Javier is my boyfriend. Sorry, I guess I should have said that first. Joker cleared all this with your doctor, but it’s unofficial, of course.” Her pretty cheeks blushed pink.
Christian explained we were going to pretend I was unconscious or sleeping, so no one could try to question or talk to me. I was going to get on the gurney, and Candace was going to make sure the officer outside the door was convinced I was going down to the OR for a procedure and that none of the nurses were watching so they could roll me out.
“Where’s Kayde?” He hadn’t returned yet, and I started to get nervous, worrying he wasn’t coming back.
My brother spoke up. “He’s already waiting out behind the hospital at the service entrance for you with the rental car. Here are the hospital scrubs we snagged you so you don’t have to drive around town looking all conspicuous in that sexy hospital gown.”
“Oh. Okay.” His attempt at humor was lost as I was starting to get nervous. When Kayde was close by, he grounded me and made me feel safe. Being gone, my nerves were already beginning to frazzle.
We got me set up, complete with one of those gauzy, puffy bonnets they always put on patients before surgery. Pulling the covers up to my chin to hide the scrubs, I prepared to go. Candace went out, spoke with the officer, and we were rolling down the hall as I lay there, eyes closed and trying to control the tremors that snaked up and down my body.
As soon as we got into the OR area, we went into a pre-surgery room. Christian helped me off the gurney and into a pair of my running shoes I usually kept in my locker just in case. I didn’t even want to know how he got them.
“You ready?” he asked.
“As I’ll ever be. Just remember, I’m still moving slow and I’m about a foot shorter than you, so don’t walk too fast, big brother.” He smiled and shook his head.
“Thank you for everything, Candace. I hope you don’t get in trouble for this.”
She pursed her lips and made a psshh sound.
“Honey, I’m not worried about it. What did I do, really? You’re discharged. All I did was help you get out of there. It’s not like I did anything illegal. Well, except for commandeering those scrubs for you, but no one saw me, so it’s all good.” Her smile was contagious and my own spread across my face. The swelling was pretty much gone, but the bruising was still really bad.
“Shit. What am I gonna do about the bruises?”
She quickly affixed a surgical mask over my nose, mouth, and chin. Then she pulled a tube of concealer from her pocket and dotted it around my eyes and nose.
“Good thing I’m vain and don’t leave home without it, right? Now y’all get moving.” She shooed us out, and Christian and I appeared to leisurely stroll down the hall, out the surgical doors, and then down the service elevators.
When we reached the service doors and exited into the cold winter air, I shivered. “Dang, I wish I had a jacket.”
“Sorry, sis, I didn’t think of that. But Kayde has the car warmed up.” We had stopped right behind a gray sedan. He motioned to where Kayde sat watching us in the rearview mirror of a nondescript rental car. “You take care of yourself and Ty. Kayde promised to keep you safe, and I know he’s good to his word, but hell, I’m going to miss you. I’m so damn sorry I wasn’t there for you more after Tyler.” Emotion seeped into his words, and he looked away. I wasn’t 100 percent sure, but I was pretty sure my brother was on the verge of crying.
Hugging him, I fought my own tears. “Don’t. It’s not your fault. Thank you for everything. I’ll miss you too. Love you, big brother.”
He loosened his arms and set me away from him. “You need to get moving. We’ve wasted too much time already. I love you too.”
I kissed his cheek and moved as quickly as my sore body would allow to the waiting car. Climbing in, I turned to wave at my brother, then buckled up and looked forward. “Let’s do this.”
“You got it, bella.” We pulled out and were soon merged into the crazy traffic.
My father and Marla had packed as many of Ty’s things as they could fit in a couple of bags, and also some of my own, tucking them in the trunk while the car was in the garage so if anyone was watching the house, they wouldn’t see anything suspicious. Then they drove off as if they were going out to dinner. We met at a diner on the edge of the North Loop, and my dad quickly transferred the bags to the trunk of the rental car.
“Momma!” Ty ran to me, but Kayde swooped him up before his solid little self could plow into me like he usually did. It was then that Ty realized Kayde was even there, as he’d only had eyes for me. “Kayde!” His happy chuckle proceeded his arms wrapping around Kayde’s neck.
Ty had already eaten with them, but they had ordered two burgers to go for me and Kayde. My dad handed me the bag with the containers in it as he hugged me.
“I love you, niña. You’re in good hands. Hopefully we’ll get all this straight and you’ll be home soon.”
Nodding, I couldn’t speak for fear of tears breaking loose. Marla took Ty to give him a last hug. Kayde then shook my dad’s hand.
“I’ll take good care of her, sir.”
My dad hugged Kayde. “Stop with the ‘sir’ stuff. You practically lived at my house growing up.” Kayde smiled and turned to help me in the car. Hell, I was moving slow. Marla already had Ty buckled in the back seat with his little booster seat.
After tearful goodbyes, we were on the road. I felt like I was in some crazy-ass suspense movie. Shit like this wasn’t supposed to happen in real life, was it? I mean, sure, I watched the news and I knew there were crooked people everywhere. I knew women got abused. I knew there were good guys who were everyday heroes, but I would’ve never believed someone if they said that would be my life.
Glancing over at Kayde as he drove in silence, I took in his strong, handsome profile. The man was truly beautiful. It made me wonder if he knew how women looked at him. Did he use it to his advantage? Despite talking to Ty and me every night, did he have other women? Did he have someone special? It wasn’t like I had given him any reason to stay true to me. Not once in our conversations had I told him how much I loved him. Mostly, because I didn’t want to give him false hope when we were so far apart. Also, because I was afraid if I caved and told him how I felt, it would give him the power to really hurt me.
Kane Brown’s “What Ifs” came on the radio and my heart ached. Was I letting too many what-ifs run my life? Anxiety shot through me at the thought of opening myself up to that hurt, but the yearning I felt for a life with Kayde crashed over me like waves in a turbulent ocean.
We’d been driving for hours when I heard, “Momma, I haffa pee.” Ty’s voice piped up from the back seat, and I looked back in time to see him drop his book, kick his stout little legs nervously, and look at me with mournfully worried eyes.
Before I could even ask Kayde to stop, he was switching lanes and exiting at the Buc-ee’s just outside of Temple. Parking up by the doors, he quickly got out of the car and unbuckled Ty before coming over to make sure I was able to get out okay. Sitting for so long had left me stiff, so I was glad for his helping hand to climb out of the low-riding car.
Instead of leaving me, he continued to talk to Ty to keep him preoccupied until we reached the bathrooms. Reluctantly letting my hand go before he entered the men’s side with Ty, he stopped to ask me, “You gonna be okay in there by yourself?” The concern etched on his face was sweet, but I had to laugh.
Bad idea. Laughter hurts.
“Umm, and if I wasn’t, were you going to come in with me?” Concern morphed to a comical naughty expression as he wiggled his eyebrows. “You better take Ty if you’re taking him, or he can come with me.”
“I got him, babe. You just go, and we’ll meet you back right here, okay? Don’t leave this doorway. Please?”
Standing on my tiptoes, I reached up carefully to kiss his cheek. Honestly, I really only had the intention of giving him a friendly peck for his concern. Firmly, but gently, his hand cupped the back of my neck and he redirected my head so my lips touched his. It wasn’t lascivious, it was chaste, but held so much promise it hurt my heart and left my body tingling.
“Here.” He pointed to the spot where we stood before he turned and walked into the men’s room with Ty, grinning.
Wow. That man did crazy things to me and I really loved it.
After I finished with my bathroom struggle, because yeah, it was harder than I thought it was going to be, I returned to the spot where he told me to wait. Busying myself looking at the pictures and decorations, I tried to ignore the strange looks I got. Wondering if it was because of the scrubs, the bruises, or the bandages, I decided I needed to get changed. I stuck out too much like this. It wasn’t long before the boys joined me.
“Hey, can I get the keys to get some clothes out of my bag in the car? I think I better change.” Pursing my lips, I raised my eyebrows at him.
“Aw shit, babe. I’m sorry. I didn’t even think about that. Let me go get it. On second thought, if you think you’ll be okay walking, I’d rather you stay with me.” Holding out his hand, he clasped mine in his, and we returned to the car. Moving as quickly as I could, I grabbed some leggings, socks, underwear, a T-shirt, and hoodie.
We went back in, I changed while he grabbed snacks and drinks, and then we were back on the road.
Driving well into the night, he finally pulled off into a hotel parking lot just inside of Oklahoma. Once we got Ty settled, we climbed into bed where Kayde spooned me with his large, warm body. The soft snores told me he was out as soon as his head hit the pillow. Smiling, I snuggled deeper into his body and drifted off to sleep.
My dreams were filled with Kayde and Ty hovering over a small baby boy. I didn’t know if that was from my inner hopes, the baby I lost, or a premonition of the future.